Bad Judgement
by CiaraR
Summary: Naïve Ana makes the ultimate Bad Judgement call when she trusts the wrong person. She finds herself in an impossible situation, from which she can see no escape. Who will help her in her hour of need...? Please don't judge on chapter one I know it's a bit ott...give it a chance! **Warning-contains themes of abuse.**
1. Chapter 1

**A/N I know I didn't finish my last story and I do feel bad, but I just lost all my mojo for it. This story has been circling my brain for months and I didn't want to start it before I finished Finding Bella, but I'm hoping that by getting this one out of my system it will clear the way for that one…so to speak.**

**This story is quite different and contains abuse and should probably have an MA rating but they don't have it. So before you continue…be warned. **

**You know that saying** 'out of the frying pan and into the fire'? Well, never has that statement been more appropriate for me than it is today.

Can you run away from home at twenty one? My guess is probably not, but since I wasn't allowed to leave the house to work or go to college since mom married the asshole, I'm gonna say I ran away. Since running from my abusive stepfather and indifferent mother I had been living rough for three weeks. It was…hell. Then I met Jose, he seemed like such a nice genuine guy, and I had met so many fucking assholes on the streets that I foolishly jumped at the opportunity when he offered me a place to stay in exchange for working for him.

He didn't even seem to mind how painfully shy I am when usually that's what irritates people about me. It frustrated my mother no end.

He said he would give me a well payed job that would get me back on my feet in no time. Jose never said what the job was or what he actually did for a living, but he was well dressed and seemed to have money so I believed him. He set me up in a crappy but clean motel for a month and bought me clothes and food, saying my 'job' wasn't ready yet. Little did I know he was just getting me as deep as possible into his debt, ensuring I owed him and couldn't afford to pay him back.

He was so nice to me I was wholly unprepared when his attitude changed. He simply called this afternoon and told me I would be working tonight. When I asked what I would be doing he just smirked at me and threw a bag to me and said it was my 'uniform'.

I watched him, wondering if I had done something to cause this change in his behaviour around me, he seemed angry. I know I'm not the most likeable person, I've been told on many occasions by my mother and her various boyfriends that I am irritating and stupid so I try my best to stay out of the way as to not annoy people.

I opened the bag and gingerly pulled out what I was expected to wear for work. I had assumed I was going to be a waitress or shop assistant or something similar but I blanched when I held up the scrap of red material I was to wear.

''I can't wear this.'' I choked.

Jose's face darkened furiously and he advanced on me in the small motel room causing me to stumble back in fear. I recognised that expression, I have seen it on many faces and it never failed to terrify me. ''You'll wear whatever the fuck I tell you to wear,'' he spat at me, ''and you'll _do_ whatever I tell you to do. Do you think it was cheap putting you up in this place for weeks on end? Feeding and clothing your lazy ass. Buying you that damn medication that costs an arm and a leg.''

What could I say to this? He had looked after me so I suppose I did owe him. And anyway if I didn't work for him how would I survive? I barely survived for the few weeks on was on my own there's no way I would make it on my own. I can't even get a job without having an address and I have no money at all to feed myself or buy my shots.

With a defeated sigh I knew I had been trapped by Jose, I was in his debt now and didn't see any way out. ''Wh…what exactly will I be doing?'' I manage to whisper.

''What all my girls do, of course. You'll be fucking and sucking guys to make me money.''

Oh god no. I blanched, no way. ''I…I can't do that. Please, I'll get a job…anything, just please…don't make me do that.'' I could hear the tremble in my voice as tears of hysteria threatened. I think I may have blacked out if it was for the sharp sting I felt on my cheek.

It took a moment to realise Jose had slapped me across the face and was now bending down so he could look me in the eye. ''Listen to me, bitch. You will fuck whoever I tell you to fuck…starting with me. I like to test out the merchandise before I sell it on. Now take your clothes off we haven't got all night.''

Jose motioned for me to strip but I just couldn't. I clutched at my shirt in case he tried to remove it himself. ''No you can't, I can't…I…I've never…before, I'm a…'' I was stammering so bad I couldn't even string a coherent sentence together but I think Jose understood what I was trying to say as he stopped unbuckling his pants to look at me. Cocking his head to the side a slow, sick smile spread across his face. In the name of god how had I not seen how evil this man was before?

''You're a virgin?'' he sounded so hopeful I wanted to deny it. This couldn't be good. I gave a jerky nod and tried to back up further away from him but I was now pressed against the wall with nowhere to go. My heart felt as though it would beat right out of my chest at any second.

He laughed. The sick fucker actually laughed with glee. ''Oh Anastasia, you just made my day. Do you have any idea what someone will pay me to fuck a virgin?''

I think at this stage I was in mute shock and found myself shaking my head dumbly. ''A lot more than what I get for a manky, used whore. That's for certain.'' He backed away as his eyes took on a calculating look. I felt like a mouse caught in a trap.

''So, what have you done? Surely you've given blow jobs? Or let some horny kid finger you in highschool?'' at my head shake he laughed. ''What are you, frigid or something?'' I didn't answer that one. I don't think he'd appreciate me telling him I didn't want to be like my mother.

Jose clapped his hands together once. ''Right here's what we will do, you take your clothes off, I want to have a good look at you. Then I'll show you how to give a decent blow job. After that you'll get dressed, I know a place we can go, where all the rich fucks live and one of them can fuck you tonight. Then I'll bring you back here and I can fuck you myself.''

He said this in such a business-like manner I just stood gaping at him. Surely this is a nightmare? This cannot be happening to me.

Jose snapped his fingers in my face, ''c'mon we don't have all night.''

Seeing my reluctance to move he started to forcibly remove my clothes, all the while ignoring my whimpering and pleading. He roughly removed my underwear and laughed at my attempts to cover myself with my hands.

''You won't be so modest for long, once you've had a few cocks in you being naked in front of guys will just all be a part of the job. Now, get on your fucking knees''

I felt like I was going to be sick. When I didn't comply Jose roughly pushed me to the ground. I wanted to curl up in a ball and die. This couldn't be happening, it couldn't be happening. I left home to escape this happening to me only to find myself in a much worse situation.

The sight of Jose coming towards me with his penis in his hand was petrifying. I had never even seen one before but that didn't mean I didn't know what was about to happen. I screwed my eyes shut and clamped my jaws tightly.

''You can close your eyes if you want but you will open your god damn mouth, and if you bite me I will beat the fucking shit out of you. Understand me bitch?''

I whimpered as Jose grabbed my hair and forced my mouth open. And when he forced me to take him into my mouth I just wanted to disappear….

**A/N Too much? I didn't want to go into too much detail about Ana being abused but I think the story needed this. Let me know what you think…even if you hated it…**

**If people really hate it I won't continue it, well I will but I'll keep it to myself and not post it.**

**Next chapter will be in Christians POV **


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N Thanks to everyone who favourited and followed my story so far. I take all advice on board and a few of you have said that it was a bit on the graphic side. But that's about as bad as it's going to get, every chapter won't be filled with Ana being abused or beaten I promise! So hopefully you all decide to stick with it. Please keep reviewing and let me know what you think. **

**And now for our first glimpse of Mr Grey…**

**Christian POV**

**I breathe steadily as** I run the short distance from John's office to Escala. My body, used to much more rigorous activity in the gym and with my sessions with Claude, moves fluidly along the sidewalk.

I don't think I've ever gone this long without a contracted sub. Since I finished with my last sub two months ago I have yet to arrange a new one. Sighing I push myself a bit harder, I need to rid my body of all this excess energy.

It's late, john agreed to meet me after I finished work this evening. For a price. I am finding lately that I am not satisfied in anything that I do. I feel I need something more in my life, I'm just at a loss as to what that is. I find no satisfaction in any of the pastimes I previously enjoyed, and lately even my family are pissed at my attitude. Not that I can blame them as I have been even more irritable that ever these last few months.

The streets are fairly empty at this time of night. A few blocks from home I slow down to a jog to warm down. Just as I near the building I hear a pained whimper from the alley. Curious, I stop and edge closer to the sound. I can vaguely make out two figures in the alley, one towering over the other. They are barely lit by the streetlight but come into better view as I inch closer.

If Taylor could see me now he would have my ass. I usually run to John's office and back alone, but I have gotten the safety lecture from Taylor more than once. I swear the man is like a clucking hen at times.

I see what appears to be a pretty big guy shaking a tiny girl and as I watch he grabs her by the throat. I can't make out her facial features but from the noises she is making she sounds terrified.

''Just fucking take them you stupid bitch'' the guy hisses.

''N..no please Jose. I can't…I don't take drugs, please stop.''

What the fuck, the asshole is trying to force pills into her mouth. ''You'll thank me later, you won't remember much. This'll just make you more compliant so you don't do anything stupid, like run off.''

What the fuck is this guy doing? ''Hey, what the hell is going on here?'' I say angrily.

The guy's head shoots up, ''hey man I didn't see you there, don't mind us. She's just a bit skittish tonight I want to give her something to calm her down a bit. You know how these whores can be?'' he grins at me as if I know what he's talking about.

So she's a prostitute? Not really my scene but I still don't see why he has to be so rough with her. ''Looks like she's not really up for it, why don't you let her go?''

He snorts, ''I don't think so, this bitch owes me a lot of money,'' he gives her a rough shake as if to prove his point.

It's only then I really look at her, I can't see her face as she's looking at the ground but she has the most magnificent mahogany hair I've ever seen. It's just like, hers…I shake that thought away. She is wearing a skimpy little red dress that really leaves nothing to the imagination. Is she not cold? I know it's not winter but this is Seattle and it has been raining on and off all day and it's fairly chilly out tonight.

I can see she is shivering and shaking. Is this from the cold or from fear? Why do I care?

As I am contemplating this she looks up at me and away quickly. So quickly I almost miss the terror in her eyes. But I do see it. Her face was caked in make-up that was streaked with tears. The only thing I could make out of her features in that quick glance was a huge pair of terrified blue eyes.

Catching me looking at her and getting the wrong idea, a slow smile spreads across the guys face. ''You interested man?''

I'm about to refuse when I hear her petrified gasping. What should I do here, I'm trying to think.

''You can have her for three hundred for an hour, I know that's a bit on the steep side, but you can do whatever you want to her and that's not even the best bit, she's a…''

''How much for the whole night?'' I interrupt his sick speech not wanting to listen to any more of his shit than I have to. If I take her for an hour that's nowhere near enough time. I need her for the night so he won't get suspicious.

His wide grin makes me want to punch him in the face. Keep grinning you bastard I can't wait to wipe it off your face. I can't chance anything while I'm out here alone in case he has guys nearby. I'm not a fool.

At this stage he seems to be holding the girl up as her knees have given out. I'm surprised at the urge I feel to go pick her up, but I stay where I am for now.

''Well, a whole night is gonna cost you man. This is one prime piece of merchandise. She's a bit skittish like I said, it's her first night on the job after all. In fact,'' he pauses for what I assume is dramatic effect, ''Anastasia here is a virgin.'' The fucker almost looks proud.

Obviously I don't believe him, these fucks will tell you anything to get more money out of you, but I'll play along. I nod my head as if I'm impressed, ''okay, how much?''

''Two grand, up front,'' he spouts. I'm trying to think on the spot how I'm gonna get this guy caught.

''C'mon nobody carries that kind of money on them, how about I give it to her and she can bring it back to you tomorrow.'' Anticipating his answer I wait for his reply.

''No can do man, you give this bitch two grand and she will bolt. She's not fully trained up yet.''

''Okay how about this, I'll drop her back here tomorrow and you'll be here so I can give you the cash. If it works out well we can even make this a regular thing.'' Judging by the smile on his face I know I've got him.

''Alright man you have a deal,'' with that he shoves the girl towards me. She stumbles and I catch her. Jesus she's bloody freezing and I've been running so I don't even have a coat that I can give her.

She shies away from me and I feel guilty but I have to play my part so I don't raise his suspicions. I grab her arm firmly but not roughly. My hand more than big enough to wrap around her little forearm. After agreeing to a meeting time in the morning we part ways and I pull Anastasia down the street.

Anastasia. What a pretty name.

I'm not stupid enough to go through the lobby at Escala, we walk around to the underground garage and I steer us towards the elevators there. I'm busy looking around to see if anyone saw us, this would be a difficult one to talk my way out of, but as it's now close to midnight there is no one about.

I look down at Anastasia only to see the top of her head. She still hasn't looked at me since that one glance in the alley. Usually a woman with dark hair standing quietly with her head bowed is a massive turn on for me. But not this time. Those women are with me voluntarily, this poor girl thinks I just bought her to use her for sex for a whole night.

She seems to be almost catatonic at this stage. What did that fucker do to her?

I'm at a loss of what to say. Do I try to comfort her somehow? I wouldn't even know where to start, comforting distraught women is not something I'm familiar with.

I decide to go with the truth. ''Look…I'm not going to hurt you ok?''

She flinches as I address her and I regret how gruff that sounded. Then I think about my words. I didn't exactly make my intentions clear, and I realise I'm still holding her arm. But I'm afraid if I let go she will indeed bolt, and then what would happen to her? Does she have anywhere to go? Any family to go to? She looks so young, surely she has parents somewhere wondering where she is.

The lift doors open and she doesn't resist, much, as I pull her inside. She is shaking like a leaf now though and I'm genuinely afraid that she may go into convulsions.

I lean down to catch her eye but her head is bowed forward and her hair is covering her face. I finally let go of her arm. ''I'm not going to touch you, okay,'' no response. ''I just needed to play along to get you away from that guy,'' still nothing. ''I'll help you get away from him if you want,'' it's getting frustrating that she won't respond to me at all, but I don't want to raise my voice and frighten her.

I try and keep my voice gentle but it still sounds commanding when I talk to her. Old habits…

''Look at me.''

Finally she raises her head slowly. I didn't see her properly in the alleyway and then she wouldn't raise her head so I couldn't see her at all. But now that she's looking at me…well her eyes won't meet mine as she won't look at my face, she is the most beautiful creature I've ever seen in my life. Even caked in that awful streaked make-up I can see it. How did a gorgeous girl like this end up as a prostitute?

My small gasp sounds loud in the elevator causing her to look up at my face for a moment before she quickly drops her head again.

Well, shit.

**A/N My updates might be a bit all over the place as I work shift hours. I'll probably get a few chapters up at the weekends but I'm not sure yet how it will go during the week. I don't want to drag this out too much either so don't expect a story with two hundred thousand words because that's not going to happen!**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N Thanks to the guys who have already reviewed, I will try to get back to you individually when I get the chance, but I was hoping to have a few more reviews than I'm getting. As I'm dealing with rather sensitive subjects I would like to know what you're thinking when you read it. So please if you have a spare moment pop in a quick note to let me know what you think.**

**Warning this chapter contains self-harm.**

**Christian POV**

**Great. Just fucking peachy**. I _would_ decide to come to the rescue of the prettiest girl I've ever seen…one I can't touch.

I just can't go there, not after the crack whore. It's one thing paying for the services of subs when I was in training but fucking a common prostitute off the street is just a step too far, even for a fuck up like me. Not that this girl, Anastasia, seems to be doing this voluntarily, but still…

The elevator comes to a stop at my penthouse and the door slides open, I wait for her to step out first but she doesn't move. Well I'm not staying in this fucking thing all night. I put my hand on the small of her back to nudge her forward when she startles me by moving too quickly for me to react.

She bolts out of the elevator, wobbling slightly in her ridiculous high heels, rushes through the lobby doors and disappears into the apartment like the elevator was on fire. I follow her through and look around for her only to see her rummaging through the drawers in the kitchen.

What the fuck? I make my way over and just as I reach the kitchen island she whirls around with a huge kitchen knife pointed shakily at my chest, the island separating us. Looks like timid little Anastasia has got some balls after all.

''Stay back. Don't t…touch me,'' her actions and words are in direct contradiction to the terror I can hear in her voice. ''Let me go, or…or…or I'll stab you, I swear I will.'' She's shaking so badly I'm afraid she'll end up cutting herself.

I raise my hands slowly and make to walk around the island but stop when she makes a stabbing motion with the knife. ''Put the knife down Anastasia before you hurt yourself,'' I try to sound soothing but I'm not sure it works as she blanches at my order.

All the commotion must have alerted the security because I hear two sets of feet enter the apartment at the same time. One heavy sounding pair from the security office the other softer from the upstairs apartment occupied by Taylor and Gail. I shift my eyes in his direction and raise a brow at him when I see he is in sweats and … slippers? I never pictured Jason Taylor in slippers before.

I don't turn to look at who I assume is Sawyer behind me because my attention is alerted to the terrified whimper of the girl in front of me. When I look at her, her eyes are trained on sawyer behind me and she looks as if she may be about to pass out.

I turn only to see Sawyer standing there pointing a gun directly at Anastasia. In the name of fuck what is he doing with a loaded weapon in my apartment? I relented a few months back after some anonymous threats spooked the security enough into insisting that they carry on certain public engagements I was having. I never said I would allow them to bring them into my home.

''Put away the fucking gun Sawyer,'' I snap at him.

He lowers it half way and looks to Taylor for instruction. Taylor, saying nothing seems to be assessing the situation from his position at the bottom of the stairs. With a nod to Sawyer they both start inching forward.

Anastasia is full out sobbing now and has stepped back against the cabinets behind her, she has backed herself into a corner and looks around frantically for an escape route. Seeing none her legs seem to go from under her and she collapses under her own weight onto her knees, never letting go of the knife.

I hate to scare anyone like this but I need to get that knife away from her before she injures herself or anyone else.

'Anastasia. Anastasia can you hear me?'' she doesn't seem to even hear my voice as her eyes dart from one of us to the other. Then her whole demeanour changes to what can only be described as utter defeat and her body sags even more. Then I watch in horror as she brings the knife to her wrist quickly and starts to cut…

**Ana POV**

**Three of them?** Oh my god, I had little chance of defending myself against one, but _three_? They are all huge guys too, and one of them has a gun!

Do they plan on killing me when they are done with me? I would rather they did than send me back to Jose and the life he has waiting for me. I think I'm going to pass out. NO, I can't, I have to stay alert. I am kneeling on the floor and I think one of them is trying to get my attention, the one who bought me. There is no way I'm going down without a fight. After what Jose did to me today I swore I would rather die than have any man touch me against my will again.

Realising that is what I must do I feel all the fight leave me. I know in my heart I can't stop what's coming, the only thing to do is to turn this knife on myself and stop this before in goes any further. With an ache in my chest I try not to think about what I'm about to do, my only thought being to escape this torment at any cost.

I bring the knife to my wrist and start to saw quickly. The knife is so sharp and my heart is beating so fast I barely feel it. The trouble is I don't get very far before my hand is seized in an iron grip and the knife is taken from me. I don't think I got a chance to cut deep enough to do the damage I needed. I flail and kick and scream trying to get away, spreading blood everywhere in my panic. I don't care, I will make them kill me if I have to.

''Jesus, Taylor get something to wrap her wrist.''

''Hold her still before she really does herself damage.''

''What the fuck is wrong with her?''

I vaguely hear them talking as my energy is giving out. One of them is practically lying on top of me while another is holding my legs down. I think someone is wrapping my wrist too. Eventually I'm lying still on the floor, all of my energy spent. Tears are running down my face because I know I have failed. No way will I get another chance to get away, they will probably tie me up now or lock me in a room.

The guy on top of me is breathing heavily as he lifts himself off me. Once all his weight is gone I curl myself up into a tight ball. I can feel myself shutting down and decide that that is a good thing.

''Hey, are you ok? I didn't hurt you did I? What the fuck were you thinking trying to harm yourself? Didn't I tell you I wasn't going to touch you?'' I'm confused by the way his voice sounds, at first concerned for me but getting more pissed as the questions continue. I know by his voice it's the one who bought me. I shut my eyes tight and refuse to respond.

**Christian POV**

**What the fuck am** I supposed to do now? Myself and Taylor are kneeling on the floor by Anastasia, who has curled herself into a tiny ball and seems to be going into some kind of shock. I turn to Sawyer and tell him to go back to the office in case she sees him with the gun again and freaks out.

I give Taylor a look letting him know I'm not happy about it and he better deal with the gun issue.

''Should we call an ambulance sir?'' Taylor motions to the girl as he speaks.

I want to take a look at her wrist before I decide what to do. I know if I take her to the hospital I'll lose all contact with her before I can help her and she'll more than likely end up back on the street tomorrow.

Not that I should give a shit, but for some inexplicable reason that I don't want to analyse too closely, I now feel responsible for helping her. Maybe I feel guilty for scaring the shit out of her, or maybe it's because nobody helped the crack whore when she needed it. I don't know but this new chivalrous side to me is starting to piss me off already.

I take a deep breath and let it out slowly, ''no, I want to take a look to see how her wrist is, if it's not too bad we can bandage her up here. I'll put her in the spare room and try to talk to her in the morning.'' I run my hands through my hair.

I know Taylor is as curious as fuck as to why she's here but its late and I'm finally tired enough to sleep so I'm going to worry about this cluster fuck tomorrow.

''Make sure the code is set on the elevator so she can't access it and lock the service elevator tonight as well. I don't want her bolting in the middle of the night,'' Taylor nods his agreement and I gently unwrap her injured wrist.

Shit. I should probably get her to have this looked at. Its bleeding but she definitely didn't cut deep enough to sever and veins or arteries so she won't bleed out on me. Taylor grabs the first aid kit and we bandage and wrap it up pretty tight, it'll have to do for now. Maybe after I talk to her tomorrow and convince her that I'm not a threat to her she'll let me bring her to get it checked out.

Anastasia barely moves and makes no noise as we tend to her and when I pick her up off the floor she barely even flinches, that's a big change to the thrashing and wailing she was doing earlier. Now that she is still I can feel that she is as light as a feather. I purse my lips, she's too thin.

I consider giving her one of my t-shirts to sleep in but quickly change my mind. I don't think she'd appreciate me mentioning anything that would involve her taking off what little clothing she has on. I notice for the first time that she has a small handbag over her shoulder so I remove it and leave it on the bedside table.

I deposit her on the bed in the room I usually use for my subs and try to reassure her one last time before I go to bed myself, ''you can sleep in here I promise no one will come near you. But don't try to run as I have security watching this place twenty four seven, so you will be seen. I'm not trying to frighten you but I need to talk to you rationally tomorrow when your calm and hopefully in a more talkative mood. Just sleep for now and I'll see you in the morning.''

She doesn't respond in any way so I quietly leave the room, close the door and make my way to my own room. What an absolute fuck up of a day.

**A/N It may be a few days before I have time to update again but in the meantime don't forget to review! **


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N Thanks to those who have reviewed, I think I've replied to most of you. I've gotten a few from guests so I can't respond to those, don't be afraid to log in if you don't like the story, as long as people are civil I don't mind any criticism as I know this story isn't to everyone's taste. **

**I don't think people realise how many of my ideas come from my reviewers, so if you see any of your suggestions come up later in the story (ahem… .ashleymercer16 xxx) I hope you don't mind too much!**

**Christian POV**

**Fucking nightmares!** Will they ever stop? I'm sure I woke everyone up with my screaming. As there's no hope for me to back to sleep now I decide to sit and play my piano for a while. I think I'm in the mood for a little melancholy right now, so Satie it is. I know his Gymnopedie No 1 by heart so I let my mind wander as I gently stroke the piano keys.

Of course my mind goes straight to the girl occupying my spare room. What am I going to do with her? Obviously I have to sort that fucker Jose out and I will discuss how to do that with Taylor when he gets up later, but then what?

I can't just kick her out onto the street. Does she even have anywhere to go? Does she have any family? Surely they are looking for her if she has. I'll have to talk to her about all this if I ever get her to calm down enough to have a rational conversation. Maybe once she sees we won't hurt her tonight she will trust me a little in the morning, we'll see.

My mind then drifts to her behaviour tonight. With a sickening realisation I know that she is most definitely not a prostitute. That Fucker was forcing her into it. There's no way a girl who is that afraid of strange men sells herself for money. I'm surprised at the extreme relief I feel knowing this but do my best to push it down. She is just another girl, nothing special.

Yeah. You keep telling yourself that Grey.

After a while of playing I decide to get coffee and do some work in my office. I don't think I'll be going to work today and I have deadlines to meet, it won't be so bad if I get in a few hours now.

Once I get stuck into work time seems to fly and it doesn't feel like long at all until I hear a soft knock on my office door. I'm startled to see it's almost seven am. ''Yes.''

Taylor comes in with a coffee of his own and another one for me. ''From Gail,'' he says wryly as he sets it on the table in front of me and settles himself in a chair facing me.

Yep they definitely heard me last night.

Taylor has that expression I know to mean 'spill the beans Grey.' He knows I have to tell him everything for him to keep me safe from possible attacks, you don't get to where I am and at my age without making a few enemies along the way. He quirks a brow, asking silently when I'm going to fill him in.

I put my head in my hands and pull at my hair, ''where do I start Taylor.''

Taylor leans forward resting his elbows on his knees, ''I've heard the beginning is usually a good place to start, sir.''

So I do. I tell him about how I heard Anastasia in the alley and went to investigate, earning a huff of annoyance from Taylor, and how I confronted Jose and eventually 'bought' Anastasia for the night agreeing to meet with him today to pay him and set up a regular deal.

''Jesus sir, you don't do things by half anyway do you?'' I don't answer what I assume is a rhetorical question.

''Tell me how we sort this out Taylor, there's no way she can go back out there with that prick lurking around. We need to sort something out. Isn't there someone you can call, an ex-army buddy or something?''

Taylor is quiet for a few minutes while I wait, impatiently, for his answer. Finally he does, '' if we help this girl who's to say she doesn't end up back on the street corner tomorrow with a new pimp, a worse one?''

''I'll make sure that doesn't happen Taylor. Did she look like a hardened hooker to you? The girl was petrified. No, the more I think about it the more I believe last night was her first night on the street. She is no prostitute.''

Taylor nods his agreement reluctantly. There's no way anyone who saw her reaction to three men last night could ever believe she was a prostitute. She was being forced. I want to find Jose and strangle him with my bare hands. What kind of person forces young girls to have sex with strangers for money? Sick fuck.

However much I want to kill the bastard I know I have to keep my cool so for the next hour Taylor and myself devise a plan to catch Jose in the act. Taylor has called a buddy of his down at the station and we have organised for me to wear a wire when I meet with Jose later, I will go alone as there's no way I'm bringing Anastasia into what could become a volatile situation. I'm just going to tell him I'm keeping her for another day and once the money is handed over the cops are going to swoop in and do their thing.

We didn't agree on a time to meet but I don't think pimps keep office hours so I'm going to assume we'll meet around the same time I found them last night.

Once everything is arranged I decide it's time to wake Anastasia to fill her in on our plans. I'm praying she will stay calm and hear me out long enough for me to get through to her that we mean her no harm.

I knock gently on her bedroom door, nothing, I knock again. ''Anastasia? Anastasia its Christian can I come in?''

She still doesn't answer so I slowly turn the doorknob and let myself in. the room is in darkness as the curtains are closed and I can see from the door that the bedsheets are all rumpled. Hmm it seems like I'm not the only one who's an uneasy sleeper. I hope to god she doesn't have nightmares too.

''Anastasia,'' I'm whispering as I don't want to startle her. Only, shit she's not even in the bed!

I look around the room and in the closest but she's not there. Fuck. I march out into the hallway and into the great room. ''Taylor,'' no whispering now as I shout his name.

He pops his head out of the office door, ''sir?''

''She's gone! She's not in her room.''

''Gone?''

''Yes Taylor gone, do I have to spell it out for you. Is Sawyer still here? He was on duty last night.''

'' Yes sir, Sawyer come out here please.''

I'm pacing the floor at this stage. Sawyer comes out behind Taylor. I swear I'll fire this fucker if he has let her go off alone. Jesus anything could happen to her. ''Where the fuck is she Sawyer?'

''Sir she must be still in the apartment, no one operated the lift since you came home last night.''

This news calms me, slightly. ''Alright, she has to be here somewhere, everyone spread out and look for her.''

And so we spend the next half hour looking for Anastasia. Why did I have to buy such a massive fucking place? It's so big and she's so bloody tiny she could have squeezed herself in anywhere. I'm just about to lose it and start shouting for her, knowing it will scare the shit out of her, when I open one of the large cabinets in the game room.

And there she is, lying on the floor of the cabinet curled up so small her knees are touching her chin. And she's asleep. The sight of her little bruised body makes a long forgotten part of my heart clench. I sigh, what am I going to do with her?

I kneel down and gently touch her shoulder causing her to jump up and gasp out loud. I can tell she's disoriented as her huge blue eyes take in the scene in front of her. When she looks at me her lips begin to tremble and she sucks in her lower lip, biting down on it. Shit.

**Ana POV**

**Where am I?** **My** foggy brain is slow to adjust to my strange surroundings. I take in the man's face in front of me and it all comes rushing back and I bite my lip to stop from crying out.

His eyes darken as he looks at me. Is he mad? I woke from a nightmare last night in a strange room. I could hear someone playing a piano softly. Curious, I snuck out of my room and peaked down the stairs only to see this man sitting playing the saddest tune I have ever heard, on the most magnificent piano I have ever seen.

It broke my heart. I sat on the floor and listened for ages while he played, thinking about how he said he wouldn't hurt me. And he hadn't. I waited in that room for someone to come, but no one did. I was eventually tired enough to sleep and stayed that way until the nightmare woke me.

Usually I can't calm down for ages after my bad dreams but listening to him playing his sad music had me calm and almost teary at the same time.

I wondered what demons kept him awake at night. Could a man who plays such soulful music have badness in his heart? Looking at him he seemed so sad himself. I didn't see anger, or hatred. Just sadness. But I've been wrong about people before. I don't trust my own judgment anymore.

He eventually stopped playing and left the room, probably going to bed. I was still dog tired but there was no hope for me to sleep then, my god damn wrist was killing me. In hindsight not the greatest idea I ever had. I think I was having some kind of panic attack. I felt completely out of control terrified. I assumed once he knew I was awake he'd ask me to leave.

Well I didn't feel like walking the freezing cold streets in this stupid excuse for a dress, besides Jose was probably lurking around. No, better to go in the morning when it was bright and Jose was gone home.

But go where? That's the million dollar question now isn't it? Did I chance going back to get my few belongings at the motel? Nah the fucker would no doubt be waiting there for me.

My head was staring to ache thinking about all this so I decided to have a look around. I snuck downstairs and into the huge living area. I hadn't noticed it was so huge before, this guy must be loaded.

While I was looking around me I stupidly knocked into a table causing it to move slightly. I'm sure the creaking noise could be heard all over Seattle in the quiet night. Fuck.

I could hear footsteps coming so I quickly ran, soundless in my bare feet to the nearest room and hid in the first cupboard I saw. I was too afraid to come out and face whoever it was so I stayed there and I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I remember was being woken by….actually what is his name?

**Christian POV**

''**Hey, it's alright I'm** **not** going to hurt you,'' I was nearly whispering trying to keep my voice from scaring her. But as I watched her facial expressions she didn't seem as petrified as she had been last night.

She actually looked almost…curious. What had changed between last night and this morning to stop her from freaking out every time I even looked her way? Whatever it was I am thankful for it.

''You look kind of cramped in there, it doesn't look very comfortable. Do you want to come out?'' I cautiously put my hand out to help her but drew in back when she sunk further into the cabinet. Okay, so not totally relaxed yet.

I backed up and sat on the couch, ''I'll just sit here and I promise I won't touch you if you come out. Aren't you hungry?'' I almost grinned when her head perked up at this question. Yes, she was hungry.

''Come out and I'll get my housekeeper to make you some pancakes. Mrs. Jones makes the best pancakes.'' She seems surprised that I mentioned a woman in the apartment and I'm glad when it seems to have further calmed her.

She slowly climbs out, never moving her eyes from me. She's careful not to lean on her injured wrist while edging her way out. My palms itch with wanting to help her but I hold back. I don't stand until she does, but when I do I see she is even tinier without those ridiculous shoes she had on last night.

I get a sudden urge to grab her and wrap her up and tell her I'll protect her from everyone. I push it away, what the fuck is the matter with me? I never was one for the 'damsel in distress' before but looking at Anastasia I have this overwhelming urge to just…take care of her.

She walks behind me to the kitchen, silently refusing to walk in front of me. Okay then, baby steps.

Taylor and sawyer have retreated to the office as soon as they realised I found her so it's just Gail with us in the kitchen. I'm grateful when she greets Anastasia warmly and positively delighted when Anastasia gives her a small smile in return. This is going way better than I hoped it would. I better not fuck it up.

I decide to leave her eat her breakfast before I bring up the topic of Jose. I don't know how much she picked up yesterday in her terrified state. Probably not a lot.

She must be hungry as she devours her pancakes and blueberries and drinks two glasses of orange juice. When is the last time she ate? This thought annoys me but I keep my mouth shut.

She's eventually finished, well it's now or never…''So Anastasia, about this whole situation with Jose..'' all the colour drains from her face and she looks sick so I hurry to quickly explain, ''don't worry I'm not taking you back to him. In fact, we have set out a plan to get him arrested tonight. He won't be free to bother you again anytime soon.''

I give her a minute to digest this, she looks stunned, ''how? Why?'' her voice is scratchy and she clears her throat.

''Because he's scum Anastasia, he should not be walking the streets.''

She listens in silence as I lay out my plan. She doesn't say anything but nods her head so I assume she's in agreement. I tell her I need to iron out the details with Taylor and meet with his friend and tell her she should hang around here while I do it. I show her to the bathroom and give her a t-shirt of mine and a pair of sweats to wear once she gets cleaned up. They'll be swimming on her, but she seems grateful to be out of that very revealing dress.

As hot as she is she does look uncomfortable showing off so much skin and I'm trying not to think how much the thought of her in my clothes pleases me.

I turn to leave the bathroom when she speaks again. She talks so rarely it must be important.

''Thank you…sorry I don't even know your name,'' she blushes and its adorable.

''Christian, my names Christian. And you're welcome Anastasia.''

''Ana''

''Excuse me?''

''My names Ana, that's what I prefer to be called,'' she all but whispers.

I smile, ''okay. Ana.''

**A/N I'm a sucker for classical music. The pieces I listened to while writing these last few chapters included The New World Symphony by Dvorak (influenced by Native American and African American music when he moved to America in the 1890's) also the Chopin piece Nocturne No 2 In E-Flat Major and Erik Satie's Gymnopedie No 1 which is what I had Christian play, it's a beautiful, heart-breaking piece of music. If you have time give them a listen, but have a tissue at the ready! Let me know if I convert any of you.**

**On another note, do any of my readers hail from Seattle? Or even know anything about Seattle. I'm in Ireland so I don't know much about it, only what I've read, but I have a few questions to help me with making my story sound a bit more authentic. So if anyone can help me I'd appreciate if you could PM me or leave a review and I'll get back to you. **

**Next chapter is the meet and greet with Jose….I'll be listening to Carmina Burana: O Fortuna while I write it hehe xx**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N Enjoy my lovelies, and don't forget to review xxx**

**Christian POV**

'**This had better work Taylor,''** I mutter as I eye the man fitting me with the wire. Taylor is watching on from his seat at my desk. A wire? Really, are these guys still living in the last century?

The guy, Ryan, tries to tape the fucking thing to my chest. Not a fucking chance. I grab it off him quickly, ''I'll do it myself.''

If this surprises him he doesn't show it he simply nods and steps back. ''Once you have it in place I'll switch it on and we can test it out.'' We mess around with it for a while and eventually its placed properly and working fine.

Taylor takes the lead here and yet again runs us through what is expected to happen once we get to the 'meeting point' as he keeps calling it. I think Taylor is secretly enjoying all this covert shit, maybe it's making him sentimental for his years spent in the Special Forces. I barely stop myself from rolling my eyes.

But still, I am grateful for all he has been able to organise in such a short time. No way does our problem warrant all the help we are getting, but a hefty donation to the policeman's widow's foundation greased the wheels nicely for us.

''Alright Taylor I think we've got it, is it nearly time to go?'' I look at my watch. Almost eight pm, I haven't seen Anastasia…Ana…for hours, though Taylor assures me all is well. I'm choosing to take it as a good sign that everything seems to be going smoothly with herself and Gail.

We just had a quick dinner earlier served in my office while we discussed our…strategy, honestly! By eight fifteen we are good to go, I decide to check on Ana before we leave.

I am halted in my tracks as I walk down the hallway to the great room by the most beautiful sound I have ever heard. Someone is giggling, and I don't think its Gail. I peek around the corner to see what's going on and there is Ana…elbow deep in flour while she mixes something in a bowl with her hands.

Gail is watching on and offering advice as Ana rubs the back of her hand across her cheek, leaving behind a smudge of flour. She is grinning happily at Gail.

My heart lurches at the sight. I'm still staring like a dumb fool when Ana and Gail notice my presence and my heart squeezes in a different way when Ana's face falls slightly. She still doesn't trust me, not really. She trusts Gail easily enough, it must just men that make her nervous.

Well with what little I know of her history this doesn't surprise me. I decide then and there that I will get Ana to trust me somehow. I quickly step out from my creeper's spot behind the wall and offer them a grin, I don't know who is more shocked Gail or Ana. ''Having fun ladies?''

Ana blushes while Gail replies, ''just making some pastry for something we'll whip up for tomorrows dinner, sir.''

''I'll look forward to it. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go. Not sure what time we'll be back so I may not see you until the morning Ana, we can talk then.''

I can tell she wants to say something, maybe ask a few questions, I can see it in her inquisitive eyes. She knows what we are doing after all, but she stays quiet and looks back down to the bowl in front of her.

Without another word I leave the room, plenty of time to fill her in later. After Jose is locked up maybe she will trust me. I refuse to think of what that will mean for us once Ana is out of danger.

Us? When did we become an us? I shake my head and push those thoughts away, for now.

**As arranged I enter the** alley alone. Taylor didn't like this idea but as I told him Jose has no reason to turn on me, I _am_ giving him money after all.

Taylor had Sawyer scout the alley today to find some unseen vantage point from where he could stay out of the way and still keep a close eye on things as they unfold. He's probably crouched in a dumpster right now. Also Ryan can hear every word we say through the wire strapped to my chest.

I don't have to go far before I am confronted by the scumbag better known as Jose Rodriguez. Taylor did a background check on him, turns out he's been in trouble with the law more than a few times in his pathetic life, but the slippery fucker has always managed to get away one way or another.

''Where the fuck is she?'' He snarls, none too pleased that I have returned empty handed. ''You better not have messed her up, I need her working tonight.''

God. I want to beat the shit out of this fucker, I want nothing more than to pound him into the ground, but I have to play my part. ''Hey man, I have your money I just wanted to tell you I'm keeping her for another night.'' I hold out a wad of cash.

He looks from the money to my face, ''why didn't you bring her with you?''

I grin slyly, ''I would have only she's a bit…indisposed…at the moment.'' As I say this I picture Ana suspended in my playroom, waiting for me to do what I wish to her. But for the first time this image doesn't turn me on, rather it turns my stomach. I could never treat Ana that way, she's far too fragile.

The fucker actually laughs. ''That good was she? I wanted to try her out myself but when she told me she was a virgin I couldn't do it. Virgins are worth a lot of money, as you well know! Ah well, I'll still get my fill when you're done.''

Shit, he was telling the truth. Ana _is_ a virgin. Now I really want to fuck this guy up.

''Tell me, did she put up much of a fight? I know she's small but I'd say she's a feisty one,'' his eyes are gleaming in anticipation.

I have to clear my throat before I speak lest I choke on my words, ''a little, at first.'' The words burn my throat. Alright I can't talk to this guy any longer I need to get this over with.

''Look, there's four grand here. Two for last night and I'll give you another two for tonight.'' I shove the money in his direction and the greedy fucker all but grabs in off me.

''Cool man, just drop her back here to me tomorrow, but don't leave any permanent marks on her. I have a feeling that one is going to be my best seller and I can't have her covered in scars.''

Just as he shoves the money in his pocket Ryan pulls up in front of the alley and flashes his lights and siren. I chance a glance over my shoulder.

''Shit.'' I turn back to see Jose bolting in the opposite direction, only to crash into the huge chest of Sawyer, who pushes him roughly to the ground. Sawyer then sits on his back and pulls his arms behind his back.

He wasn't too gentle either, in fact I heard a loud pop just before Jose screamed in pain. Ah well…

We are joined by Taylor and Ryan who quickly reads Jose his rights and shoves him into the back of the police car. He is screaming threats towards me the whole way.

I blow out a breath, ''that went smoother that I thought.''

''Good planning,'' Taylor mutters almost under his breath and I know he was referring to my remarks and eye rolling earlier about their over cautiousness. I decide its best not to say anything to this.

We are soon on our way back to the apartment. I had told the girls we would be hours but it's barely after nine. I'm happy though as hopefully Ana will still be up and we can talk for a bit. I want to get to know her better, I want to know about her life and how she ended up in this awful situation. I am hopeful that she will trust me now that we had Jose put away.

I am disappointed though when the apartment is all quiet when we return. Agreeing to discuss what happened until tomorrow, Taylor heads off to his apartment where Gail is no doubt waiting for him. Sawyer went to the security office as soon as we entered the apartment.

I think I'll have a glass of wine and maybe work for a few hours as it's far too early for me to go to bed. But I have to use the bathroom first. I pop into the main bathroom and stop dead in my tracks when I see Ana. She has a needle in her hand as was just about to inject herself when I entered the bathroom. She freezes when she sees me, one look at my face and she is terrified.

Too fucking right…

All I can see is red. She is just like _her_ after all, the crack whore. I'm so fucking angry. At her certainly but also at myself for being taken in by a pretty face and her faked shy demeanour.

I take two strides until I am right in front of her. She doesn't move, she looks too afraid to move. She's holding the syringe with the cap still on it in one hand and a bottle of clear liquid in the other. She was obviously getting ready to shoot up. My jaw is clenched so tightly my teeth might actually break.

''Get. Out.''

''What?'' she whispers.

''You heard me you fucking junkie whore. Get the fuck out of my apartment,'' she flinches at my harsh words and backs away. She looks down to the needle and back to me.

She's about to say something but I don't want to fucking hear it so I cut her off, ''I don't want to hear another word coming out of your lying fucking mouth. If you don't leave my apartment right now I'll throw you out myself. I trusted you.'' I'm angry at myself again when I hear the hurt creep into my voice.

I cannot believe I trusted a fucking whore. I'll give it to her though she was awfully convincing. And that whole virgin bit? Obviously just another clever lie to make me feel bad for her.

I reach out and grab the stuff out of her hands. She wisely doesn't try to stop me. She can sell herself to get more shit if she wants to. I don't care.

Ana…Anastasia darts around me quickly and bolts to the elevator. It opens as I round the corner and she's desperately trying to get the doors to close by pressing buttons. I reach in and enter the code.

She's shaking like a leaf. God she looks so tiny in my t-shirt and sweats. No Grey. Don't fall for it.

The door isn't closing and I realise I'm standing in the way. I'm about to step back when she looks at me with tears streaming down her face.

''C…c…can I have my insulin back p…please. It's all I have l…left'' she's almost whispering.

What the fuck? She wants her shit back? ''Not a fucking chance, Anastasia. Go find some other fool to take care of you. I'm done.'' I think I succeeded in making my voice as cold as possible that time and silently congratulate myself for hiding the disappointment I'm feeling. I step back and see her face crumple in grief and fear just as the doors close.

Jesus she's good, I almost believed her….wait, what did she say? I look at the tiny bottle of clear liquid in my hand. Insulin. My heart stops dead in my chest.

NO! ''No, no no no no. Oh god what have I done?''

I all but jump to the wall panel for the elevator and enter my override key to stop it. In my haste I enter the ten digit code wrong and I have to do it again. ''Fuck.'' She must be almost at the lobby by now. This time the number is correct and with a shaking hand I press the button to call the elevator back up.

**A/N So, did Christian enter the number in time? Is Ana still on the elevator? Stay tuned to find out!**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N I don't usually like to rehash the same chapter in a different point of view, but I wanted to let you see Christians blow up from Ana's side. I think the story needs it. Don't you agree?**

**Ana POV**

**Christian has gone to** confront Jose and I'm nervous. What will Jose say to him? He can be such a convincing liar, if he tells Christian that I _am_ a prostitute or using him for money and he believes him what will he do?

Things today have been good. Christian and his men have mostly kept out of my way so I can relax a little. I offered to help Gail in the kitchen even though I have never cooked a thing in my life. My mother and step father never allowed me to go into the kitchen at home. They said it wasn't a fit place for me.

If I was to listen to _them_ the only fit place for me was being locked in my bedroom alone for days on end.

I shake off that thought, I'm not there any longer. I'm free. As uncertain as my life is right now it's still preferable to the hell I was living under their roof.

I enjoyed helping Gail, even if my wrist is killing me now. I still cringe when I think of my stupidity cutting myself the other night. Surely everyone thinks I'm insane?

Not that it matters really as I'm sure I'll be out of here by tomorrow. Once Jose is gone there is no need for Christian to let me stay. I'm going to have to ask him if there is a free clinic in Seattle. I don't know the area at all really. When I ran I just hopped on the first bus out of Portland not caring where it was going. Maybe if I ask hell drop me off there and then I can get some insulin and they can point me in the direction of a shelter. I hope I can get into one to sleep, I've spent a few weeks sleeping rough and it is so cold at night here I'm surprised I didn't lose a few fingers and toes to frostbite. If I can manage to get some money together I think I'm going to try to head to Los Angeles or somewhere else hot, at least if I sleep rough there I won't freeze to death.

Of course I had my insulin then too but it ran out after a few weeks. That was the reason I let Jose help me. I told him about it and he promised to get it for me and I could pay him back when I started working. I shiver when I think of his idea of my paying him back.

Gail has just gone up to her room so I'm alone in the apartment, I think. The place is so big I'm not sure but I haven't seen anyone else. I didn't want to say anything but I think my blood sugar is out of range, I'm feeling a bit woozy and sick. Nothing major but I had better take my insulin now, just in case.

I sigh, I only have one shot left. Technically I should have taken it this yesterday but I've been spreading them out trying to make them last. To keep my sugar down I've been pretty much starving myself. Of course now I have to be careful in case my sugar goes too low. In fact my diet is quite bad lately and my shots are all messed up so I'm not sure if its high or low right now, all I know is I feel like crap.

I fetch my bag and head into the bathroom. I quickly prick my finger and check my sugar. Two hundred and fifty, shit that's high, no wonder I am feeling sick. I clean my tummy and take out the needle and bottle of insulin. I'm just about to fill the needle when the door opens and in walks Christian. Startled, I just stand there dumbly staring at him. I actually thought he would leave the bathroom when he saw what I was doing.

No such luck.

For a moment he just looks between the needle and my face, then his face darkens terrifyingly. What did I do?

He stalks towards me and I'm too scared to move. My first thought is what did Jose tell him? Judging by the irate man in front of me it must have been bad. And Christian obviously believed him.

''Get. Out.''

Never, not in all my life have I heard so much venom put into two words. ''What?'' I'm stupefied by the change in this man, is he bi-polar or something?

''You heard me you fucking junkie whore. Get the fuck out of my apartment.'' I can't help but flinch as he flings those hateful words at me. Junkie? Is that what Jose told him, that my shots were actually illegal drugs? I glance at the innocent little bottle of insulin and the needle in my hands and then back to Christian.

I think I should explain, I open my mouth to do just that but he interrupts me before I get my first word out. ''I don't want to hear another word coming out of your lying fucking mouth. If you don't leave my apartment right now I'll throw you out myself. I _trusted_ you.''

I'm momentarily surprised. Is that hurt I hear in his voice? But my now very woozy brain finally kicks into gear and I decide I had better get out of here before he decides to throw more than words at me.

But then he grabs my medication. No. I want to scream 'I need that to live', but I'm not that brave…or stupid. I run to the elevator and press on the call button repeatedly hoping he doesn't decide to come after me. Thankfully it opens and I jump in, only my vision has gone blurry either from my illness or sheer panic I don't know. So I just start randomly pressing buttons but nothing happens.

Then Christian is in the elevator with me typing numbers into a keypad. He then stands in the doorway stopping the elevator from closing, why?

If I go out on the street tonight like this I know for certain I will fall into a coma and I'll probably be dead by the morning. Besides if the diabetes doesn't get me the cold surely will. I'm wearing only one of his t-shirts a pair of sweats and socks. I'm not even wearing any shoes.

I don't want to die. My survival instinct kicks in and I try to plead once more. ''C…c…can I have my insulin back p…please. It's all I have l…left,'' I just about manage in a stuttering whisper.

My hearts sinks when he looks at me coldly. ''Not a fucking chance, Anastasia. Go find some other fool to take care of you. I'm done.'' His voice is like ice, there's no hurt there now I must have been mistaken before.

Oh God, I told him. I _told_ him what it is and he doesn't care. He won't give it back to me even though everyone knows diabetics need insulin to live as much as they need air. I'm going to die out there tonight, I just know it. I don't even try to hide my despair, I know he can see it on my face but he just calmly steps back and lets the elevator doors slide closed.

Somewhere in the back of my head my subconscious is berating me for yet again trusting someone who fed me pretty lies. I let my guard down, again, this is all my own fault. Did he even go to meet Jose? If he did it obviously did go like he said it would. Is Jose outside waiting for me right now?

A wave of dizziness comes over me and I feel like I might vomit. I lean against the wall mirror and allow myself to slide down the glass. Just as I catch my blurry reflection and see my pale and bruised face covered in a cold sweat the elevator stops. And so does my heart when it starts to ascend again.

I want to get up and press the stop button but suddenly I can't get up, I'm just too tired. Did he change his mind? What is he going to do to me? 'Get the fuck up Anastasia' I inwardly yell at myself. I manage to grab the handrail and I'm pulling myself upright when the lift stops and the doors open.

I'm afraid to look at him. I'm sure he is watching as I shakily get to my feet. I try to reach for the control panel but Christian steps into the lift.

He walks right up to me and I still don't look at his face, if I see that cold anger he had directed at me again my legs will probably go from under me.

Sure he's going to hit me I weakly raise my arms to wrap around my head. ''Please. Please let me go. I won't c…come back. I'm not looking for anything just….please…don't hurt me,'' my whole body is shaking now, I don't think I can keep standing. Pathetic.

''Ana,'' it's a tortured whisper.

What is going on? My fuddled brain can't make out his mercurial mood swings. Is he deliberately trying to torture me?

I see his hands coming towards me and I cry out weakly but I can't fight him when my legs give out and he catches me, lifting me up in his arms.

**Christian POV **

''**TAYLOR'' I scream **as I rush out of the lift carrying Ana's limp body.

Taylor comes running out of the office like the building is on fire. He takes one looks at Ana and rushes to check her pulse, ''what happened?'' He's straight to the point.

''I don't know…I…I thought she was on drugs. I was so angry…she was in the lift. Oh God it's all my fault.'' I know I'm babbling but I can't stop. Jesus, is she going to die?

''Sir.'' Taylor snaps and finally gets my attention. ''You're not making any sense. _What happened_?''

I take a deep breath that does fuck all to steady my shattered nerves, ''I found her trying to inject herself with what I thought was heroin or some shit in the bathroom so I kicked her out. She asked for it back and I freaked out and all but told her to go fuck herself, it wasn't until the lift closed that I realised she asked for her insulin back. I recalled the lift but when it came back up she was all dizzy and stumbling around and shit, then she fucking collapsed!'' I think I might actually cry, ''it's all my fault Jason.'' I'm whispering at this stage my throat is so tight from grief and remorse. I look at Ana and she is just staring at me blankly.

''No sir she won't die, she hyperglycaemic. She's just weak at the moment but if she doesn't get her shot she will go into a diabetic coma.''

A coma? Oh god. ''Call an ambulance Taylor, now!''

''Hang on sir, where is her insulin?''

I put Ana gently on the couch and pull her medication out of my pants pocket and hand it to Taylor. He seems to know what he's talking about.

He quickly gives Ana the shot in her stomach. ''She should be okay in a few minutes once the insulin kicks in.''

''Should? As in she might not be. What if she's not okay Taylor?'' I kneel in front of Ana and push her hair out of her eyes. How did I not notice how pale she was earlier? I was so preoccupied with fucking catching Jose I all but ignored her all day.

She flinches back and whimpers and I want to fucking kick myself. All the progress we had made is now shattered by my fucked up presumptions and out of control temper.

I pull my hand back, ''I'm so, so sorry Ana. I didn't know.'' She doesn't look like she believes me.

We stay like that for what feels like hours but is actually only about ten minutes. Finally Ana seems to have some life in her again. When she starts to sit up my hands itch to help her but I don't dare touch her.

She lifts a hand to rub at her eyes for a moment before her arm drops weakly to her side. Without asking her anything Taylor goes to the kitchen and comes back with a large glass of water. Ana all but guzzles the water and Taylor goes to refill the glass.

He answers my unspoken question. ''High blood sugar will make her very thirsty. It might make her hungry too but she can't eat anything until her levels are back to normal.''

I don't like how that sounds. ''So she's hungry now but she can't eat?''

''I didn't say that, sir. I said she _might_ be hungry.''

''I still think we should call an ambulance, just to be s...''

''No.''

Ana's voice comes out a little breathless and very tired sounding. Not sure if she is going to continue I decide not to say anything.

''No ambulance. If I have to go to the hospital they will find me. She is my next of kin.''

What? Who will find her? ''Who's looking for you?'' Surely she knows that at her age she can request for next of kin not to be contacted? She can even change her next of kin if she wants to. Unless…holy fuck is she a minor? ''How old are you Ana?''

She doesn't answer my question. ''Just…just give me a few minutes and I'll be ok. Then I'll go.'' Ana closes her eyes and lays her head back obviously feeling unwell still.

''Not a chance, there's no way you're going anywhere in this state.'' My voice is perhaps more commanding than I would like, but no way is she going anywhere tonight.

Ana opens one eye and looks at me then closes it again, ''fine,'' she all but breathes.

Before long she is asleep again. Well, Taylor said she's only sleeping, I'm not so sure. ''How do you know she not in a coma again Taylor? She could be dying while we are sitting here doing nothing!'' I'm pacing the room pulling at my hair.

''Trust me sir, she's okay for now but you seriously need to get her to see a doctor tomorrow. She needs to have a check-up and she needs more meds.''

I sigh ''I'll ring my mother in the morning, she'll know what to do.'' Taylor raises his eyebrows but I ignore him.

My mother. How the hell do I explain this cluster fuck to her?

**A/N Hmm I'm not too happy how this chapter turned out to be honest. I think I was overthinking it for the last few days. Whenever I obsess over a chapter like that I'm never satisfied at how it turns out. But I didn't want to keep you all waiting any longer so I hope you liked it more than I did!**

**Also, I know very little about diabetes and I had to do research so I could make the chapter any way believable. Also I got some help from the lovely sweetsub75 xxx I hope I did ok….**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N I want to thank everyone for the awesome reviews I have gotten so far. And a special thank you to the guys who have pm'd me and given me some great feedback and tips for the story. You know who you are xxx**

**I know it's been a good few days since I've updated but I hope to get a couple of chapters up this weekend.**

**Christian POV**

'_If the patient's blood sugar gets too high they can feel woozy, sick, thirsty and maybe even quite hungry, but they cannot eat as this will further raise their glucose level and they may have a seizure and/or go into a hyperglycaemic coma.'''_

'_If the patient's blood sugar gets too low they are also at risk of coma and need to eat straight away to raise their glucose levels.'_

'_Levels must be checked multiple times a day.'_

'_Depending on the dosage and type of diabetes the patient may need to take multiple shots every day.'_

'_Regular check-ups and contact with a doctor is a must to control a patient's diabetes.'_

'_Patient's must be careful any open wounds do not get infected.'_

'_Unconscious…coma…death.'_

**Dropping my head into** my hands I feel utterly hopeless. How does Ana deal with this illness every day?

I have spent the last few hours sitting on the floor of Ana's bedroom while she slept looking up diabetes on my laptop.

Once she finally succumbed to exhaustion and fell asleep on the couch I put her to bed and at first I went back to my office but I was so worried something would happen to her without any supervision I just had to come keep an eye on her.

Luckily for me she was deeply asleep so I snuck in and took a seat on the floor leaning up against the floor to ceiling windows of her room.

Looking at her now she looks so tiny and fragile almost hidden under the comforter. What am I going to do with her? She obviously can't be out on the street by herself but I also cannot make her stay here. I want to kick myself for my fucking temper and the fact that I frightened her. Will she ever listen to me long enough for me to offer her help?

If I read one more thing about this fucking disease I'll fling my laptop across the room. The fact that it is incurable is killing me. I'm going to have to look into how the research is being funded, maybe a sizeable donation or two can help speed things along a bit. Sighing, I close my laptop and lean my head back against the window. Jesus Christ I'm so fucking tired.

How do I get her to believe how sorry I am for the way I've acted? Will she ever listen to me again? ''God Ana, I'm so sorry,'' I say quietly into the dark room, my voice cracks a little with emotion.

''It's okay,'' a soft whisper.

**Ana POV**

**I awaken slowly to a** darkened room and a warm bed. I must be back in Christian's spare room again. What time is it? I'm so comfortable I don't want to move. I'm just lying there with my eyes half open when movement by the window startles me.

I almost scream when I see a figure but my eyes are focusing in the almost dark and I can make out Christians features in the dim light of a laptop.

Should I say something? No, I decide if I stay quiet he might just go away. Watching him I see he's frowning and grumbling softly to himself. What is he looking at that is pissing him off this way? Suddenly he closes his laptop and leans back against the window. I can still see his face faintly from the city lights.

He looks so _tired_. Why isn't he in bed? My breath catches when he speaks. ''God Ana, I'm so sorry.''

Does he realise I'm awake? He's sorry? I knew he thought I was on drugs and he genuinely seemed to be panicked when I collapsed in the lift. Is that why he is sorry…for frightening me? I feel kinda bad now that he is beating himself up over a misunderstanding, even if he did lose his temper. I bite my lip, should I say something? I don't want to anger him again.

But ultimately it's the way he sounded so forlorn and that his voice was pained with emotion that convinces me to speak, ''its okay.''

He sits up suddenly and looks at me sharply. Shit. I scoot under the covers.

''Ana, no, don't hide its okay. I'm just surprised is all, I thought you were asleep.''

I peek out from under the covers and he's relaxed back against the window again, even if his relaxed pose seems a bit forced now.

''How are you feeling.''

I shrug and the comforter moves slightly, ''okay I guess.''

''You're not dizzy or sick? Should we check your levels again? I can get Taylor to…''

''No, honestly I'm okay.''

There's an awkward silence now as neither of us know what to say. Christian breaks it, he leans forward. ''Jesus Ana, I'm so sorry for earlier. For what I did…for what I _said_.''

I can hear the genuine remorse in his voice, ''it's alright, you made a mistake in judgement. I know all about misreading a person's character.'' I add wryly and I know we are both thinking about Jose.

''No.'' his voice is harsh and his fists are clenched on his knees. Shit, I made him angry again. Why can I not just keep my mouth shut? I have been told often enough how much I irritate people so why do I insist on opening my big mouth?

He calms a little before going on. ''Don't make excuses for me Ana, the way I spoke to you was inexcusable. Instead of asking you what was going on I jumped to conclusions, as usual.''

What do I say? I'm afraid I'll make him angry if I tell him not to worry about it. I decide silence might be the best way to go here.

''I'll make it up to you Ana, I promise.''

Make it up to me how? He doesn't owe me anything. If anything I owe him as he got me away from Jose. Besides, I'll be gone long before he has a chance to make amends, not that he needs to. It was a misunderstanding, that's all.

''Are you gone back to sleep?''

Shit. ''Um n…no,'' I hate the way my voice always gives away my nervousness and causes me to stutter.

''Are you afraid?'' it's barely a whisper.

''I…I don't want to m…make you mad.''

I can see his head cock to the side, ''I'm not mad.''

I allow my silence to do my disagreeing. ''Okay, maybe a little. But I'm not mad at _you_, how could I be?''

''You were mad at me…before,'' shut up Ana!

Christian sighs, ''there's a lot about me you don't know Ana. I have…issues, with anger…with trust, I find it almost impossible to let anyone in.''

''So…it wasn't me you were angry with?'' I ask sceptically, it sure felt like it was.

A heavy sigh, he doesn't answer my question. ''My mother was a crack whore.''

My breath catches, ''oh.''

''Yeah. Oh.''

I don't know if he's going to elaborate of if that is all he's going to tell me. We must sit in silence for a solid minute before he continues.

''When I saw you in that alley, I _knew_ you didn't want to be there. I thought if I didn't help you then the next person to come along might…well, you know.'' He looks up at me.

''Yeah, I know.''

''There was no one to save _her_ though, I wasn't strong enough.'' Christian confesses into the dark bedroom. ''I don't even know if she wanted saving, in the end. I'm sure there may have been a time when someone could have stepped in. Did she not have anyone who cared?''

He looks at me now and I know he's silently asking me how I ended up in that alley with Jose. Did I have no one who cared enough about me? ''Some people just aren't blessed with a family who loves them.'' For some reason it's easier to admit these things into the darkness. ''Some people aren't worth loving.''

Christians breath is a sharp exhale, ''don't ever let anyone make you believe that Ana. Everyone is worthy of love.'' He halts towards the end and I'm wondering who he's thinking of when he seems to disagree with what he's saying. Is he talking about himself?

''Even you?'' no answer, I don't press the issue.

We lapse into silence again, both seemingly lost in our own thoughts. What is it about being awake in the dead of night that seems to bring out your innermost fears? Things that it would never even occur to you to consider during the day, plague your mind in the darkness of the night.

''I'm not a prostitute,'' I need him to know this.

''I know.''

''And I don't do drugs.''

I think I see a hint of a smile but I can't be sure in this dim light. ''I know.''

''Good.''

''What happened to your mother?'' I need to know.

''She killed herself when I was a child.''

Oh no. ''I'm so sorry.''

He shrugs off my attempted words of comfort, ''doesn't matter, she didn't care enough to fight. I was only four…I remember though, bits and pieces. Flashes here and there. I was with her for days before we were found, _that_ I do remember.''

He looks up and must see the horror on my face. ''it was a long time ago Ana. I was one of the lucky ones, I was adopted by a loving family. I'm over it.''

Somehow I doubt that very much.

Christian gets to his feet but doesn't approach me, ''try and get some sleep, there's a doctor coming to see you in a few hours. She will have my ass if I don't let you get your rest.

''She?''

Christian stops in the doorway and rubs the back of his neck rather bashfully, ''yeah, my mother.''

With that said he opens the door and the room floods with light from the hall blinding me for a split second before he shuts the door behind him.

**Christians mother, Grace**, is a sweet lady, she reminds me of an angel. All soft words and gentle touches. She obviously sensed my apprehension when she came in to see me but she is just such a nice lady I couldn't help but be calmed by her.

She asked me a few questions about my diabetes and took some blood samples. She checked my levels and for dehydration. She frowned a few times while checking me over when she saw my multitude of bruises, curtesy of Jose.

She questioned me at length about my wrist, she didn't seem to believe it was an accident but didn't push the issue when she saw it made me anxious.

She is the kindest doctor I have ever met. I wonder what Christian told her about me? Obviously not the truth or she certainly wouldn't be so nice to me.

Maybe she would be able to tell me where I can find a free clinic and a shelter here in Seattle, surely a doctor would know.

''Um, Grace?''

''Yes honey.''

''Do…do you know of anywhere I can go, you know, to stay for the night? I um, I don't know Seattle all that well and I was just wondering if…if you know of any decent shelters I can go to. I…I need to find somewhere to fill this prescription too b…because I have no m…money.'' Damn that stutter, but I am embarrassed admitting that I'm homeless to this woman.

Grace looks stunned for a moment but hides it quickly. She comes over and pats my hand, ''don't you worry about anything honey, we will sort something out for you.'' She leans in and kisses the top of my head in a very motherly gesture and I sigh in relief, hoping she can find me somewhere to go.

She tells me to rest and leaves the room. After a few minutes I'm snuggled under the covers when I hear raised voices in the living room. Someone is not happy. Oh no, what did I do?

**Christian POV**

''**Christian Trevelyan Grey!''**

Shit, my mom full named me, this is not good. I round the corner into the living room where my mother stands with her hands on her hips and she looks about ready to rip me a new one.

''Yeah.''

''Don't 'yeah' me! Who is that child and what is she doing in your apartment?''

''Child?'' I choke, ''how old is she?''

''Twenty one, now answer my question.''

I lean over with my hands braced on my knees, ''Jesus, mom don't do that to a guy, I almost had a heart attack.''

''Why would you be so worried Christian? You haven't touched her have you? Because I swear to G…''

''Whoa, whoa, whoa.'' I put my hands up in front of me as if I'm defending myself, which in a way I suppose I am. ''What the hell mom, did you not see how traumatised she is? I would never do that.'' I'm a bit pissed actually that my mom thinks so low of me. ''I was just worried I'd get into trouble for harbouring a minor.''

Mom moves to the couch, ''I know son, but please tell me how you wound up with a sick, terrified girl staying at your apartment?''

''Sick? Why didn't you say? What do we need to do, should we go to the hospital?'' I'm pacing around in circles. My mom raises an eyebrow at me. ''What?''

''Sit down Christian your making me dizzy.'' I plop down on the couch with a huff.

''Now listen without jumping to conclusions. Ana's levels are a little low this morning, probably from not eating last night after her shot, so I sugge….''

''GAIL,'' I cut my mom off. Gail all but runs into the room. ''Please give Ana a tray to her room, she's hungry.''

''Sir.''

Mom just shakes her head, ''Ana's diabetes can be monitored and controlled and we have to be very careful with her wrist as that cannot afford to get infected, I saw her bruises also,'' I wince, ''and I am honestly concerned for her state of mind.''

''State of mind?''

Ignoring my interruption my mother continues to question me. ''Does she have any reason to think you are going to throw her out onto the street Christian?''

Crap. My mom is eyeing me. ''There was an…incident, last night. I got a bit angry, but it was just a misunderstanding and I apologised.''

''An incident,'' she says slowly. ''Well, Ana just asked me if I knew of any shelters and free clinics in the area she can go to, today.''

''What? That's absurd she can't just leave with nowhere to go.'' I'm fuming now and struggling to not raise my voice.

''Yes well, I think in light of Ana's fear of anger and her illness, I have somewhere in mind that she can go. Just let me make some inquiries and I'll come back later.''

''What?'' I whisper yell. ''No way, _no_ _fucking_ _way_. Ana is staying here, you're not sending her off somewhere where god knows what can happen to her.''

I think I see a ghost of a smile cross my mother's face, but it's gone before I can be sure. ''Alright son, but you had better tell her that, because that girl thinks you are kicking her out today.

I think Ana and I need to have a serious chat about her near future, I take a few deep breaths to calm me down. ''Alright mom, thanks for seeing her today, Taylor will fill any prescriptions and I'll make sure she follows orders and eats properly.

''Okay son I'll leave a list of instructions that need to be followed to get Ana back on track over the next few days. Will you be coming to dinner on Sunday, we haven't seen you in weeks?''

''I'll see how Ana is, I don't want to leave her if she's not feeling well.''

''Bring her along too, there will be plenty for everyone.'' With that said my mom kisses my cheek and is gone. That went better than I thought it would.

**A/N So? Do you think this was a turning point for our Ana and Christian? When I was planning this chapter I just kept getting an image of them taking in the dark so I decided to go with it.**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N So sorry it took me so long to update, my laptop was on the blink and I had to get it fixed. Seems good to go now.**

**Lots of great reviews for the last chapter, thanks guys.**

**Ana POV**

**Gail has made me the** most mouth-watering breakfast I have ever seen. Usually the meals that were made for me were a dull affair because I need to eat so healthily, but man, Gail sure knows what she's doing in the kitchen.

The arguing in the living room seems to have stopped, in fact I can't hear anything at all now. I take a quick shower in the en-suite I didn't realise was even here until Grace pointed it out earlier, indulging in the warm water and expensive shower gel and shampoo. After drying myself off and wrapping up in a fluffy soft towel I make my way back to my room.

There's are bags on the bed and when I peek inside I can see a multitude of clothes. There are jeans and sweaters, t-shirts and underwear. When did he have time to do this? I can't accept all this, can I?

Reluctantly, as I have nothing else to wear, I put on a pair of fitted blue jeans and a short sleeved t-shirt and chucks. I don't even want to think how Christian guessed the right bra size for me. Maybe if I can get a job I can pay him back, something else I owe him for. I sigh at the thought.

Once I'm dressed I perch on the edge of my bed. What do I do now?

Should I leave the room? Am I allowed to? Maybe Christian has gone to work and just expects me to be gone when he gets back. I wonder though if Grace has sorted out somewhere I can get my meds. I'm getting more anxious by the second wondering what I should do.

I finally build up the courage and peek out the bedroom door. The hallway is clear so I tip toe towards the stairway. Hearing nothing I make my way down and over to the kitchen area where Gail seems to be stirring something on the stove.

Sensing my presence she turns and offers me a wide smile. ''Hello Ana, was everything satisfactory with your breakfast.''

''Yes Gail, it was delicious thank you.''

Offering another polite smile Gail turns back to the stove. I feel like an idiot standing in the middle of the room, ''do…do you need any help?'' I ask tentatively.

''Oh no dear, I'm almost done here then I've a bit of cleaning to do before I do the grocery shopping. You just go make yourself comfortable.''

Make myself comfortable? This place is getting more confusing by the minute, maybe they are waiting for Grace to find somewhere for me to go.

''I…I can help, maybe…that is if…if you want. I can do some cleaning…or something.'' I'm sure not even I can mess up a little housework.

Gail's response is interrupted by the sound of someone coming down the hall. ''Certainly not! Why aren't you resting Ana?'' Christian orders.

Crap, I knew I should've stayed in my room until I was told I could come out. Jesus will I never learn? ''s…sorry I will go b…back to my room n…now. I'm sorry.''

''No, no that's not what I meant at all Ana, come sit over here for a minute. We need to talk.'' I can tell he's working to be calm with me.

I make my way to the couch, glancing back I see that Gail has deserted the kitchen leaving Christian and I alone in this massive space. I ring my hands together and bite my lip. What is he going to say?

''I spoke to my mother after she examined you earlier.'' Christian rubs his hand through his hair, he seems frustrated, ''she told me you want her to find you some kind of _shelter_ where you can sleep at night.'' He says shelter like it's a dirty word.

Christians looking at me obviously expecting me to answer. Does he not want me asking his mom for help? ''I…I…I only asked because she's a doctor and I thought she might know about…that kind of th…thing. S…sorry if you d…didn't want me t…to.''

Christians hand comes towards me and I flinch back automatically. It doesn't deter him though and he puts his fingers under my chin and raises it so I have to look at him. His gaze on my face is intense, I bite my lip. I've just noticed his eyes are a magnificent shade of grey.

Christian exhales a breath before speaking ''I'm not angry ok?'' I nod, ''why do you always assume people are angry with you?''

I'm distracted by the way his steely grey eyes hold me captive and mistakenly blurt out the truth, ''because everyone _does_ get angry with me.''

''_How''_ the question is incredulous ''in the name of Christ how could anyone be angry with you?''

''You were,'' I barely whisper.

Christian removes his hand, sighing. ''That's…different, it's not your fault.''

I think he might say more but he changes the subject instead. ''Anyway it's a moot point, I spoke to my mother and informed her that you'll be staying here for the foreseeable future.''

Just like that. '_You'll be staying here_.'

I know I'm gaping like a fish and Christian waits patiently for my addled brain to form a coherent sentence. ''But…but I _can't_.''

''Why not?'' Christian asked with a raised brow. ''Do you have somewhere pressing you need to be?''

''Well no, but…''

''It's settled then. You can stay here until you are back on your feet.''

_Back_ on my feet, maybe I should tell him I've never been on my feet to start with.

Should I point out that I cannot afford to pay rent or buy medication or any of the stuff that I need? Somehow I think that Christian has already taken all this into consideration. My mind wanders back to the conversation we had last night. He said there was no one there to help his mother and he wished there was.

Is that what this is? His way to make sure what happened to his mom doesn't happen to me? I decide it's pointless to argue with him. I can tell from this apartment and from all the people working for him that Christian is mega-rich. And I know from experience that rich men like to get their own way.

I shudder at the thought of another rich man I know who liked to get his own way, at any cost.

''Are you cold? Did you eat your breakfast? My mom said your levels were low this morning. I want you to tell me anytime you don't feel well Ana ok?'' the genuine concern I hear in his voice is endearing.

I know in my heart that Christian is nothing like my stepfather. Stephen liked to use his power over me to frighten and intimidate me. I am starting to see that Christians telling me what to do comes from a place of concern. For me.

I shake my head, he may only feel like this out of guilt over his mom. But he is willing to help me for now and as people are not exactly queueing up to help me I decide to accept, until I get back on my feet.

''I'm ok.''

''Good. That's good, but don't be afraid to say something if you're feeling ill alright?'' I nod in reluctant agreement.

So now what? I should probably start looking for a job. I'm sure I could get a waitressing job, maybe.

I look up to see Christian staring at me intently, I blush and he smirks. ''What's going on in that beautiful head of yours.''

My breath catches, beautiful…me? I want to laugh at that absurd notion. Anastasia Steele is far from beautiful.

Brushing past his comment I tell him what I'm thinking, ''I need to find a job.''

Christian's mouth twists like he might disagree with me. ''Okay but not yet, you need to be back to your full health before you start working. What kind of work are you interested in? What did you do in college?''

I look at the floor ''I…um…I wasn't allowed to go to college.''

''Weren't _allowed_?'' he asks incredulously.

I shake my head ''my stepfather was very…strict.'' That's one word for Stephen Morton.

''How so?''

I look over and Christian is leaning forward trying to catch my eye. His gaze takes in my hand wringing, lip biting, anxious self. Surely he knows that a girl with a happy stable home life doesn't end up homeless. He obviously knows things were very wrong at my home.

''He uh, he didn't like for me to leave the house…at all. Before my mom married him I was in school like a normal kid but things changed when we moved in with him.''

''Why did your mom put up with that?'' he sounds pissed but I know it's not at me.

''She never really bothered with me, I pretty much looked after myself from a young age. I think, maybe because I was sick a lot it was too much for her.'' I shrug and Christian snorts.

''Anyway, she liked to go out and had lots of boyfriends so I pretty much just stayed out of their way. But when she met Stephen I knew it was different straight away. He was rich so she married him within a few months of meeting him.''

I take a deep breath wondering if I should say any more, I've never told anybody this. Its Christians encouraging expression that lets me go on, ''mom made the most of being a trophy wife, you see my mother is very good looking, and took less notice of me than ever. That is until Stephen started to take more notice of me than her. That didn't go down well at all.''

''What did he do?'' Christian's voice is icy.

I shake my head, ''not what you are thinking I'm sure. His behaviour was…weird. He pulled me out of school and had me home tutored. Once I graduated and asked if I could go to college he laughed at me, he said that I 'belonged' to him and he wasn't going to 'share' me with some horny little frat boys who would only want me for my…well you know.'' I trail off, blushing.

''So he kept you at home, against your will?''

''Yeah,'' I say quietly, remembering. ''When I refused or tried to leave there would be punishments.''

Christian stiffens but says nothing. ''He liked to spank me like I was a kid, he would put me over his knee and beat me viciously until I agreed to comply. Then…then if I was a 'good girl' he would reward me with toys and stuff. Kids toys, for little girls. I was nineteen years old at this stage.''

I chance another quick peek at Christian and I'm startled to see he looks pained. Was it something I said? ''He hit you?'' he chokes out.

''Yes,'' I breathe. ''But I would take the beatings any day over the other stuff.''

''What other stuff?'' Christian says sharply sitting up straighter.

''Um…he liked for me to pretend I was his 'little girl'.'' God this is so hard to admit, ''he said my mom raised me wrong and I was an irritating little brat who got on everyone's nerves, so he was going to start over and _train_ me by raising me properly.'' I can hear my voice shaking with emotion.

''Jesus,'' Christian breathes and stands up, pacing the floor in front of me. ''The man is insane.''

I don't disagree.

Christian sits down again, closer this time and takes my good hand gently in his. I'm shocked to find that it's a comforting gesture. ''Go on Ana, what made you leave.''

''Well he was spending a lot of time in my room with me, brushing my hair and dressing me up. I was terrified. He told me what to say, how to act…everything. It was like I was his doll or something. My mom blamed me of course, she hated me at this stage. But she wouldn't leave, she put up with it all because Stephen let her spend all the money she wanted on herself.

''It…it felt like he, he _bought_ me from her. like she sold me to him so she could have the extravagant life she thought she always deserved but missed out on because she got knocked up with me.'' I dash away the few tears that fall when I admit that not even my own mother could love me.

''Ana,'' my name sounds tortured coming from Christian. But I can't stop now, I've come this far and I can't stop until I've purged this entire sorry mess from my system.

''It went on for so long I became numb to it. I was trapped. Eventually I wasn't allowed to leave my room at all. Stephen worked a lot, thank god, so I spent most of my time alone. Sometimes when he was at work my mom would come in to ridicule me but she mostly left me alone as well.

''At a time when I was supposed to be experiencing life and learning new things I was locked in my bedroom being made to act like a child. I think if I didn't escape I would have eventually gone completely mad.''

''How did you get away?''

I swallow, this is the hardest part to talk about. ''One…one day Stephen came in and said that I was all grown up now,'' I whisper. ''He…he said I was ready to be a big girl and he was going to 'show' me what that meant. He…um…he made me take off my clothes and…and,'' I whimper as I remember that day.

''Hey,'' Christian croons. He pulls me into his lap and wraps his arms around me. He is hesitant in his movements and that is why I trust him. He won't hurt me. I bury my face in his neck and cry, I cry for the first time over what was stolen from me. Christian doesn't say anything as he rocks me slowly.

''Did he…?''

I know what he means. He wants to know if Stephan sexually assaulted me.

I shake my head without lifting my face and mumble into his neck, ''he was going to, he started to take off his pants but…but I freaked out. I…I pushed him Christian. I pushed him and he hit his head hard. I got dressed and ran. I ran out of that house and I'm never going back. Never. Never…''

''Alright sweetheart, alright. You won't have to go back I promise.'' In my panic I almost miss that Christian calls me sweetheart. Almost.

''What if he's dead?'' I voice the concern I've had since the moment I saw Stephen lying on the floor unconscious.

Christian snorts, ''good riddance.''

''But if I killed him them the police must be looking for me. I'll go to jail if they find me.''

''What's his full name.''

I pull back and wipe my face with my hands. I'm sure I look awful. ''Why?''

Christian doesn't quite look me in the eye, ''if I know his name I can check to see if he's alive.''

''Oh, it's Stephen Morton.''

Christians face darkens, ''Stephen Morton.'' After a moment he seems to shake it off though. ''So is your surname Morton too?''

''No, its Steele actually.''

''Steele, your moms name then.''

''Um…no,'' I blush. ''Mom had one decent boyfriend when I was little and he wanted to marry her and adopt me. They changed my name but mom left him before they married. I don't even know his first name, I barely remember him at all. I just remember this really nice guy who used to take me everywhere with him.''

''Anastasia Steele, I like it,'' Christians smiles gently.

''I prefer Ana, Stephen called me Anastasia but most people call me Ana.'' I shift and realise I'm still in Christians lap, blushing I slide onto the couch beside him, he looks like he might protest but says nothing, ''hey what your surname I don't think you told me before.''

''It's Grey. Christian Grey, nice to meet you.'' He says formally, making me giggle.

His face lights up. ''Now there's a sound I'd love to hear more of.''

**A/N Looks like our Mr Morton is one sick puppy eh? Thanks for reading x**

**So the fandom awards are here again. If you have any stories you just lurve and can't get enough of pop on over to fanaticfanficsawards. blogspot p/nominations. html to nominate them, just remove the spaces in the address. There are lots of categories and it's just a bit of fun so check it out if you get a minute.**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N Thanks for all the fab reviews over the last few chapters, I promise I will respond to reviewers soon. It's on my to-do list, but it is a long list . . . .**

**Christian POV**

Stephen Morton. Stephen Morton. Morton, _Morton_, _**Morton**_.

The soon to be ruined man's name reverberates against my skull like the beating of drum. I am consumed by a rage I never knew possible, a rage I am struggling to hide from Ana. Quite a feat for me as I am not used to tempering my emotions. If she saw the true me at this moment she would be petrified.

And rightly so.

I am going to destroy him. Ruin that sick bastard's life like he ruined Ana's. By the time I am finished with him he is going to wish he had never been born.

I wonder what Ana would have been like if her worthless mother had never met Morton. If she had married that Steele guy. Would she be outgoing and happy? Or would she still be a shy girl? What would she have studied in college? She has been cheated out of a normal childhood and life and the thought of that makes me want to crush something…no, _someone_, with my bare hands.

But for her I hide it, push it deep down only to rear its head when I find _him_. And so I try to cheer her up by being a bit silly, also a new concept for me.

And man is it ever worth it when I hear her giggle for the first time. Sweet and melodious it wraps around me and soothes the raging beast inside me. I feel a foreign clench in my chest when I see the small smile and momentary brightness in her eyes when she laughs. I endeavour to hear that sound as much as possible going forward.

Eventually our heart to heart has to end and it comes in the form of a grim faced Taylor summoning me to the security office. ''Just a moment Taylor.''

Not wanting to leave Ana with nothing to do I decide to show her a room in the apartment that she may enjoy. ''Come, I want to show you something.''

Impulsively, I take her hand and almost apologise when she freezes for a second. But when I turn and see her face I'm shocked to see, not fear on her face but a look of…is that _wonder_? Not wanting to point it out and risk embarrassing her I simply give her hand a soft squeeze and lead her to the room in question. Her hand is tiny and warm and soft. Delicate. And I can feel tingles travel the whole way up my arm from her touch. Can she feel it too?

When Ana sees the library her entire being lights up. She drops my hand and heads straight for the nearest bookshelf. Any sting her letting go of my hand caused is quickly forgotten as I see her genuine unabashed delight at being surrounded by so many books.

''Wow,'' she whispers as she spins in a slow circle.

Her reaction to a simple library is both endearing and a little bittersweet. She has an obvious love for books but has most probably been denied the ability to really have much access to them in the last few years. I decide the best option is to leave her to it as I am anxious to know what had Taylor looking so grim.

''I'll leave you to it while I talk with Taylor, you can spend as much time in here as you like, or you can explore the rest of the apartment if you want.'' She turns with a book she has already selected pressed tightly to her chests and nods.

She looks to one of the comfortable reclining chairs by the window and back to me, ''I…I think I will stay here and read for a while, if that's o…okay?''

''Of course Ana, take as long as you need. I'll come find you when it's time for lunch.''

Reluctantly I leave her and head to the security office where Taylor is pacing while he waits for me. Once he spots me in the doorway he wastes no time. ''Jose Rodriguez has been released.''

''What? How the fuck is that possible?'' I shout.

To his credit Taylor only seems slightly less pissed than I am. ''From what my sources down at the precinct have told me, Jose said that you were just paying him for some work he did for you, and as Ana wasn't present when he was arrested there is no proof to state otherwise. All the officers that were present at the sting saw was you giving him money.''

''But we _recorded_ it Taylor! That's our Goddamn fucking proof.'' I slam my fist on his desk. Are these fucking cops so incompetent that they didn't listen to the recording? Jesus Christ if you want something done properly you had better fucking do it yourself. I should have never trusted those assholes.

''That's where this whole sorry mess gets suspicious in my opinion. The wire apparently didn't work, they are saying it was faulty and as that was our only proof…'' Taylor trails off.

''Broken? BROKEN?'' I scream, ''we tested that fucking thing about five times before we had the meeting with Jose. It was _not_ broken.'' I'm so fucking angry everything is turning red.

Taylor, who is definitely calmer than me and therefore able to think more clearly, is way ahead of me. ''Sir, my guess is Jose has a 'friend 'down at the station who either owes him a favour or he paid off to make that evidence disappear.''

That actually makes sense. Fuck.

''So where is he now? Do we have someone following the little prick?'' We need to get on top of this straight away, I don't want Ana out and about with him lurking around.

Taylor sighs, ''no sir, he had already been released by the time I got this information. I do have two guys out looking for him though, if he sticks around Seattle we'll find him...''

I cut him off impatiently, ''Fuck that, put more men out there, I want him found even if he's after leaving the fucking country.'' I need to know what Jose fucking Rodriguez has planned. I won't be caught out by him, Ana's safety is too important to take any risks.

And when I find him this time, it's not the good old Seattle PD I will be going to for justice.

Now I am going to have to tell Ana she cannot leave the apartment until he is found. In light of her confession earlier about not being allowed to leave her room for months on end it is not a conversation I am looking forward to having.

Not wanting to face Ana with yet more evidence of my incompetence I decide to go to my own office for a while. No need to frighten her with all this right now, I will explain it to her later. Maybe I will look up that other fucking tyrant Stephen Deadman Morton while I'm there.

**Ana POV**

**I am in my element** in Christian's library. With all of these books how am I expected to pick just one to read?

I feel much happier, lighter now that I've told Christian about my past. He didn't judge me or laugh at me for what I have been through. Deep down I know he has been through an awful lot more than what he has shared with me and I have a feeling he is not telling me everything about himself. But that's okay, he hardly knows me and he doesn't have to spill his guts to me just because I have told him my sorry tale.

I decide to go with the Thomas Hardy book I first picked up and sit in the comfy recliner and cover myself with the wool blanket on the back of the chair. In contrast to the other rooms I have seen in this apartment this room is much more comfortable. Despite the lack of colour and somewhat sparse decoration, this room feels almost cosy.

Before long I can feel my eyes droop and I know I will not be able to resist having a nap. As I skim across the surface of sleep I recall the feel of a strong warm hand squeezing mine gently and a pair of grey eyes watching me intently, then there is nothing but a feeling of calm that washes over me as I drift off into sleep.

A calm which instantly evaporates upon my waking to see Christian sitting on the coffee table in front of me with a bleak expression. I sit up quickly, all remnants of sleep falling away in an instant.

''What is it?'' barely a whisper. I know something is wrong. Oh no, did he find out Stephen is dead? Before I can start hyperventilating he grasps my hand.

''Hey, calm down Ana its okay. Just breathe alright.''

Breathe. Okay. I can do that. Once I calm down a bit I am instantly embarrassed of my overreaction, for God's sake he hasn't even said anything yet. ''Sorry.''

He gives my hand a gentle squeeze and offers me a small smile, ''don't be sorry, it's not your fault.'' Christian takes a deep breath before continuing, ''we got the news a few hours ago that Jose has been released from custody. He was let go this morning due to a lack of evidence.''

Upon saying this Christian lets go of my hand and stands to pace the room.

''B…but I thought y…you taped your con…conversation,'' crap, I want to sound strong and not freak out but my stupid stutter always gives me away. That and my quivering voice.

Christian won't look at me, ''we did but it seems as though he has some friends at the station who were willing to destroy evidence for him so they had no reason to hold him. That is our theory anyway, for now.''

''Sounds like something he would do,'' I say. ''So, what? He is out there now going about his business like nothing has happened?'' Okay Ana don't freak out.

''Yes. 'Christians voice is bitter, he turns to me, ''I'm so sorry Ana, if I had any idea this was a possibility I would have found another way to handle it.''

I try to offer a small smile, ''it's not your fault.''

Christian snorts, ''right.''

''It's _not_,'' I say with more conviction. ''Jose is an evil twisted man with absolutely no morals. He would have found a way out of this no matter what you did.''

Christian sighs and sits down in front of me again, ''you are much too forgiving Ana.'' I shake my head but say nothing.

''Alright, we'll sort this out but until then there is something we need to do so that he won't find you.'' Christian pauses and looks at me meaningfully as if I should know what he means. Suddenly it dawns on me.

''You are s…sending me away. I…I have to leave,'' I realise with a sharp pain of disappointment. Just when things were starting to work out…

''What? No, no no of course not Ana, I'll _never_ send you away.''

Never? What does that mean?

Christian blows out a breath as if he has said too much. ''What I meant was that, until we find Jose you are going to have to stay here…inside…at all times.''

''Oh.'' I frown.

''Look, I know these are shit circumstances, but I feel like if you went outside right now he may be looking for you for revenge. I can't let that happen to you for something that _I_ caused. Ana, if something were to happen to you I would never forgive myself.'' Christian is leaning forward with his head dipped slightly so he can catch my lowered gaze. I don't know what to say.

''Please Ana, tell me you understand why this needs to happen.''

It's the pleading in Christian's voice that convinces me that it pains him to order me around this way. Funny, because I get the feeling he is quite adept at ordering people around on a daily basis. The thought makes me smile.

''Ana?''

''Okay.''

''Okay?''

''Okay, yes I understand.''

''Really?'' the astonishment in his voice is amusing. He must have thought I was going to freak out or refuse.

I finally look him in the eye willingly, ''Christian, even I know the difference between someone locking me up for their own sick gratification and someone keeping me indoors for my own safety. I…I trust you.''

I don't know why this admission makes my face heat but that is soon forgotten when I see Christians face light up with his wide smile. Wow. For the first time I really _look_ at Christian. Of course I noticed that he is a handsome man…I'm not blind. But now that I study his features for the first time I see that the man is absolutely stunning looking, how did I not notice this before?

Blushing even harder I look away, the last thing I need is for Christian to think I have some kind of crush on him, because I don't. Nope, definitely not.

I cut my eyes towards him briefly to see he is all out grinning now. And in spite of the serious situation we find ourselves in, I can't help but grin a little myself.

**A/N So the enemies seem to be mounting up for poor Ana, but at least herself and Christian are getting along . . . **

**Thank you for reading my lovlies xxx**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N Wow you guys, 100 reviews! And I appreciate each and every one of them. Thank you so much xxx**

**Christian POV**

''**Grey,'' I answer the** call that has been put through to my home office.

''Mr Grey this is Detective Burke. I am calling in advance to let you know that my colleague, Detective Anderson, and I will be calling by this afternoon to interview Miss Anastasia Steele in regards to allegations she made against Mr Jose Rodriguez.''

I look at my watch, eleven am, Ana is still in bed. I didn't wake her as she still seems under the weather to me even though she assured me last night that she is fine. ''Alright Detective we'll be here.'' Better to get this over with.

After we hang up I decide to go looking for Ana only to find her sitting at the breakfast bar, talking quietly to Gail. She seems surprised to see me. ''I didn't see you when I woke up, I thought you might be working today.''

I smile, noticing how when she is comfortable around people her stutter is barely there, it's only when she is nervous that it becomes a problem for her. ''Its Saturday, I usually work from home on Saturdays.'' Actually I have been working from home all week, ever since she came to stay. I smile at her reaction, her eyes pop wide and her lips form into a little surprised oh. Damn but she's cute. Fuck.

''Really?'' her brow furrows, ''I didn't even realise what day it is.''

''Don't worry, it doesn't matter. Listen I got a phone call from a detective down at the station, he's coming to ask you a few questions today.''

''B…but I thought t…that they released him.'' I hate that I have made her nervous again but hopefully between her statement and the photos my mother gave from her medical assessment of Ana's multiple injuries they will have enough evidence to re-arrest Jose.

I take a step forward to comfort her but stop, not sure if we are in _that_ place. I know we are getting along but I don't want to overstep the mark and have her retreating on me. ''They did, but I am hopeful that with your statement they can re-arrest him.''

Her face scrunches and I can tell she doesn't like the idea of talking about it to anyone. If I could I would make it all go away for her, but this has to be done and it will be good for her in the end to see that scumbag pay for what he did to her. She finally nods her agreement, ''okay, d…do you mind if I go and read in the library until they g…get here.''

''Of course, I will see that you are not disturbed until they arrive.''

**Detective Burke looks **like one of those dirty cops you see in nineties 'cop movies'. He is stocky with greased back black hair, wearing an ill-fitting suit and his beady eyes are darting all over the great room of my apartment. I don't like him. I feel like everything his eyes land on needs to be disinfected. Detective Anderson has that no nonsense look you would expect from a strict middle school teacher. She is probably early thirties, good looking to some I suppose, wearing a pants suit and her light blonde hair is tied back so tightly she looks almost bald from the front. Her keen eyes take in the room also but her gaze is more of an assessing look whereas his looks almost jealous.

Burke gives a low whistle, ''this is some place you got here.'

I don't comment on his observation. Instead I invite himself and Detective Anderson to sit while I go get Ana.

I find Ana still in the library reading, ''Ana?'' She looks up at me warily, I hate to disturb her but it has to be done, ''the detectives are here.''

Ana takes a deep breath and follows me out into the great room. I am surprised when I turn to introduce her she is standing directly behind me so the officers cannot see her. If I didn't know any better I would say she was hiding behind me. ''Ana,'' I whisper and she looks up at me, fear in her beautiful blue eyes, ''it'll be okay I promise, I can stay with you if you want.'' She nods gratefully and I can't help myself, I reach out and squeeze her tiny hand.

Burke butts in, ''we would prefer if we could talk to Miss Steele alone.''

I don't miss the side eye he gets from Anderson for this request. ''If Ana wants me to stay, I'm staying.'' I leave no room for argument. Ana and I sit on the other side of my L shaped couch so we are facing the detectives.

Burke sucks his teeth but says nothing. Ana isn't under investigation, she has every right to have someone she trusts present for this interview.

Detective Burke has a file open on his lap and glances down at it, ''I see here that you have made some allegations against Jose Rodriguez in regards to sexual assault and forced prostitution?'' Burke gets straight to the point as Anderson lets him take the lead.

''Y…yes'' Ana whispers.

''Explain to me, in detail, what you are accusing Mr Rodriguez of doing?''

Ana looks to me slightly panicked, ''I al…already told Gr…Grace what he d…did to m…me.''

''Grace?'' Burke interrupts and looks at the file in front of him. ''Ah yes Dr Trevelyan _Grey_,'' he turns to me, ''your mother if I'm not mistaken.'' I nod.

''Hmm.''

I really don't like this fuckers tone. ''My mother as a _medical_ doctor took note of Ana's multiple injuries, injuries that are _still visible_, and also wrote a detailed report of what Ana went through to receive those injuries and submitted them to the Seattle PD as evidence for this case.''

Burke looks at me and I swear the fucker is holding back a smirk, ''we received no such file.''

''Excuse me?''

''There is no such file at the precinct, Mr Grey.'' The smug bastard leans back into the couch and stretches as he tells me this.

I like to think that I am a good judge of character, and I can read people pretty well. My instincts right now are screaming at me that this fucker cannot be trusted. Not that the stupid fuck is hiding it very well. I look at Anderson and to her credit she seems to be assessing Burke as much as she is watching Ana and me. What in the fuck is going on here?

I am in no doubt that this is the cop who is helping Jose. Is that why he is here? To intimidate Ana? I don't want to let him know that I am on to him so I decide to go along with this interview to see if he reveals any information that will help us.

I can feel Ana is almost hyperventilating beside me so I reach for her hand and hold it in mine. ''So what now?'' I ask in the most civil voice I can manage.

''I need to ask Ana some questions…without any interruption.''

I grit my teeth, ''fine.'' I squeeze Ana's hand.

''How did you meet Jose?'' The fucker doesn't even have the decency of looking at Ana as he reads his prepared questions from a sheet in front of him.

''Um, I um, I w…was living rough for a couple of w…weeks and he ap…approached me and offered t…to help me.''

''I see. And why were you homeless Anastasia?'' He doesn't even bat an eyelid and that is when I know that he already knows this.

''I…I ran away.'' Ana whispers.

''_Why_ did you run away?''

Ana hesitates for a moment before she answers, ''my stepfather was abusive.''

''Unlucky with men aren't you?''

Fuck this. ''What the fuck is that supposed to mean,'' I bark and Ana jumps.

''Just an observation Mr Grey, please don't interrupt the interview,'' he says calmly.

''And for how long did Mr Rodriguez support you?''

''Three weeks.''

''And what exactly did he do for you in that time?''

''Well, h…he found me a p…place to stay, b…bought me food and m…my medication.''

''Really? So he saved you from being hungry and sick…and living on the street?''

''I suppose,'' I hate that Ana sounds almost confused now.

''And when he told you he had feelings for you? Is that when you accused him of trying to force himself on you?''

''_What_?'' Ana chokes out. I have to exert every ounce of self-discipline I have not to throw this bastard out of my home, but I need to know what he is after.

''Jose informed us when he was in custody that he was in love with you and when he informed you of that fact, you laughed at him.''

''No, no that's not true.'' Ana turns stricken eyes to me, ''Christian I promise that's n…not true.''

''I know,'' I say gently.

''That is his version of events. Would you care to give us your side Miss Steele?''

I can see he has deliberately rattled Ana before asking for her statement so she would be agitated and perhaps unclear with her version of the events. Not giving full explanations and looking like she is confused…or lying.

As I feared Ana rushes to explain herself, her words almost running together and stuttering badly. ''H…he came to see m…me one day and said I was going to work for him. I though he had a job for me, so I could pay him back. But, b…but he wanted me to b…be a p…prostitute. He is a pimp, I d…didn't know then.

''H…he hit me, I tried to…to fight back. I tried. B…but he knocked me d…down. He was so…angry.'' Ana pauses for breath and I wonder if I should stop this now, but I have never heard the full story of what that prick did to her, so I stay quiet.

''He tried to force me to…to have s…sex with him. But I c…couldn't, I t…told him I am a v…virgin. I thought that would s…stop him, that h…he would let me leave. But he said he c…could make a l…lot of money from a virgin.''

Ana's voice drops to less than a whisper, ''he…he made me…me, made me g…give him a…blow job.'' My entire being stiffens at this. I did _not_ know he did _that_. Of course Ana notices, ''I didn't want to Christian, I swear I didn't,'' she pleads.

Burkes head cocks to the side as he watches our interaction, ''why would this bother _you_, Mr Grey?''

What the fuck? I just stare at him.

''What I mean to say is, why would someone else touching Miss Steele, a _virgin_, bother you?'' Burke pauses just long enough for that question to sink in before continuing. ''How did Miss Steele come to stay in your home, Mr Grey?''

''I was out running when I heard Ana in distress in an alley and decided to investigate,'' I can barely spit out the words I'm so pissed.

''Hmm. And she just left with you…a stranger?''

I can see where he is going with this. ''No.''

''So how did you manage to persuade Miss Steele to go with you?''

''I had to agree to…pay…Jose,'' I say through gritted teeth.

''Are you admitting to the solicitation of a prostitute Mr Grey? Because I am sure you know that is a criminal offense in the state of Washington.'' There is no denying the smirk now.

I turn and see Ana's face is pale and tear streaked by now. I give her a small smile.

''Detective Burke, what you are implying is wholly untrue and I resent the implication. My team along with officers from _your_ precinct put together a sting operation to prove Jose Rodriguez was forcing at least one vulnerable young girl into prostitution. We taped the entire conversation I had with Mr Rodriguez wherein he admitted his guilt, but we have recently been informed that this recording no longer exists. I don't suppose you know anything about that piece of evidence do you?'' Take that you fucker.

Burke sits forward on the chair and puts the file on the coffee table in front of him. ''I'm not sure what you are insinuating Mr Grey, but let me tell you what I can see from where I am sitting shall I? I see a young girl, down on her luck, who gets an opportunity to get off the street. She takes advantage of a boy who tries to help her…then she sees a man, one who has an awful lot more to offer that the boy who offered her a home.

''So she offers her 'services' to that man. She's a pretty girl, maybe even a virgin, so why not. Rich men pay a lot to fuck a virgin. Then to avoid being sent back to the poor boy who put himself out there to help her she makes up an outrageous story of a forced sexual attack and physical abuse.'' Burke stops and looks at Ana, his face intimidating, ''how close am I to the truth, Ms Steele?''

Ana doesn't answer him, she lets out a loud sob, jumps off the couch and runs to her room.

I am going to ruin this piece of shit bent cop. He won't know what hit him.

''Well I think that gives us our answer, don't you?'' Burke says to Detective Anderson, who purses her lips but still says nothing.

He turns back to me and I can see he thinks he has won here. ''Jose has said he won't press charges against the girl for her lies. There is absolutely no proof of her allegations against him. We will overlook your soliciting of a prostitute this _one_ time Mr Grey. But I would advise you to get rid of that poisonous little liar before she is making false allegations against _you_.''

With that Detective Burke stands and extends his hand for me to shake. Yeah right, no way am I letting this fucker taint me with his touch. I give him my 'fuck you' stare. Unperturbed he merely shrugs his shoulders and heads towards the elevator. Detective Anderson looks like she may finally open her mouth to speak but thinks better of it and follows Burke out of the room. I still can't get a read on her.

**I make my way slowly** to Ana's room, knowing I will more than likely find her in hysterics. What I don't expect is the empty room I find upon opening the bedroom door.

''Ana,'' I hate the note of panic in my voice. I don't want to think the worst but Ana has hurt herself before when she was distressed.

I listen and I can hear running water from the shower but no crying or screaming. I knock on the door, no answer.

I knock again, ''Ana?'' Still nothing.

After a third attempt with no success I'm really starting to worry. ''Ana I'm coming in.'' I open the bathroom door, thankful she hasn't locked it, and I am faced with a heart-breaking scene.

Ana is standing naked in the shower and her beautiful ivory skin is almost rubbed raw from her scrubbing it. She hasn't noticed I'm here even though I was banging on the e door and calling her name loudly.

I can see her lips moving. She is talking to herself, her open eyes unseeing. I can't even appreciate the view of what I know is her perfect body because of the tightening in my chest as I see the extent of her pain.

If it is the last thing I do the men who have hurt her are going to pay, dearly. Detective fucking Burke has just been added to that list.

Afraid she will make herself bleed she is scrubbing so vigorously I take a towel from the warmer and approach the shower. How can she not see me here?

It isn't until I reach in and turn off the water that she notices that she is not alone. Ana looks up to me and all I can see is defeat in her eyes. She says nothing, she doesn't even make any attempt to cover herself. I am afraid we have gone back to that awful stage when she first came here when she was all but catatonic.

''Hey, let's get you out of there ok?'' I say gently.

I wrap the towel around her and lift her from the shower. I stand her on a bath mat and dry her chafed skin carefully. I wince when I see how much damage she has done to her skin. I carry her to her room and dry her hair. Then I apply some cream to her skin hoping it might sooth the burn she must be feeling.

Finally I put one of her new nightdresses on and tuck her into bed. It's barely evening time but I don't think Ana is up to leaving her room just yet. I can get Gail to bring up a tray later so she can eat.

Hesitantly, unsure if she would want me to, I lay down behind her and pull her into me. She doesn't stiffen or pull away and I take that as a good sign.

''You know I don't believe him, don't you Ana?'' I need her to know this. ''He is obviously tied up in some way with Jose.'' I don't even know if she is listening to my rambling reassurances. ''Don't worry we'll figure all this out.''

''What did I do to deserve this life?'' Ana finally asks.

''Nothing Ana. You did _nothing_ to deserve this.'' I say emphatically.

''Then _why_?'' her voice breaks.

I hold her tighter, ''I can't answer that Ana. Sometimes life is shit, it's unfair and there is nothing we can do to stop it.'' She takes a deep breath and I can feel her body shudder a little.

''In my experience it is often the most exposed and defenceless people who suffer the most in life. The elderly, the disabled, the…children. Those who want to hurt others, who want to inflict pain know it is easiest to target the most vulnerable people in society.''

''I _hate_ them,'' Ana's voice is choked with tears.

''I know sweetheart, I know.''

''Will it ever be better? Will I always be this…weak?'' she whispers.

Jesus. ''Ana you _are not_ weak, you are one of the strongest people I know. After the life you've had you are still willing to let people in…to trust people. That is _real_ strength. Those fuckers cannot take that away from you because that is who you are, _inside_.''

''I don't feel strong Christian. I feel like I'm falling apart.'' her voice breaks as she says this. It's like two steps forward and three steps back at the moment. Just when things were looking up that fucking Burke had to come in and ruin it all.

''It's okay to fall apart sometimes,'' I whisper for fear my own voice might fail. ''you go right ahead if you need to. I will hold you together, I promise.'' I hold her tighter to emphasise my point.

I know I'm in no position to promise such things. If Ana knew me, the real me…No, I won't go there. If Ana needs me I'll do anything I can to be a better person for her.

Ana falls asleep and I hold her for a while. I can't help it, I allow myself to play with her glorious mahogany hair, it is so soft. I even allow myself to briefly touch the smooth skin of her face, running the back of my fingers along her cheek. What the fuck is happening to me?

I eventually leave her to go see about getting us some food, Ana will need to wake up soon to check her levels, take her insulin and eat her dinner. She cannot afford to miss her shot.

Taylor finds me in the kitchen where I am speaking to Gail. ''Sir.''

''Yes Taylor.''

''There was a call about fifteen minutes ago from Detective Anderson, for you.''

I'm surprised by this, what could she want? ''Did she say what this call was about.''

''No sir, she just wanted to arrange a meeting with you and Miss Steele…alone.''

**A/N Longest chapter so far. Go me! Hope there's no mistakes in this one guys it's three thirty in the am and I've just finished typing it up now so please forgive me if it's not perfect.**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N Bit of drama coming up in the next few chapter's guys then it'll calm down a bit for a while. I think these guys deserve a break….just not yet!**

**Christian POV**

**So Detective Anderson wants** to meet with Ana and me alone. I am intrigued to know what she wants.

''Can she meet us this evening?''

''She didn't say sir, I told her I would discuss her request with you and return her call.'' Taylor already has his phone out and is calling her back.

I listen intently to Taylor's side of their discussion. ''Detective Anderson?...yes its Jason Taylor calling on behalf of Mr Grey…yes I just spoke to him…yes…later this evening if that would suit…no…yes of course…okay we'll see you then.''

Taylor hangs up and judging by the positive vibe of their conversation I am assuming she will be coming over later.

''She is getting off duty at nine pm and will come straight over after her shift. She has stressed that you are not to talk of this meeting with anyone other than myself or Ana.''

''Of course not Taylor, what kind of fool does she take me for?'' Taylor doesn't answer my rhetorical question.

I look at my watch, it's not even six pm yet, Ana has been asleep for less than an hour. Man she sleeps a lot. I inform Gail that we will be ready for dinner in an hour and a half and decide I will get in a quick workout before then.

When I come back up from the gym I shower quickly then go check on Ana. I pop my head around her bedroom door to see that she is awake but just lying on her bed staring into space.

''Hey.''

She looks at me and attempts a tiny smile that doesn't reach her eyes. ''Hey.'' Her voice is hoarse from sleep and maybe even from crying earlier.

I walk over to her bed and sit on the edge. ''You okay?''

She shrugs, ''I suppose.''

''Gail is preparing dinner for us. Do you want to eat in here or in the kitchen?'' I want to touch her but I don't know if I should. I'm not even sure at this stage if it is for my comfort or hers.

''Um, the kitchen I think. I spend too much time in bed, people are going to think I am lazy.''

''Nobody thinks that Ana, don't be silly. Hey, do you need your shot first because we will be eating in about thirty minutes?''

''Yeah I'll just check my levels first.''

I watch as Ana pricks her finger and puts a tiny drop of blood onto a paper strip. Once she has put the strip into the little reader she seems satisfied with her levels and reaches for her insulin. I still feel like a jerk every time I think about how I reacted the first time I saw her doing this, but she won't allow me to apologise anymore.

I am surprised when I see Ana lifting her nightdress and trying to twist awkwardly to reach behind her hip. I ignore the fact that I can see her panties. First the shower incident and now this, when did she become so comfortable around me?

''What are you doing?''

Ana answers me while still cleaning the hard to reach spot. ''I need to rotate my shots. They aren't as effective if I keep injecting the same place every day. It gets sore and they won't work properly.''

I watch her trying to reach with the needle. That looks dangerous to me. ''Do you want me to do it?'' the question is out of my mouth before I know what I'm saying. What the fuck am I thinking? I have never given anyone a shot in my life.

Fuck. What if I hurt her?

Ana turns surprised eyes to me, ''are you sure? People who are not used to this usually are uncomfortable around needles.''

No shit. I shrug, ''I don't mind.''

Ana fills the needle and hands it to me gratefully and kneels on the bed with her panty covered backside facing me. I hold back a groan, her ass is _perfect_. Fuck.

She pushes down the edge of her panties a little. ''Just pinch the skin of my hip lightly and push the needle all the way under the skin, do it fast and it won't hurt.'' Ana reaches back and pinches the skin for a moment to show me how to do it.

I pinch the skin like she showed me and quickly stick her with the needle. I'm panicking the whole time but it's done in a matter of seconds. Once I remove the needle I rub the area a little just to sooth it in case it stings, of course.

Ana turns around and sits back on the bed, ''thanks.'' She takes the needle from me and gets up to dispose of it and the glass bottle in the little medical sharp waste container I got her.

I clear my throat and get off the bed too, ''I'll meet you in the kitchen for dinner in about thirty minutes or so, I um, I have something to do in my office.''

Ana isn't looking at me, if she hears the strain in my voice she doesn't say anything. She is in her walk in closet and comes out wearing a long silk robe over her nightdress, it clings to all of her delicate curves. Jesus I need to get out of here.

I flee the room and make a beeline for my bedroom. I am as hard as a rock and I was terrified Ana was going to notice. I feel like an asshole. Ana is innocent enough not to know what effect she is having on me and all I can think is how I want to bend her over the bed and bury myself in her.

I know she wasn't deliberately trying to tease me but for fuck sake I am only human. Also, I haven't had sex for months now.

I feel really guilty lusting after a girl so obviously traumatised by the men in her life. If it wasn't for this fact I would definitely make a move on her. But I can't and fuck if that fact isn't giving me blue balls.

I decide to take another shower. A cold one.

**Ana POV**

**I'm still upset over what** that horrible police officer said about me. I'm afraid that is what everyone thinks of me now.

Except Christian. I know he believes me and that makes it easy to be completely comfortable around him. That and the fact that I know he has no sexual feelings towards me. Sure didn't he see me naked in the shower and he didn't even bat an eyelid or try to touch me? I'm really embarrassed about that now but I'm trying not to think about it too much.

I am just not in a place to feel anything like _that_ right now. I know how attractive he is but I'm just not in a place where I can act on those feelings. Not that Christian would appreciate them from someone like me anyway.

Maybe in the future when my life calms down and I can hopefully move on from the terrible things that have happened to me I can feel that way about someone. But not yet.

I know by then that Christian will have found someone of his own. Someone worthy of him. Not that he could possibly be interested in someone as plain as me. My stomach twists at the thought of Christian with another woman.

I'm not in the mood for talking really so I am glad when I enter the kitchen there is nobody around except for Christian. He turns when he sees me coming. ''Hi there, your dinner is ready.'' He motions to the plate beside him at the breakfast bar.

''Thanks.'' I take my seat and poke at my food.

''You okay?''

''Huh? Oh yeah, fine.''

Christian narrows his eyes a little, ''you're not eating.''

I make a show of eating a few forkfuls of food but don't answer him. I'm not really in the humour to talk after the day I've had but I don't want Christian to be cross at me too.

Satisfied, Christian goes back to eating his own meal. What are we eating anyway, I look at my plate, looks like some kind of pasta dish. ''What is this?''

''Pasta carbonara, don't you like it?'' I shrug and eat a little more. I'm just not in the mood.

Christian looks as if he might say something but he changes his mind and goes back to eating. Once we are done I clean away the dishes. His plate is empty but half of mine ends up in the trash.

''Ana?''

I turn from loading the dishwasher, ''yeah.''

''I don't want to upset you but we had a phone call from Detective Anderson, she wants to come and speak to us without Detective Burke present.''

I can feel Christian's eyes on me and I know he doesn't miss my flinch at the mention of Burke. ''Why?'' I whisper.

''She didn't say.''

I turn back to the dishwasher even though I'm finished so he won't see my face. ''When?''

''She will be here in an hour.'' I spin round. ''I'm sorry Ana I know this is hard on you but I really want to know what she has to say.''

I don't answer, I don't think I can. I run to my room where I spend the next hour wondering what she wants and what I am going to say.

I am sick and tired of people not believing me, I should have never opened my stupid mouth.

Christian comes for me when she arrives and to his credit he looks guilty when he comes to get me. ''You don't have to talk to her if you don't want to Ana okay? I just want to know what she has to say, and she is insisting that you are present for her visit.''

I don't answer and sit silently on the living room couch waiting for my opportunity to speak. I can do this, I tell myself.

''Miss Steele,'' she greets me formally and I nod.

''Okay Detective Anderson we agreed to meet you this evening to talk about what the fuck happened earlier with _Detective_ Burke.'' Christian wades in first. They are facing each other and neither are looking at me. I decide it's now or never.

''I made it all up.''

Both faces turn sharply to look at me. Christian looks confused, ''made what up?''

I look at the floor, I can't lie to his face. ''All of it. Jose helped me, he n…never hurt m…me. I… I only went with Ch…Christian because he's r…rich. I was l…lying before.'' I swipe angrily at an escaping tear.

''Ana don't do this,'' Christian pleads.

I look at Detective Anderson, ''I'm sorry for wasting your time, this was just a lie that got out of hand, that's all.''

I get up and try to leave for my room. I hope that everyone will leave me alone now. I know Christian knows the truth but if I won't tell the police the truth then there is nothing they can do about it. They didn't believe me anyway.

To my surprise it's not Christian who stops me. ''Ana?''

I stop and turn slowly. I still can't look at Christian, he is surely disappointed in me for giving up so easily. I look at the floor.

''I believe you.''

My head snaps up, ''what?''

''I believe you were telling the truth earlier. I am not a detective, I was assigned to work with Detective Burke a few months ago. He was told I am his new partner but the fact is I am an investigator from Internal Affairs.''

I'm too stupefied to speak. Christian reaches out and takes my hand gently, leading me back to the sofa. I sit next to him numbly.

He turns to back to Anderson, ''go on…what do I call you now?''

She smiles slightly, ''Anderson is fine. We received a number of complaints about the conduct of Detective Burke from his previous partner and I was sent to investigate further. I have discovered some disturbing facts about him recently which bring me to believe what you are telling us is the truth Ana.''

''What facts?'' Christian asks forcefully.

''I am not at liberty to release confidential information but we have proof that he is heavily involved in Jose Rodriguez's prostitution ring.''

I gasp, ''you have proof?''

Andersons mouth presses into a hard line, ''yes but we are sitting on it for now because a number of articles of evidence have 'disappeared' over the last few years. We need to ascertain if Burke is working alone or if he has an accomplice.''

''Do you have a timeframe of when you are going to pull the trigger on this?'' Christian is all business, thinking ahead while I am here floundering trying to make sense of what she is telling us.

''Soon. He made a big mistake today, he seems to be on edge. No way should he have spoken to Ana that way. He seemed rattled, I think he is under pressure from someone to get to Ana.''

''Me?'' I feel the colour drain from my face.

''What does he want with Ana?'' Christian asks harshly at the same moment.

Anderson looks at me. ''We have his phone tapped and this afternoon we intercepted a call from Jose telling Burke to get in contact with you again with a view to helping Jose kidnap you,'' she says grimly.

This is not surprising, I already know Jose is looking for me. I think if he has police officers working for him it's only a matter of time before he gets to me. I'm trying not to panic. At least I am managing to stay calmer than Christian.

''That God damn son of a bitch,'' he shouts.

''Mr Grey calm down. We are on top of this, we will never allow that to happen.''

Christian is up and pacing the floor and running his hands through his hair by now. I am sitting biting my lip so hard I may make it bleed. ''So what's the plan?'' I whisper because I know she must have one if she has reached out to us.

Anderson doesn't say anything for a minute, she just looks at me apologetically.

''Oh no way, no _fucking way_.'' Christian roars.

I look between them, confused. What did I miss?

''We can get Burke no problem, he has no idea we are on to him. The bigger issue here is Jose Rodriguez, we can't find him. We need something to lure him out into the open.'' Anderson explains. I know she is trying to get me to understand but I am just not getting it.

I look to Christian. His whole face is red, his posture rigid, I have never seen him so angry. He points his finger at Anderson menacingly. ''You. Are. Not. Using. Her. As. Bait.'' His voice is low and terrifying.

Oh. I finally get it. ''You need me.''

**A/N I think I need to give poor Christian a break before he gets a stroke or something.**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N I just want to take a minute to say how unbelievably proud I am of my country because yesterday 22****nd**** May 2015 a very important question was asked of the Irish people. We went out in our droves to vote, and today it has been confirmed that Ireland voted overwhelmingly in favour of equal marriage for gay, lesbian, bi-sexual and transgender people. We are the first country in the world to have done this by a popular democratic vote.**

**Our country has spent the last thirty five years crawling its way out from under the oppressive influence of a corrupt Catholic Church, to shed its image of being a 'backwards' nation. We have had to vote for changes in the intervening years to lift the ban on contraception, homosexuality and divorce. The only thing we voted no to as a country was to introduce legislation to legalise abortion, which is always a hot debate.**

**We have not simply followed in the steps of other countries and allowed the government to legislate these changes. We have gone further and changed our constitution to ensure that these changes can **_**never**_** be challenged in the supreme-court and are seen as basic human rights.**

**I cried genuine tears of happiness today for my homosexual family members and friends, who have said that for the first time they truly feel accepted and loved for who they are by their own people. The craic is mighty in Ireland tonight!**

**Tá mé níos mó ná bródúil as a bheith Irish ar an lá seo. Erin Go Bragh.**

**Ana POV**

''**What do I have to do?''**

Anderson doesn't have time to answer me before Christian butts in. ''No, goddamnit Ana. No.'' Christian rants as he paces the floor in front of us.

''Christian please,'' I implore him to see reason. ''If I c…can be of any help it will g…get other girls that are in my situation off the streets and out of Jose's clutches. For once in my life I will be of use to _someone_.''

Christian has stalked to the window and is looking down at a rainy Seattle probably trying to ignore my reasoning. He whips around to look at me, ''don't put yourself down like that Ana.''

By now I know not to take his harsh words as anger at me, I know he is only worried for my safety. However this is _my_ choice, not his. I turn to Anderson, ''whatever it is, I'll do it.'' I say with false bravado. I'm holding my hands tightly together so they won't see me shaking.

Anderson faces me while she talks but I can see her giving Christian the side eye to see how he reacts. ''Our intelligence tells us that Burke is going to ask you to accompany him to the station to give an official statement about the allegations you made against Jose. But you will never make it there. He plans to meet with Jose and hand you over to him, telling everyone that you changed your mind on the way and insisted on being let out of the car in downtown Seattle.''

''No way Ana, no fucking way are you doing this. I won't allow it,'' Christian says with finality. I ignore him.

Anderson now turns her full attention to Christian, ''with all due respect Mr Grey that decision lies with Ana alone, and she has agreed to help in our attempt to capture two criminals in the act of human trafficking.''

Christian snorts and leaves the room. I'm surprised when he comes back only moments later with Taylor in tow.

''If Ana insists on helping in this farce, then I am insisting that you use _my_ security team to protect her as I cannot trust people I don't know to look after her.''

Oh this is just too far, ''Christian there is no…no need I'm sure that Anderson c…can see to my safety.''

''Actually Ana I think that's a great idea. I want to keep this under the radar as much as possible and the less people who know about this the better.'' Anderson and Christian both stare at me.

''Fine,'' to be honest I'm relieved Christian is helping if Anderson doesn't have people she can trust. As soon as I agree Christian, Taylor and Anderson launch into discussions of time frames, secure locations and on and on until my head spins. Maybe I am stupid but most of their conversation means nothing to me.

I sit in bewildered silence as they talk it all through. Christian eventually notices my confused face and calls a halt to the discussion. ''Alright we will meet here Monday evening once everything is in place to discuss our final preparations, agreed?''

Anderson and Taylor nod their agreement and once we have said our goodbyes Taylor escorts Anderson from the apartment. I lean over and put my head in my hands. What on earth have I done? Agreeing to meet with that psychopath again.

Christian places his hand on my back tentatively, when I don't pull away he rubs it gently, giving me goose bumps. ''Ana?''

''Yeah,'' my response is muffled by my hands covering my face.

''You don't have to go through with this you know.''

''Yes, I do.''

He sighs, ''alright, but I won't allow anything to happen to you. I promise.''

I lift my head to look at him. He is staring at me with such intensity it make my breath catch and my pulse quicken, I even blush. ''I know.'' And I do, I know with a certainty that Christian will do anything and everything in his power to protect me. Whether it will be enough remains to be seen.

Looking at the clock I realise it's almost midnight. Where did the time go? I yawn, ''I think I will go to bed if that ok?''

''Of course I forgot to tell you earlier that my mom invited us to dinner at her house tomorrow.''

''Really?'' Why would Grace invite _me_ to dinner at her house, she hardly knows me? Christian smiles, ''why so surprised?'' he teases and I blush, again.

I shrug my shoulders, ''well…she doesn't really know me.''

''She invited you because you are staying here as my guest, she invites me most Sundays, but I don't go too often. It pisses her off actually.''

I frown, ''so why are you going this week?''

''She caught me in a weak moment,'' he says wryly.

''Well I don't have to come, I'm sure you would like to spend some time with your family.'' I force a laugh, '' I don't want you to get sick of me too fast.''

Christian tilts his head to the side to catch my averted gaze, ''Ana?'' he says quietly, imploring me to look at him. I do. ''I would be honoured if you would come with me.''

Jesus, again with the difficult breathing. I can't say no to those mesmerising gray eyes. ''Ok.''

Actually it will be nice to have a change of scenery, it might even take my mind off everything that is going on at the moment. God knows I need a break and I'm sure Christian does too.

**Belview, Christian Grey's** childhood home, is beautiful…and enormous. The house is outside the city on the waterfront and has the most spectacular view of the Sound. I follow Christian around as he gives me a brief tour. We end up back in the crowded kitchen as everyone has arrived by now. Mr and Mrs Grey, or Grace and Carrick as they insisted I call them, were very welcoming and I think more than a little surprised that we actually showed up.

Christian's brother Elliot and his fiancée Kate are also here as is their sister Mia. Gosh, they are all so beautiful and dressed immaculately, except for Elliot who is wearing a t-shirt and jeans. I feel like such a frump. I pull at my shirt and tuck my unruly hair behind my ears while looking down at my chucks, thinking I should have dressed up a bit for the occasion.

Christian, noticing this, grabs my hand and gives it a reassuring squeeze. I smile at him gratefully, until I see all the eyes in the room are on us.

Grace is beaming as Carrick looks bemused. Elliot is all out grinning while Kate is ignoring me and giving Christian an assessing look. Mia seems to just be buzzing with energy as she bounces on her high heeled shoes.

Nobody says anything and the longer the silence gets the more awkward I feel. At last Christian rolls his eyes and pulls me behind him into the dining room. We don't have time to discuss the weird moment as we are followed straight in by the bouncing Mia.

''Oh you guy look so cute together,'' she gushes and I flush scarlet. Together? Yeah right, has she not seen her brother? Maybe she needs glasses...

''Mia,'' Christian warns. I pull my hand from his, if he doesn't want to give people the wrong impression he should stop with the hand holding. I know it's because he wants me to feel comfortable, but other people will read too much into it.

Christian looks at me and sighs as Mia waves her hands dramatically, ''stop being such a square Christian.'' I think she would probably have said more if it wasn't for the warning glare Christian shot her. She humphed and plopped into her seat dramatically as the rest of the family filed in to the room.

Although I was mostly quiet, dinner was a lively affair. Elliot is hilarious and had the whole table laughing at his antics. I thought Kate might be snobby but she is actually very nice to me, she didn't speak down to me at all. Mia was just all bubbles and enthusiasm, earning both exasperated and indulgent looks from her brothers.

''Oh, we should all go out clubbing next weekend. Maybe Ethan can come?'' Mia squeals with excitement at her idea.

Clubbing? I've never been clubbing before. And who's Ethan?

''I don't think so Mia,'' it's Christian who answers.

''Aw come on bro, when's the last time you let your hair down?'' Elliot teases.

''I can ask Ethan but I'm not sure if he's in town next weekend Mia,'' Kate seems up for it too.

Mia sticks her tongue out at Christian, ''say _you _will come Ana, then Christian will definitely go.''

Why would Christian have to go clubbing if I agreed to go? ''I…I've n…never been clubbing,'' I say quietly, hoping that will stop them from asking. I wouldn't know what to do, I've never drank alcohol before and I don't know the first thing about dancing. I would certainly make a fool of myself.

''What?'' Mia screeches making me jump. ''How is that even _possible_?''

No one else says anything but I can tell they are shocked, well maybe not Grace. I look at Christian to save me from this embarrassment.

Christian quirks a brow as he looks at me, he answers Mia while still looking at me, ''okay, we'll go.''

I look at him incredulously and Christian laughs loudly at my reaction and reaches over to pull my lip from between my teeth, running his thumb along my lip making me shiver. Mia makes a gushy 'aww' sound and when I turn my mortified gaze to the rest of the table I see they are all staring at us in varying degrees of shock.

What the hell just happened?

**Christian POV**

**I have to stop touching her.** Every time I do it gets harder and harder to let her go. I wish I was normal. Then maybe I could pursue Ana, go on dates…give her what I hope would be her first real kiss.

But I am not normal. I have scars, both emotional and physical and as much as I hate to admit it, so does Ana. Could two survivors of abuse really forge a meaningful, lasting relationship?

I'm positive with time Ana will be able to…but I won't. I'm far to fucked up for that. It wouldn't be fair on any woman to be expected to put up with the animal that is Christian Grey. Could I leave behind the only lifestyle I have ever known? Maybe for Ana I could, but that still doesn't solve the real problem. I am a monster through and through, and someday soon sweet, innocent Ana is going to realise this and run away from me, screaming as she goes.

I want to tell myself that what I have been feeling for Ana is simply physical attraction, but it's not, it is so much more than that. I can finally admit that to myself. I've known it for a certainty since fucking Anderson suggested deliberately putting Ana into harm's way.

My chest was seized with such panic and rage that I shocked myself. The thought of her being hurt affected me on such a deep level it was pointless denying my feelings any longer.

I am falling in love with Ana Steele. Damn it. I, Christian Grey, do _not_ do love.

What do I do now? I am sure with every look, every touch she is going to see the truth on my face. Best to hide it so I don't frighten her away. I can be her friend, I'm sure I can manage that.

She looked so comically cute when Mia brought up going clubbing. I was against the idea at first as I fucking hate clubbing. Those fucking bars and clubs are always packed and then I have to deal with drunk fucks bumping up against me and women trying to paw at me. Fuck that shit.

But I relented when Ana admitted she had never been clubbing. I doubt she has even drank alcohol before…wait can she drink with diabetes? I'll have to look that up. She missed out on an important part of growing up, at least I can be there to protect her while she gets to experience it. Maybe we can get a cordoned off VIP area or something. I'll get Taylor onto it in the morning.

She was a big hit with my family even if they are making all kinds of assumptions now about our 'relationship', especially Mia. I'm going to have to set her straight. Elliot's fiancé Kate, not my favourite person, was actually really nice to Ana. I was worried because she can be a royal pain in the ass at times and I was afraid she would take out her dislike for me on Ana.

We stayed for a few hours after dinner and eventually left after my mom gave Ana a quick check-up to see how she was coming along. Ana assured me that Grace said she was almost back to full health again. Hmm, well I still don't want her overdoing it just in case.

Ana fell asleep on the ride home, I was in the back with her as Taylor was driving. See? How can she sleep so much if she is at her full health?

She went to bed when we got back as she was really tired. I wanted to offer to carry her from the car but decided that would go against my no-more-touching-Ana rule.

After discussing the plot with Taylor that he and Anderson are fine tuning to keep Ana safe while simultaneously captured that fuck-head Jose I decide to do some work. I am not getting enough work done from home, I will have to start going back into the office soon before my staff think I have fallen off the face of the Earth. Maybe I will quickly show my face tomorrow, I can do a walk through just to make sure to keep them on their toes.

I am reluctant to miss spending time with Ana as I am sure once this situation with Jose is sorted she will want to go to college, or get a job, or leave me altogether. I may have to come up with a reason for her to stay.

**A/N I know I haven't really touched on Christians issues yet. We've had a lot about his temper and self-loathing and even a little peek into his past but I haven't gone near his no touching rule yet, or mentioned the giant elephant in the playroom . . .**

**But the truth is they are so buried in Ana's issues at the moment I think Christians demons are talking a back seat for a while. But don't worry, they're coming!**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N This chapter kicked my ass. But it's been a week since I updated and I feel bad so I have to give you guys something. I have so many plans and ideas going forward and I'm trying to mesh it all together and still make it run smoothly. Hope you enjoy reading this more than I did writing it.**

***Warning: Themes of sexual and physical abuse in this chapter.***

**Christian POV**

**I stride into GEH at nine** am with Taylor in tow, intent on being gone by lunchtime. I told Ana I would be back to have lunch with her and I don't want her to worry. I contacted Andrea an hour ago to draw up an itinerary of the most important issues that need my attention. I can accomplish all the paperwork from home and take care of most meetings by phone or webinar.

But there are still a few things I need to be in the building to deal with. Taylor disappears to his office while I make my way quickly to my own and have Andrea join me. ''Ok Andrea I need to be done by noon at the latest so let's get this show on the road.'' I motion for her to go ahead.

''Sir, there are a few issues that need your immediate attention. I have pushed as much as I could over to Ros's team as per your request but these are things you need to take care of personally.'' She hands me a short list.

If she is surprised by my odd behaviour she doesn't show it. She is used to me being in the office almost every day, and most evenings in fact. My recent hiatus must be puzzling to a lot of my staff. I'm only waiting for Ros to chew me out.

There are only three items on the list, thank fuck. One is a request from my product development team to sign off on their designs for the solar power technology they have developed. I need to do a personal inspection before I do this. I'm glad they are ready to move forward with this and I think I'll go down there today to see how they are coming along.

Second on the list is a request from the Taiwanese ship building company I have recently acquired requesting a meeting in Taiwan to deal with some legal red tape. Shit. I have already been over there twice last month and now they want me to go again? ''Andrea get in contact with my people in Taiwan, organise a webinar for, I look at my watch, let's say two hours from now. I don't give a fuck what time it is over there we need to sort this shit out today.''

''Sir.'' Andrea takes a note.

Lastly on my list is a note saying I've missed a dozen calls over the last few days from Elena Lincoln. I have been deliberately ignoring her calls to my cell the last few days. This has been out of character for me but I'm reluctant to tell her about Ana as I know she wouldn't approve. Not that I need her approval, I don't need to defend my actions to anyone, but I don't want her to upset Ana.

I know if she found out about her she would start asking questions, then Ana would start asking questions of her own and I would have to explain things to Ana that she just isn't ready to hear yet. And ok, maybe I'm not ready to explain yet either. To be honest I know that the moment I tell Ana about my life is the moment that I will lose her.

Maybe I can keep them from finding out about each other and that way I won't ever have to tell Ana. I sigh, knowing that Flynn would have my ass for being so wilfully in denial. ''Return Mrs Lincoln's calls and inform her that I received her messages and will call her when I get the chance.'' Hopefully that will hold her off for a while.

Just as Andrea is leaving my office Ros strides in. ''Hello stranger.''

There aren't many people in my life that I allow to treat me so casually, certainly not any who I employ. But I know that Ros would pretty much tell me to go fuck myself if I tried to get her to address me formally. I smirk ''Ros.''

''Alright Grey you've been MIA for almost a week and I've been a good little employee and covered your ass and not asked questions. So spill it. What's going on?''

I debate telling her to mind her own business, but Ros is one of the few people in my life besides my family who I trust completely. ''I have someone staying with me at the moment….'' Ros cuts me off before I can explain fully.

''Well fuck me sideways…a woman?''

Jesus does everyone think I'm gay? ''Yes Ros a woman,'' I answer dryly.

''Well good for you, is it anyone I have heard of?''

''No, just a girl I met…''

She cuts me off again. ''Cool beans. I'll have to meet this girl who has Christian Grey staying home from work for a week. She must be one formidable lady.''

Cool beans? Christ sometimes Ros still thinks she's nineteen. ''No actually, Ana is sweet and shy…but it's not like that.''

Ros raises her eyebrows, ''Ana is it? Not like _that_ huh, what _is_ it like?

''You know what? Forget I said anything.'' I'm pissed now because I want to say that Ana is my girlfriend. But I can't. Because she's not.

''Alright kemosabe I'll drop it…for now. But only because you look like you're about to cry,'' she laughs.

''Fuck you Ros,'' I try to hide my grin.

''Nah I bat for the other team remember?''

We banter for another minute or so with me threatening to send her to Taiwan before she runs through what I have missed over the last week that she has taken care of. As much as Ros likes to joke around, she is the ultimate professional when it comes to her job and I can trust her to run GEH just fine in my absence.

By the time I reach the guys on the product development floor it is already after ten. I am delighted with the progress they have made and I'm excited to sign off on their designs. I can't wait to see where they will take this technology.

**By eleven forty five I have** done my walk through, the fucking webinar with my fucking incompetent Taiwan crew and completed the few tasks I had and I'm out the door. I think Taylor was surprised by this as I usually linger around the office for hours. But I now realise that was only because I had no reason to go home.

While we are in the car Taylor gets a call from Anderson. He puts it on speakerphone, ''Taylor.''

''Hi Taylor is Mr Grey with you?''

Taylor looks at me through the rear view mirror and I nod. ''Yes Ma'am.''

''We have just intercepted a call between Burke and Jose.''

I sit forward automatically. ''What happened?''

''Jose has given Burke instructions to carry out their plan this evening. Burke will be coming for Ana at five pm.''

I run my hands through my hair, I can hardly breathe. ''It's too soon, were not prepared. Taylor tell her…''

''With all due respect Mr Grey we are as prepared as we are ever going to be. If we stall on this then they will get spooked and we are going to lose out on our opportunity to catch these guys in the act.''

I don't want to admit that she is right so I say nothing.

''I'll be at Escala within the hour.'' With that said she hangs up. Fuck. I don't want to do this. It is going against every part of me to put Ana in danger this way.

Back at Escala Ana seems happy to see us home, until she sees our faces that is, ''what's wrong?''

''We just got a call from Anderson, she said Burke is coming later today to take you to Jose.'' All the colour instantly drains from Ana's face. I want to wrap my arms around her and tell her I'll never let any harm come to her. But I hold back.

''You don't have to do this.'' I plead with her.

''Yes I do,'' she whispers.

Gail serves us a lunch that Ana barely touches while we wait for Anderson. She arrives just as we are finishing up. I look at Ana hoping to see that she has changed her mind, but although she looks terrified she also looks determined.

We all take seats around the table in the security office to finalise our plans.

Burke is going to come for Ana, telling her he needs her official statement. He is going to insist he brings her to the station alone and return her once he is done. We are hoping Jose believes Ana doesn't mean enough to me that I would protest this.

Unbeknownst to Burke and Jose, Ana will be fitted with a recording device and a tracker before Burke even gets here. Once they are on the move we will follow them to their meeting point.

This is where we are in a disagreement. I want to swoop in straight away to pick up Ana but Anderson believes we should wait and get as much information as possible before we go in. Her argument being that the more usable evidence we have the more likely a prosecution will be achieved.

So I say a few choice words, which prompt Anderson to reply in kind. Which causes me to raise my voice. Which then causes Ana to start crying and me to feel like shit. So now I'm sitting here in brooding silence because the only things I can think of saying will upset everyone in the room.

By the time Sawyer informs us that Burke is on his way up we are as prepared as we are ever going to be. Everyone except myself and Ana stay in the security office while we are in the living room.

Ana is doing her best at being calm and I don't want to freak her out so I am being Mr Supportive right now. I get the overwhelming desire to blurt out that I love her but the last thing she needs is that unwanted attention when all her focus should be on what she needs to do in the next hour or so to keep herself as safe as possible. I hope she is a good actress.

**Ana POV**

**I am in the living room** with Christian when Burke makes his way in escorted by Taylor. I don't know if it is because I know he is helping Jose but he looks more evil than ever to me now.

''Miss Steele, Mr Grey. I need Anastasia to accompany me to the station to give her official statement in regards to the allegations she has made against Mr Rodriquez.''

God I hope I'm a better actress that him, he sounds like he is reading from a script. Christian answers for me, ''isn't it a bit late in the evening to take a trip to the precinct _Detective_ Burke?'' I can easily hear the animosity in Christian's words and beg him silently with my eyes not to blow this before we've even started.

Burke looks stumped for a moment before he can think of a reply. In any other situation it would be comical how you can see the moment the answer comes to him, you can almost see a lightbulb flash on above his head. ''I'm only just going on duty now,'' he smirks.

Christian launches into the questions we agreed he should ask to appear 'normal', ''Can I accompany her?''

''It's best if you don't.''

''How long will you be?''

''Can't say for sure, a few hours most likely.''

I shiver at the thought of being in the clutches of Jose for a few hours and all of the things he could do to me in that time. Christian takes my cold hand and squeezes it, silently telling me he will never allow that to happen.

''Okay.'' I whisper. I look at Christian and the look in his eyes is one of silent support. I know he doesn't approve of what I'm doing so the fact that he is still willing to support me means everything to me. I can't help but break protocol for a moment and I throw myself at him and wrap my arms around him tightly. To my surprise he responds just as enthusiastically and pulls me even closer. It only lasts a moment before we let go and I turn away so he won't see the tears in my eyes.

I leave with the vile Detective Burke and hope our entire plan doesn't go south and they can get me out before I get hurt. The only thought that keeps me calm is that I am possibly saving a lot of girls from suffering a fate a lot worse than I did at Jose's hands.

Burke has me sit in the back of the car and I have to stop myself from turning to see if they are following us_. I have to trust them, _I tell myself.

''What's the deal with you and the rich guy anyway?'' Burke asks.

''He's my friend.''

He snorts at this, ''yeah, and the rest. Doesn't matter now anyway.''

His words give me a chill down my spine. We are heading out of town, in the opposite direction to the police station. ''Where are we g…going?''

''Just to meet a mutual friend, princess.''

''Were n…not going to the station?'' Even though I knew this before I got into the car and have to now play my part the edge of hysteria which has crept into my voice is all too real.

''Nope.'' With that he turns up the radio as a silent order for me to shut up.

We drive for about thirty minutes before pulling up to what appears to be an abandoned warehouse. Burke turns in his seat and leers at me. ''What would I have to pay you to give me what you're giving to Grey?''

''Excuse me?''

''Well he is keeping you around for _something_ and I doubt it is for your scintillating c…c…conversation.'' He laughs mocking my stutter.

''Fuck you.'' I don't curse much but I think this situation warrants such a reply. I mentally pat myself on the back, delighted I got the words out without stuttering.

''Maybe you will, later.''

I fight the urge to vomit. He grins at my disgusted look. ''I may not be as pretty as grey, but to you whores it's all about the money anyway right?''

''I am n…not a prostitute.'' I try to make my voice hard but I sound terrified.

''Ha, is that what you tell yourself when you are letting Grey fuck you?''

I decide to ignore him. I turn to look out the window and almost scream when I see Jose standing in an open doorway not ten feet from the car and he looks pissed.

Burke follows my line of sight and sighs, ''time to get this show on the road.''

He gets out and comes around to my side and opens the door. I can't move. What the fuck have I gotten myself into I can't do this. ''No.'' It's barely a whisper.

''Come on now princess don't make this harder than it needs to be. You know what he gets like when he's angry.'' Burke reaches in and pulls me roughly from the seat and drags me to the front door.

Jose is grinning now as we approach. ''Well hello there Anastasia. How have you been?''

I couldn't answer if I wanted to. Jose grabs my arm painfully and yanks me out of Burkes hold. He addresses Burke without looking at him. ''You stay out here until were done, keep an eye out for anything suspicious.''

With that he drags me inside and slams the door. The first thing he does once were alone is slap me across the face, hard. I would have fallen to the ground if he hadn't been holding my arm in a vice grip. I whimper.

''That's just for starters bitch.'' He says angrily. ''After everything I've done for you, this is how you repay me? You fucking owe me,'' he roars.

He lets go of my arm and I stumble but don't fall. ''I dint know y…you wanted m…me to be a p…prostitute,'' I try to defend myself.

He scoffs, ''you really are as dumb as you look. What the fuck did you think I wanted you for? To be my _girlfriend_, who would want a weak little mouse like you as their girlfriend?''

''N…no I just thought you were being n…nice.''

''Nice?'' Jose laughs loudly, ''oh poor innocent, stupid Anastasia. There is no such thing.''

I feel my back stiffen, ''yes there is, Christian doesn't expect anything.''

''Of course he does. There's plenty of women out there who aren't freaks or frigid like you and Grey is rich enough to have any one of them. Trust me he would have shown his true colours soon enough.''

''You're wrong.'' He doesn't know Christian the way I do.

''Whatever, you're done with him now anyway.''

''C…can't you just let me go, please?'' I beg.

''Not gonna happen. I have decided that too many of you whores are a liability on the streets, you bitches keep running off, so I have a new business venture. And you my lovely Anastasia are going to be the main attraction.''

I don't like the sound of this, ''what is it?''

''I am going to use this warehouse as my new brothel,'' he gestures around him at the large open space. It's filthy. ''It may not look like much now but once it's all set up and I get some more girls in here it will make me rich. Maybe even as rich as your precious _Christian_,'' he sneers.

''You're insane.'' The words are out before I can stop them.

Jose stalks towards me, ''insane am I? Just because you got to fuck a billionaire for a few days you think you're all high and mighty now. well let me tell you Anastasia that pride will soon wear off when you're getting fucked by twenty different men a day.''

I back up away from him and immediately know this was a mistake, I have learned the hard way Jose likes nothing more than to chase down his prey. I look around to see where I can run to, what if something went wrong and Christian isn't here? Surely if they were here they'd come in now that Jose has admitted his plans? Am I on my own?

I can't think clearly as the panic takes over, I try to run. Jose laughs, of course I don't make it far before he is on me and knocking me to the ground. I barely feel the skin scrapping off my knees through my jeans as I hit the ground. Jose lands on top of me, knocking the breath out of me.

''Christian,'' I choke out. Can he hear me?

Jose snorts, ''he can't save you now, no one can.'' He is talking into my ear and I can feel his disgusting breath on my neck, I may actually vomit. ''I'm going to fuck you now Anastasia, and then I think I'll let Burke fuck you next. After all the trouble he went to I think it's only fair, wouldn't you agree?''

Jose's hand is pressing my head into the floor scraping my face as I am still face down. He is using his body weight to immobilize me as his other hand tries to yank down my jeans. I am struggling to throw him off but he is just too heavy. I can't draw enough air into my seizing lungs to scream.

Where is Christian?

**A/N Runs and hides…**


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N You didn't really think I was going to leave you hanging for long did you? I'm sure none of you want to read an author's note after the cliffy I Ieft you with, so let's crack on shall we?**

***Warning: Themes of physical and sexual abuse.***

**Christian POV**

''**I swear to fuck Taylor if** you don't get this car started I'm going to break your neck.'' I roar.

''Almost there sir we didn't anticipate Burke would disable our vehicles.'' Taylor is sweating as he fiddles with the engine. I look under the bonnet and grit my teeth. I know nothing about this shit.

I look up at the cameras in the garage, at the moment we don't have a live feed to our apartment from Escala security. That will be changing after I have the security guards job. That fucker was probably asleep and missed Burke vandalising every one of my fucking cars. He slashed all the tyres and fucked with the engines. The bastard must have known we would follow him.

We would have used Anderson's car except she left it at the station, she didn't want anyone to follow her and know she was here at Escala.

''Don't worry Mr Grey with the tracking device in place on Miss Steele's clothing we aren't going to lose contact with her.'' I spin around to face Anderson. I can barely speak I'm so angry. This is all her fucking fault, I should have never listened to her in the first place. My gut told me this was a bad idea from day one.

''Don't _worry_?'' my voice comes out low and ominous causing her to take a step back, ''we are now twenty minutes behind them. You're a cop, you know as well as I do what they could do to her in twenty minutes. If they hurt one hair on her head…'' I trail off, between the rage and the absolute crippling pain at the thought of harm coming to Ana I think I may pass out.

Just as I think I may lose my mind completely Taylor slams the hood, ''start her up Luke.''

Sawyer guns the engine and inside ten seconds we are squealing out of the underground car park leaving angry drivers and beeping horns in our wake. Also left behind are our other security team members who couldn't get their cars going in time, so we are now on our own.

Sawyer is driving like a mad man while Anderson is using a tablet to follow Ana's movements. She has synced the tablet to our cars GPS so he is following that. ''Why can't we hear her? She has a mic on her.'' Our movement has done little to calm me down but it does feel better to be actually doing something.

''We won't pick up audio until we are within a two mile radius,'' she murmurs while she studies the tablet.

I huff angrily and look out the window. Taylor assures me we are definitely travelling faster than they were and we are making excellent time. I don't want them to fucking placate me right now I just want to get to Ana. ''They've stopped,'' Anderson announces.

After another five minutes, all of which I spend fantasizing about the many different ways I could make Jose suffer before I kill him with my bare hands Anderson pipes up.

''Shh everyone I'm picking up something.'' There is dead silence in the car and Anderson turns up the volume on her tablet.

For a moment there is nothing but then I hear it. Fuck. I hear the distinctive sound of someone being slapped followed by a pained whimper. I punch the door beside me and roar in frustration. It's an animalistic sound that probably terrified everyone in the car.

''Get me to her _right now_ or every one of you will be out of a job for life.'' Everyone ignores my threat.

We finally slow down and pull up behind an old building, it looks deserted. I can hear Jose talking to Ana but I'm not able to process the words. ''We are here,'' Taylor states and I immediately try to jump out of the car, but the door is locked.

''Let. Me. Out.''

Taylor turns and gives me his no bullshit stare. ''Sir _you_ have to listen to _me_ now. We have no back up here, we have to be smart about this.''

Fuck I know he's right but it goes against every fibre of my being to sit here and chat while Ana is in there with that lunatic. I huff, ''what do we need to do?''

Taylor is all business as he spouts his orders. ''Anderson and Sawyer will stay around the back here while I go through the front. Burke is sure to be lurking around here somewhere too, I need to find the fucker and immobilize him,'' he hesitates before he continues, ''you will stay in the car and…''

''Like fuck I will.''

''Sir, please I don't have the manpower to watch both you and Miss Steele.''

''That's right Taylor you don't…so use me. Don't think for a second that I am not going in there with you. Now stop wasting time, let's go.'' I leave no room for argument and Taylor looks grim but resigned.

''Very well sir, you stay with me.''

We are all drawn to the tablet in Anderson's hands when we hear scuffling followed by Ana's terrified voice. ''Christian.''

Oh fuck she's calling for me we have to move now. I stare hard at Taylor, ''don't fuck this up,'' I warn.

With a brisk nod he opens my door and we all spill out. Sawyer, Anderson and Taylor draw their weapons and we split up. Taylor and I hug the building as we make our way around to the front.

Taylor raises his hand in the air for me to halt and he peeps around the corner. Without a word to me he rushes out into the open pointing his gun. I just round the corner in time to see Taylor barrel towards Burke, who is leaning against the hood of his car smoking a cigarette, and slug him so hard into the temple with the butt of his gun that he goes down like a ton of bricks. He is out cold and I literally don't think he even knew what hit him.

Taylor bends down and quickly cuffs Burke and removes his gun. I can't wait anymore, I run to the front entrance of the warehouse, fling the door open and rush inside. I ignore the calls from Taylor for me to wait.

When I witness the scene in front of my vision turns to a red haze.

Jose has Ana pinned to the floor and has pulled down her jeans and underwear around her thighs and is working on his own pants. She is sobbing against the floor with her eyes screwed shut and he is too preoccupied so neither of them notice my entrance.

I fly at him and yank him off her. I want to fucking kill him, to pulverise him into the ground. To grind him up with my bare hands until there is nothing left of him. But I can't because Ana is lying on the floor now curled up in a ball not making any noise at all. She still hasn't opened her eyes.

I throw Jose to Taylor who, to his credit, knocks the shit out of him before cuffing him too.

I kneel down beside Ana and pull off my jacket and drape it over her. Her eyes snap open and if I didn't know any better I would think she didn't believe her own eyes. ''Christian?'' Her voice is small and scratchy from crying.

''Oh yes sweetheart it's me, everything will be ok now,'' I say to reassure us both.

Ana sits up gingerly and looks around her, Sawyer and Anderson have also come into the warehouse and Anderson moves to immediately arrest Jose. He says nothing but is glaring right at me, good…let him know that it was me who helped put him away. I will spend whatever it takes to have that fucker put in prison for the rest of his life. I may even pay a little extra to make sure he is someone's bitch in said prison.

Anderson and Sawyer lead him away but Taylor stays put, albeit with his back to us to give Ana some privacy while I help her fix her clothes.

''He didn't…?'' I hate to ask but I need to know.

Ana shakes her head as fresh tears pour down her cheeks, ''no, no'' she mumbles. ''He t…tried but he d…didn't g…get a chance.'' Her words are barely audible.

''Are you okay to get up? Are you hurt?' She shakes her head and tries to stand so I help her up. As soon as I let go of her though her knees almost buckle so I just pick her up. She hides her face in my neck as I carry her out to the car.

Anderson is waiting for us. ''Miss Steele I will need you to give a statement as soon as possible.''

Ana shivers. Is this cop for fucking real? ''Not tonight Anderson can't you see Miss Steele is in no condition to talk to anyone right now. I will have Taylor call you.'' I say dismissively and turn towards my own car.

Sawyer goes to the station with Anderson to assist with Burke and Rodriquez, they take Burkes car which leaves just Taylor and myself in our car with Ana. She won't leave my arms so we have to drive home with her in my lap. Our homeward journey is a lot slower. Taylor has arranged for my mom to meet us there as I want Ana to be checked over but I don't think she will go to the hospital willingly and I can't force her right now.

I am rubbing Ana's back when she finally whispers, ''where were you?''

It's a dagger straight through me. Did she doubt that I would come for her when she was so petrified? ''Oh baby I'm so sorry,'' I kiss the top of her head. ''Burke tampered with all our cars, I got to you as quickly as I could, I'm so, so sorry I wasn't there sooner.''

She sniffles, ''it's ok.''

''It's not ok though is it? It is very fucking far from ok but none of us can do anything to change that now. We will just have to learn from this and be more careful in the future.''

''Future?''

''Yes we will have to get some close personal security on you as soon as we can. I should have never listened to fucking Anderson. There had to be a better way.'' I know myself well enough to realise it will be a long time before I can let this go, if ever.

Ana lifts her head and looks into my eyes, ''why would you do that? Jose isn't a threat anymore.''

I contemplate telling her what Welch found out about her stepfather. I had him do a preliminary background check on Stephen Morton and he came up with some…interesting results. But I decide it will wait for a while. She's already been through enough for one day we can leave it alone for now. Our findings don't really have to do with Ana per-se anyway, and there are no leads suggesting she has anything to fear. Actually, the possibility of her being in any more danger from him are pretty slim, but after what happened tonight I'm not taking any chances where she is concerned.

''Doesn't hurt to be careful.'' I answer vaguely. If she is suspicious she doesn't show it, she shrugs and lays her head back down on my shoulder.

**Once we are back at Escala** I carry Ana to the apartment where my mother is waiting, according to Taylor. He stays in the parking garage to deal with the mess that's still going on down there. He is sorting out the cars and finding out who exactly is responsible for neither seeing nor reporting someone damaging my cars,

I carry Ana into her room where I lay her on the bed. She won't let me leave so I stay while my mom tends her wounds. They aren't too bad really she just has to be careful not to get the cuts infected. I know my mom has lots of questions. Taylor filled her in as much as he felt able but I know she is just bursting to grill us on what went down.

Today isn't the day though, we are both exhausted now that the threat is gone and Ana is actually shaking worse now than she was earlier.

My mom notices this, ''it's the adrenalin honey, your body is full of it after what happened and now it doesn't know what to do with all the excess, that's why your shaking. It'll wear off after a while.'' Ana nods jerkily and my mom cups her cheek so she'll look up at her, ''you'll be ok sweet girl.''

Ana sighs and even smiles a bit. Mom gives Ana a mild sedative to help her sleep comfortably and says she has to leave but will call back tomorrow for a 'chat'. I smirk as we both know that is code for 'we will be talking about what's going on here'.

Mom knows better by now than to expect me to leave Ana alone, even to see her out, so she says her goodbyes and then we are alone.

''Are you hungry?'' she shakes her head.

''Thirsty?'' again with the head shake.

I reach across the bed from where I'm sitting and brush my fingers across hers. I need to feel her right now, my body needs the comfort of her touch. ''What do you need sweetheart?''

She sighs tiredly, ''just t…to sleep. W…will you stay with m…me?'' she gives me a puppy eyed stare.

Doesn't she know by now I can't deny her anything? ''Of course, baby.''

I go quickly to my own room to change into pyjama pants and a t-shirt. We should probably get showered but it will wait until morning. When I come back Ana is already buried under the covers, her big blue eyes peeking out at me.

I climb in behind her and pull her to me. I was afraid after what happened tonight she wouldn't allow me near her again, but if anything she seems to needs me more than ever as she snuggles back against my chest. I stifle a gasp, it feels so…good, and not in a sexual way right now, it just feels really comforting to have her tiny body pressed against mine.

I wrap my arms around her and hold her as the sedative kicks in and the remaining few shudders leave her. She doesn't say anything and after a few minutes I feel her body relax into sleep.

I take the opportunity to bury my face in her glorious hair. I almost lost her today…no I can't think that way. She is here, safe in my arms and that is what I choose to dwell on as I drift off to sleep.

**A/N Now there you go all wrapped up neatly in a little bow to make up for yesterday's cliffy.**

**I know absolutely nothing about tracking devices and mics or any of that shite so I just completely made up all that surveillance stuff. Don't kill me if I got it all wrong!**


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N Sorry for the late update but we are having our annual week of summer here in Ireland and I wanted to make the most of it before it's gone. The reviews from the last two chapters gave me a giggle, between heart attacks and sleepless nights I think I can safely say you guys don't like cliffies. Am I right?**

**On a more serious note I want to say here and now that I love my readers and reviewers. You guys are the reason I post my stories on this site and don't just hide them away. I love the feedback I get from you whether it is a positive review or constructive criticism. I try my best to respond to every review and I'm having some great back and forth discussions with a few of you and getting excellent ideas for going forward with this story…BUT, I have recently been getting nasty reviews on all of my stories from a 'guest' who seems to be working their way through my fics. I just want to take this one opportunity to reply to this person.**

**Dear Guest, I'm not sure what you are trying to achieve by ripping my stories to shreds with your** **mean comments. But know this, you will not be getting any angry outbursts or tearful pleas to my other readers looking for sympathy for me and to defend me against the big bad troll, your comments mean nothing to me. Nothing. I know my 'angsty' stories are not for everyone and, really, I'm okay with that. Not everyone likes the same type of stories, but variety is the spice of life, right? If you don't like the way I choose to write **_**my**_** stories the answer is quite simple, don't read them!**

**Rant over. **

**Ana POV**

**I awake in a dark room** to the feeling of strong arms holding me. For a moment I panic, thinking it is Jose's arms but I soon relax when I pick up Christians clean scent and my memories of the previous evening come flooding back.

I shudder when I think of what Jose tried to do but then I'm rewarded by Christian's arms tightening around me in response. I really need to pee but I don't want to wake Christian so I try to ease my way out from his hold by moving slowly. Once I'm out I turn to look at him sprawled across the bed, I can barely make him out in the dim light. He grabs my pillow and pulls it close to him in his sleep. I'm surprised he didn't wake, he must be really tired.

Once I've gone to the bathroom I don't think I can go back to sleep. The sleeping pill grace gave me seems to have worn off and now I am afraid if I go back to sleep I will have nightmares. So I head to the kitchen and have a glass of water.

According to the clock on the cooker it is only two fifteen am. Great, I was hoping it would be nearer to morning than that. At a loss for what to do and afraid to make any noise I decide to look out the massive living room windows for a while.

Still tired I sit against one of the pillars near the window and stare out at the twinkling lights. For a while my mind just drifts, thinking about everything and nothing. Where is Jose right now? What am I to do now that I am no longer in danger? I can't stay here…can I? On and on, questions with no answers.

''There you are.''

I jump and a small scream escapes me as I hear Christian's soft voice. I turn and he is right behind me. How did I not hear him approach?

''Sorry.''

I shrug, ''its okay, I'm just a little j…jumpy I guess.''

Christian comes closer and sits Indian style on the floor in front of me, his big frame blocking my view. ''What are you doing out here?'' he reaches across and touches my bare foot with his fingers, it tickles. ''It's cold.''

''I haven't been here long, I couldn't sleep.''

Christian scrunches up his face, it's…cute. ''Nightmares?''

I shake my head, ''not yet,'' I whisper, because I know they are coming sooner or later.

He lifts his hand from my foot to brush away a lock of hair from my face. I realise I must look a mess right now and I blush, hoping that the near darkness will hide it from him. No such luck.

''Why are you blushing?'' I think I hear a smile in his voice.

''B…because I must look hideous b…by now.'' I duck my head to hide my face but Christian cups my cheek gently and guides my face up to look at him. He shifts closer and I stop breathing. What's he going to do?

''You could never look hideous Ana, you're beautiful. Always.'' He leans a little closer and for one insane moment I think he is going to kiss me. Why would he kiss me? Do I even want him to? I'm not sure after everything that's happened to me lately that I'm ready for something like that.

Christian is looking right into my eyes and I swear he can read every thought that goes through my head because he shakes his head slightly and leans away, dropping his hand from my cheek. It feels oddly cold now in the absence of his touch.

I'm so confused right now. Do I want him to touch me or not? His hands felt good on my skin, comforting. But I don't know if I am ready for more than that right now.

Christian shakes his head again and carries on like nothing has happened. ''Come on, let's get you off this cold floor and back to bed. You need your sleep.'' He gets up in one fluid motion and pulls me up with him.

I want to refuse, but I really am very tired so I allow Christian to lead me back to my room. Without asking for permission he once again gets into bed behind me. Maybe he was afraid I would say no if he asked me. Not likely. I find his presence comforting and hopefully with him here I won't have any nightmares.

He wraps his arms around me again and I am out for the count within minutes.

**Christian POV**

**I can't believe I almost** kissed her, I have to stop doing this. Every time I touch her, hell every time I look at her all I can think about is how soft her lips look. It's becoming an obsession.

But she isn't ready, and it wouldn't be fair either. To kiss her, taint her like that when she has no idea what I am. Maybe if she knew…if I explained it to her, told her that I wouldn't expect her to follow that lifestyle. But then what? Am I willing to give it all up? It's a terrifying thought, that lifestyle is all I know. I wouldn't have the first clue of how to be what Ana needs.

It's too risky. If she found out, if she knew, I would most certainly lose her. I need more time to wrap my head around this situation we are in. time where the threat of Jose is no longer over us. Ana needs time to relax and heal from the ordeal she has been through. She has wounds, old and new, that need to be mended before she can even think about future relationships. I can give her that.

I must eventually fall asleep because I am jolted awake by Ana thrashing around beside me. I have had enough nightmares in my life to know that this is a bad one, she is sobbing and pleading in her sleep as her arms flail about. I have to wake her before she harms herself. I lean over first to switch on the bedside lamp so she doesn't awaken to darkness.

I lean up on my elbow and take hold of her hands easily, ''Ana wake up baby.''

''Stop, please please stop.'' Her begging is heart-breaking.

''Ana, sweetheart, it's Christian. Wake up.''

It takes another few moments to wake her and even when she does she is a little disoriented from the residual panic. ''Hey,'' I croon. ''There you are.''

She looks straight at me and I can see the moment she realises where she is, ''Christian,'' she sobs and throws herself at me.

She wraps her arms around me tightly and I want to curse myself to hell for my reaction. I have no problem when her back is pressed up against me, I have even come to relish the feeling. But I am unprepared for the feeling of her small hands grasping desperately at my back. Her nails dig into my scars lightly and I freeze. I barely resist the urge to forcefully remove her hands from my back, but she recognises my discomfort immediately.

She instantly lets go and looks up into my eyes, she misinterprets the disgust I feel for myself and my uncontrollable reaction to her touch as something else. She moves back across the bed away from me quickly. She may as well have ripped my heart out and taken it with her.

''Sorry.'' It's barely a whisper but I hear her nonetheless.

I reach across to her and die a little more when she can't hide her slight flinch. ''No, please.'' I want to beg her not to leave the bed. But how do I explain my reaction to her touch?

Something in my pleading tone stops her retreat. ''Wh…what did I do?''

I flop back onto the bed and cover my face with both hands. Of course Ana thinks it was something _she_ did.

I speak into my hands, ''nothing Ana, you did nothing wrong. This one's all on me and my fucked up life.''

''I don't understand.'' At least now she sounds more intrigued than alarmed.

I drop my hands but I still can't face her, ''I don't like to be touched.''

''Oh.''

I laugh but it's a hollow sound, ''see Ana you're not the only one with a few issues.''

''Is it because of your mom?'' she asks quietly.

''Not directly. It was her pimp…I have some scars.''

She must sense how reluctant I am to talk about them so she doesn't push me any further. ''Okay.''

I feel the bed move and I finally turn my head so I can see her. She is getting out of the bed. ''Where are you going?''

She stands at the bedside awkwardly, ''I um, I don't want to make you uncomfortable so I'm g…going to s…sleep on the couch.''

Shit. ''Ana no, that's not what I meant. Besides, this is _your_ bed.''

She just shrugs and looks towards the door and then back to me with a half-smile, but it's forced as I can still see in her eyes the remnants of her nightmare haunting her. ''Technically they are _all_ your beds.''

I lean across the bed quickly and take hold of her hand, ''please don't leave Ana, I didn't mean for you to go. I can handle some touching, you just took me by surprise is all.'' I sound pathetic even to my own ears.

I use her moment of hesitation to pull her back onto the bed and throw the comforter over her. I sigh when she lies on her side as stiff as a board and I wrap my arm around her middle to pull her closer.

I tuck her back to my front but she still doesn't relax. ''What's the matter Ana?''

''I don't want you to be uncomfortable.''

''I can handle some touching, it's only really when someone touches the bare skin on my chest or back with their hands that I have a real problem.'' I know I'm understating this issue for her because anyone other than Ana or to a certain extent Mia touching me at all and I have a huge fucking problem with it.

''Are you sure?''

''Positive now relax, you're stiff as a board.'' Ana eventually relaxes but neither of us can sleep now.

''Do you want to talk about your nightmare?''

''Not really,'' she says in a whisper.

''That bad huh?''

''Yeah.''

I can guess what it was about anyway, hearing about it will probably piss me off and ill want to kill that fucker all over again. We are quiet for a while when Ana suddenly mentions something that takes me completely by surprise.

''I think I should start looking for a job.''

''What? Why?''

''Why? Because I can't stay here scrounging off you forever Christian.''

I don't see a problem with it. ''What's the rush though?'' maybe I can stall her for a while.

''Well, I was thinking that because I have no qualifications and no experience in, well, anything it is probably going to take me a while to find a job.''

I see she has been thinking about this a lot, ''would you not rather go to school?''

She snorts, ''and how do you propose I do that? I can't afford school. Maybe if I get a half decent job and if I can find a place with low rent then I can do a few night classes. I don't know.''

I'm liking the sound of this less and less. ''I could pay for school, and you could just stay here.''

''Christian be realistic, I'm already in your debt for more than I could ever repay you. There's no way I could take any more from you.''

''You didn't _take_ anything, I gave it willingly.'' I know I sound like a sulking child, but I don't care.

''And I'm grateful for every bit of it, really I am. But just because you can afford to give it, that doesn't make it right for me to keep taking from you. You've worked hard for what you have, you shouldn't waste it on me.''

Ok now I'm pissed. ''It's my money, I can do whatever the fuck I want with it,'' I snap.

Ana instantly goes unnaturally still in my arms and stops protesting at my harsh tone. I think she even stops breathing. Fuck. I know how afraid she is of my temper but I keep forgetting. I work hard to calm down before I speak.

''I'm sorry Ana, I didn't mean to frighten you but I just can't see why you won't let me help you with this. Surely you would like to go to college.''

''I'll th…think about it.''

Ok now I know she only said that to make me happy, and the fact that she stuttered a little means she's nervous. ''I know your only telling me what I want to hear you know?'' I say in a teasing voice.

She giggles a little and my heart soars at the sound. ''Maybe.''

''Fine, but we'll be talking about this again.'' she doesn't answer.

How do I get her to do what I want without ordering her about? The only way I have gotten what I wanted for years was by giving orders, both in my private and professional life. But I can't treat Ana that way, she is too timid. I know I could maybe force her to do things my way but then I would be no different than the other men in her life and she would end up resenting me, even if I was doing it for her own good.

I need to find a way for Ana to accept what is best for her, without me having to force it upon her. Surely getting an education is the best way forward if that is what she desires?

While I am thinking she has fallen asleep in my arms again, but I am brooding now over her quiet stubbornness so there is no chance of me falling asleep, so I lay holding her and watching her as she sleeps.

**A/N Hmm so Christians controlling ways are rearing their ugly head. How will our timid Ana deal with an overbearing Christian?**


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N Sorry about the long wait guys. I won't bore you with the details but suffice it to say that real life blows sometimes…**

**The only good thing to come out of my absence is that I've had plenty of time to contemplate where this story is going. I already had a good outlay of what I wanted to do but now that I took time to think it all over I have a much more detailed vision of where I am going. Obviously I am still open to suggestions so keep those reviews coming.**

**I decided to skip the boring filler chapters I was planning as there wasn't anything I could have put into those that I couldn't fit into a few lines if I wanted to move things along. So I have skipped a couple of weeks ahead here. Hope you enjoy.**

**Two Weeks Later**

**Ana POV**

**The past few weeks have been** good. Christian went back to work last week and has pretty much left me to my own devices. My bruises have all but faded now so I am spending my days looking for work and I'm excited because I have an interview today. It's my first ever interview so I hope I do well. Of course Christian is pissed because I won't tell him where I have been applying. I want to do this on my own and I know he won't be able to keep his nose out of it.

As much as I appreciate how he worries about me, I know I have to start learning how to fend for myself. I'll be out on my own before long and I don't want to be some helpless 'damsel in distress' type who needs saving all the time.

I applied for Medicaid last week to help me with my medical bills and as soon as I start working I'm going to save as much as I am able for a place of my own. I'm feeling pretty good about things now. I know Christian is dying to take over and tell me what to do but he doesn't because deep down he knows how much I need this for my self-esteem.

Gail has been a Godsend. She is teaching me how to cook and I am really enjoying it. Gail says I am a natural in the kitchen. I don't know about that but I am learning more and more every day. She also showed me how to use the washing machine and dryer.

When Christian caught her showing me how to make beds properly he wasn't impressed. Well tough, I am going to need to know these things when I am on my own. I refuse to be helpless anymore, I have spent enough of my life that way. When I told Christian this he pointed out that he didn't know how to do any of this 'shit' either. God the man can be obtuse sometimes.

But other than our disagreements about me becoming more competent around the apartment and of course my searching for employment, we are getting along well. More than well in fact. I enjoy his company enormously and we spend our evenings together just talking and laughing.

We haven't slept in the same bed again, which is probably a good thing after what happened the morning I woke up after I had my nightmare. He explained to me about the no touching rule, and although I found it odd I accepted we all have our issues. Me more than most, I think.

I realised that I must have imagined Christian was going to kiss me. I blush even now when I think of that ridiculous notion. I want to laugh at my own silliness. In what world would such a perfect man ever be attracted to someone as plain as me?

Christian left today right after breakfast. He pouted as he wished me luck in my interview, he was still put out because I refused to tell him what the interview is for. His ridiculously handsome face screwed up into a pout made me giggle. He left smiling at me.

Once he is gone I help Gail around the apartment for a while as my interview is not until three pm. After lunch I shower and change into something fitting for an interview. I don't want to go too dressy as it is only for a small deli near the Pike Place Market. I like the idea of working in such a busy area. I spent so long alone I am loving the idea of meeting so many new people. It makes me nervous and excited in equal measures.

I decide a simple skinny black jeans and white blouse with a fitted black jacket should be fine for this interview. I even go all out and wear the fabulous black leather boots Christian had delivered. I was angry when Christian bought me a wardrobe full of clothes without consulting me, but begrudgingly admitted that I needed the new clothes. But did he have to shop for them at Neiman's? Surely Old Navy would have sufficed. I sigh as I look at my reflection, I suppose these close do look good.

I wrap up in my new warm wool coat and decide to walk to the interview. It's a cold but dry day and I like the fresh air. I make it to my interview with time to spare and once I tell the girl at the counter why I'm here she ushers me through to an office in the back.

The girl points to a chair outside the office door for me to take, ''just wait here, there's another girl in there but she shouldn't be long.'' I thank her and take a seat.

While I'm sitting there I start thinking about how this is my first ever interview and I don't want to screw it up. Jeez now I'm nervous. Before I can completely freak out the office door opens and a boy about my age steps out followed by the woman, Sandra, who I met when I applied for the job. It was nothing elaborate, I was walking past the deli and saw the advertisement in the window looking for full time staff.

''Hi Ana come on through,'' Sandra beckons me to go ahead of her. She closes the door behind us and sits back down at her desk.

It's not even really an office, just a back room with a computer, a desk and two chairs. The room seems to also be used for storage as two of the walls are lined with boxes making the already small room positively claustrophobic.

Sandra distracts me from my perusal of the office. ''I know. Tiny isn't it?'' she says with a laugh making me blush.

''Um…'' what do I say?

Sandra laughs again, ''don't worry about it, we are a bit cramped for space here so we make do with what we have.''

''So Ana, have you done this kind of work before?''

''N…no but I am a quick learner,'' I stumble.

''You know the money is pretty low to start but if you were to do a good job I would review it in a few months?''

I know the wages isn't great, but with no qualifications or experience in anything my only option is to start at the bottom. ''Yes, that's ok. I can work as many hours as you will give me,'' I say quickly. Easy Ana, don't sound too desperate.

Sandra cocks her head slightly, ''Where have you worked before?''

Shit. ''Th…this would be my first j…job.'' I say meekly.

Sandra nods, ''did you drop out of college?''

''I d…didn't go to college.'' Crap this isn't going well.

''Okay.''

''I um, I just moved here from Portland. M…my parents were v…very strict and I w…was a bit sheltered I s…suppose.'' Great. No way is she going to hire someone to deal with the public who stutter as much as I do when I'm nervous.

Sandra nods again but says nothing, she taps her pen on the table a few times. She looks at my expensive clothes. Yeah…I'm not getting this job.

''Where are you living?''

What an odd question. ''With a friend.''

She says nothing again while she looks at me. I'm just a ball of nerves at this point, I seriously need to toughen up for the next interview I get.

''When can you start?''

''What?''

Sandra laughs at my reaction, ''I said when can you start?''

My shock has almost rendered me speechless. Is she serious? Or did I just misunderstand the question? ''I c…can start straight away.''

She puts down her pen and reaches her hand out to shake mine, ''well I'll give you a couple of days to get used to the idea of starting your new job so let's say the day after tomorrow, Thursday. Will that suit?''

Holy crap I got a job. ''Um yes, thank you that's perfect.'' I shake her hand.

''Great. So Thursday I'll get you to shadow one of the girls so you can learn the ropes. I'll give you your uniform before you go.''

Before I know what's going on I'm back out on the street with my uniform for my new job. How did I get this job? That had to be the worst interview in history. My shock is soon over ridden with excitement though as it sinks in that I am going to be earning my own money. Granted it's not much money, but it will be _mine_.

I almost skip back to Escala. I can't wait to tell Gail, she will be so happy. Christian won't be but right now I'm too delirious to care. I am much earlier than I thought I would be getting home. The interview was really quick.

It doesn't look like anyone is home when I get in. Gail hasn't started dinner yet, good, maybe she will allow me to help her this evening.

I make my way up to my room to put away my uniform. On the top of the stairs I pass a door that is normally closed. At first I think nothing of it until I hear someone moving around in there. Thinking it is Gail doing some housework I push open the door.

I am just about to call out to Gail when the contents of the room catch my eye. Oh my God.

What is this room? The room is painted red, there is a bed in the centre with what look like shackles on the bedposts. There are any number of things in here that I have never seen, benches and crosses. Then I see rows of belts, canes and whips lining one of the walls.

Christian is standing at this wall with his back to me. He hasn't heard me. He has what looks like a pretty brutal cane in his hand and as I'm watching he brings it up and brings it down hard. It makes a swishing sound in the air before it hits his palm with a crack.

What is this place? I'm confused, but as I watch Christian puts back the cane and removes a belt from the wall and stretches it between his hands. A little voice in my head tells me what I don't want to hear. He does this to women.

He uses this stuff to torture women.

Without meaning to I gasp and Christian spins around. Seeing the look of horror on my face he approaches me quickly. I look down and he still has the belt clutched in his hand. What is he going to do with that?

Not willing to find out, I turn and run. I panic when I hear his bare feet as he runs after me.

''Ana!'' I run faster.

But it's to no avail. Christian grabs me around the waist before I am even halfway there. My legs collapse from under me and Christian lets me go. I curl up in a ball in the hallway, waiting for the first blow of the belt.

'No. please no, not again, not again. Please.' I chant in my head.

''Please Ana, I would never hit you, please don't think that.'' Christian says frantically as he kneels beside me.

Was I saying that out loud?

I peek up and Christian is kneeling beside me with his hands fisted in his hair, his face pale. The belt is long forgotten on the floor beside him. I look to my room, will he let me go?

''Jesus Ana you weren't ever supposed to see that room,'' he whispers.

Hearing the genuine panic in his voice I sit up slowly and lean against the wall. I stiffen when he reaches for the belt but he simply picks it up and flings it down the hall towards _that_ room.

''I d…don't understand,'' I say in a wobbly whisper.

''That is my playroom,'' he says warily.

''What's a pl…playroom?'' do I even want to know?

Christian runs his hands through his hair again, ''do you know what BDSM is?'' I shake my head no.

''Christ.'' Christian runs his hands over his still pale face, ''BDSM is a sexual preference Ana. It's extreme but completely legal and done by two consenting adults.''

Okay, ''d…do you use those…whips and stuff on each other?'' how can anyone want to do that?

''I use them, and a number of other things, on women who are willing to let me.''

I feel the colour drain from my face again, ''did you want to use this stuff on m…me?'' I ask in horror.

''No! Jesus Christ no.'' his answer is instant and vehement.

Why not? Is my first thought but I dismiss it quickly. I am glad he doesn't want to beat the crap out of me. ''So you do it to your girlfriends?''

He snorts, ''hardly. I don't do the girlfriend thing Ana.'' He seems to be relaxing slightly now that I am a bit calmer. Why doesn't he have girlfriends? A guy like Christian must have women queueing up to have a chance with him.

''Why not?''

''Because I'm fifty shades of fucked up Ana, that's why.''

I can hear the bitterness and self-loathing that I've heard before in his voice. ''I don't think you're fucked up,'' I whisper.

He laughs but there is no humour in it. ''You can say that after what you just saw?''

Okay, he has a point there. But still. ''I can't judge you on something I know nothing about.'' I realise as I say it that this is true. ''Who am I to judge anyone? I've been sheltered for so long I have no idea how the world really works.''

Christian sits back against the wall behind him and we face each other across the hall. ''How do you do it?''

Huh. ''Do what?''

''I thought you would be after running for the hills by now. Running from the fuck up that is Christian Grey.''

''You're not a fuck up.''

He snorts and looks away but doesn't answer. '_'You are not_,'' I say with conviction.

He still says nothing but I can see him chewing on the inside of his cheek as he contemplates what I'm saying. He changes the subject abruptly, ''you must be hungry, come on.''

Is that it? Is that all the explanation I'm going to get? I realise as I am wondering this that Christian does not answer to me. He doesn't have to justify the choices in his life to me.

He rises gracefully to his feet and extends a hand to help me up. It's only then he notices the bag I have with me.

''What is that?''

''Oh, I g…got the job,'' I beam up at him happily.

''Oh, well congratulations. Will you tell me what it is now?''

I know he's not thrilled about me working but this is my life and I need to live it my own way. ''It's a deli in Pike Place Market. I'll be serving on the counter and waiting tables.'' I say proudly.

His mouth twists and I know he is trying to be nice and not burst my bubble or hurt my feelings, but it's an obvious struggle for him to say something positive.

I roll my eyes and decide to put him out of his misery. ''I know you don't like the idea of me getting a job like this, but I have to start somewhere.''

''You could have come work for me,'' he sulks.

I laugh, ''no, I really couldn't Christian.'' he smiles a little at this and the tension eases a little.

''Come on, I'm hungry and I still have to take my shot before I eat.'' I know any mention of me being hungry will take all of his attention from anything else we were discussing. He hates the thought of me being hungry.

Once I've checked my levels and taken my insulin I follow the glorious smell of Italian food that is now coming from the kitchen. There is a hell of a lot to think about from what I've just learned about Christian's sex life. He obviously brings women here to have sex with them. Why have I not seen anyone yet?

Maybe he doesn't want to bring anyone here while I'm around, or maybe he is hiding them from me. He obviously didn't want me to find out what he is into and had no desire to do those things with me. I get an odd pain in my chest when I think that Christian has no interest in me _that_ way. But of course I already knew that so it's no surprise. It's just that now I know for sure he sees other women regularly I'm sure he will start bringing them around while I'm here and that is not something I want to see.

This new job couldn't have come soon enough as it looks as if I will have to move out sooner than I thought. I don't want to cramp Christian's lifestyle any more than I already have. It isn't fair to him.


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N thank you to all my wonderful reviewers, I have fallen woefully behind on getting back to you and I apologise but I do read them all and I'm grateful for every single one xx**

**One Month Later**

**Ana POV**

**I love my new job!** Sandra says I am a quick learner, I'm not sure I believe that but she has been very patient with me while I've been learning the ropes, everyone has.

Of course the best part about this job is it keeps me out from under everyone's feet at Escala. I'm sure they are all relieved I haven't been getting in the way as much lately. I requested to work the afternoon shifts, so now I work most evenings and almost every weekend, it keeps me out of the way. Also when I'm at Escala I do my best to spend most of my free time in my room, although Christian still asks me to eat meals with him when we are both there for dinner.

It's boring spending so much time alone but I will just have to get used to it until I have enough money for a deposit on a place of my own.

Christian hasn't stopped me or asked me to spend more time with him in the evenings so I am assuming he is glad I'm not around if he wants to bring any women home. I try my best not to think about how that makes me feel.

I'm sure Christian is glad and can bring whoever he wants home now, not that he has mentioned it since I discovered his playroom. I am certainly not willing to raise the topic again.

Of course Christian had his conditions for when I started working, especially when I told him I would be working evenings. He refused to take a single cent from me for rent. Also he has Gail buy all my necessities so I don't even have to buy food or toiletries. This allows me to save nearly every cent I earn, which will help me move out sooner...then again maybe that's his plan. Also he has insisted that Sawyer drive me to and from work. I tried to refuse but I conceded in the end when he threatened to just have Sawyer follow me to work every day anyway.

I am disturbed from my musings when my name is called. I look up from mopping the floor to see Jake coming towards me. It's five after eight pm and we just closed up. Jake usually works the evening shift with me. It's quiet on weekday afternoons so it's often just the two of us. I was nervous at first being basically on my own with a man I don't know but Jake is a really nice guy, if a little too friendly. He is working at Sandra's on the evening shift because he's in college during the day. Jake is a well-built good looking guy with blonde hair and blue eyes.

''What's up?''

He strolls over to my side casually and asks me the question he asks me at least once a week now. ''What do you say to a quick drink once we are done here?''

I bite my lip. I don't like to keep telling him no and he really is a nice guy, it's just that I don't have _those_ feeling for Jake. I thought about maybe saying yes just to be nice but I don't want to give him the wrong idea. ''Sorry Jake, I c…can't tonight my lift will be here in five minutes.'' He has already asked me about Sawyer and not knowing how to explain the situation I told him he was a friend.

He nods but suddenly looks more serious. ''Okay, how about this Saturday? We could maybe get some food and catch a movie, I know this is your weekend off.''

Shit. This is the first time he has tried to plan ahead, it's normally just a casual 'let's go for a drink after work' thing. But I can tell by him tonight that he means business. He's asking me on a date.

''Umm uh,'' how do I say no without hurting his feelings? ''I…I'll think about it.'' Aw crap what did I just say? I don't want to go on a date with him.

He grins and I want to kick myself. ''Progress. I'll take it,'' he says and laughs.

A few minutes later we are done and I stand outside beside Jake as he locks up. Sawyer is late, he is usually here waiting for at least ten minutes before I'm finished.

''Your friend not coming?'' Jake asks hopefully.

''I'm sure he's just held up, you can go I'll be fine.'' If he doesn't come in the next few minutes I'll walk, it's not that far and even though it's freezing cold, it's not raining. No big deal.

''As if. I can walk you home if you want.'' Jake doesn't have a car either.

''Are you kidding? My place is in the opposite direction from yours.''

Just as he is about to argue a black SUV similar to Sawyers pulls up to the sidewalk. Its Christians car, what is he doing here? The back door opens and out steps Christian as if he has just stepped out of a GQ photoshoot. I can't help but stare. ''Ana,'' he says warmly, making my tummy tingle. See? If Jake made me feel that way I would go on a date with him in a heartbeat.

I turn to see Jake looking like he just ate something nasty. He looks at me then with a wry grin, ''another friend?''

''Kind of,'' I squeak. Why did Christian get out of the car?

Christian is looking between Jake and me, his expression unreadable. I mutter a goodbye to Jake and just as I'm about to go to the car he puts his hand on my lower back. I look up at him, surprised. What is he up to?

''Enjoy your day off tomorrow Ana, and don't forget about Saturday.'' He says this loud enough for Christian to hear and then shoots him a glance.

I look over and think I catch Christian scowling before he carefully schools his features once more into that passive mask he is so good at. I don't say anything to Jake now but I'll be telling him that I'm just not interested in him like that. I don't want to hurt his feeling but leading him on wouldn't be right either.

I walk to the car quickly and hop in. once Christian has followed me in he glares out the window at Jake. He doesn't look at me until we have pulled away from the curb. When he does his gaze is icy.

''Who is that guy?''

Why is he mad? ''Jake? He's just a guy I work with, why?''

''I don't like him.''

''You don't know him,'' I say quietly.

''Exactly! Why didn't you tell me you were seeing someone Anastasia?''

Ouch, the tone and use of my full name stings and I flinch. ''I'm n…not,'' I whisper almost inaudibly. It's been a while since Christian has been angry with me.

''Well he seems to think you are. I will need his full name if you are going to be seeing him so I can do a background check,'' he says while looking out the window. That's all he says and he seems pissed so I decide to say nothing until he calms down. Then I can explain.

We are just pulling into the underground car park at Escala when he turns to me again. ''You can't bring men back to the apartment Ana, just so you know we are clear on that.'' He says coldly and gets out of the car. I'm stunned. I don't know what to say, surely he knows I would never to that?

The elevator ride is taken in silence. Although it's not late I think its best if I go straight to my room. I don't think Christian wants to see me right now, I'm not sure what I did wrong exactly.

Once the elevator doors open I all but bolt into the apartment. ''Ana wait.''

I stop and turn hesitantly to face him. I don't say anything because I know I will stutter badly if I do. Christian blows out a big breath and runs a hand through his hair. ''I'm sorry.''

''It's okay.''

''No, it's really not. Look I know I can't stop you from seeing that _boy_, even if I don't like it.''

''I'm n…not seeing him.''

''What?''

''He k…keeps asking me out but I always say n…no.''

Christian doesn't react like I thought he would. He's furious. ''Did he touch you without your permission? Tell me the truth Ana,'' he growls. His hands are balled into fists at his sides.

Whoa. ''No! God no. Jake would n…never d…do that, he's a nice guy.''

Christian frowns and cocks his head to the side, it's very cute and distracts me for a moment.

_Stop it Ana!_

''If you think he's such a _nice guy_ why do you keep telling him no?'' he looks like he's torn between confusion and relief.

I shrug, ''I guess I just don't have those kind of feelings for him.'' For some reason this admission makes me blush. If Christian asked me right now if I had those kinds of feeling for anyone else I don't think he would be happy with my answer.

I have been hiding it for a while now. I think I even hid it from myself in the beginning. I am sure Christian wouldn't be at all happy if I told him that I have been having pretty strong feelings for _him_ lately. I was confused at first, thinking I was mistaking gratitude for true affection but these feelings are much stronger than that.

I'm afraid I may be falling in love with Christian Grey. But knowing there is no way in hell he has any feelings for me is what has me hiding in my room night after night. I am afraid I will let the way I feel about him show and he will be angry with me, or worse…laugh at me.

I need to move out of here before I make a fool of myself. At least that way we can remain friends…maybe.

Christian sighs, ''alright, but Ana if this guy doesn't take no for an answer this time let me know. I will have Sawyer have a word with him.''

I roll my eyes and Christian scowls. He hates it when I roll my eyes at him, it makes me giggle. He shakes his head at me and says something about 'no self-preservation' then changes the subject. ''Are you hungry?''

I nod, ''I could eat.'' I head off to take my shot.

Half an hour later we are finishing a light supper. We didn't want anything too heavy this late in the evening. Christian told me he was working late and decided to pick me up on his way home. I try not to watch Christian eat, his mouth is so…sexy, when he eats. I have never thought of anyone as sexy in my life, but with Christian just about everything he does gives me goose bumps.

We are sitting at the breakfast bar just chatting. I've missed this in my self-imposed exile to my bedroom. I know Christian likes my company most of the time, it's just that I don't want to get in the way if he has company over. I don't want to see that…so I choose to hide. Thank god he doesn't ask me about it.

I am sipping my tea and Christian has a glass of Sancerre. Then the easy relaxed atmosphere is interrupted by Taylor. Christian looks annoyed when he coughs to announce his presence. ''Yes.''

''Excuse me sir but Mrs Lincoln is on her way up.''

Mrs Lincoln? Who is that? Christian sighs, ''okay, thank you Taylor.''

I can't help but ask, ''who is she?''

''Elena is a…friend.''

He says friend like he doesn't mean _friend_ exactly. Like she is actually something else, something more. Oh…_oh_ I get it, she must be one of the women he does this BDSM stuff with. My stomach twists. I don't want to see this.

Before I have a chance to escape I hear the click clack of heels behind me as she enters the apartment. I don't need to turn around to know that she is stunningly beautiful.

Christian stands to greet her, ''Elena,'' his voice sounds clipped. He doesn't want me here.

''Christian darling, it's been far too long,'' her voice is warm, cloying almost. I finally turn to see them kiss each other on the cheek. She rests her hand on his forearm. I thought no one can touch him? I have to work hard to hide my scowl.

I was right. Elena Lincoln is everything I'm not. She is beautiful and elegant. Her makeup and clothes are immaculate and her perfect blonde bob suits her slim face and figure. I feel like a slob sitting here in my work uniform of black leggings and Sandra's Place t-shirt.

She looks at me curiously and Christian turns to face me. He's not happy. Shit. ''Elena this is Ana, she is staying here for a while.''

I see the surprise in her eyes before she masks it. She extends a hand to me, ''pleasure to meet you Ana.'' Her hand is as cold as her greeting.

She turns back to Christian with an amused glint in her eyes, ''on a weekday Christian? That's new.''

''Don't.''

Elena laughs lightly, ''always so serious.'' She makes her way over to the breakfast bar and takes a seat beside me, there are only two seats so Christian remains standing. Elena is looking at me as if she is expecting me to do something.

She turns to Christian, ''she certainly looks the part Christian.''

What is that supposed to mean?

Christians face darkens, ''Elena I swear to God.''

Elena laughs again and holds up her hands as if in surrender, ''okay, okay I'll stop.''

I've had enough of this, I hop off the stool. ''It was n…nice to m…meet you,'' I manage to stutter. Elena just looks amused again as I struggle to talk which just makes me worse. ''G…g…goodnight.'' I manage before I turn and almost run for my bedroom, only stumbling once in my haste.

Just as I leave the room I hear her again. ''My goodness Christian where did you find _her_?'' then she laughs once more.

A part of me really wants to keep going and hide in my room. But the masochist in me wants to stay and hear what Christian has to say about me. Maybe he will be more honest with her than he is with me.

I hide just out of sight but still in hearing distance, holding my breath as I wait for Christians answer.

''It's not what you think Elena, she's no one.''

Ouch. Okay that stings.

''Then why is she staying here?''

''It's a long story and I don't want to get into it now. She'll be gone soon so there's no point in dwelling on it. Let's just deal with what you're here for shall we?''

As much as this is ripping me apart to hear, at least now I know how he feels. I just wish it didn't hurt like hell to listen to. I wipe away a tear.

Christians tone of voice while talking to Elena is different to anything I've heard from him before. It's not cold exactly but neither is it friendly. I would call it business like, I suppose. Well, if she is one of his submissives it probably makes sense. She isn't his girlfriend but he must like her if they are having a sexual relationship.

I stop that thought right there. I don't want to think of Christian having sex with other women, that is more than I can bare.

I don't want to hear any more so I go to my room. Obviously Christian is expecting me to be gone soon. I think I have enough for a deposit on an apartment if I look in the more run down areas of Seattle, of course that means I'll be further away from work but I suppose I could always get the bus.

Tomorrow is my day off. I think it's time for me to move on and let Christian have his home back to himself, I have imposed myself on his hospitality long enough.

**Christian POV**

**Elena Lincoln is one nosy bitch**. There is no way I was telling her anything about Ana. She would never let it go.

I pace the kitchen thinking about what she said. Thank God Ana didn't hear what I said about her. I couldn't allow Elena to think I had any kind of feelings for Ana. She would try her best to convince me I was deluded.

If she knew that I was head over heels in love with Ana Steele she would do everything in her power to try and change my mind. I didn't always feel this way about Elena but since I met Ana I have been questioning our 'relationship', also after what I saw in her eyes tonight I'm sure she would try and come between us. She was jealous!

Of course there is no _us_ between Ana and me…yet.

Sighing I down my third glass of wine and pour another, emptying the bottle. Elena must have suspected something because she just wouldn't let it go. In the end I asked her to leave. She tried to laugh it off but I think she was genuinely shocked when she saw how serious I was.

I don't think I can have her in my life if I plan to have Ana. I still haven't told Ana of my plans to dismantle my playroom. Will she believe me if I tell her I am willing to give up the lifestyle if she would be willing to give us a chance? In fact that is what I was contemplating in the playroom last month when she discovered me in there.

I set my empty wine glass in the sink. That's the problem though isn't it? Ever since I revealed the truth about how I have lived my life so far Ana has been avoiding me. She goes to work in that damn delicatessen every day and hides in her room all evening.

At first I thought she was disgusted with me but on the occasions where we did talk she was still the old Ana. Then tonight I could have ruined it all with my jealousy over that boy, Jake. When he put his hand on her back I wanted to punch his fucking lights out.

But Ana telling me she has no interest calmed me somewhat. I still think I'll get Sawyer to pay him a visit to warn him off. Or maybe not, as Ana would be pissed if she found out. _Fuck_.

But our easy dinner and conversation tonight has given me renewed hope that she may have some feelings for me. I can see the way she looks at me sometimes, though she tries to hide it. She is not completely unaffected. Good. I wouldn't want to be the only one.

After all she is still here, isn't she? Maybe tomorrow I can start letting her know how I feel. I know she is skittish and I will have to take it slowly. But for Ana I am willing to do anything to make it work.

I've waited long enough.

**A/N Please review if you have a moment. I want to know if you like the way the story is going xx**


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N Thanks to all my reviewers for the last chapter. That was probably the best response I've ever had to a chapter, certainly it's the most reviews I've had for a single chapter. Thank you all….and keep em coming ;)**

**The song I listened to while writing this was a version of 'And The Band Played Waltzing Matilda' sung by Irishman Liam Clancy. It's an Australian song from the 70's about the WWI Battle of Gallipoli, it's one of the saddest songs I know so it probably influenced this chapter a bit.**

**Christian POV**

**I slept for shit last night**, but for once it wasn't my nightmares that kept me awake. No, what kept me tossing and turning all night was the worry over how Ana might react to my confession. What if I tell her how I feel and she freaks out or worse, laughs at me? I'm not sure I could take that.

I had to be at GEH early this morning for a breakfast meeting. As it is Ana's day off she was sleeping in so I didn't get a chance to talk to her. I suppose it's probably not a great idea to ambush her so early in the morning anyway. My Ana is not a morning person.

My Ana. God I wish she was mine.

I manage to slog through the day before I can't make myself stay in my office a second longer. So at three o clock I inform Andrea to move my afternoon meeting with my product development crew to tomorrow and head home. Its time I told Ana how I really feel.

Thankfully Ana is sitting at the breakfast bar when I get home. Just looking at her I have to resist walking over grabbing her and kissing her senseless. She is perfect. But she is talking on the cell I insisted on getting for her.

''Okay…yes…four thirty…yes, I'll be there...thank you.'' She hangs up and fidgets with her Blackberry nervously.

What's this? Is she arranging to meet someone? Ana turns and jumps when she sees me. ''Oh! You scared me.''

''Sorry. Who was that?'' I motion to the phone in her hand.

Ana fidgets with her phone again and won't make eye contact with me as she answers. My stomach twists. ''Um, I um, t…that was a real estate agent. He's showing me an apartment t…this afternoon.''

I think my heart actually fractures at her words. Huh. It seems I have a heart after all, who knew? ''You're leaving?'' I all but whisper.

If she hears the shock in my voice she ignores it. ''Yes. It's for the best.'' She says still not looking me in the eye.

For the best.

''You want to go?'' Jesus Grey you need to stop her, convince her to stay.

Ana seems to gather herself and squares her shoulders. She looks up, but she doesn't meet my eyes, she is staring at a spot over my shoulder. ''Yes, I do. I need to get out on my own. Learn to look after myself for once.''

Her voice is strong, she didn't even stutter. She's serious. Ana wants to get away from me. What can I say to this? How do I convince her to stay? Before I start begging she speaks again.

''Besides, I'm sure you want to get back to having your apartment to yourself. You don't need me here when you need to…entertain someone,'' she motions in the direction of the playroom.

Is that why she is leaving? My playroom? But I haven't had a chance to explain yet. Will she even listen? ''Ana that's not…please…''

'No Christian. My mind is made up. Please…just let me go. I _need_ to go.''

All my arguments die in my mouth at the hint of desperation in her words. She needs to go. Of course she does. I am so stupid, she needs to get away from the monster that is Christian Grey. How long has she been feeling like this? Probably since the day she met me, seeing my playroom was the last straw. She has been avoiding me and saving every penny she could ever since. Now I know it was so that she could escape me as soon as possible. I disgust her.

And really, how could I blame her? After all I disgust myself most of the time. She is doing what is best for her.

''Okay.'' One simple word and my whole world feels like its imploding.

She nods once and her shoulders relax a little. I think I see something flash in her eyes but she turns away before I can be sure what it was I saw.

I turn on my heel and march into my study. Once there I slump into my chair with my elbows on my desk, resting my head in my hands.

I'm losing her.

No, that's not true, I never had her to lose her. It was wishful thinking on my part to believe I ever had a chance of earning the affections of someone as sweet and pure and innocent as Ana. I never deserved that kind of perfection. I would only taint it, Ana knows this.

And what kept her here for so long anyway only her fear. Fear of Jose at first, and of being found by her stepfather. But he seems to have let her go easily. She was even afraid of me for a long time. Deep down I knew that once she felt safe she would be gone. I have nothing meaningful to offer her, no way to make her stay. If I thought she wanted me for my money I would gladly accept that just so I could keep her. I would give her every cent.

I know she finds me physically attractive, I've seen it. But we both know that's only a cover. She can see through the fancy packaging to the monster that lies beneath. Selfish bastard that I am though I thought Ana could help me rid myself of that creature in me.

I hide in my office for almost a half hour, wallowing in a sea of self-pity and hatred. Then I realise she is going to see this new apartment soon. Where is this place? Is it safe?

My heart skips a beat at this thought. How can I keep her safe if she's not here? Maybe she will allow me to have Sawyer with her at all times. I snort at this thought. _Don't be ridiculous Grey._

I know she won't allow me to help her. Fuck, I would buy her a place of her own if that was the case. Scenarios are running through my head, mocking me, showing me all the ways she could be hurt on her own.

This shit is going to drive me insane.

I walk into the lobby just as Ana is about to leave, she's surprised to see me. I swallow down my unrequited feelings. She will accept my help whether she wants it or not.

''I'm coming with you.'' There.

''What? Why?''

''I want to see this apartment your viewing.''

She bites her lip. _Fuck_. ''I'm not sure that's such a good idea.''

''Tough. I'm coming.'' Don't fight me on this baby, ''Taylor!'' I shout and Taylor almost runs into the lobby.

''Bring the car around. We are going to…'' I trail off and look at Ana to fill him in on our destination.

''Oh, um,'' she fumbles adorably with a small piece of paper. Oh Christ what am I going to do without her? ''It's on Yesler Way?'' She says this like it's a question then hands the scrap of paper to Taylor. God her innocence is going to be the death of me. Yesler Way is one of the most dangerous areas of the city, it is rife with crime and drugs as there are a lot of homeless people who hang around there.

Taylor gives me a look. I want to rant and rave and tell Ana there is no fucking way in hell I am going to allow her to live in an area like that. But I bite my tongue, hard. I decide that maybe the best thing for it is to allow her to see the place for herself. Maybe if she sees what a shithole it is she will change her mind and stay with me. _Yeah, right_.

''Got that?'' I raise my eyebrows at Taylor and he nods. We make our way down to the car in silence. I'm afraid if I talk I will blurt out all my unwelcome feelings onto Ana. That would surely drive her away and I would have no opportunity to get her into a safe place to live.

After a quiet, awkward car ride we pull up outside a rundown block of flats. You have got to be fucking kidding me. This is the worst looking building on the whole street. I watch Ana as she takes in the old building. Her face pales a little but she steals herself and gets out of the car.

I need to fix this.

**Ana POV**

**Telling Christian I was leaving** was much harder than I thought it would be. I thought he would be relieved…maybe even help me pack so I would be gone sooner.

But he seemed almost…crushed. I don't understand. He told Elena last night that he wanted me to leave. I am very confused right now, probably not the best frame of mind to be in while apartment hunting. Especially when Christian insisted on tagging along.

I told him I needed to leave. His face when I said those words had contorted in pain. I don't think he even realised he was showing so much emotion, he is so used to hiding it all. I couldn't even look at him because I was seconds away from running into his arms. The only thing that stopped me was the memory of his conversation with _her_.

What did they do after I left? No Ana, don't do that to yourself.

In the end even if Christian wanted me to stay I couldn't. He may like my company and sure we have a laugh sometimes. But I know there is no way I could stay and watch him with other women. My heart couldn't handle that. I was serious when I told him I _needed_ to leave, he just doesn't know my real reasons.

And so here we sit. This can't be right can it? I know I can't afford much but this building looks like it should have been condemned in the eighties. Can I really live here? It doesn't look very safe.

_Suck it up Ana_. Well if this is all I can afford, it'll just have to do. I don't want to be a burden on anyone anymore. I'm sick and tired of constantly feeling like a leech. That thought spurs me on and I get out of the car determined to make the best of this situation.

Pete Turner looks like a typical real estate agent, I suppose. He's average height, average build, and average looking…just a normal guy. He is waiting on the sidewalk for me. I don't miss the once over he gives me but decide to ignore it.

Christian clears his throat and Pete's eyes snap to him, ''I thought it was just you looking for an apartment Ana?'' He asks me but his eyes are on Christian.

Christian cuts in before I can answer, ''I'm a friend of _Miss Steele's_.'' His voice is icy. Okay then.

Not much else is said as we make our way up to the apartment. The rickety old elevator smells of urine. Looks like I'll be taking the stairs.

Not even Pete, who is trying to rent this place to me, bothers to try and make this place seem better that what it is. He knows people renting places this cheap have little choice in the matter of where they live.

We enter the tiny one bedroom apartment. The living area seems crowded with the three of us in here. I suppose it won't be so bad when I'm in here on my own.

The very thought of being alone here is depressing, and terrifying.

Pete starts his sales pitch, ''this apartment won't stay open for very long so I suggest if you want it you should take it today. Let me show you around. In here we have…''

''We're fine here we'll call you if we have any questions.'' Christian cuts Pete off and stares at him until he slinks out of the room.

I watch Pete go. In the quiet I can clearly hear a man and a woman fighting in the apartment next door. The walls are paper thin and I can hear most of what they are saying. I try to tune them out…practice for the future.

I wrap my arms around myself and look around the tiny rooms. It's a quick tour as there are only three of them. A main living area with a filthy kitchen, an equally filthy bathroom and a tiny bedroom that smells like mould. I have a lump in my throat. Is this really all I can afford?

Its freezing too but I suppose that's to be expected at the end of November. I wonder if the heating is expensive.

Christian doesn't follow me around but I can feel his eyes on me. I muster every bit of courage I have and decide I must face him. Afraid to talk with the lump in my throat still, I shrug. Honestly what can I possibly say to make this any better? It is what it is.

''You are not staying here.''

I sigh. He sounds so sure of himself as he says this. I clear my throat before I attempt to speak. ''Its n…not so b…bad.'' My voice is so low the fighting neighbours next door are louder than me.

Christian takes a step towards me. ''Are you blind? This fucking place is a dump Ana.''

There's a loud crash from next door which causes me to jump and yelp a little. It sounded like someone threw a kitchen table against the wall. The whole room felt like it shook too. Whatever argument I had is gone. He is right, this place _is_ a dump.

But I have no other options here. I shrug again, ''this is all I can afford.'' I look at the floor, a little ashamed now at my predicament.

''Fuck this.''

Christian comes towards me and takes my face in his big hands. My knees melt a little. Oh god.

''If you think I am leaving you here in this shithole you are sorely mistaken.''

''But…''

''No Ana, for Christs sake no.'' his voice is fierce.

Tears flood my eyes. ''I don't know what t…to do.''

Christians face softens at my admission. ''You can stay with me,'' he all but pleads.

I would shake my head if I could, ''I can't.''

Christians face contorts in pain again. ''Goddamn it, why not? Do you hate me that much?''

Hate him? Where did he get that idea? In my confusion I blurt out the truth.

''Because you don't want me to, not really.''

''What?'' the shock is evident on his face and in his voice and his grip loosens.

I pull away and turn to face the one tiny window in the room, it faces a brick wall. ''I heard you.'' It's a whisper, but he hears me I'm sure. ''L…last night when you were talking to her…Elena.'' I let the hurt from his words seep into my voice, ''you t…told her I was no one. That I would b…be gone soon.''

There, the truth is out. I swallow down my sob but can't stop the tears from finally overflowing. Christian sucks in a quick breath.

''Ana,'' he says slowly.

I raise my hand to stop him from trying to make an excuse, I still can't face him though, ''its fine Christian. I'm g…glad I know, really I am. I don't want to be a b…burden to you anymore. You can go, I'll stay here. C…can you ask Gail to pack up my stuff and get someone t…to bring it here, please.'' I can't go back with him now.

The couple next door seem to have gotten over their fight and judging from the sounds now filtering through the wall they seem to be…making up. Oh God.

There is no sound from behind me and I think maybe Christian is already gone. Still, I don't turn to look. I am rooted to the spot and can't move. My arms are wrapped around me to hold myself together. My shoulders are starting to shake with the effort its taking me not to break into a sobbing mess.

Why is this _so_ hard?

Just when I thought for sure he was gone, Christian walks around me to stand in front of me. So close that his jacket is brushing against my folded arms. Even now when my heart feels like it's about to snap in half I am aware of how good he smells.

I watch as if in slow motion he raises his hands and once again cradles my face. He is being gentler than I have ever seen him be and it shatters my heart even more. The first sob escapes and I try desperately to hold back the rest by sheer force of will.

Christian presses his lips sweetly against my forehead. I close my eyes. Is this it? Is this how he is saying goodbye? I swear if he stabbed me in the heart it wouldn't hurt as much.

''Look at me.'' It's a gentle command that I cannot stop myself from denying him.

I look up and his eyes are shining with something I have not seen before. No one has ever looked at me this way. I inhale a sharp breath. What the…?

''I love you.''

And before I even have a chance to fully comprehend what Christian has just said his lips crash onto mine and I am being kissed senseless by the only man I have ever loved.

**A/N So there you go. I was going to leave you with a cliff-hanger but seeing as you were all so good to me with your reviews on the last chapter I decided I couldn't do that to you. This is your reward for all your patience! **

**Please review and let me know if you liked this one or if you think I should have handled it differently x **


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N Thank you to the wonderful readers and reviewers of my last chapter. I got such a great response it has spurred me on to write more. See? Positive feedback works!**

**Ana POV**

**Christian's lips on mine are** soft yet demanding. He prises my mouth open with his and gently but firmly pushes his tongue into my mouth. I meet his tongue tentatively with my own, eliciting a low groan from him.

I close my eyes and feel my knees weaken at the sound, causing Christian to wrap one arm securely around my waist lest I collapse into a heap onto the floor.

After a few minutes, or was it hours? He tries to pull away but I greedily follow him with my searching mouth, a sound of protest coming unbidden from my throat. I feel him smile against my lips as he gives me what I want.

He tastes so good, and he smells divine. Like clean soap and…Christian. I'm lost in the moment and go to wrap my arms around him, needing to feel him under my hands. Just in time I remember his no touching rule and pull my hands back. Not knowing what else to do I try to wrap them around myself again. I don't want to ruin this moment by making him uncomfortable.

With a sigh Christian pulls away and this time, needing to catch my breath, I allow him. He grabs both my hands and brings them up to his mouth kissing each palm in turn. Is he silently thanking me for not touching him?

I open my eyes to see him staring directly into my eyes, his gaze intense. I'm lost for words and just stare dumbly back. He said he loves me. I think I am a little in shock…and a whole lot confused.

He sighs again and rests his forehead on mine then smirks a little. ''Not bad for your first kiss,'' he grins.

Christian grinning is…wow, I have no words. Stunning comes to mind. Then his words clear my foggy brain and I frown. This wasn't my first kiss. Jose forced me to kiss him a few times. And that night Stephen…the thought effectively ruins this moment for me and I shake my head.

Christian looks bewildered at my reaction at first before he realises what I must be thinking. '_'Don't_. Don't you dare do that. _This_ was your first kiss, with me. I won't let that bastard take what's mine.''

I nod slowly and do my best to push those unwelcome images from my mind. ''Okay.''

''Good girl.'' Christian kisses my forehead and pulls me into a tight embrace.

''Are you ready to get out of here?''

I look at him not knowing what to say. I know him telling me he loves me changes everything but I am still trying to understand why he said what he did to Elena. Seeing my reluctance he explains, ''I'll tell you about that misunderstanding when we get home. Come. Let's get out of this shithole before we catch hepatitis.'' I would laugh only I suspect he has a good point, this place really is a health hazard.

He takes my hand and leads me out of the apartment. We pass Pete who is standing out in the hallway. ''Miss Steele is not interested in this or any other property Mr Turner. Thank you.''

He says 'thank you' but it sounds more like a 'fuck you' to me.

I look behind me at Pete as Christian pulls me towards the piss soaked elevator. He looks rueful as he turns to lock up the apartment. ''Do you not like Pete?'' I wonder aloud. Why?

''No.''

Okay then. Once the elevator doors close he pulls me into his arms and I can't help but snuggle against his chest. This contact doesn't seem to bother him. ''Why? What did he do?''

''He was looking at you in a way I didn't appreciate.''

''Oh.''

Christian grasps my chin gently, ''I don't want anyone looking at you that way…except for me.''

His words make my insides squirm delightfully and I beam at him. His eyes glaze over and he starts to kiss me again just as the elevator doors creak open, revealing Taylor who is waiting in the lobby. At first he looks surprised but that quickly is lost to amusement. He tries to hide it but if I can see it then Christian almost certainly can.

''The car, Taylor.''

''Of course sir.'' With that Taylor marches off to get the car. Christian mutters something about decent staff and now I'm trying to hide my smirk.

''Something amusing you Miss Steele?''

''Not at all.'' We are both grinning as we get into the car, Taylor is no longer smiling as he holds the door for us.

It's a short drive back to Escala. It's also an increasingly awkward drive as I don't feel comfortable talking about what happened within earshot of Taylor. By the time we are walking into the living room I am a bundle of nerves. What happens now?

''I um, I think I'll go take my shot now or we'll be waiting all night to have dinner,'' I am aware it's already later than when we usually eat. Can't say I'm all that hungry but I need a moment to myself to think this through.

As I remove my shirt and prepare for my shot I think about what Edward said, what he did. Could he really love me? Me? Clumsy, stupid, ill-educated Anastasia Steele. I look up from the vanity table to the mirror above it and scrutinise my reflection.

I'm not even pretty.

Christian enters the room quietly and I see his reflection behind me in the mirror. The vast difference in the quality of our looks is striking. He is so out of my league he may as well be on a different planet. I look down and busy myself with my shot once again. My hands are shaking slightly.

Christian's arms come from behind me. They reach around me easily and take the syringe from my fumbling hands. ''Here let me,'' his voice is gentle.

I point to the area on my hip which I have already prepared and he jabs me quickly and painlessly. Once he has put the used syringe in the waste bucket he rests his hands on my hips, his thumbs rubbing soothing circles against the bare skin under my tank top. He moves his mouth to my temple and kisses it lightly then whispers against my skin, ''what's going on in there?''

The feel of him pressing against my back and touching me clouds my judgement and for the second time this evening I blurt out the truth almost against my will.

''What can you possibly see in me.'' I bite my tongue but it's too late, the words are already out.

Christian stills. Shit. After a moment he turns me around, I stare straight ahead at his chest my face heating in embarrassment. ''Look at me,'' the fact that he is whispering in no way lessons the clear command. I look up at him hesitantly.

''Jesus you are beautiful.''

I cock my head to the side, like a puppy trying to understand what is being said to him. ''You really have no idea do you?'' I shake my head dumbly and blink at him. I bite my lip.

Christian groans and then he is suddenly kissing me again, more intensely this time. If that is possible. He moves us to the side and then I am being pressed up against the bedroom wall, pinned there by Christian's hard body. I whimper as his tongue sinks deeply into my mouth, his hands roaming my body restlessly.

My tongue battles with his, my body taking over from my brain on instinct. I wrap my fingers in his hair tightly and pull causing Christian to growl into my fevered mouth. The sound sends a bolt of lightning straight down _there_. If I wasn't being held up between Christians body and the wall I would be in a heap on the floor already.

Then Christian pulls me away from the wall and runs his hands down my back. My hands are still curled in his soft bronze hair. Both of his hands now grab my bottom and pull me up and against his hard body my feet leaving the floor.

Speaking of hard…I can feel Christian's erection pressed firmly against my lower abdomen. Oh my god it's huge, and extremely intimidating. Christian grinds against me subtly and I lose my breath. I am curious but also a little terrified.

Christian must sense my reluctance because he pulls away and allows me to slide down his body until my feet are back on the floor. He still holds me though and gives me a little crooked grin, ''don't worry baby, we won't do anything you're not ready for.'' Then he kisses me lightly again. It's a sweet kiss and it's just what I need to let me know he is honest about how he feels.

Then he pulls away and looks intently at me. It's a piercing look that tells me he is serious about what he is about to say. ''Don't ever let me hear you question yourself like that again Ana. You are perfect do you hear me? Absolutely. Fucking. _Perfect_.''

I want to tell him he is being silly but the sheer conviction in his voice and on his face brings tears to my eyes and I simply nod. He leans in a kisses away my tears.

''I love you too, you know,'' I say gently, needing him to know.

He stills and pulls back again slightly as if he didn't hear me correctly. I smile through my waning tears to assure him I'm serious. I didn't know what kind of reaction I expected, maybe I thought he would smile, or better yet, kiss me again.

What I didn't expect were the tears that sprung to his eyes. He looked as though he was having an internal battle with himself, as if he was having to convince himself to believe me. I ache to wrap my arms around him, to hold him. My fingers flex with the want to do it but I hold back and allow Christian to make the next move.

Finally he huffs out a breath. ''Baby.'' It's all he says as he pulls me to him and simply holds me against him. My arms are still by my sides and he reaches down and brings them up to his face.

He lays my palms against his cheeks and holds them there for a moment before moving them to his neck. ''You can touch me here,'' he whispers.

I nod, ''okay.'' My voice is hoarse now with yet more unshed tears for my wounded man. The possessiveness that comes with that thought is startling. _My man_. Christian is mine, just like I am his.

Oblivious to my inner revelation Christian continues, ''you can touch my arms too just not my chest or back, not yet…not yet.'' His explanations sound like an apology.

I move my hands back to his face, ''its okay, really, we can take this slow there's no rush. We have all the time in the world.'' I smile to reassure him once more.

He pulls me into another bone crushing hug. ''I love you.'' His words are a fierce declaration.

''I love you too Christian.''

**A/N Obviously there's quite a ways for these two to go yet and I wasn't planning on writing such a short chapter but it just kinda wanted to finish up here you know? Less is more and all that.**

**I have to admit I'm liking how this chapter turned out. A first for me I think…**

**Please review x**


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N I see a few of you spotted my blunder in the last chapter where I substituted Christian's name with Edward's…oops! Guess who's been reading a lot of Twilight fanfiction this week. Thanks for letting me know guys or I would've never spotted it xxx**

**I'll try to go back and fix it but I'm not sure how I do it. Do I have to take down the whole chapter and replace it or can I edit it?**

**Thank you once again to my amazing reviewers, I'm sorry I haven't been replying to many reviews lately but I read and appreciate every single one xx**

**Christian POV**

''**Will you stay with me** t…tonight?'' Ana asks shyly. I notice it's almost the first time in hours she has stuttered. Interesting. She only has trouble with it when she is nervous.

Pulling her in close I kiss her lightly then bury my face in her glorious mahogany hair, ''of course baby, you don't need to ask me that. There is nowhere I ever want to sleep again unless it's beside you.'' Ana sighs happily at my words.

I look at my watch and notice its getting late just as Ana lets out a huge yawn, ''come, let's get you to bed now, you're tired.''

Once we are snuggled up under the comforter after a serious make out session in which I struggled to make myself behave I let my mind wander, pondering the events of the day. She loves me! The most perfect creature on this planet loves _me_…Christian Grey aka the fuck up.

When she told me I was in such shock I didn't know how to react. I even almost started crying like a little kid but managed to stop myself. My gut reaction was to tell her she was wrong, that she couldn't love me, but the sincere look in her eyes made me bite my tongue. One look at her pure open expression told me that she was indeed telling me how she truly felt. The joy _I_ felt in that moment was so intense I was lost for words.

Now I hope she always feels this way. I know there is a distinct possibility that she may tire of my fucked up ways eventually. I need to find a way to make her keep loving me. I definitely need to keep her close to me, we didn't discuss it really but she certainly won't be moving out of Escala, this is her home now. I hope she understands that.

''What are you thinking so hard about,'' Ana asks sleepily.

''Nothing. Go to sleep.''

Ana sighs and turns her head to look at me. ''I can't sleep when I can practically hear your mind whirring. Spill it Christian so we can both get some sleep.''

I find myself grinning at her forthright attitude. I like this more confident Ana. ''Just that I can't believe you actually love me,'' I say quietly.

''Now who is the insecure one?'' she asks with a raised brow.

''Touché, Miss Steele.'' I pause for a moment hoping she will drop it but she keeps looking at me expectantly. ''I'm afraid you'll wake up tomorrow and realise what a mistake you've made.''

Ana rolls her eyes and turns back around, ''not gonna happen Christian, you're stuck with me.'' then she kisses the arm she is lying on gently and within moments I hear her deep even breathing. I want to laugh at how quickly she fell asleep once she had reassured me of her feelings. I wrap my arms a little tighter around her and bury my face in her hair. Engulfed in her sweet scent I too find sleep.

**Ana was still sleeping** when I left for work this morning. I wanted to wake her for a morning kiss but knowing she is working this evening I decided to let her sleep. So I had to settle for a kiss on the cheek while she slept although she did make me laugh when she reacted to the kiss by groaning and flopping over in her sleep groaning ''nooo, five more minutes.'' My girl certainly likes her sleep.

As I arrive at my desk my usual coffee and newspaper are waiting for me courtesy of Andrea. Taking a quick sip I unfold the paper. I usually skip straight to the business section but a photo on the front page catches my attention. It is a picture of Ana and I in the lobby of Escala waiting for an elevator. In the picture I have my arms wrapped around Ana as she smiles up at me. The caption under the picture reads 'Seattle billionaire Christian Grey seen with mystery brunette.'' I didn't even see the pap who took the picture, sneaky bastard.

I open to the article on page six where there are a few more pictures and a small article about how this is the first woman who I have ever been seen with. And a bit on how lucky Ana is to have 'scooped' me up. Fuckers, I am the lucky one here not Ana. How the fuck does information about my private life qualify as front page news?

I couldn't care less about this shit and I'm sure Ana won't either. I decide the best thing to do here is to ignore it so I turn to the business section and read an article about a potential take-over opportunity I have been keeping an eye on over the last few months. It's a publishing house here in Seattle that has recently been rocked by a sexual abuse scandal. It has seriously hurt their business as it turns out the head editor knew what was happening but said nothing. Thinking about it I decide not to enquire further about SIP as I don't want to be connected with that kind of activity.

Work is busy and before I know it lunchtime has come around. Andrea brings me a club sandwich and water and I decide to ring Ana while I eat. I've missed her today. Just as I pick up my phone it rings and I grin when I see that it is Ana ringing me, maybe she misses me too.

''Hi baby,'' I answer cheerfully.

''Have you seen the n…news?'' Ana whispers.

I'm assuming that there is something on the news about us from that article. ''No but I read the paper. Does it bother you?'' I get a knot in my stomach when she doesn't answer right away. ''Ana?''

''Everyone will know.'' She sounds choked.

''So? Is that a problem for you?'' Shit is she ashamed of me?

''No Christian you d…don't understand.'' Alright now I'm worried as Ana is starting to sound hysterical. I get up and pace my office, my lunch forgotten.

''Baby what's going on here? Surely you knew that people would find out about us. I am a very well-known man.'' I'm not sure what to say and I feel sick at the thought Ana doesn't want people knowing about us.

Ana starts sobbing and says something but I can't make out her words. ''Ana please calm down and tell me what's going on. You're scaring me here…it's just a photo, they don't even have your name.''

''B…but he'll see it he'll know where I am,'' she almost shrieks. ''I have to l…leave now.''

Shit does she mean Morton?

Ana is babbling, ''He'll m…make m…me go back. I can't, I c…can't.''

I'm terrified she is going to run, she isn't thinking clearly. ''Ana stay at home. I'm on my way. Can you hear me baby? Don't leave the apartment.''

There is a short pause before she finally manages to tell me she will stay put. We hang up and I call Taylor to bring me straight to Escala. Before I leave I tell Andrea to cancel all my meeting for this afternoon and to inform Ros if any urgent business comes up. My heart is racing the entire way home as I don't know what I am going to find once I get there. Once I enter the living room Gail says nothing but points in the direction of the bedroom.

I find Ana sitting on the bed with her knees up to her chin. Her face is puffy and red from crying. When she sees me she leaps from the bed and throws herself into my arms sobbing. ''He'll come for me Christian. He'll make me g…go back,'' she cries and I want to strangle the fucker.

''Shhh baby its ok. He won't come anywhere near you, I promise.''

''B…but…''

I lean back and hold her face, ''no Ana your safe, no one will ever hurt you do you understand? I love you and I will never allow anyone to hurt what's mine.''

She nods her head as yet more tears fall. ''I'm sorry,'' she sniffles.

''What on Earth have you got to be sorry for?''

She shrugs, ''for ringing you and freaking out.''

I pull her into my chest again. ''You don't ever have to apologise for needing me Ana. I always want to be the one you turn to if you are afraid.''

For a while we just stand there as I hold her, eventually she pulls away and wipes at her eyes. ''I must look a right mess, and I have to go to work soon.''

Crap, I really don't want her to go to work like this. ''Can't you take a day off?''

She shakes her head no, ''I can't its j…just me and Jake this evening, I can't let him down.''

Jake, the fucker who wants in her pants. I scowl.

''What?''

''He wants you.''

She looks like she might deny that he has been coming on to her but one look tells me she knows I know that would be bullshit so she just shrugs, ''So what if he wants me…it's you that has me.''

''Damn right it is,'' I growl and claim her mouth in a searing kiss. ''Your lips are so soft when you cry, are you sure you can't take the evening off? I'm off for the rest of the day and I'll be lonely without you.'' I pout and she giggles at me.

''Why did you take the rest of the day off?''

''Because you needed me,'' I state and her eyes soften at my words.

''I love you,'' she says with quiet conviction and my heart squeezes at her words.

''I love you too sweetheart. I do have to tell you something though that I probably should have told you when I found out, it's nothing bad,'' I add hastily when her expression turns wary.

''Okay…what is it?''

''Come here and sit with me for a minute.'' I pull her over and we both sit on the bed, I take Ana's little hand in mine and bring it up to kiss her palm.

''When you told me what that sick fuck Morton did to you I looked him up. I had Taylor look into him and I found out a while back that shortly after you escaped him that he and your mother split up.'' I pause to let this information sink in for her.

''He kicked her out, she would have never left.''

''I don't know for sure what happened but I know that your mother is telling anyone who will listen that she left him after he mistreated you. She is looking for you Ana.'' I'm not sure how Ana will take the fact that I know so much about all this, she takes a deep breath.

''You okay?''

''I need to get ready for work.''

That's it. That's all she says before she gets off the bed and heads for the bathroom. I'm not sure what I should do here, did I do the wrong thing not telling her?

I'm still sitting on the bed when she comes out of the bathroom dressed for her shift. ''Are you angry with me?''

''No.''

''Ana please look at me.''

She does so reluctantly. ''If you are mad its ok baby, I should have told you.''

''I'm honestly not mad Christian I never wanted to know anything about them once I left. I want to just forget that part of my life.''

''Okay I get that but what do you want to do now that you know they broke up?''

''Nothing Christian, she wasn't a mother to me when I needed her and I have no interest in contacting her now. I'm actually relieved they broke up, maybe that means he won't come looking for me.''

''I have had someone keeping a close eye on him Ana and he hasn't had anyone looking for you as far as we can tell.''

The relief on her face is evident and her hunched shoulders relax with my words. ''Besides nothing will ever happen to you while Sawyer is with you.'' I see she is about to protest but cut her off, ''no Ana, I'm sorry but now that you are in the public eye every sick fucker out there will come crawling out of the woodwork. They will hurt you to get to me and I would never forgive myself if something were to happen to you.''

''Why would anyone want to hurt you?'' she asks bewildered.

''Money baby, because I have a lot of it and there are any number of people out there who would do just about anything to get their hands on it.''

Her brow furrows as she contemplates this. I don't want to frighten her but if she is going to be my girlfriend she needs to know what she is taking on with me. ''Okay?''

She nods, ''okay.''

Having nothing to do once Sawyer has brought Ana to work I decide to work from home for the rest of the afternoon. I don't like it when Ana is not here with me in the evenings. Was my apartment always so empty? I never noticed before.

I need to get Ana to stop working, but how do I do it? Maybe if she enrolled in some college courses she would consider giving up work. Of course it's almost December now so she will have to wait until courses start next year. If I knew what she wanted to do I could perhaps get her some work experience in that field while she waits for college to start. I'll have to ask her about what she is interested in. She has told me already that she feels as though she has missed out on her education and feels cheated.

After a dinner I didn't enjoy because I had to eat alone I don't feel like going back to work. I stand and stare out of the big windows for a while. The wind and rain are beating off the glass tonight, I don't like the thought of Ana being out in this weather, what if she gets sick?

Sighing I make my way over to my piano and that's where Ana finds me when she gets home almost an hour later. I look up when she enters and smile, ''hey.''

She makes her way over and wraps her arms around my shoulders. ''Hey yourself,'' she leans down to kiss me and I can't help myself, I pull her down onto my lap and get lost in the feel of her lips and tongue moving under my own. Who knew kissing could be this good, I never cared much for it before Ana. In fact I can't remember the last time I kissed anyone before her, it's been a long time.

''Why were you playing such melancholy music?'' she asks once she eventually pulls away.

''Reflected my mood I guess. I missed you.''

''I missed you too.''

''Good. Stop working.''

She sighs, ''you know I can't do that Christian. How can I survive on no money?'' Raising both eyebrows at her I say nothing. ''Don't even think about it mister. I need to work.''

I pout, ''you're not thinking of moving out again are you? Because I swear to God Ana I don't want to hear it.''

She kisses my nose, ''you are impossible you know that don't you?''

''And you are too stubborn Ms Steele.'' I hold her a little tighter and I think I surprise us both with the pleading tone in my voice, ''please say you are not thinking of leaving.''

''Christian…''

''You can pay me rent if you want, just don't go,'' I all but beg.

She stares at me for a moment and I don't say another word needing her to make the right decision here. ''Okay, I'll stay.''

''Thank fuck.'' I pull her in again for another kiss. I lift Ana and place her so she is now straddling me, her knees on either side of my hips while we sit on the piano bench. Ana huffs an excited little breath at our new position and sinks her fingers into my hair.

I can feel the heat of her pressed against my quickly growing erection. The kiss soon becomes frantic as I devour Ana's mouth. Unconsciously she grinds against my cock and whimpers at the feel of the friction against her clit. Her sweet and innocent movements drive me wild and the next time she pushes against me I push back. She moans in pleasure.

''Is this ok?'' I pant, I don't want to push her farther than what she is comfortable with.

''Mmm,'' is her only response as she rocks against me again.

I never thought that this over the clothes adolescent shit would do anything for me but fuck it if I am not about to come in my pants with the feel of Ana's hot little sex rubbing against mine.

Her movements increase as she seeks something I'm sure she doesn't yet even understand. ''Fuck baby that feels so good.''

Her movements falter as she nears her orgasm, ''Christian…please…''

I grip her hips and steady her movements as she rubs against me, ''that's it baby, let it go, let it go. Christ you are beautiful.'' I groan as I watch her come apart. The sight of Ana's first orgasm and the feel of her hot little pussy on my cock, even through our clothes, is all I need and I follow her over the edge and come in my pants like a horny teenager.

I hold Ana as she comes down from her high. After a few moments her vision clears and she looks at me as if she can't believe what just happened. ''Welcome back,'' I grin.

Her face flushes an adorable pink and she buries her head in the crook of my neck causing me to chuckle. ''So now you decide to be shy,'' I tease and am rewarded by her giggle. I tighten my grip on her.

''You okay?''

''More than okay,'' she assures me as she pulls back. ''That was…I mean I had no idea it could be…''

I laugh again at her awed expression and lean in to whisper in her ear, ''you ain't seen nothing yet sweetheart.'' And bite her earlobe gently as a shiver rolls through her.

**Please Review xx**


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N So, so, sooo sorry about the long wait for this one girls (and guys?) I'm afraid my laptop packed in on me and I had to wait a couple of weeks until I could afford a new one. Of course once I got to the shop the sales man steered me towards the fancier items! Once I told him I thought I would need a laptop for writing he showed me a few options...so now I am the proud new owner of my first tablet. I've been playing around with it for a day or two and I have the hang of it now, mostly. **

**Its actually great for fanfiction as I downloaded the app so now I get notifications about updates and stuff, its pretty groovy. Anyway I'm sure you're sick of reading my excuses so on with the show...**

**Ana POV**

**Last night was...wow. I **have no words for how Christian made me feel. Speaking as someone who has never had an orgasm before I must say I was pleasantly surprised. Now I know what all the fuss is about.

Although Christian teased me about how much better it can be I am still nervous about going all the way. I am terrified that I might freak out over what happened to me at the hands of Stephen and Jose, although so far when I'm with Christian in an intimate way that hasn't been an issue. He was the perfect gentleman about it and I really didn't even have to explain how I was feeling. Somehow, he just knew I'm not ready yet.

Judging by the thoughts currently in my head though it wont be very long before I am. I get tingles _down_ _there_ just thinking about it.

''Ana...Ana be careful!'' I hear Jake yell from behind me.

I look up just in time to see I have left a cloth on the hot plate of the cooker, it has caught fire. Shit. I pull it off quickly and drop it on the floor, stamping out the small flame. I look at Jake sheepishly ''oops, sorry.''

''Jesus Ana where is your head at today? You've been day dreaming all day.'' Jake sounds exasperated.

''Yeah I know, sorry. I'm a bit preoccupied I g...guess.'' my face flushes when I think of the object of my distractions.

''Would this preoccupation have anything to do with one Christian Grey?''

''Maybe,'' I mumble.

Jake just grins and shakes his head. I had to tell him about me and Christian, it was awkward at first but Jake's a good guy and is being really nice about it. He hasn't asked me out again at least.

Two hours later we are locking up and I'm surprised to see Taylor parked at the kerb. Where's Sawyer? I'm delighted when Christian steps out of the back of the car. ''Hi'' I say enthusiastically.

Christian smirks and saunters over to me, he pulls me into him and plants a chaste little kiss on my lips. ''Hi yourself.'' He sounds amused. He shoots a side wards glance at Jake and I want to roll my eyes.

Jake grins at me, ''see you in a few days Ana.''

''Yeah see ya Jake.''

''A few days?'' Christian asks. He is still holding me, his hands creeping lower now that we are alone on the sidewalk. I give him a look to let him know I know what he's doing. He tries, and fails, to look innocent.

''Um yeah. This is my weekend off remember?''

Christian gives me a duh face, ''of course. How could I forget I have you all to myself for two whole days.'' I squirm at the thought and he gives me a wolfish grin. Oh my.

We get into the car and Christian resumes his interrogation. ''It's only Thursday. I thought you had to work tomorrow?''

I bite my lip.

''Ana?''

''Sandratoldmetotakesometimeoff.'' I say it so fast I'm sure Christian cant understand me.

He looks at me funny for a moment. ''Okay. Why?''

Shit. ''There were some...distractions, in work today.'' I see that has caught Taylor's attention as well as Christians.

''Where was Sawyer?'' I see Christian shoot an annoyed glance in Taylors direction.

''Well h...he stays outside. This happened in the deli.''

''_What_ happened?''

I can tell he's getting frustrated with my stalling. ''It was nothing really, I guess some guy recognised me from the news reports and got a little...excited.'' I shrug.

Christians face turns to stone instantly, ''did he touch you? Tell me the truth Ana.''

''No, Jake stopped him from c...coming behind the counter and threw him out. No harm done.''

His face twitches from its stony mask at the mention of Jakes name. ''it really was n...nothing Christian,'' I try to reassure him.

''So why aren't you working tomorrow?''

''Sandra thinks it would be best if I took some time off, until this media thing calms down a bit. We had a few paparazzi in as well today. I guess it made some of the regulars uncomfortable.'' I still feel guilty about that.

''How long are we talking here?''

''I'm not sure, a week I think. She said she would give me a call in a few days.'' I don't want him to know I'm worried about losing my job. Although I'm really not surprised right now that his face has cleared and he looks happy. I give him the stink eye.

''What?'' he tries to look innocent.

''I know this m...makes you happy. Me being at home all day.'' He doesn't answer me, he simply leans closer and kisses me senseless. Who am I to complain if my hot boyfriend wants to kiss me?

We step out of the car and into the lobby of Escala while Taylor parks the car in the garage. There are a few people around as we make our way to the elevator but I see none of them as I am literally wrapped up in Christian.

''Anastasia?''

I freeze. I would know that voice anywhere.

Sensing my reaction Christian pulls me behind him as he turns to face the woman who called me. I feel him stiffen when he sees her. Of course he would know who she was the moment he looked at her. Even I can clearly see the resemblance between me and my mother. I am just a younger version of her, except she has brown eyes, where mine are blue.

''Anastasia,'' she gasps. ''It _is_ you.'' There are tears in her eyes. Man she's good.

I grip onto the back of Christians coat and look around wildly. Is he here? Did she bring him with her? I start to shake.

Christian turns and takes me in his arms and I instantly feel safe. ''What do you want?'' he asks coldly. I am unable to speak.

Carla gives him a beseeching look. ''I've been looking everywhere for my daughter,'' she almost sobs.

''How did you know she was here?'' Christian sounds suspicious.

''I saw her on a news article yesterday. I came straight here to find her, I found out who you were from the same article and everyone in Seattle seems to know where Christian Grey lives. I've been waiting here for hours.''

If I didn't know her any better I would think she was being sincere.

I finally find my voice, ''wh...where is h...he?''

''Oh Anastasia, I left him baby. He was no good for us.''

Us? She never cared about an us before. It was always all about Carla, I was an afterthought.

For the first time I notice the rolling suitcase she is towing behind her, ''where are you s...staying?''

She simply shrugs her shoulders and gives me a pathetically pleading look. ''I hoped I could stay with you. I missed you honey.''

I look up to see Christian's face is unreadable. He is leaving this up to me. I would love to kick her out onto the street but my conscience is gnawing at me. What should I do?

I can see Carla is thinking things over too. ''Look, why don't you stay here for a while with your boyfriend and I can take the keys to your place, settle in before you come back.''

Oh crap. How do I explain this without looking like a mooch.

''Ana lives with me.'' Looks like Christian has found his voice.

Carla looks surprised, and if I am not mistaken, a little smug but it passes to quickly for me to be sure. ''Oh.' She turns her pathetic eyes to Christian.

''It is Ana's decision, after all it is her home too.''

I know she is surprised by this. Stephen would have never allowed her to make any decisions regarding his home.

What do I do? I am confused right now and I don't want to make the wrong decision. What if she really did leave Stephen? Christian has already told me she has been looking for me. Maybe she feels bad about what he did to me. After all she has never hurt me physically, emotionally sure, but she has never hit me.

People can change...right?

''Okay y...you c...can stay for a few d...days.'' I hear myself say. I just hope I don't regret this.

Carla rushes forward and hugs me awkwardly as Christian still has an arm around me. ''Thank you sweetie. We are going to have so much fun!''

Once we enter the apartment Christian instructs Taylor to bring my mothers suitcase up to the spare room then turns to me. ''You hungry baby?''

I shrug, ''not reall..'' I see the look he gives me, ''yeah sure, I could eat. Mom?''

''No, thank you. I will have a glass of wine though.''

Carla makes herself right at home, I refrain from rolling my eyes. Gail is in the kitchen putting the finishing touches to our meal so I excuse myself to take my shot. My mother follows me. She makes a face as I stick myself with the needle.

''I always hated doing that.'' She shudders.

''I know. You've t...told me before.'' I say flatly.

''Oh honey don't be like that. You know I just hate needles.'' She shudders.

I want to tell her that you would think a mother would overcome such a fear for the sake of a sick daughter, but I say nothing.

We have to sit at the kitchen table for dinner as there isn't enough room for three at the breakfast bar. Not that my mother is eating. As usual she prefers a liquid dinner. I don't think I have ever seen her eat a full meal, she's terrified to ruin her figure. She actually looks too slim to me.

She eyes my full plate of food but says nothing. This is wise. If she criticised how much I ate I don't think she would be spending the night here. Christian would flip.

''So Anastasia I can see from the get-up you're wearing that you have a job. At least I _hope_ those clothes are for work.'' She laughs lightly, as if that will ease her jab then turns to Christian, ''Anastasia never was much good at fashion.'' She gives him an almost apologetic smile.

Christian scowls slightly and my mother is taken aback. ''I happen to like the way she dresses. It's very modest...and age appropriate.'' He says this as he glances down at Carla's clothes. She is wearing a too revealing shirt with a too short skirt. I barely hold back my grin. I'm sure Christian takes no notice of my clothes as I mostly wear jeans anyway.

Carla offers Christian a weak smile and downs the rest of her wine. ''Well, I'm tired I think ill go to bed now if you don't mind.''

''No, of course not. Gail will show you where everything is.'' Christian's tone is dismissive. Carla looks to me, I'm sure she wanted to get me alone again but Gail comes over and politely offers to show her to her room.

I let out a breath I didn't realise I was holding.

''You didn't eat much,'' Christian notes.

''My mother has that affect on me.''

Christian doesn't say anymore as he sips his wine, looking at me over the rim of his glass.

''What?''

''Do you want her here?''

''Not particularly but its the right thing t...to do. I suppose.''

''I can ask her to leave in the morning Ana. Just say the word.''

I rub a hand over my face. ''No. Lets give it a few days, if she does or says anything to really upset me then I'll ask her to leave, okay?''

His mouth twists, ''not sure I want to let it go that far, but okay Ana. She is your mother I don't want to thread on any toes here.''

''Thank you. And don't be afraid to s...speak your mind around her Christian, otherwise she will walk all over you. Trust me on that one.''

''Oh baby just let her try.''

With that Christian stands up from the table and pulls me up with him. He rubs his nose against mine giving me an eskimo kiss. ''I missed you today baby.''

''Hmm me too.'' I wrap my arms tightly around his neck and pull myself as close to him as I can get, feeling his erection press into me.

We both groan when he dives in for a kiss. Its deep and possessive, and all consuming. Christians kisses render me unable to think clearly. They turn my mind to mush and my body to jelly. He hoists me up and I wrap my legs around his waist as he walks us back to his bedroom.

He lays me down on the bed and crawls over me. When he lays his lower body against mine I moan out in pleasure. His penis is pressed right up against where I need it to be. ''Christian,'' I gasp.

His groan is my only answer as he starts to rub himself against me. I whimper when he pulls away. ''Shh baby I've got you.''

He lays beside me and pulls up my top, feeling my breasts through my bra. Oh. It feels amazing. I'm surprised when he pulls down first one cup, then the other and stares at my exposed breasts greedily. I feel suddenly shy.

Christian looks up into my eyes and the hunger there chases away any reservations I may have had. ''This okay?'' I nod. I love how he always asks me before taking any new steps with my body. It makes me love him all the more.

''Trust me?'' he asks and kisses me gently on the lips. ''Always,'' I whisper. Then Christian does something he hasn't done before. He gently pulls at the waist of my leggings and puts his hand inside the stretchy fabric, moving down until his large hand has cupped me _there._ Holy fuck. I squirm.

''Oh baby you are soaking wet. And burning fucking hot,'' he growls against my neck. ''is it okay if I make you come this way?''

''Yes!'' its a whimper at this point.

Christian groans deep in his throat as his fingers start to explore. The sensation is almost unbearable, in a good way. I reach around with my hand until I find my goal. I awkwardly unfasten Christians pants and pull down the zipper with one hand. Christian pulls his lips away from my neck, his fingers still moving.

''What are you doing Ana?''

''I want you to feel as good as I do when you t...touch me.''

I reach inside his boxers and grip his erection. It feels huge, my fingers wont go all the way round. The skin is velvety soft but he's rock hard underneath.

''Baby you don't have to...oh fuck...squeeze it harder...yes like that.'' Christian flexes against my hand. His positive reaction makes me a bit braver and I start to stroke him harder as his fingers find their way to my entrance. '_'Oh''_ I gasp and still my movements for a moment when he slips two fingers inside me.

He pushes them in and out a few times before pushing them deep and rubs against the front wall of my vagina, while his thumb starts to work my clitoris. As if this sensation isn't enough Christian now latches onto my nipple and starts to suck in the same rhythm as his fingers are moving.

My body is just pure sensation right now. The feeling of Christian pleasuring my body as I pleasure his is enough to make me lose all sense of reason. Somewhere in my head I'm thinking I hope I don't hurt him I'm pulling so hard on his penis, but judging by the way he is moaning against my skin I don't think he minds.

Something is starting in my lower belly. A wash of heat is gathering. It's like before on the piano bench, only much more intense. I'm not sure if I can...

''Christian!'' I cry out.

Christian unlatches himself from my nipple. ''That's it baby, come for me. I'm going to come with you.'' Christian reaches down to his own erection with his free hand, wrapping his long fingers around mine and increases my faltering movements. Knowing he his helping me to make him come as he makes me come is all I need to push me over the ledge I'm on and into absolute ecstasy.

I think I scream as I come. Christian is still rubbing me inside and out at a rapid pace now and it prolongs my orgasm. Somewhere I am aware of Christian stilling beside me as I feel a warm pulsing wash over our intertwined fingers as he comes.

We are both moaning loudly and I feel my body bucking and jerking of its own accord.

We eventually come down and just stare at each other. Both of us are covered in a thin layer of sweat.

''Wow.''

Christian chuckles, ''are you going to say that every time you come?''

''Probably.''

He pulls away causing me to pout until he pulls me up with him. He kisses me on the nose. ''Bath Miss Steele.''

''Together?'' I bite my lip. I like the sound of that an awful lot. I have yet to see Christian naked.

''Of course.'' Christian takes my hand and leads me into the bathroom.

He runs the bath making sure the temperature is okay and turns to me. ''I want to undress you Ana.''

I nod. He pulls my shirt over my head and unfastens my bra. Then he kneels down and pulls my leggings and panties down together. Thank God I shaved my legs today. Then he kisses me _there_ and I gasp.

''You smell amazing Ana,'' he murmurs against me.

My blush lights up my whole face.

He stands up and cups my chin. ''Don't ever be shy with me baby. Seeing you this way, with me, makes me so happy I cant describe the feeling in words. I love you Ana.''

Hearing Christian say he loves me will never get old. I throw myself at him and plant kisses all over his face, my naked body against his clothed one. ''I love you too, but you're wearing too many clothes.'' I raise an eyebrow at him.

He chuckles and pulls away so he can quickly undress. Christian naked is...holy fuck. I think I'm dribbling, I know my mouth is gaping like a fish.

He picks up our clothes and turns to place them on a chair and I get my first glimpse of his behind.

It's perfect. I want to grab it, or bite it, or...something.

Christian comes back to me and grins at my expression. He puts one finger under my chin and closes my mouth. ''Like what you see?''

I nod. ''You are beautiful,'' I whisper.

''Why thank you,'' he grins at me again. Guess he's not shy like me.

Once we are comfortable in the bath, my back to his front, we just soak for a while. I try to ignore Christians penis as it pokes my butt cheek. He doesn't mention it either.

We talk about my job, I tell him I'm afraid I may be fired if things don't calm down. He doesn't say much but I'm sure he wont be too broken up about it...seeing as he doesn't want me working there in the first place.

We talk about my mom too. I want to know what her plan here is. Carla Morton always has a plan. We'll just have to wait and see. Neither of us trust her.

After a while we are all pruny so we have to get out I'm dog tired at this stage so Christian dries both himself and me and we climb into bed, me wearing one of Christians t-shirts while he is just in pyjama pants.

He pulls me close and nuzzles my neck and I know if he had his way we would be having sex, and I'm starting to think I am probably almost ready as well.

''Night baby,'' he kisses my hair. He sounds tired.

Okay maybe I'll tell him tomorrow about the sex thing if he's tired.

''Night.''

**A/N Something tells me if Ana told Christian she wanted to have sex with him he wouldn't feel so tired anymore!**

**Please review xxx**


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N Thank you for the reviews for the last chapter folks, and welcome to all my new readers. There seems to be a good few of you lately xx**

**Ana POV**

**Christian had to leave early** for work this morning, I vaguely remember him kissing me goodbye...but I may have been dreaming. I wonder when my mother is going to show her face though. I had my breakfast hours ago and she still hasn't stirred from her room. Although now that I think about it she always liked her sleep and even as a small child I rarely saw her up before eleven am.

Eventually I hear movement from the stairway and look to see her enter the living area. She is dressed immaculately as always in a wrap dress and stilettos. Jeez does she need to dress like this just to hang around the house? I don't mistake the disdainful glance she shoots towards my jeans and sweatshirt before she greets me.

''Good morning Anastasia. Where's Christian?''

''Working. He goes into the office everyday, he p...probably won't be home until after six.'' This seems to surprise her.

''Oh, why would he work so hard? If I were him I would stay at home all day spending my millions.'' She laughs as if she is joking but I know her well enough to know she is serious. I can't help but feel defensive of Christian. He works hard for what he has.

''The company b...belongs to him m...mom. He worked hard to build it up from n...nothing and he enjoys his work.'' I would say more but she waves me off as she makes her way to the breakfast bar.

''Honey it was just a little joke, don't be so sensitive.''

I bite my tongue. I don't want to argue with her on her first morning here. ''Did you sleep alright?''

''Yes I slept great. This place is amazing Anastasia you certainly landed on your feet. How long have you been living here?''

''N...not long. Just a few weeks.'' I don't want to tell my mother the circumstances that led to me coming to be with Christian yet. I don't trust her motives for being here and the less she knows about it the better.

''Well make the most of it while it lasts. You know what these rich types are like, they bore easily and are onto their next shiny new toy before you know it.''

My mouth gapes open at her statement. ''Mom seriously? Christian is not like that.''

She simply raises an eyebrow at me, ''hmm I suppose only time will tell.'' She looks me up and down again and shakes her head as if she doesn't know what Christian sees in me.

Gail makes her way into the kitchen . ''Mrs Morton, what would like for breakfast?'' She is noticeably cooler with my mother than when she is when talking to me.

Carla barely spares Gail a glance. ''Just a coffee, I don't eat this early in the day.''

I want to admonish her for being rude but I hold back as I don't want to embarrass Gail. I will definitely be bringing it up later though. ''Early? Mom it's almost lunch time.''

''Not for me. I will get something later.''

Fine. I know she has only been here a couple of hours but I'm already wondering when would be a polite time to ask her when she is planning on leaving. I don't think I can handle living in the same place as my mother for very long.

After lunch, my moms lunch, we are sitting in the TV room. Christian and I rarely come in here as neither of us tend to watch much TV. But mom likes to watch her daytime soaps and asked me to join her.

Not that she's been watching them, she has spent most of the time grilling me about my relationship with Christian. ''So how did he manage to talk you into sleeping with him? You were always such a prude before.''

Did she really just ask me that? ''Jesus mom. I wasn't allowed out of m...my room living in that p...prison of a house. That maniac wouldn't even allow me to talk to the s...staff.''

She clucks her tongue at me, annoyed. ''Always so dramatic Anastasia.''

I want to scream but I hold myself back, barely. I'm finding it hard to talk I'm so pissed, ''I'm n...not being d...dramatic. You are in d...denial about what went on in that house.'' I can't believe her. She was _there_, she saw what went on under Stephen Morton's roof.

I can see in her face she wants to argue with me but one look at my expression and she knows better. Hopefully she understands that she is in my house now. Not the other way around.

We sit in an awkward silence for a while before she speaks again. ''So the stuttering doesn't bother him?''

Oh this is too much. ''No.'' Bitch. I know she always hated it.

She eyes me again for a moment. ''I'll bet he likes to get his own way that one.'' Of course she is again referring to Christian. She doesn't even know him. I'm not going to tell her she is dead on here though so I say nothing.

''You never answered me before. How did he manage to get you in the sack? Oh wait...is he one of those guys who likes to pop a girls cherry?''

I am so mad with her at this stage I totally lose my filter. I jump off the couch and let her have it. ''J...just shut up mom okay. You d...don't even know Christian. He wants t...to be with me b...because he loves me. I d...don't need to have s...sex with him for him to want m...me.''

I go to storm out of the room but I stop at the sound of my mother's laughter. I turn to see she is bent over double on the couch. I wait in dumbfounded silence until she stops laughing long enough to talk.

''Oh Anastasia you silly naive little girl. He's only telling you what you want to hear so he can get in your pants. You are nothing more than a challenge to him and once he is done screwing you he will be done, but don't worry I'll be here for you when he's finished with you.'' She wipes the remaining tears from her face.

''You're wrong.'' I turn and run from the room and run the whole way to my bedroom and slam the door, listening to my mother's laughter the whole way. I curl up on Christians side of the bed and hug his pillow to me. She _is_ wrong. Christian loves me.

I must doze off because I'm awoken by light kisses on my face. I open my eyes to see Christians glorious face close to mine, he is leaning over me on the bed. ''Hey.''

He frowns. ''Hey yourself, are you not feeling well?'' he looks concerned.

I go to sit up and he pulls back to give me room. I'm still clutching his pillow to me. I shrug, ''avoiding my mother.''

His face darkens and I feel guilty. He has already put up with so much shit because of me I don't want to bring my troubles with my mother to his door as well. After all how much baggage do I need to bring to this relationship before he decides I'm just not worth the hassle.

''What did she do?'' he looks about ready to strangle her but I think it's probably best if I try to handle my mother by myself. I can't keep running to Christian with every little thing, I have to grow up at some stage and fight my own battles.

''It's no big deal, I can handle m...my mom.'' I hope.

''Ana.''

I lean forward and kiss him, ''it's okay, really. I just overreacted.'' He's not happy but because it's my mother he probably doesn't want to push the issue.

Dinner is a quiet, tense affair. I'm still pissed at my mom for what she said. Christian is pissed at her because he knows she upset me, and also because she is just pushing her food around her plate and barely touches it. Honestly, no wonder she is so thin.

Carla is gauging the situation warily, wondering if I told Christian about her interrogation and what she said about our relationship. Maybe she realises she stepped over the line. I can read the woman like a book. She is also being overly nice to me. If I didn't know better I would think she felt guilty over what she said...but I do know better. She is only being nice in the hope I will forgive her and not ask her to leave.

After a while she seems satisfied that I didn't spill the beans to Christian. ''Did any of you see the article in the Seattle Nooz today?''

I shake my head but Christian says he saw it. My curiosity gets the better of me, ''what was it about?''

Carla giggles like a little girl, it's a very disconcerting sound. ''Looks like the paparazzi spotted me when I came up to you downstairs last night. Of course they noticed straight away that we are related Anastasia. They think I am your sister.'' She giggles again and I roll my eyes.

''Older sister.'' Christian stresses the _older_ and now I want to laugh. I look in time to see him smirk at me over the rim of his wine glass.

Carla stops laughing. ''Well anyway, everyone wants to know who you are Anastasia so the paps are going to hang around until you give them what they want.''

I don't like the idea of that. I don't want mine and Christians life to be lived in the public eye. ''I was hoping if I ignored them they will get fed up and g...go away.'' I mumble.

''They will baby, something else will grab their attention in a few days and they will move on.'' He reaches a hand over to squeeze mine, ''I won't let them bother you.''

''I know.'' I smile at him.

Carla looks between us and huffs, ''well I think you should make the most of it. Offer to give them an interview, my be even let them in here for a photo shoot and...''

''No.''

Carla stops immediately at the finality in Christians tone. I just stare at her trying to convey all I am thinking in this moment. See mom? He really does like to get his own way, it may piss me off half the time but right now I love it.

After dinner mom disappears upstairs while Christian goes to his study. He said he won't be long, he just has to reply to some emails then he is mine, for the whole weekend. I am giddy with excitement at all with can get up to with two whole days at our disposal. We may have to hide from my mom though if we want any peace. Christian doesn't seem to think this will be a problem as he says he has...plans.

I am wondering what those plans could be when both my mother and Christian come into the room at the same time. My mother is dressed to the nines.

''I decided to head out for a while, give you kids some space to yourselves.''

What is she up to? She never mentioned this earlier. But before I can say a word Christian beats me to it. ''Okay Carla have a good evening, we won't wait up.''

She waves and disappears around the corner to the elevator. I notice that Christian doesn't bother to send any security with her. Oh well I'm sure my mother is more than capable of looking after herself.

The moment she is gone Christian is all over me. ''I missed you today,'' he mumbles in between kisses.

I giggle into his mouth, ''you've been home for hours.'' I kiss his nose. By now we are lying down on the large sectional sofa. I am on my back and Christian is on top of me. Most of his weight though is on the couch as I have spread my legs and he is lying between them.

He growls, ''but I couldn't do this with your mother watching.'' He attacks my mouth again and feels me up for good measure to prove his point. His hands feel amazing as they roam under my sweatshirt. I moan into his kisses.

Before long my shirt and his are in a heap on the floor and we are having a serious make out session on the couch.

I am startled by someone clearing their throat and try to cover myself up. Christian lays his body over me so I won't be seen. He peeks over the back of the couch as my face flames in embarrassment.

''What Taylor?'' He's pissed.

''Mrs Lincoln is in the lobby sir. She had the front desk ring up to say her code no longer works in the elevator.'' I can't see him but Taylor sounds uncomfortable.

''Tell her I am busy and to call next time before she shows up.''

''Very good sir.'' I hear Taylors shoes clack against the wooden floor as he leaves. Pity I didn't hear them as he came in.

''Elena?'' I question.

Christian sighs and gets up, pulling me with him. ''Yes, I didn't want her just letting herself in here whenever she wanted anymore.''

''Okay, why?''

''Honestly? I don't want her around you. This is your home now too and I don't want anyone just walking in here.'' He gives me a lecherous look that makes me giggle, ''God knows what she would see.'' He gently bites my ear and I squirm.

I'm still curious about their relationship though. How did he come to be friends with a woman who is so obviously older than him. I ask him as much.

''Elena is a friend of my mothers.''

Okay that just makes the whole situation even more strange. It's not normal for guys to be friends with their parents friends, is it? Christian watches me for a few moments, hesitating, before putting me out of my misery.

''Elena is the woman who introduced me to BDSM...''

I listen for the next fifteen minutes as Christian explains to me how Elena Lincoln seduced him as a fifteen year old child and, in my mind, molested him for years. By the time he was old enough to consent she had his mind so twisted up he didn't know any other way to be. I tell him as much and he sighs.

''It's so much more complicated than that Ana. Before her my life was a living hell. Elena offered me a release that I couldn't find anywhere else. For a long time I was addicted to it...to her.''

''And now? How do you feel about her now?'' I'm terrified of what his answer may be but I need to know.

Christian pulls me in close. ''I haven't needed her like that in a long time Ana. Whatever fucked up relationship we had has been over for years.'' Sensing my insecurities where his past life is concerned he pulls my face up to meet his, ''I haven't felt the need to pursue that life since I met you Ana. You are more than enough for me. I love you baby.''

I sigh as I see the conviction in his eyes. I know for now he believes what he says, but we haven't even slept together yet and now the more I think about what an intense sexual history he must have had I worry that I will not be enough for him. Yesterday I wanted to tell him I was ready, now I just don't know.

''I love you too Christian. It's just...''

''Just what Ana?''

''I'm afraid that when we, you know, _do it_ that I won't be enough for you. I won't be what you n...need.'' Christian holds me tighter when I say this. We are still lying on the couch but now we are side by side instead of him on top of me.

''You will be exactly what I need because I love you. Ana, you need to understand that everything we have done so far sexually has meant more to me than all the times I have spent in that playroom put together. Before you, sex for me was mechanical. Is was a physical release that my body craved and the only way I could achieve that without the risk of being touched was through BDSM. With you I don't need that because I trust you will not touch me where I cannot bare it.

''I know when we do have sex it will mean everything to the both of us because we love each other. Please tell me you feel the same way baby.''

How could I ever doubt this mans feelings for me? I lean over and kiss him gently, ''yes I feel the same way. I love you Christian.''

**Carla POV**

**I make my way into the **lobby of Escala. I couldn't spend one more minute in the company of the love birds. How the fuck am I going to separate them if the are so into each other. God damn that fucking Stephen for throwing me out. I was happy using his credit cards but now that he has cut me off I need to find some way of getting a steady cash flow.

The fucking pre-nup that tight asshole had me sign made sure I get nothing in a divorce. And after staying for one night with my daughter I know there is no way I could stay with the judgemental little twerp for long before I snapped. She always was a little miss high and mighty. Jesus she must take after her father...whoever he was. I couldn't pick the fucker out of a line-up. If I could I would have offloaded Anastasia a long time ago.

There's no point in going to Stephen empty handed, I need to bring that snivelling stuttering little bitch with me. If he wants to fuck her instead of me so be it. As long as he let's me spend his money I don't care what he does with her.

I hang around the lobby for a while, maybe one of those paps will spot me and come up to me. He might even pay me for some information about my 'sister'. I laugh to myself, serves me right for getting drunk at a party and getting knocked up at seventeen.

There is a woman at the front desk making a scene. I would take no notice only I hear her mention the name Christian Grey. Hmm, what is this all about? I edge closer so I can hear what's going on. Looks like she is no longer welcome at Casa el Grey and is pretty pissed about it.

''Excuse me, did I hear you mention Christian Grey?''

She turns and I can see instant recognition in her eyes. ''I recognise you from the Nooz article. You're that money grabbing sluts sister aren't you?''

I grin, ''actually I am the mother of the money grabbing slut.''

She eyes me warily, ''what do you want?''

I put forward my hand in greeting, ''I think we both want the same thing, and we may be able to use each other to get it.''

She smiles slowly and shakes my hand. Game on.

**A/N Thank you for reading and please review if you can. I love reading all of your feedback and speculations for where the story is going xxx**


	23. Chapter 23

**A/N Forgive any errors in this chapter folks as I am a little high today! I have a recurring disc problem in my back and it's pretty bad at the moment so the doc puts me on what he refers to as a 'cocktail' of meds to help me. Only side effect is they make me more than a little stoned...**

**Anyhoo thanks to everyone who read and/or reviewed the last chapter loves you all xxx**

**Carla POV**

**I try to sneak into the **apartment just after two am. Well I would have sneaked in except I don't know the fucking code for fort knox so I have to ring up from the front desk to get one of Christians goons to let me up.

I make my way to my room and get ready for bed thinking of all Elena has told me about Christian Grey. That man is one sick puppy. But it's all good as I can use this information to separate himself and Anastasia. Elena said I will have to be clever about this though as Christian is one seriously intelligent fucker.

I will just have to work on my dim-witted daughter, I'm sure with a bit of persuasion and a few well placed comments I can plant the seeds of doubt in her mind. And then I can tell her the truth about her precious boyfriends sexual preferences. I have no doubt that if Anastasia knew anything about his depraved sexual practises she would not be living here with him. That little mouse would have run for the hills.

Tomorrow I put my plan into action.

**Ana POV**

**I awaken to soft kisses on **the back of my neck and strong arms wrapped around my middle. I grin and push myself back against Christian. ''Morning,'' I yawn.

''Morning baby,'' he mumbles against the sensitive skin just under my ear, tickling me and I giggle.

''Mmm that might just be my second favourite sound in the world.''

''Second? So what would be your first?''

''Guess,'' he whispers in my ear and bites my earlobe and I squirm.

_Oh my._

Christians hand starts to move down my body, his fingers have just gone inside the waistband of my panties when we are startled by a loud banging on the door. ''What the fuck?'' Christian is pissed.

''Come on sleepy heads. Are you going to spend all day in bed?'' My mother's chimes from the hall.

I look at the bedside clock to see it is only just after nine am, I have never seen my mother willingly up at this hour in my life. ''Have we just entered an alternate universe?''

''That woman is fast wearing out her welcome,'' Christian grumbles and now I feel bad.

''Sorry.''

''Don't apologise for her Ana, it's not your fault.'' Christian hops out of the bed and heads for the bathroom.

I sit up in the bed, my good humour gone, ''well it is my fault she has all but forced her way in to your home.''

''Well the sooner we figure out what she wants the sooner we can get rid of her,'' Christian calls out while brushing his teeth.

''That could be easier said than done,'' I mumble under my breath so he can't hear me.

Christian is in the shower so I wrap myself in my silk robe and make my way out to the kitchen. My mom is sitting at the kitchen table reading the paper while Gail is making breakfast.

''Good morning Miss Steele what would you like for breakfast?'' the ever polite Gail asks.

''I'll have some pancakes with bacon if that's not to much trouble p...please Gail. Christian will be out soon and he said he will have a white egg omelette and some fruit.''

''Very well Miss Steel, coffee?''

''Yes please.'' I sit down beside my mother who is yet again not eating anything. ''Mom are you g...going to eat some breakfast?''

She looks up and smiles at me and I am instantly on edge. ''Oh honey you know my stomach can't handle food this early in the morning, I will have something later.''

I shrug. If my mother doesn't want to eat then that is her problem. Gail places a stack of pancakes and bacon in front of me just as Christian comes into the kitchen. He leans over to kiss me quickly before he takes his seat. He glances at my mother, "Carla."

"Good morning Christian," she says brightly.

We are eating our food when Carla chimes in again, "so I was thinking Anastasia that it would be nice if we could spend the day together, just us girls." She shoots Christian a sideways glance as she says this.

I look from my mother to Christian, "d...didn't you have something planned for us today." I plead with my eyes for him to say yes.

"Oh honey that's such a shame." If I didn't know my mother I would think she was being sincere. "I was hoping we could have some girl time, I even booked a day at a local spa for us. After all I won't be staying here for too long before I have to leave."

"Leave?" Oops, I hope I didn't sound too excited when I said that.

"Yes, I have been looking into a possible job opportunity in Savannah."

My eyebrows fly up in surprise. My mother, as far as a I know, has never worked a day in her life. "What kind of job," I ask with scepticism clear in my voice. She simply waves a hand at me, "oh I don't want to jinx it by talking about it. It's early days yet but I will have to fly out there for an interview soon."

I look at Christian and have to hide my grin when I see unabashed delight on his face. If Carla notices she says nothing.

"So what do you say to a spa day honey?"

"Well...Christian had said he had plans for us t...today..." I look over and I can see him shake his head slightly. He's thinking today he same thing I am, the sooner she gets what she wants the sooner she'll be out of our hair.

Christian downs the rest of his coffee then looks out the window as if he is contemplating something. "What I had planned really called for nice weather so seeing as it is raining I don't see the problem in putting off our plans for another day." He grins at me.

My mother claps her hands, ''yay, so us girls can go get ourselves pampered."

I roll my eyes, a day of getting pampered and preened at a spa while listening to my mother prattle on is _not_ something I am looking forward to. But if it gets rid of her quicker then it is a necessary evil. My only apprehension is I am afraid she is looking for money, and she will probably expect me to ask Christian to give it to her. There is no way I am going to do that.

**We pull up outside Esclava** in the taxi my mother insisted on ordering. Christian wanted Sawyer to drive us but I convinced him I would call if I needed him. He wasn't happy but he gave in. Esclava is everything I was afraid it would be, pretentious and overdone in every way imaginable. The staff are tanned and plucked to within an inch or their lives. There isn't a hair out of place in the entire establishment. I feel like a frump the minute I walk in the door in my jeans and shirt.

We are greeted with a glass of champagne and brought back to the 'relaxation' room. It's obvious this place is going to cost a serious amount of money, I hope Carla doesn't think I have the money to pay for this.

"Mom how d...did you get us in here on such short notice?"

"Oh it was no big deal, a daughter of a friend of mine from back home knows one of the girls who works here," she says dismissively.

"Really, d...do I know her? Is she here today?" I look around to see if I recognise anyone but see only a few girls sitting waiting for treatments like us.

"No, today is her day off."

I do my best to relax after we have changed into the white waffle robes we are given. I am shown a list of treatments and told to pick whichever ones I want as it is all included in the package.

I turn to my mother and whisper, "mom I don't know what m...most of this stuff is. What the hell is anal bleaching...actually forget it I d...don't want to know." I shudder.

Carla laughs and takes the form from my hand, "you don't have to do anything so extreme honey. Here look, why don't you just get a mani-pedi and a massage, oh and if I were you I'd get a haircut, it's getting awfully long sweetie."

I take the form back from her and tick the boxes she suggested, afraid to even look at the rest of this stuff. There's no way I'm getting anything waxed or plucked either.

An hour later I am actually feeling relaxed, maybe it was the massage or perhaps the champagne . I'm not sure but it's doing the trick and despite my hesitation I am enjoying myself. I haven't seen much of my mother though because she's been busy getting every treatment she can get her hands on. No surprises there.

I'm laying back while waiting for Franco, the hair stylist, to finish up with a client so he can cut my hair when my mother sits down beside me.

"So are you having fun."

I turn to her and smirk, "I'm not hating it anyway if t...that's what you want to know." She smiles at me but is distracted by a few girls who just came into the relaxation room.

I turn to see who she's looking at. One of them seems to recognise me and comes towards us. I hope it's not from the Nooz articles, I start to feel a little uncomfortable.

"Hey I know you," she says loudly.

"Excuse m...me?"

"Yeah your _his_ new girl aren't you?" her friend chimes in.

I turn to my mother who just shrugs her shoulders. She hasn't a clue who they are either. "I'm sorry, d...do I know you?"

The first girl laughs, "no but we certainly know who you are Anastasia."

Okay this is getting weird. I stand up and pull my robe tighter around me. "M...mom I think we should g...go." Where's my phone? I need to call Christian to pick us up. Shit it's with the rest of my stuff that they put in a locker for me when we came in.

''She looks just like the rest of us doesn't she Susie?"

That one sentence freezes me in my tracks. I remember Elena saying those exact words to Christian. I look closer at the four girls who are now openly laughing at me. With a jolt I realise that they all are slightly built with long brown hair and they all look like...me.

Were they Christians subs? He only told me he had them when he explained about his relationship with Elena, but he never went into any details. I feel sick.

My mom rushes to my side. "Honey what's the matter, you are pale, do you need a glass of water?"

"I n...need to g...get out of here n...now."

I vaguely hear the girls talking, "yeah Leila she may look like us but I never remember master being into the whole s...s...stuttering thing before." She mimics my stutter and they all roar with laughter.

Another girl chimes in, "that would have gotten us a serious whipping."

Just as we head for the locker room I hear one, Leila I think, call after me. "When he's done with you let him know there's plenty of us mommy look-a-likes to take your place."

Mommy? Oh my God do I look like Christians mother? What the hell is going on.

In a daze I get dressed and text Christian to tell him we are ready to be picked up. Carla is uncharacteristically quiet. Part of me wants to run, I don't want to face Christian after hearing those things about him. What if they are true? And how did they know so much about me? Did Christian tell Elena more about me than he let on?

No. I refuse to think like that. We have had enough crossed wires already due to us not talking things out. I will go home and ask Christian about all of this. I'm sure he will have a perfectly reasonable explanation for what's going on. Someone must be trying to set him up, drive a wedge between us.

Sawyer picks us up and drops us back to Escala. Once we enter the penthouse my mother disappears to her room as Christian is waiting in the living room for me. Instantly he knows there is something wrong.

"What did she do?" he asks angrily while shooting daggers towards the stairway my mother just scampered up. He opens his arms for me and frowns when I don't go to him.

"D...did they all l...look like me? The subs?" I whisper.

I look at him to gauge his reaction. He pales and I have my answer. "What?"

"Four girls c...came into the spa. They knew you...they l...looked like me..." my voice is almost monotone with shock that they were telling the truth.

Christian steps towards me but I raise my hands. "No. Tell me I'm wrong, please Christian, tell me this is some k...kind of sick joke," I beg even though deep down I know the truth.

Christian looks panicked, "Ana I can explain."

"How," I whisper. "How can you explain the fact that you only want me because I look like them." Saying the words out loud hits home and the first sob breaks free.

"Do we look like your mother?" Christian looks horrified when I ask him this. Oh God it's all true, everything they said is true.

"Was it all a lie?" I sob.

Christian comes forward again and this time he ignores my protests and wraps his arms around me. "No Ana. Jesus no. I love you baby, please you have to believe me."

I pull away, "do I look like your mother...like all those girls you used to beat?" I scream at him.

Christian looks devastated but I can't think about that now. He wasn't honest with me. "Yes." It's a barely audible whisper. "But I can explain..."

I can't hear those words right now. I pull away from his arms and run up the stairs into my old room. I forgot for a moment that's it's the room my mother is staying in. She is sitting on the side of the bed looking worried.

"Oh baby." She holds out her arms for me and having nothing or no one else to turn to I fall into my mother's arms and sob.

"I have you honey, I have you. He was never good enough for you anyway."

**A/N So are the evil bitches going to get their way? Hands up who wants to slap Carla and Elena right now...and maybe even me a little bit for leaving the chapter here!**

**Please review x**


	24. Chapter 24

**A****/N**** As you all know this site has been down for 24 hours...grr. I wanted to post this last night but I'm only getting it up now**

**I know some of you are worried after the last chapter about Ana turning to her mother for comfort….but please bear with me. Things may get a little bumpy for a while but look at how she just found out about a massive part of Christians past. He hasn't exactly been forthcoming with Ana and she is too naïve to really have known what to ask.**

**Also I had a few reviewers comment on how weak my Ana is and although I totally see where you are coming from this is a very different Ana from the original books. She has had a really tough life so far and in trying to make this as 'realistic' as possible I don't think Ana would go from a timid young girl to a confident woman overnight.**

**Thank you to the guest who reviewed in Ana's defence, I wish you had signed in! You really seem to have gotten where I'm going with my Ana. Building her confidence is a slow process, and there are bound to be setbacks along the way.**

**Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed the last chapter xxx**

**Ana POV**

**My mother's embrace as** she holds me feels hollow. I have never gained any real comfort from this woman but the sad state of affairs is I don't have anyone else.

I cannot believe Christian lied to me…well okay, he didn't lie exactly but he omitted to tell me a pretty big part of his history. The thought that I look like his mother hurts so badly and makes me feel sick. How can we ever get passed this? Do I even want to?

That thought sends a pain searing straight through me. I'm not sure I can stand to lose Christian now. I love him. I love him so much. These confused thoughts are giving me a headache.

I pull away from my mother and sniffle a bit. She tries to hide it but I see her make a face before handing me a tissue.

''What do you want to do?''

''I d…don't know,'' I hiccup a little as I answer.

Carla tsks, ''well obviously you can't stay with him, the man is sick in the head. God only knows what he will do to hurt you.''

''Mom, please. He's not sick and he would n…never hurt me. You don't know him like I do.'' I don't like the way she is so quick to vilify Christian. She doesn't even know him, not really.

I can see she is getting irritated with me but is holding it back. Why? She has never held back before. ''Can you just g…give me a little bit of time alone mom, please?'' I know this is the bedroom she is using right now but I can't go into Christian's room in case he comes looking for me.

I think if I had anywhere else to go I would go there now. I need some space to think. Maybe I should have moved out when I had a chance. A part of me knew it was too soon, that we were moving too fast and didn't know each other well enough yet. Today was a brutally painful way for me to find out that I probably should have trusted my first instincts.

But I can't move out now. I don't even know if I still have a job.

Carla's not happy but she is trying her damn best to hold her tongue. When she speaks it's with a false sweetness. ''Sure thing honey, I'll be just down in the TV room if you need me.'' Her words are at odds with her expression and body language. Is it because she is worried about me and if I am truly safe with Christian? Maybe she really does care and I'm being too harsh on her, after all she seems to be trying hard to get along with me. And she did arrange that spa trip today just for us.

''Thanks mom.''

Before she's fully out the door she turns back, ''maybe you should go and talk to him.''

Once I am alone I throw myself across the bed. What am I going to do?

Will Christian even want me after the way I screamed at him? It seems as though there are an endless number of little brown haired girls at his disposal, girls who are obviously willing and able to do things with him that I never could. What use can he realistically have for some homeless hooker he bought on the street?

I curl up into the foetal position as I can feel the old me resurfacing. The scared little girl with nothing and nowhere to go. I felt like this for a long time when I lived with Stephen. Trapped.

But I'm not trapped with Christian, I chose to be here. Our relationship was almost over before it started because of our lack of communication. We were both so afraid to tell the other how we felt. Is that what this is? Is Christian afraid to share more of himself with me in case I would leave him? I need to know the truth.

I pull myself off the bed and decide that for better or worse we need to talk so I at least know where I stand. I set off in search of him to find the answers I need.

**Christian POV**

**I've lost her. My Ana.** The best thing that has ever come into my worthless life and I've lost her. But if I had told her the full truth about my depraved past how would she have reacted? Maybe I would have lost her even sooner.

If I had said _'by the way Ana, I'm a sadist who likes to beat little girls that look like my crack whore_ _mother'_ how could she have been anything but horrified?

I all but fall into the office chair in my study and drop my head into my hands. What will I do without her? Surely now she will leave with her mother and I will just be a bad memory. The thing is I don't trust Carla Morton one little bit.

Speaking of trust…what the fuck happened today. Thanks to Taylor I now know that Carla took her to Esclava. Was this just a coincidence? I can't see how Carla would know anything about my past with Elena unless Ana told her, which is highly unlikely.

And how did those bitches know Ana would be there today? Something is going on here and I will get to the bottom of it. Whoever orchestrated that little meeting is going to wish they were never born. Starting with the ones who violated their NDA's. I wonder what incentive they had to do that and how is Elena involved?

Taylor has a call in to Elena to get the surveillance footage of Esclava today so we'll see what shows up there, I want to know who exactly was involved in this.

But then what? I will still have lost Ana. Maybe I can convince her to stay if I try to explain….

I am cut off mid thought when my study door opens. When I see the brunette hair my heart leaps until I realise it is Carla, not Ana, who enters the room.

''How is Ana?'' I'm surprised how broken my voice sounds. I clear my throat, I don't want to show this viper any weakness.

She eyes me for a moment from the doorway, ''how do you think?''

Yeah. Ask a stupid question…

''Christian, what Ana found out today…you know she won't ever get over that don't you?''

I swallow but don't answer. Did Ana tell her this?

''She is in her room packing right now. I don't even want to tell you the awful things she called you.'' She looks at the floor.

So it's true. She is disgusted by me. I reach up and loosen my tie as I'm suddenly finding it hard to breathe. ''Did…did she say where she's going?''

''She doesn't want you to know. I'm sorry Christian but she just such an innocent, she would struggle finding out about any of your sexual past but something like this is terrifying for her.''

''But she already knew,'' the words are out of my mouth before I can stop them. What she's saying doesn't make sense. ''I need to talk to her before she goes.'' I need to know she will be okay. Won't she need money?

Carla looks flustered for a moment. ''She doesn't want to see you Christian.'' She sounds a little panicked. Something is not right here, this doesn't sound like Ana talking.

Before I can make a decision on what's the best thing to do Carla steps around my desk and stands beside my chair. She grabs the back of it and spins it around so I am facing her. What the fuck?

She reaches out and I think she is going to slap me, which in the circumstances would be reasonable, but she shocks the shit out of me when she caresses my cheek. She may as well have slapped me I jerk my head back so quickly.

''What the fuck are you doing Carla?''

Her voice takes on a cloyingly seductive tone that turns my stomach. ''Oh come on Christian. Just because my frigid daughter won't give it up doesn't mean that I won't.''

I have to remind myself that I should never hit a woman, ''get the fuck away from me.'' She reaches out to touch my chest and I panic. _No_. I don't want this bitch to touch me. I stand up and grab her wrists and fling her arms away from me.

She stares up and me and grins slyly, ''I'll let you tie me up if you want, big boy.''

For just a moment I am frozen in shock. Big boy…that's what Elena used to call me. That fucking bitch. She will pay for this.

Carla uses my hesitation to come at me again. She reaches out and grips my belt buckle so I grab both of her arms.

And that is how Ana finds us when she walks into my study. She looks between Carla and me, confusion clear on her face. Quickly followed by hurt.

_Oh. Shit._

''Baby this isn't what….''

''Oh honey I'm so glad you came in…''

Carla and I both try to explain ourselves at the same time, talking over one another. I stop talking when I can see clear devastation on her face, but Carla keeps going. She even has tears as she 'explains'.

''Anastasia he tried to seduce me. The man is depraved…he said he wanted to tie me up and bring me into his _playroom_. I don't even know what he is talking about, what's a playroom?'' she shrieks. ''I think we should call the police!'' she wrenches away from my grip where I was still frozen and we both face Ana. Her eyes are now screwed shut.

I need to defend myself, ''Ana please, look at me,'' I plead.

''Don't listen to him Anastasia.''

''Shut up,'' Ana all but screams. ''Just shut the fuck up and stop fucking lying to me.'' As she says this her eyes snap open and she looks directly at me and I feel like my whole world had just imploded.

**A/N Runs and hides….Please review xxx**


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N Bonus update! Did you really think I would leave you all hanging for too long? **

**Ana POV**

"**Shut up! Just shut the fuck **up and stop fucking lying to me." I am so angry I am screaming. Angry at Christian...and myself, but most of all I'm furious with my poisonous mother.

I cannot believe I almost fell for it. In my gut I knew my mother was up to something.

How she found out about Christians past I have no idea but I know the woman well enough to know she would stoop to any level to get what she wants.

No doubt Christian has a lot of explaining to do, he needs to tell me more about himself and his past or I will have no choice but to walk away. I can't take another day like today, being ambushed like that was horrendous. If I had known the truth things would have been so much different.

With that thought I open my eyes and glare at Christian just for a moment before I turn my icy gaze on my mother. She looks shocked for a second before she hides it. I don't think my mother has ever seen me like this, come to think of it I don't think I have ever allowed myself to get this angry in my life.

"Get. Out." I grit the words out through my teeth.

''Anastasia honey, are you coming with me? You need to get away from this...this monster." Christian flinches and backs away from her at the term monster. She is trying to act the innocent which only enrages me further.

"I should have known mom, I should have realised you were up to no good. Never in my entire life have you been as supportive of me as you have been the last few days."

Great now the angry tears are starting. Why do I always cry when I'm angry?

"Honey, please..." she looks frantic now.

"Is it money? Is that what you're after?" I laugh bitterly, "because I don't have any."

She shakes her head wildly, "no, I don't want money I just wanted to be a mother to you Anastasia."

I stalk towards her and she scampers back. "You don't even know the meaning of the word," I hiss at her. I want to slap her so bad but I won't stoop to her level. It's just not in me to be violent.

Something changes in her eyes, a subtle shift. She knows I won't fall for her bullshit anymore. Carla knows when she has lost and the old mother I know and hate comes out to play. In a moment her face changes from pleading to the more familiar disdain I'm used to seeing directed at me.

"You stupid little bitch. Why couldn't you just go along with it? We were almost there," she rants.

"What are you talking about."

"I should have gotten rid of you when I had the chance, you've done nothing but ruin my life. I should have left you with Ray when he wanted to keep you." I gasp and she smirks. "But I couldn't do that. He wanted _you_ but he didn't want me, so I had to hurt him in the only way I could. So I took you away. It broke his heart." She smiles fondly at the memory and that's when I realise she is either pure evil or completely insane. It's a toss up.

I no longer want to be so close to her so I back away, my anger fading now. "What happened to you to make you this way?"

"_You_ happened."

Okay that hurt. Did having me really make her this screwed up person?

"Don't you dare blame Ana for you being nothing but a fucked up whore," Christian interjects angrily but my mother ignores him.

"He would have taken me back...he would have taken us both," she mumbles.

"Who?'' I ask but there's a sick dread dawning in my stomach and I feel faint.

"Stephen," she spits. "He threw me out after you ran you selfish tramp. You ran away from him only to end up in the arms of a man so much more depraved."

"Don't you ever compare Christian to that sick bastard. He is nothing like him. Stephen Morton is a nutcase!" I'm shouting again and I feel like clawing her eyes out. How dare she say Christian is like _him._

"Don't talk about your father like that," she screams back and before I know it she comes at me, arms swinging.

I throw my hands up to protect my face but her newly manicured nails make contact and she rakes them down the side of my neck. I try to protect myself from further harm but suddenly she is gone.

I open my eyes to see Christian has pulled her off me and has her pinned against the wall. "You ever touch her again and I will show you just what a monster I can _really_ be," he snarls and to her credit Carla actually pales.

"Taylor!" He shouts and a second later Taylor is in the room. He must have heard all the shouting and been just outside in case things got ugly.

"Get this bitch out of my apartment," he shoves Carla towards Taylor.

"Sir."

Taylor escorts her out of the room and knowing she has lost Carla goes willingly. But she turns in the doorway and shoots me a chilling look. "You'll be sorry for this. I'll make sure of that."

This time Taylor grabs her by the arm and leads her out and I hear her complaining and bitching the whole way. I'm assuming he'll go with her to pack her stuff and escort her out of the building.

The adrenaline wears off and suddenly I feel weak. I stumble a bit and hold onto the wall.

"Ana!" Christian holds his hands out towards me but doesn't quite touch me. "Baby are you okay?"

"I'm fine," I whisper.

"No. You're not fine. Can I lift you?" he sounds worried.

"I can walk...I think," I try to take a step but end up stumbling again.

"I'm sorry baby but you're going to hurt yourself." Christian scoops me up and carries me to his room and lays me on the bed. "Have you eaten? Or even taken your shot?"

"No."

Christian says nothing and quickly takes my levels. He frowns, "it's far too low, you need to eat something. It was probably from the stress."

I'm feeling a little irritable which is understandable in the circumstances but I also know it's a sign of my illness getting out of control. Right now I don't care. "I'm not hungry ," I pout.

He stares at me. "Tough" he goes to get me some food.

I'm almost asleep when he comes back with a tray of delicious looking sandwiches. "I can't eat all of that!"

"It's for me too, or do you want me to go?" he looks like a little boy waiting to be told off. I roll my eyes and sit up in the bed. "It's your room."

He sits on the bed across from me and puts the tray between us. Gail must have made this there's no way Christian put these sandwiches together. I eat the sub without really tasting it and pick at the chips and within a few minutes I'm already feeling better.

Christian is watching me closely but stays silent. It's annoying. "What?"

"Are you feeling better?"

I shrug. I know I'm acting like a child but I'm still hurt that he held so much back from me after I told him every embarrassing thing about my past. I thought he was being honest with me too.

"Do you want to talk?"

I snort, "are you going to be honest with me?"

He looks hurt and now I feel bad. "I've never lied to you Ana."

"You haven't told me the whole truth either Christian. It amounts to the same thing."

He hangs his head, "I thought you'd leave me." It's barely a whisper.

"And if I did choose to leave? Don't you think I deserved that choice?"

"You're going?" he looks devastated.

"Honestly? I don't know. I'm so confused right now Christian. Confused and really hurt." And cue the tears. I wipe them away angrily.

Christian moves the tray to the floor and scoots closer to me, "can I hold you?"

I should probably say no, but I nod yes. He wraps me in his arms and I cling to him and just bawl my eyes out.

"I'm sorry baby, so, so sorry," he murmurs into my hair. "Please don't leave me."

The pleading in his voice tugs at my heart even as I try to be detached so I can think straight. "Am I really like all the others?" I sob.

He takes a deep breath and holds me tighter. "When I first heard you crying in the alley it was so dark I didn't even see your face. I noticed you're hair was similar but that has nothing to do with why I brought you here. I wanted to help you Ana. Then when I finally saw your face clearly I though you were the most beautiful creature I had ever seen." He pulls back and wipes the tears from my splotchy face, "still do," he whispers.

"The fact that you were a similar build and had the same hair as the subs was just a coincidence baby. You look nothing like any of them to me, all of their faces blur together and I'm not sure I could tell them all apart at this stage.

"I know if I was to never see your face again I would never forget a single detail."

I know I still need to ask him the most important question, but I'm afraid of what the answer will be. "D...do I look like you're mother?" How he answers this will mean everything.

He sighs, "a bit...you're hair is similar."

I pull away. How am I supposed to feel about that? "Do you want to beat me because I look like her?"

"NO! I've never felt the urge to do BDSM with you Ana. That was the main reason I fought my feelings for you for so long. I didn't know if I was ready to give up that life for good."

"And now?"

His face softens, "I love you Ana, I would give up _everything_ for you."

"It really hurts that I look like her."

"I'm sorry I wasn't more forthcoming, I was terrified I'd lose you. Flynn warned me this might happen."

Flynn, Christians psychiatrist. He's told me he sees him but never what they discuss. "Sounds like he knows what he's talking about."

"Am I losing you?"

I stare at him for a long time. He looks utterly broken at the thought of losing me. It hurts that I look like his dead mother, it hurts a whole damn lot. But he says that has nothing to do with his feelings for me...his love.

I suppose the real question here is do I believe him? Is he sincere in what he is telling me? Did he really not tell me because he was afraid of losing me?

The more I think about it though I realise that if Christian didn't feel something for me why would he want me here? He could quite literally have any other woman he wanted. And not just for the BDSM stuff. He could give that up and have a normal relationship with whoever he chose.

But he chose _me_. I don't know why, I'm not beautiful or even well educated but he wants me nonetheless. And at the end of the day isn't that what really matters here? I believe Christian loves me, despite all of his fifty shades.

"No. You're not losing me."

He blows out a harsh breath and pulls me into his arms. It feels so good. Safe.

"You won't regret this baby, I promise."

**A/N So Ana grows a backbone...finally. I hope you noticed that she didn't stutter once while ripping her mother a new one and telling off Christian (yes, it was deliberate!) The more confident Ana gets the less she will stutter.**

**C'mon did you seriously think I'd send Ana off with Carla? Oh ye of little faith.**

**For anyone who is getting a little antsy there may be a lemon coming up in the next chapter or two. Just sayin...**

**Please review my lovlies xx**


	26. Chapter 26

**A/N I feel like I owe you all a huge apology and an explanation for not updating in so long. I have received a few reviews and pm's asking if I'm even going to continue with the story. . . Was it really that long?**

**The reason for my absence is because I have been really fucking pissed over the last few weeks and my head hasn't been in the right place to write what I want. I foolishly told someone at work, a person I trusted, about writing on fanfiction and she went and told a few more people about it. I'm easy enough to find because I use my real name instead of making up a username. **

**Understand that I'm not at all ashamed of what I write but I am ridiculously shy about it and no one I know has ever read a single thing I have written. But now a few people I work with have read my stories and have started to give me shit about my favourite hobby. I'm trying to ignore it but I know the minute I update I will have to listen to all the snickering and 'quotes' from my story again while I'm in work. **

**I was upset and embarrassed at first but as the weeks go on I am getting more and more furious with these bullies. Because that is what they are...full grown, adult bullies. But I have decided to say fuck them! Why should I give up something I love and something others (hopefully) are enjoying? So I am posting this chapter as a big 'up yours' to those fuckers who have nothing better to do than make fun of people for doing something that brings them happiness. **

**Oh and to add insult to injury I had to let my best friend, Jack, go this week. He was a sweet Golden Labrador Retriever that I had for seventeen years. I was only sixteen when I brought him home. He was my furry baby and my heart is shattered now that he is gone. The pain of actually losing him made me realise that nothing any of those bullies says or does can truly hurt me because none of **_**them**_** mean anything to me. **

**Okay rant over (sorry)**

**ANA POV**

**Over the next few days **everything is calm and quiet. Eerily so. I was expecting some kind of backlash from my mother, perhaps through the media, or maybe from Elena. But there has been nothing. I'm afraid Christian knows more and is hiding it from me but I don't want to ask as I may not like the answer. The media attention still hasn't calmed down and Sandra rang me the other day saying she can't have me back at the deli for safety reasons. That was tough to deal with as now I'm not sure what I'm going to do going forward as this will probably happen no matter where I go to work. I must say, although he tries to hide it, Christians not too broken up about it. I caught him trying to hide a grin when I told him.

Christian. He has been pretty much hands off with me all week. I know it's because of what happened last weekend and he doesn't want to push it and is trying to give me some space to work through it all and I am grateful as I did need that time, for a day or two. But now it's just getting old and I am too shy to broach the subject with him.

It's not that he doesn't touch me, quite the opposite actually. He holds me and hugs me all the time and pulls me close as we sleep, I wake every morning with him wrapped around me, he just hasn't touched me _in_ _that_ _way_ since last Saturday. Today is Friday so it has been almost a week and I am feeling a little...frustrated.

''Ana? Baby where are you?" Speak of the devil...

''I'm in here," I call from the comfy oversized chair in the library. This is by far my favourite room in this monster of an apartment. It is the only room, other than our bedroom, that doesn't intimidate me.

Christian appears in the doorway dressed in a dark grey Armani suit with a silver tie and I want to lick my lips he looks so delicious. I bite my lip to stop myself and he grins. "Hey," my voice is breathy he looks so good.

"Hey yourself," he says as he enters the room and makes a beeline for me. He pulls me up out of the chair and envelopes me in a hug. Man, he smells good. Edible. I inhale deeply.

"How was your day?"

"Boring."

He pulls back and quirks a brow at me. "Do you want to go somewhere tonight? Out for dinner maybe?

I pull back to look at him. I want to say 'no just take me to bed', but of course I could never say that without dying of mortification. Anyway...what if he said no? I bite my lip again and his eyes darken.

"Stop biting your lip," his voice is husky. _Oh_. _My_.

Maybe I won't have to beg him to touch me again after all.

"Gail has already started d...dinner," I manage in a wobbly voice, sure my want for him is plain to read on my face.

He doesn't answer he just leans in and captures my mouth in a searing kiss that lasts for what feels like hours. His tongue licks into my mouth and my knees weaken as he pulls me against him. I can feel his...desire, pressed against my soft belly and I moan. He groans and grinds against me in response. Finally!

But then he pulls away. "Do you want to watch a movie in the TV room after we have dinner?"

_What?_ I want to scream, but I just nod my head dumbly.

He gives me a quick peck on the lips before he grabs my hand and leads me off to take my shot before dinner. I let him pull me along as I wonder what else I could possibly do to send him a clearer signal that I want him to touch me.

**After dinner we sit in **the TV room. Christian told me to pick a DVD and I just pulled one off the shelf at random, not even knowing what it was. He raised his eyebrows but said nothing before putting it on. I could care less what we watch.

Note to self: always read the cover of the DVD you pick to watch in future.

Twenty minutes into the film all thoughts of seducing Christian have evaporated as I screech and all but climb into his lap while he chuckles.

"What _is_ this movie?" I whimper into his chest.

He chuckles and wraps his arms around me as I cling to him, "Saw," his answer is punctuated by the scream of some innocent person being mutilated.

"Jesus fucking Christ," this film is horrendous.

I yelp when I feel a slight sting on my butt. "Language Miss Steele."

I can't help but giggle at his admonishment, the man curses more than anyone I've ever met. "You can't say you seriously like this type of movie?" I ask, face still buried in his shirt lest I see something that will scar me for life.

"I'm starting to see its benefits." He answers and I can hear the humour in his voice, but also the sincerity as he holds me closer.

"Actually I think this movie belongs to Elliot, he brought it over one night years ago when I first moved in but Mia was here as well and threw a fit when he tried to put it on."

This answer intrigues me. I know so little of his family as I have really only met them a couple of times, other than Grace of course. "You have movie nights with your siblings?"

"Hardly," he snorts. "They ambushed me. They were always trying to make me feel like one of them. They have pretty much given up now though." He shrugs his shoulders and although he tries to hide it I can see that this makes him sad. "Lost cause."

His forced nonchalance makes my insides hurt. "Christian." I don't know what else to say. "They are your family, they love you."

Christian stares at me but doesn't say anything. He looks like he wants to believe me but is afraid to. I may not know his family very well but from what I have seen of them they all love him very much.

Suddenly his mood shifts and he leans forward and presses his lips forcefully against mine, startling me. Talk about mercurial. I know he is doing it to distract me and I decide to let him, for now. We are having a pretty heavy make out session on the couch when I am distracted by yet more screaming from the blasted movie. Christian, not wanting to be disrupted, fumbles blindly for the remote, his mouth never leaving mine, and switches off the TV. I giggle.

"Something funny Miss Steele?" he whispers against my lips, his hot breath fanning across my face.

"You seem eager tonight," I observe. "I approve."

Christian growls, "do you now?"

He has pushed me back onto the couch and is lying between my spread legs. I can feel the pressure from his erect penis pressing against my centre through the soft fabric of our sweats. He's driving me insane, I squirm.

"Yes," I breathe.

He leans down and sucks gently on my neck and grabs the back of my thigh as I wrap my legs around him. I am panting as his hand slides up to grab my backside. We make out for ages but Christian makes no moves to go any further and I'm getting frustrated again.

Why won't he ask me to make love with him? I have been ready for a while now and I am all but desperate for him to just do it.

In my frustration I blurt out, "take me to bed Christian, please?" This is as close as I will ever get to telling him I'm ready.

He stills and I immediately clam up and bite my lip.

He raises an eyebrow, "are you tired?"

Am. I. Tired?

Is this man being deliberately obtuse? I shake my head as my face flames with embarrassment.

"Then why do you want to go to bed? Do you not feel well?"

"For crying out loud Christian! Why do you think I would ask you to take me to bed?" I huff through my mortification. He shrugs one shoulder, grinning, and I've had enough. He still lying on top of me and I try to push him off so I can storm dramatically out of the room. But he won't budge, his eyes pierce into mine, all his humour gone, and I am frozen in place.

"Say it."

"What?" I squeak, all my bravado gone.

Christian's eyes grow impossibly soft and he leans down and kisses me gently...lovingly. The gesture is so sweet it almost liquefied my insides. "I need you to tell me why you want me to take you to bed."

His gaze is so pure and honest I can't help but tell him what he so obviously needs to hear.

"Make love to me Christian," my face flames with my words but I have never meant anything more in my life. I love this man and I am ready to give myself to him.

He groans and buries his face in my neck. "Finally," he mutters making me giggle again.

He rises fluidly from the couch bringing me with him and carries me towards our bedroom. A thought occurs to me. "Is this why you didn't touch me all week? You wanted m...me to make the decision by myself?"

He stops just inside the bedroom door and let's me slide down his body. "Yes. And it nearly killed me." I would assume he was joking except he isn't even smiling. "I needed for you to be sure you were ready for this without any...coercion on my part."

And just like that all my shyness disappears. This man loves me. He would do anything for me, he has proved that over and over again. "I love you."

His smile is blinding, "I love you too baby...now get on the bed." Demanding Christian is never far away, and I love it.

He follows me over and pulls the comforter away just before I climb up into the large bed and lie in the centre with my head on the pillow. He climbs over me and slowly removes my clothes, leaving a trail of heated kisses in the wake of every removed garment.

In no time I am lying there in just my panties and Christians dark eyes are looking down on me appreciatively. There is no mistaking the hunger in his eyes. A few months ago that look would have terrified me but now the raw appreciation I see there makes me squirm. I already have a good idea what he can make my body feel and I am eager to find out more.

"Beautiful."

He stands up and pulls off his own clothes quickly. Once again the sight of his penis intimidates me. I feel the first little bit of fear creep back in hoping it won't hurt _too_ much. There is no way _that_ is going to fit easily inside me.

Christian, sensing my apprehension, climbs back onto the bed and lies down beside me. "Don't be afraid sweetheart, I promise I will get you ready for me. By the time I take you I will slide right in."

I am a little embarrassed he is so forthcoming about what he is going to do to me. But I am also oddly grateful for this and for his patience with me.

"I trust you," I whisper. This was perhaps the perfect thing to say as my trust means everything to Christian.

"Thank you baby. I am going to touch you now."

Soft as petals his fingers drag up my tummy, tickling me. Christian gently takes hold of my breast and plumps it a little before lowering his head and pulling my nipple into his hot mouth.

My legs instantly stiffen and my breathing turns heavy. I don't want to put him off by grabbing at him so I hold onto the sheet beneath me.

Still suckling at one breast he moves his hand to the other and gently rolls the nipple between his fingers before pinching it a little. I moan and push my head back into the pillow. He continues like this, switching his mouth from one breast to the other only stopping to murmur his praise before releasing me with a pop and kissing my mouth instead.

The sensation of his hot mouth on mine and the chilled feeling of air on my now wet nipples is indescribable and I moan into his mouth.

"So beautiful."

Still kissing me, Christians hand snakes down my body and cups my sex. I buck my hips up into his hand, needing some friction. I am so wet I can feel his fingers slipping and sliding around me as his fingers explore me. When he finds what he's looking for he presses against the little bundle of nerves and I cry out into his mouth.

"Always so wet for me."

Christian moves his mouth back to my neglected breasts and starts to move his fingers in the same rhythm as his mouth. The feeling is...I groan loudly.

"Let me hear you Ana."

I cry out sharply with pleasure and draw my legs further apart and bring my knees up when he pushes first one then a second finger inside me, his thumb still making gently circles on my clitoris.

"So small. So warm for me."

I start to pant. "Please, _please_!"

"Shh. I'll take care of you baby."

Christian continues his ministrations while whispering praise and encouragement to me until I feel my whole body stiffen then erupt when I come with a scream. He keeps up his movements, wringing every last bit of my orgasms out of me, leaving me shaking when he finally pulls his hand away.

When I come down from my high and open my eyes he is staring down at me with an impossibly tender expression.

"Beautiful."

I smile up at him lazily but I'm jolted wide awake when he brings his fingers up to his mouth and sucks on them...slowly.

"Soon I am going to make you come with my face buried in your pussy. And you will love it." He laughs at the shock that must be plain on my face.

"Do you still want to do this Ana?"

"Yes," I answer, all shyness gone now. I am so comfortable and confident his Christians love for me I trust him completely to take my body to wherever he want to lead me.

He says no more he just simply leans in for another deep kiss as he shifts his body over mine. I long to touch him, to run my palms over his perfect chest. His skin looks so firm yet soft at the same time with a small smattering of copper hair leading down from his lower tummy to his, now enormous, penis.

There is no need for a condom as Christian has insured me that he is clean and for obvious reasons, so am I. Grace suggested a while back I go on the pill to regulate my period when she was examining me. That was an awkward discussion as she told me I had to take it every day at the same time for contraceptive purposes.

Yeah. I have a sneaking suspicion Grace knew where our relationship was headed before we did.

"Are you ready?" he's so sweet I could cry. I nod.

He touches me again. "More than ready," he groans.

He holds my face gently with one hand as he uses his other to guide himself against me. I am a little rigid now as he rubs the head of his penis up and down my folds before notching himself against my entrance.

"Relax baby," he whispers against my lips and I melt into the bed a little and breathe again. It seems like I need constant reminding from him not to tense up.

"I'm going to push in a little now."

I look up wide eyed at his enormous frame looming over me. He kisses me again as he starts to push inside me. My hands instantly come up and grip his arms. This doesn't seem to bother him so I grip a little tighter and hang on.

He rocks back and forth a couple of times, pushing deeper each time. The feeling is strange, full, but it doesn't really hurt. I can feel my muscles stretching to accommodate his massive size.

Christian is the one who is panting now and he buries his face in my neck. The effort to restrain himself clearly showing as the muscles in his arms shake a little under my hands.

"I'm going to push all the way in now baby, I'm sorry but it's going to hurt at first."

With that his hips surge forward until his pelvis touches my own. I gasp. Holy fuck that does hurt, I tense up again as I feel my muscles contract painfully as they try to get used to this intrusion. I feel almost too full.

"Holy mother fuck you are so tight...are you okay?"

"Give me a second." I shift my hips up slightly and it seems to ease some of the pressure. Christian is still buried fully inside me but the pain has all but gone now. "I'm good you can move," I say on a panting breath.

Christian pulls out slowly and pushes back in a few times. Each time he pushes back in I get more used to the sensation and I start to enjoy the feeling of him filling me up.

"How does that feel Ana."

I am so lost in the sensations of his movements I can't answer. Christian slows and pulls back to stare into my eyes, the strain evident on his face. "You with me here Ana?"

"Yes, yes," I breathe out. "Don't stop, please, I need...I need..." what do I need?

"It's okay baby I know what you need. Move with me sweetheart...yes that's perfect. Holy Christ you feel amazing. I'm going to move faster now okay?"

Christian picks up his speed and I do my best to keep up with him, shifting my hips forward every time he pushes into me. He is moving fast and hard now and each time he hits the end of me little noises and whimpers of pleasure fall unbidden from my throat.

Christian suddenly puts one hand under my bottom and lifts me up towards him. This movement amplifies the feeling of his thrusts and now I can feel pressure building low in my belly. It is like when I came before only much, much more intense.

"_Christian_!"

"It's okay baby, I've got you. Let go. Come for me Ana." Christian grunts out between thrusts.

My hands fly into his hair and pull hard as the feelings become so intense I start to chant, "yes, yes, yes," with every thrust.

Suddenly my entire body is seized in a spasm of pure bliss and I fall into a spectacular orgasm, my body bucking and shaking as my vision narrows and I think I see stars. I am vaguely aware of Christian growling in my ear before his body goes rigid and I can feel a warmth spread through my insides.

After a few moments Christian collapses his body pressing me into the bed and I welcome the weight of him or I may float straight off this bed.

We lay like that for an age before Christian pulls back and offers me a lazy smile while gazing down at me.

"Wow."

"You stole my line."

**A/N Not used to writing lemons yet guys as I haven't really done too many but I hope this one sufficed! **

**Please review, and sorry again for the late update x**


	27. Chapter 27

**A/N To use Ana's expression...wow. Just wow. I cannot believe the reaction from my readers to the last chapter, you guys blow me away with your support. I don't want to be a review whore but I was delighted with the response. I tried to respond to you all but there were so many I hope I covered everyone, I even got a bit lost so some of you may have gotten two replies, whoops. Lots of guests reviewed too but unless you sign in I can't reply personally, but thank you for reviewing anyway x**

**Thank you to all of you who sent their condolences on the passing of my Jack, these furry babies take over our lives and when they are gone they leave a massive hole behind xxx**

**And about those bullying bitches I work with...yeah, fuck 'em. They ain't got shit on me lol. And to the 'guest' who did review. I know who you are. Fuck you. That is all.**

**Glad my mother doesn't read this or she would skin me for talking this way! Sorry for venting but this is the only place I can do it so feel free to skip my A/N's if I'm getting on your nerves.**

**On with the show...**

**Ana POV**

**Christian rolls onto his back, **causing me to wince a little as he pulls out of me. "Are you okay baby?" he asks as he pulls me close to him, my head coming to rest naturally against his shoulder.

"Yes just a little, um, sore," I blush.

Christian runs a finger across my cheek lovingly and chuckles. "I like that. Let's you know where I've been."

I laugh, "believe me Christian, I'm not g...going to forget _that_ anytime soon."

"It was...okay though right? You enjoyed it didn't you?" I look up at his face when I hear the edge of apprehension creep into his voice. He is afraid, though he tries to hide it.

I smile gently at him, "I more than enjoyed it Christian, it was perfect."

He squeezes me tighter for a moment and we fall into a comfortable silence. Christian absent-mindedly rubs circles with his fingertips on my shoulder almost, but not quite, lulling me to sleep. I reflect quietly on what just happened.

I am coming to realise that _this_ is what sex is supposed to be, something beautiful between two people who love each other. It is not something to use as a weapon, or a bartering tool as my mother and stepfather or Jose do.

I tangle my legs with Christians and am comforted by the fact that while we were making love not once did any of my dark memories come to ruin the experience for us. Christian was my sole focus in that moment. It was just me and him in our own little bubble, unmarred by the efforts of others to ruin us.

The thought brings a lump to my throat and tears to my eyes. "Thank you," I whisper to Christian in the almost darkened room.

Christian lifts his head slightly to look at me. He looks surprised to see my tears and confused with my gratitude. "Why are _you_ thanking _me_? And why are you crying?" he reaches over and wipes away my tears with his thumb.

I take his hand and bring it to my mouth kissing his fingertips. "For making my first time so special. For being so gentle and sweet with me. For showing me that sex can be beautiful when done with someone you love, it is to be cherished."

"Ana." Christian cups my face in his large palm then reaches down for my hand which is now resting against my side. He repeats my earlier ministrations kissing my fingertips before taking a deep fortifying breath and slowly bring my hand to the centre of his chest, over his heart, and presses it to his skin.

I hear his gasp over my own and try to pull away. "Christian you don't have to...''

"Yes. I do." Christian looks as if he is in agony as he holds my palm flat against his warm skin. What should I do? Deep down I know he needs to get over his crippling fear of touch, but seeing him this way, in obvious pain, is almost more than I can bear. I can't stop the sob that escapes me.

He turns to me, his eyes pools of old hurts and fears. But there is something else there too in those shimmering grey depths, it is determination. He _wants_ to do this.

"Please Ana. I need this, for you...for me. For the both of us if this relationship is going to work." He is breathing heavily. I lie perfectly still, just allowing my hand to rest against him for long moments.

Christian relaxes slightly as the minutes tick by. I glance at his hand over mine as he stares straight up at the ceiling, his jaw less rigid now. I look back to his face only to watch in horror as I see a tear escape his eye and roll down his temple, disappearing into his hair.

Without a word I pull my hand away and climb up his large body and mold myself to him. I lie on top of him as I fold my much smaller body around his, silently offering my comfort and my love.

Christian wraps his arms around me and runs his hands up and down my body as I shudder with silent sobs for my damaged, beautiful man.

"Don't cry baby."

"I'm not."

Christian chuckles a little in spite of the situation. "Liar. Come, let's have a bath."

Once we are in the large tub I lie back against Christian. We are once again quiet and reflective. Christian rhythmically rubs his soaped hands over my body. It feels wonderful.

"You shouldn't feel as sore after our bath," he murmurs.

"I feel better already."

"Do you want to do something this weekend?"

The thought of doing something fun perks me up instantly and I turn my upper body around to face him. "Yes! What did you have in mind?"

His mouth twists a little, "Elliot has been bugging me to go to Aspen for a while now as the skiing season is in full swing."

My smile is huge. "Skiing? I've never done that, will you teach me?"

He looks horrified. "Absolutely not!"

I turn fully to look at him better, "why not?"

"You could break your neck Ana, you are not exactly graceful."

I get up on my knees in the bathtub and stare him down. "Are you saying that I am clumsy?"

He tries, and fails, to hide his amusement. "I am saying you can hardly walk around this apartment without bumping into or tripping over something."

This is true...but still. I want to remain indignant but Christians humour is infectious, and I soon find myself trying to hide my own grin. To distract him I scoop up a handful of bubbles and wipe them on his nose. I burst into peals of laughter at his shocked face.

"You think that is funny Miss Steele?" I only nod through my laughter.

Christian raises both hands out of the water, bringing suds with him and places two dollops on my nipples. _Oh._

I look at him as he admires his handiwork then look down at my soapy nipples and giggle. Christian cocks his head to the side like a puppy listening to me.

"That is my favourite sound in the world." He reaches out and pulls me towards him holding our soapy bodies close, ignoring his ever present erection. "I love you Ana. So much."

His need for me is a terrifying...and oddly powerful feeling. Not just for sex but for _me_, as a person. That I could have so much sway over _this_ man is difficult to get my head around.

We don't have sex again tonight as he really doesn't want me to be sore. I do pout but it just makes him laugh. We simply snuggle together, naked, it the warm bed and drift off to sleep wrapped up in each others arms.

**I am awoken to the wonderful** feeling of Christians hands roaming my body. It is barely light out and the room is cast in the dull morning light of another cloudy Seattle day.

I push back against Christian and moan as his hand reaches between my legs. He hums his pleasure at finding me wet. He pulls his hand back up to my tummy and pulls me closer against him.

Pushing back again I can feel Christians erection against my bottom. "I see someone's awake," I say sleepily, and feel his smile against my shoulder. "Hmm, morning baby," he whispers.

With both arms wrapped around me Christian molds one breast with his hand while his other snakes down my body and grabs the inside of my thigh. I gasp as he pushes his penis in between my legs and pinches my nipple at the same time. I squeeze my thighs involuntarily and it makes him grunt with pleasure.

He hitches my leg back over his hip and rubs his hard length along my folds. I squirm and he hisses. "Always so wet for me baby."

The entire length of Christians body is pressed against mine and I can feel his abdominal muscles flex and contract as he undulates against me, drawing a needy whimper from my throat. "Tell me what you want Ana."

I push my bottom against him again. "You...inside me...please," I pant. How quickly I have become addicted to him on me, in me, all around me.

Complying with my whimpered request Christian enters me slowly from behind, his heavy penis having to work it's way in. I am not as sore as I thought I would be this morning. Christian was right about the bath. My head drops forward and I moan, loudly.

It is exquisite, being utterly owned by him, only him. Christian pushes in to the hilt and I cry out in sweet ecstasy.

"Can you feel that Ana?" Christian asks, his hot breath fanning across my face and I know he is talking about more than our physical connection.

"Yes," I breathe incapable of saying any more.

Christian whispers sweet, dirty words in my ear as he slowly pulls out and tunnels his way back in. I whimper yet again as he withdraws almost all the way only to gasp as he fills me up again, slowly, stretching me to my limits.

Can you die from pleasure because I think I just might?

With one hand still on my now heavy breast and the other still holding my inner thigh, Christian has me pinned against him. I am open and completely at his mercy. And I couldn't be happier. He continues his slow assault of my body, both of us moving in harmony.

I cry out sharply as he swivels his hips and lunges, hitting the very end of me. Christian, feeling that I am close starts to move faster, pushing and pulling in a way that makes me lose my mind with pleasure.

My entire being is pure sensation. I am a puppet and Christian the master at the strings. With his lips and teeth nipping gently at my shoulder Christian holds me impossibly closer to him, the sweat created by our lovemaking causing us to slide against each other under the sheets.

When my orgasm hits I think I scream but I can hear nothing with the roaring of blood in my ears. My body bucks and shakes against Christian of its own accord. My vision blurs and I think I pass out momentarily, my mouth open on a now silent cry.

Somewhere a small part of my mind is aware of Christian calling out loudly to me. "I can feel you coming Ana...Jesus you are squeezing me like a vice, I can barely move."

And when he comes he pushes in as deep as possible, stills and crushes me to him crying out, "_Baby..._I love you...love...you...aaagh." I once again feel the warm deep pulsing as he empties himself inside me. After he comes he says my name over and over into the damp skin of my shoulder.

Eventually I float back down to earth and I turn lazily to see Christian gazing down at me. "Morning," he grins at me.

I grin, "good morning. That was quite the wake up call."

"You ready for a trip to Aspen? We need to leave soon because we have to pick up Elliot and Kate on the way, Mia and Ethan are tagging along as well," he rolls his eyes as he says this. Does he not like Ethan? I have only met them all a few times but they all seem really nice to me.

"Yes. Are you ready to teach me to ski?"

He scowls, "not happening Ana."

"I'll just get Elliot to teach me."

"He wouldn't dare."

"We'll see about that."

Turns out Elliot didn't have to teach me as Kate had no qualms going against Christian. In fact she seemed to take delight in the fact that it would piss him off. He finally gave in as we pulled up onto the tarmac to get on the plane.

He holds me back as everyone else gets out of the car. "Fine. I will teach you to ski. I don't trust anyone else to do it."

I hide my grin at my small victory and lean up to kiss his jaw quickly, "thank you baby."

Christian smiles in spite of himself and shakes his head as if he can't believe he is caving on the issue. I have a feeling this is going to be a fun weekend.

**A/N The last lemon went down so well I decided to give you another one! I thought my story needs a little fun...so they're all off to Aspen to go skiing. **

**How do you think their weekend is going to go? **

**Please review x**


	28. Chapter 28

**A/N Thank you guys for your awesome reviews for the last chapter, I haven't had the time to respond to you all yet xx**

**I know nothing about Aspen or skiing so I just had to wing it...**

**Christian POV**

"**Fine. I will teach you to ski. I don't trust anyone else to do it."**

Fucking Kate. Sticking her nose in where it's not wanted. I had no intention of allowing Ana up on the slopes. Even the thought of it chills me, she could get seriously injured. But no. Kate had to offer to teach her, and she looked fucking delighted to be pissing me off.

"I'm a great teacher Ana, we'll have a blast." We are standing on the tarmac and she is still rabbiting on about showing Ana how to ski. Fuck that noise.

"I have told Ana that _I_ will teach her. Your services will not be required Miss Kavanagh," I huff.

"Don't worry about it mogul. I got this," Kate smirks at me.

I scowl, Jesus she gets on my nerves. What does my brother see in his fiancée? I am just about to let her have it when Ana places a calming hand on my arm before turning to Kate.

"Thank you for the offer Kate but I would prefer if Christian t...taught me to ski. Once I'm able to do it perhaps we could go up together later?" Ana says diplomatically.

"Of course Ana," Kate cuts her eyes to me as it is my turn to smirk. Grey one, Kavanagh nil.

"_Oh_, good lord!" Ana exclaims as she notices my jet.

"Like it?" I ask proudly.

"It's...it's _huge_!" she says in awe.

I want to pull her onto the planes private bedroom and show her something else she proclaimed was _huge_ last night. My dick twitches in my pants as memories from this morning and last night assail me. I am rudely interrupted from my musings by the squeals of my annoying little sister.

"Forget about the skiing. I'm looking forward to the shopping," she says loudly and claps her hands with glee.

"Christ Mia tone it down a bit, only dogs will be able to hear you if you shriek any louder," Elliot rubs his ear to emphasise his point. She sticks out her tongue at him as Ethan laughs and gazes adoringly at her. We haven't even gotten on the plane yet and I want to leave them all behind.

I change my mind when Ana giggles quietly, covering her mouth with her fist. I have noticed she does that sometimes when she laughs. Also her laughter is much quieter when we are around other people. Hmm. I suppose I can put up with them for a couple of days if she enjoys their company.

Before long we are buckled in speeding down the runway and taking off. I glance over only to see Ana is pale with clenched fists. "Baby?"

I take her hand and smooth out her fingers before wrapping her tiny hand in mine. She is so delicate, I lift her hand to kiss her knuckles. I see Elliot out of the corner of my eye watching us with curiosity. I ignore him.

Ana turns and offers me a small smile. "I'm okay. J...just a little nervous."

"You don't like flying?" I ask.

Ana's smile twists a little, ''first time on a plane."

I hide my surprise, I don't want to share our conversation with everyone on the plane. I can already see Kavanagh leaning in to hear us.

"First of many," I whisper as I kiss her knuckles again. I will show her the world.

Half an hour later Ana is laying against me and breathing softly as she sleeps. I can't help it, every few minutes I have to touch her. Her fingers, her hair, her face...I'm glad she is sleeping though, last night must have worn her out. The thought causes me to smile. I am a little tired myself though I could never relax enough to sleep with so many people around me.

Last night was incredible, I was afraid Ana would be insecure and shy, and she was a little afraid at first, but then she let her guard down and really came out of herself and just allowed herself to feel and be in the moment with me. It was the best gift she could have given to me.

There is no doubt I have had a lot of sex. I have always viewed sex as just a physical release that my body needed, the BDSM was the control my mind needed. I need none of that with my Ana. The mere thought of doing most of that shit with her actually turns my stomach.

Sex with Ana however is much more about the emotional release than the physical. Although the two seem to go hand in hand to create the most amazing feeling of satisfaction. I have never felt in my life the way I felt last night when I was inside Ana, there are no words for it. I close my eyes tightly trying to ward of the hard on I can feel coming. I don't want to pitch a tent in a plane full of family members!

In the end it's Elliot annoying voice that has me deflating like a popped balloon. "Man you have it bad." Thank you Elliot.

I open my eyes only to see him grinning at me. Himself and Kate are sitting in the two chairs opposite me and Ana. Kate says nothing but looks between Ana and me with interest.

"Finally popped your cherry, huh?"

"Fuck off Elliot," I look away to hide my grin only to be confronted by the unwanted sight of Ethan and Mia canoodling in the seats across from us. They are giggling quietly together and he is touching her in a similar way to how I am touching Ana. Fucker.

I shoot him a glare he doesn't see as he only has eyes for Mia.

"**Oh, oh oh! I want to try **_**that**_**!" **I grab Ana around the waist as she slips and slides around on her beginners skis pointing at Elliot, who flies past us on a snowboard grinning and waving.

There are no beginners runs in Aspen so I had Taylor get a slope closed just for our own use so I can be sure no asshole is going to come flying at us as I show Ana how to use her skis in the lower part of the run. So it's just me, Ana, Elliot and Ethan on this entire slope. Sometimes it's good to be me.

Mia and Kate gave the skiing a miss to go shopping and I think Mia was speechless for the first time in her life when Ana declined to go because she wanted to go skiing instead. Ethan and Elliot came with us as well, Elliot saying he would rather stick forks in his eyes than go shopping. Of course he said this later when Kate was out if earshot...pussy.

"Ana for Christ's sake, how do you expect to be able to snowboard down a mountain when you can't even stand on a gentle slope?" I would have a heart attack if she fell.

She looks up at me with a full on pout, her little nose and cheeks rosy red from the cold and a blue knit bobble hat on her head. She looks adorable.

I wrap my arms more firmly around her waist and haul her against me to claim her chilled lips. I suck on her pouted lip softly at first and she moans a little and puts her own arms around my neck to hold on when I claim her mouth fully and wrap my tongue around hers.

I am disappointed I can't feel her curves through our heavily padded snow jackets but I console myself that I will get to see...and touch every part of her when I get her alone later. I wonder if she would be open to cutting this ski lesson short so we can go make the most of the house while everyone else is busy.

I am just about to ask when she pulls back and grins up at me. "So can I try on my own now?" she looks so innocent and happy in this moment I decide to bite my tongue be a good boy and wait until later. Even if it kills me. I settle for palming her ass a few times before letting her go.

"Are you sure you're okay for me to let go?" Shit I'm nervous as fuck to let her go.

She nods once, "yep, I got this."

Gingerly, I take my hands away from her waist and step away, careful not to tangle our skis together. I still hold my hands out towards her in case she needs me.

"It's like baby's first steps," she giggles, then wobbles but manages to stay upright...just.

"Careful Ana! If you don't concentrate you could seriously hurt yourself," I can't help the harsh tone of my voice when I'm so worried.

I swear I see her roll her eyes and I'm sure I hear her mutter 'bossy boots' as she turns to ski down a small slope. I would shout after her that I saw and heard that but I'm afraid she would lose her concentration and fall.

Twenty minutes later Ana seems to actually be getting the hang of this. I'm impressed with her determination. Elliot and Ethan have joined us and are cheering her on.

"Woohoo go Ana!" Elliot cheers out loudly and when Ana turns to grin at him she almost falls over but manages to right herself just in time.

"Jesus Elliot! What the fuck were you thinking? She could have been seriously hurt."

The fucker only laughs at me and I can hear the Kavanagh fucker snicker behind me as well. "Calm down Christian. She won't hurt herself down here if she topples over, this isn't exactly Copper Bowl." He waves his hand behind him in the general direction of that more dangerous run. I shudder at the thought causing Elliot to laugh at me even louder.

"Dude, how many times did we fall when we were learning to ski? I remember Mia spent more time on the ground than on her skis...probably why she's gone shopping instead."

"Dude? What the fuck Elliot, since when do you speak like a fucking hippy?" Ethan is all out laughing now at our back and forth bickering but wisely doesn't get involved.

"Hey man, just getting into the vibe of all these other snowboarders." He puts on a ridiculous voice, sounding like an extra out of a bad surfing movie and puts his arms out like he's balancing on a snowboard.

I roll my eyes, "why aren't you still up there then?" I want to get rid of the annoying fucker, even if he does make me laugh. I need to concentrate on Ana...speaking of which where the fuck is she? I panic when I can't see her immediately.

"Because its lunchtime and I'm hungry and..."

"Ana!" I cut off Elliot's whining when I see Ana has gotten too far away from me and is drifting towards the edge of the slope. Does she not realise the snow is much softer there where it hasn't been packed down by skiers and is much harder to ski on...not to mention those trees she is heading straight for!

I take off at high speed after her but I'm too late. My heart stops in my chest when I hear her shriek when she hits the soft snow and topples head first into it.

"Oh my God, ANA!" I shout. Elliot is fucking dead. He distracted me and now Ana is probably hurt. My gut clenches. I see Taylor talking frantically into his phone at the bottom of the slope as I race towards her.

I reach her only seconds later, coming to a skidding halt throwing down my ski poles and snapping off my skis. She is still lying face down in the freezing snow and she seems to be shaking. Oh God, please let her be OK please..."Ana, baby can you hear me?"

I reach out to turn her over carefully in case she is seriously injured and I'm shocked to see Ana lying there in a fit of laughter.

"Ana?" I'm confused as to why she's laughing as I check her over quickly with my hands to see if anything is out of place. Thankfully she seems fine.

"That was _fun_," she declares through her laughter. ''Did you see how fast I went?"

How fast she went? "You fell!" I exclaim as I help her to her feet.

She shrugs and tries to dust of the powdery snow, "I forgot how to stop."

I pull her close and breathe a sigh of relief that she wasn't hurt, "no sense of self preservation."

"Can we go back up and do it again?" she asks, completely unaware that she almost gave me a heart attack. She turns a little in my arms and looks longingly back up the small hill. I want to say 'never again' but I don't want to burst her bubble.

Thankfully Elliot and Ethan join us at that moment and I have my excuse. "Sorry baby. Elliot's hungry."

**Ana POV**

**We join the girls for lunch** and I gape when I see the mountain of shopping bags beside them. Sawyer went with them as Taylor was with us and the man looks drained. Once we are seated it takes him three trips to the car to put all the bags in the trunk. We had the car with us so I'm not sure who carried all of those bags from store to store.

"Ooh Ana we got you the cutest dress for tonight," Mia squeals and claps her hands.

I almost choke on my gnocchi. Dress...for tonight? I look helplessly toward Christian. I really do like his friends and family but I am still very shy around them and I don't want to insult anyone but I can't afford to pay her for clothes bought in this ridiculously expensive town.

Christian smiles at me gently and squeezes my nervously bouncing leg under the table before turning to Mia. "Why would Ana need a dress for tonight when she has already brought clothes with her?"

Mia waves a hand dismissively, "I had a nosey while Mrs Benson unpacked her stuff and really Ana," she turns an assessing eye on me and I blush, "you _need_ to come shopping with me. You had nothing suitable for a night of clubbing." She smiles sweetly at Christian when he tenses.

"C...clubbing?" I squeak. I've never been clubbing before, I hardly even drink aside from the odd glass of wine.

Christian squeezes my leg again to gain my attention. "We don't have to go if you would rather spend the night in," his eyes heat with promise and my thighs clench together involuntarily. Christian grins.

"Oh for crying out loud! You can do _that_," Mia waves her hand between us, "whenever you want. Tonight we are going dancing. Yippee."

My face is crimson at her insinuation, obviously she could read my desire for her brother on my face. I am going to have to learn to control my reactions where Christian is concerned or I will forever walk around blushing like a fool.

I look down quickly to my half eaten lunch and don't look up again for the rest of my meal. I am so embarrassed. Mia tries once more to insist we go clubbing but Christian cuts her off sharply. He sounds annoyed, I hope he's not angry with me. Did I embarrass him?

When it comes time for us to leave Christian wraps his arm around me to lead me to the car. Maybe he's not annoyed with me after all. Mia and Kate chatter the whole way about the coming evening.

Back at the house Christian finally has time to give me the grand tour as this morning we only dropped off our bags before we 'hit the slopes' as Elliot said. We leave everyone else in the large family room while he shows me around this magnificent, enormous, house. When he said he had a house in Aspen I thought he meant a little cabin, but this place is as far from a cabin as you can get. I should have known when I saw his jet that Christian Grey doesn't do things by halves.

I am quiet while he shows me around finishing the tour in his massive bedroom. I'm staring out the floor to ceiling bedroom window watching the snowfall when Christian comes up behind me and wraps his strong arms around me. I melt into him.

He leans down and speaks quietly into my neck, "you're awfully quiet, what's the matter?"

I almost say nothing but he would know instantly that I was lying. "I can't afford to pay Mia for those expensive clothes. D...do you think the shop would allow me t...to return them?" I turn slightly to peek at him.

He holds me closer for a moment before turning me in his arms and holding me gently by my shoulders. "Mia bought them with a credit card I gave to her a long time ago Ana." He eyes my discomfort carefully.

"Oh," it's barely a whisper.

"You don't have to pay for it because I already have. It was bought with a card that is billed to me." This time I don't say anything, this is just one more thing I feel I owe him. The difference between us is immense.

"Talk to me Ana. I need to know what you are thinking," he looks worried and now I feel bad. Ungrateful.

"I don't want you to think I am like my mother." Where did _that_ come from? But I realise that although I didn't consciously think that, deep down that is my real fear. Will Christian get sick of taking care of me and think I am a leech like my mother.

Christians breath escapes him in a rush, "I could never think that of you Ana," he looks me right in the eye making sure I hear him clearly, "you are as far removed from your mother as you can possibly be."

I bite my lip, "I hate feeling that I owe you all the time."

At this Christian wraps me in his arms again and presses his lips to my forehead, leaving them there lightly when he speaks. "Ana when will you realise that I love you? I live to take care of you, and you take care of me too you know? Better than anyone else ever has."

I wrap my arms around his middle while he talks. His softly spoken words are reassuring, "it won't be forever Christian. I really do plan to make something of myself...eventually. And I love you too, so, so much."

We stand in silence for a while simply holding each other until we are disturbed by Kate shouting out to Mia from out in the hallway.

"Mia...MIA?"

High heeled feet come clomping up the wooden stairs. "Yeah?"

"Did you bring those white stilettos you said you'd loan to me? They will be killer with that dress I bought."

"Sure did, oh and what about..."

The conversation is lost as they move further down the hall and into one of the bedrooms. I look up at Christian and grin as I see him rolling his eyes.

He looks down at me and graces me with his beautiful smile and I melt. I just melt right there in his arms. "So...clubbing?" I ask tentatively.

He sighs, "yeah we'll never get out of it with those two."

**A/N thanks for reading x**

**More bad news this week. Sorry for unloading...feel free to skip xxx**

**I'm sure most of you have heard about Jim Carrey's ex-girlfriend who sadly took her own life last week. I knew Cathriona. In my early twenties I lived with some friends of mine. Mags, another friend of ours who I went to high-school with moved in across the street from us with Cathriona and a few others. **

**I swear it was the best fun I ever had in my life. It was like scenes from friends, all of us just popping over and back to each others houses to hang out, steal each others food, and generally just being young and having fun.**

**What I remember of Cathriona is a tiny, bubbly little thing who would prance across the road, let herself into our house and bounce around, asking us who was going out that night. She was really sweet and everyone adored her. Also she would always hide her hands inside the sleeves of her sweaters...don't know why but that's the image I remember most when I think of her. It's strange the things that stick with you.**

**I hate to think of her feeling so low and alone that she took her own life. I have had someone close to me who committed suicide a few years ago and my own foster brother is bi-polar and has attempted suicide on three occasions. My mother took him in to live with us when he was just a little baby and twenty years later he is still with us. But he now has huge mental health problems that are sadly inherited from his parents (not their fault either!) For all of this he is no less a brother to me than any of my other siblings.**

**I just want to say to anyone out there who is feeling low, or you can't see your way out of a situation...there is **_**always**_** a way. Even if you cannot see it right now. The first step is to **_**talk**_** to someone, anyone. Just open your mouth and tell them you need help. No matter how daunting it may seem there is no shame in asking for help, there isn't a person out there who doesn't need someone to lean on from time to time...No man is an island. I am just a PM away if you want to talk to me. I'm a good listener xxx**


	29. Chapter 29

**A/N Sorry it's been a few weeks since I've updated but sometimes real life sucks. Hopefully I can get back on schedule now, thanks for sticking with me. And thank you to those who contacted me with PM's and kept me on my toes about updating.**

**I always find it tougher to write the 'happy' parts of my stories. The angst just seems to come so much easier to me...what does that say about me I wonder!**

**Ana POV**

"**I can't wear that!" I gasp at Mia** who is holding up a scrap of material she claims to be a dress.

She rolls her eyes, "of course you can Ana, you'll look hot in this." She shakes the dress a little so the shiny silver material shimmers in the light and giggles, "and Christian won't be able to keep his hands off you." And cue my blush.

We are in Mia's room and Kate is doing my hair and make up for me since I'm clueless about this stuff. I don't even know what half the products they are using are called. "She's right Steele," she mumbles around a mouthful of bobby pins, "and I picked the perfect shoes to match."

"I...I'll look ridiculous," I stutter. There's no way I could pull off a look like that.

"Bullshit. You'll look awesome in this, you have legs to die for." I pull at the ends of my sleep shorts in an attempt to hide a bit more of my legs.

Somehow I allow them to talk me into putting the dress on. I haven't been allowed to look in the mirror while getting ready so I'm curious to see how it all turned out. Of course Kate and Mia look stunning. Mia is wearing a short black dress that looks like it's made out of bandages. The dark colour complementing her hair perfectly, she has a pair of black strappy heels to finish off the look. Kate has on a beautiful red dress that is fitted on top but the skirt flares out and comes to her mid thigh. She is wearing awesome white chunky heels with it.

"Ok Ana, time for the big reveal." Mia squeals as she dramatically takes down the sheet she had covering the mirror. I only just stop myself from rolling my eyes at her dramatics.

I'm not sure what to think when I see myself in the mirror. My first thought being_ 'who is that?'._

The girl staring back at me looks nothing like little Ana Steele. My hair is blown out with some of it back combed and pinned up, the rest falling in soft curls around my shoulders. The dress I was all but forced into is a short shimmery silver affair. It's short but not indecently so, it has long sleeves and is loose fitting but still seems to cling in all the right places. The neckline is quite high, which is a relief, but when I turn to look at the back I can see the material is draped from my shoulders and open all the way down my back almost to my butt. The shoes they bought for me are a dark silver open toe stiletto, my newly red painted toes peeking out. Sheesh, I'm going to break my neck in these four inch heels.

It's my make up though that is the biggest surprise. I never wear make up, I don't even own any other than a little lip gloss. My eyes are rimmed with dark kohl and my lashes look fuller with the liberal amount of mascara Kate applied. There's a little blush on my cheeks and my already clear skin looks even smoother and my lips are painted a bright red.

I'm surprised to find that I look almost...pretty. Will Christian like it though? I watch my reflection as I bite my lip.

"Well?" Kate and Mia ask excitedly at the same time.

"Ummm."

I'm saved from having to answer by someone rapping on the bedroom door. "Are you ladies decent?" Elliot shouts from outside the door.

"Go away Elliot!" Mia shouts back at the same time as Kate shouts, "sure babe, come on in."

Elliot makes me laugh when he comes in with his hand over his eyes, grinning and peering through his fingers. When he sees the coast is clear he takes his hand away and whistles, "holy crap you girls look hot, except for you Mia...you look ugly."

Mia, obviously used to his joking, flips him the bird and skips out of the room. How she skips in those shoes is a mystery to me, I'm going to have trouble just standing still in mine. "We're leaving in ten minutes," he shouts after her then turns to eye Kate appreciatively. "Almost ready baby? Man you look hot in that dress, I look forward to removing it later."

The way he looks at her could light the room on fire. I know my face is on fire witnessing it. "I um, I'll go get my um, I'll..." I stammer awkwardly before I give up and almost run out of the room. I think I hear Kate slapping Elliot's arm and telling him off for embarrassing me and his muffled 'what did I do?'.

Once I have escaped I go to my own room to further dissect my appearance in private. I take a deep breath as I scrutinise every inch of myself. The longer I look the more flaws I can see. No doubt the make up has helped to enhance my face but showing off this much of my legs is starting to unnerve me. Maybe if I wore some tights...

I'm startled from my self assessment when I hear a gasp from the bedroom door. I didn't hear it open but when I spin round I see Christian standing there with his jaw almost on the floor. He doesn't say anything, just stands there staring which makes me squirm under his scrutiny. Does he like it? Hate it?

"Hey."

He clears his throat and snaps out of his stupor at my whispered greeting. "Hey yourself." Shit he looks a bit pissed.

I pull a little at the hem of the dress. "D...do I look alright?"

He stalks a little closer, eyeing my face now. I still can't really read his expression. "No."

Oh.

I knew I looked silly. I should never have let the girls talk me into this, I don't have the confidence to pull off a look like this. "Okay, well um, I can change. I brought some other stuff with me, d...do you think the others will mind waiting while I change?"

I don't wait for an answer as I am already heading for the closet. "I don't think I have anything suitable for clubbing though...maybe I could just come home after dinner and you all could go without me." I think I do a good job hiding my disappointment, it helps that I don't look at him when I speak.

"Ana." I don't make it halfway to the walk in closet before he grabs me gently by the arm and pulls me to him. I still don't look at his face though.

"Christian I don't have time to..." I don't even get the sentence out before he turns my face to his and his mouth descends on mine hungrily. His huge hands cover most of my bare back as he crushes me to him and I can feel his erection press into me. He grinds against me and I think I whimper into his mouth. Maybe we could stay in...

He pulls back and stares heatedly into my eyes. _God that look._ "I _don't_ like the dress Ana, do you want to know why I don't like it?"

"Because I look ridiculous?" I manage to squeak.

He snorts. "Hardly." Then he leans in to whisper in my ear, "I don't like it because this _dress_," he grips the material in his hands, "makes you look hot and fuckable and I don't want any other man seeing you like that."

I'm panting at this stage as his lips brush my ear while he is talking. When I speak I can only manage a whisper, "so...should I change or not?

He growls, long and low in my ear and I swear I can feel myself getting wet. "No, Mia would skin me alive." He pulls back and pins me with his stare. "You will not leave my side tonight. Understood, Ms Steele?" I can only nod. Demanding Christian is hot!

Once we are seated in the restaurant Christian seems to relax a bit. I caught him giving a few death glares to a couple of guys who may or may not have looked too long at my bare legs. Now that they are hidden under the table he can calm down and enjoy himself. I want to roll my eyes at him, but I don't.

Dinner is delicious of course but I struggle to eat it because Elliot has us all laughing throughout the meal so much that I'm afraid I will choke in a minute. Even Christian is laughing at his antics, some of which are aimed directly at him and his over protective ways when it comes to me.

"I swear half the wait staff in Aspen will be looking for jobs in the morning if they take one more look at Ana," he grins at my blush.

I look at Christian and he smirks at me not even bothering to deny it. I don't think anyone was really looking at me, _in that way, _but I also know it's pointless to disagree with him.

While we are making the short walk to 'the best club in town' according to Mia, I huddle into my coat and press myself against Christian to ward off the cold and also to not trip over my own feet. He has his arm wrapped securely around my waist. Just then Elliot makes fun of Ethan when he took a fall while skiing today causing everyone to erupt with laughter again, thankfully not at our expense this time.

"Seriously dude, you screamed like a little girl at a Bieber concert."

"Fuck off Elliot I did not!"

While I am giggling quietly at their good humoured banter Christian leans over and softly whispers in my ear, "why do you do that?"

At first I'm confused until he gently pulls my fingers away from my mouth and kisses my fingertips. Oh, that. I didn't even realise I was doing it but I don't want to make a big thing out of it so I lift my shoulder quickly to try to shrug off his question. He doesn't comment but gives me the look that says we will be discussing this later. Great.

Of course we are let straight into the club, no waiting for the Greys, and I am curious as to what it will be like. Obviously I have seen this on TV and I'm not completely stupid but there is nothing like experiencing something for yourself.

I'm not familiar with the music that hits my ears the moment we enter the club. It's an upbeat song that Mia and Kate start dancing to on the spot before we even hand in our coats and find a seat. I cling to Christian. It's packed in here and I don't want to get separated from him in this obviously drunk crowd of people. They look like they are having a lot of fun though, throwing themselves around to the music.

Just when I'm wondering where we are going to find a seat a half dressed young girl comes over to lead us to a roped off area beside the dance floor. It's up a few steps and as the lighting over here is very dim we are mostly away from prying eyes.

The flirty half dressed girl completely ignores me as she bats her eyelashes at Christian. "If there is _anything_ you need just ask me, sir."

I want to yell at her to back off, tell her that he is mine. But of course I could never do that so I settle for scowling at her instead. If she notices my glare she ignores it.

Christian, obviously used to this kind of attention, simply waves her off after giving her our drink order. A bottle of Crystal, three beers and six glasses of water. She turns and I can see the deliberate wave of her hips as she saunters away. I huff.

"What's the matter baby?"

I don't want to give away my jealousy but her forwardness and the three glasses of champagne I had at dinner get the best of me, "she's flirting with you," I pout.

He raises his eyebrows and grins. "You're jealous!" he's a little too smug at this realisation for my liking.

"No I'm not," I will not sulk. I will _not_ sulk.

He grabs me and kisses me soundly. "Yes you are and it's hot. But there's no need to be jealous baby I'm already with the hottest chick in here," he winks at me causing me to giggle and my jealous fit instantly evaporates.

"You have to say that because you love me," I accuse.

His face instantly softens and this time his kiss is tender before he answers me, "damn right I do," he growls against my lips. The music is loud but I still have no trouble hearing him. I beam at him.

"Aw guys, come _on_." We are both startled by Elliot's groan right beside us. At first I think he's reacting to our PDA but when I follow his line of sight I see he's watching Ethan and Mia who are heavily making out in the darkened back corner of the VIP area. I giggle at the same time Christian rubs his face and groans.

When they eventually come up for air Mia couldn't care less about her brothers' objections and Ethan gives Elliot a cocky grin. I swear those two act like a couple of kids half the time.

"What?" Mia waves her hand in the air dismissively, "it's not like you guys don't get it on any chance you get."

"Not having this conversation little sister," Elliot covers his ears like a small boy.

"Whatever, I'm going to dance, coming girls?" Mia makes her way to the dance floor waving Kate and I along with her. Kate instantly jumps up, gives Elliot a quick kiss and follows Mia.

I am rooted to the spot. I can't dance, I haven't the first notion of how it's done. I have never danced in my life. I think I am pale even thinking about it.

The girls turn and watch me expectantly. "You coming Ana?" Kate asks. I shake my head.

"Of course she's coming Kate, right Ana?" Mia comes back and goes to grab my hand, presumably to pull me out to the floor. I shoot a panicked glance at Christian, I don't want to cause a scene but there is no way I'm about to go out there and make a complete fool of myself.

Reading my face, Christian pulls me out of Mia's clutches, "Ana isn't dancing with you," oh thank Christ for that, "she's dancing with me."

What. The. Fuck.

I spin around to face him, "no, I'm not."

Christian is already pulling me to the floor before he answers me. "Yes, you are."

I drag my feet but I'm no match for him, he all but picks me up and plonks me on the dance floor. I stand there awkwardly as everyone around us grinds to the music. This song is much more intimate than the last one. Christian pulls me flush against his body.

"Christian I can't..."

"Shh, just move with me..."

In these heels I am taller but I still only come up to Christian shoulder. He bends his knees a little and presses our hips together as he moves. He puts his hand low on my back, almost on my bottom, and holds my hips against his and sways his hips in perfect rhythm to the music.

My God the man can dance. He moves in perfect time to the music, bringing me with him. I decide not to fight it and just let him lead me. I wrap my arms around his neck and hold on to him as he holds onto my hips and helps me to sway along with him.

I can't help but feel his movements are very sexual, especially when he puts one leg in between mine and pulls me even closer. I can feel the pressure _down there_ as I rub against him. I bury my face in his neck and pant.

I'm almost disappointed when the song ends and a faster one comes on. He pulls back a little and grins down at me as people start to jump about all around us. "Just as well that song ended before we got carried away." I think I hear him say just before he pulls me back to our seats.

Our drinks have arrived and the area is being guarded by Taylor and Sawyer as we were all out dancing. I look back to see the rest of our group jumping around in the throng along with everyone else, Elliot waving him arms around like a madman.

"Drink this." I turn and Christian is holding out a glass of water for me.

"Water?" I ask but I take it a drink it greedily as I am thirsty from dancing, "thanks."

Christian is watching my mouth and throat as I swallow and his eyes gleam as a few drops escape and I lick them from my lips when I put down the now empty glass.

"I need you to stay somewhat in control of your faculties," he says huskily.

I'm not immune to his sudden change in demeanour. Did it suddenly get hotter in here? "Why?"

Christian stalks closer and tucks a strand of hair behind my ear and leans closer so I can hear him when he says quietly, "Because I need you sober when we get back so I can fuck you into next week."

My thighs clamp together and I am instantly wet. _Oh, yes._

**A/N Ooh maybe there will be a steamy lemon for these two in the next chapter.**

**If I still have any readers left please review xxx**


	30. Chapter 30

**A/N Thanks for the reviews for the last chapter people. Here it is hot off the press, chapter 30.**

**Ana POV**

**Christian and I are interrupted by **Mia who has come bouncing off the dance floor. "Jeez you guys, do you ever give it a rest?" I giggle when Christian rolls his eyes at her as I pull away from him reluctantly. He doesn't let me go far as he wraps an arm around my waist.

She downs a glass of water much in the same way I did. This dancing is thirsty work it seems. "You looked good out there Ana, I don't know why you were so shy about dancing with us. Haven't you ever gone clubbing with your friends before?"

Mia is sweet, naive, but sweet. She knows I didn't have an easy time growing up and she even knows some of the minor details but she has spent _her_ life wrapped in cotton wool and really has no clue what it means not to have lived a privileged life. I am saved from having to answer when the rest of our group joins us. We all sit around for a little while drinking and having fun. Most of the fun being provided by Elliot, of course, as he ribs Ethan. "So Ethan, where'd you learn to dance...did your grandmother teach you?"

Kate spits out her drink and has a coughing fit as she starts laughing. Then she shares a meaningful look with Ethan.

"Don't," he warns and Kate purses her lips to hide her smile.

Elliot looks between them, "what?"

Kate looks as if she is going to burst and Ethan seems to be torn between scowling and grinning at her. The rest of us look on as the stalemate between them continues. Finally Kate gives in, "our grandma used to ballroom dance and she said that all gentlemen should know how to dance so she made Ethan learn when he was fifteen."

"Kate for crying out loud!" Ethan groans just as Elliot all but falls out of his chair in peals of laughter. I'm giggling too but it's more due to Elliot's reaction than anything else. I don't see what's wrong with a man learning to dance, am I missing something here?

"So what...oh this is too good...what steps were you doing out there? Was it the waltz or a foxtrot?" Elliot asks as he tries, and fails, to control himself.

"Fuck you Elliot your not exactly John Travolta out there either, dickhead." Ethan retorts but he's smiling in spite of himself.

"Did you go to classes?"

"I'm not discussing this with" Ethan is cut off from answering Elliot by Kate, "yes, he went to Grandma's class and he was the youngest there by about fifty years," she squeals.

"Kate! What the fuck?" Kate isn't a bit sorry for outing her brother to Elliot's ridicule.

"Aw babe I think your a great dancer," Mia soothes as she sits in his lap. Elliot sobers immediately and scowls at them. "I happen to find a man who can dance really sexy," she says and leans in to kiss him.

"Oh fuck me sideways." Elliot's not laughing any more and although Christian isn't complaining he has hid his face in my hair so he doesn't have to watch.

"You Greys are such prudes. You don't mind grabbing our asses in public but God forbid your little sister kisses her boyfriend. Am I right Ana?" Kate doesn't wait for me to answer, thank the lord as I don't know what I would say, she simply stands and ushers us girls out on to the dance floor again. "This is my jam so you bitches better come dance with me," she says as a new song comes on and pulls me away from Christian, "come on Steele no refusing this time, the mogul won't wilt and die if you're not with him every second."

I catch Christians scowl as I am led away by the tenacious Miss Kavanagh. I am freaking out at the thought of dancing by myself but I managed with Christian and really, how difficult can this be...you just move to the music right?

Wrong. I see the boys watching us as we find a spot on the floor but my view is quickly cut of as we are enveloped by the crowd, all of whom seem to be taller than me even when I'm in heels.

Kate and Mia immediately start dancing to one of the few songs I have recognised tonight, Titanium by David Guetta. I actually really like this song but I feel suddenly awkward and self conscious in this large group of people. I shuffle my feet a bit but I am starting to feel silly, sure that the boys are laughing at _me_ now.

I look over when there is a break in the crowd only to see that Christian isn't even at our table any more. Where is he? I stay for another moment but decide I need to get out of here, Mia and Kate aren't taking any notice of me anyway. I'm just about to bolt from the floor when I feel two arms wrap around me from behind. I tense at first but then I realise I would know these arms anywhere. I turn to see Christian staring down at me.

"Hey," he mouths as he presses himself against me. We dance a little, out of time to the fast beat of the music but it doesn't seem to bother him as he seems more interested in groping me and grabbing my bottom anyway. He leans down to kiss me senseless right there on the dance floor for anyone to see.

After a few moments we come up for air and I'm clinging to him when he leans over and says to the girls, "were leaving."

The look he gives me leaves no one in doubt as to _why_ we are leaving. I should be embarrassed but I'm not. No one comes with us as they want to stay and party for another while so Taylor brings us home while Sawyer stays with the rest of the group.

"Did you tell Elliot we were leaving?" I ask breathlessly as Christian pays close attention to kissing my collarbone. We are in the car and Taylor is studiously ignoring us.

"Mmmhmm, I told him as I was coming to get you on the dance floor. I shudder a breath as his teeth graze my earlobe.

"Christian...oh...Taylor can hear us," I protest weakly when Christians hand snakes it's way between my thighs, but if I am honest I don't want him to stop.

He growls against my throat when he finds me soaking wet, "as soon as we get home I am going to fuck you Miss Steele."

I have no idea where Taylor goes when we pull up at the front entrance to the house because Christian opens the car door and all but drags me out with him. He carries me straight to our bedroom where he continues his sensual assault.

"You looked so fucking hot tonight Ana." I whimper as he reaches underneath my short skirt and rips away my panties.

"I could see every fucker in the place looking at you. At what's mine," he grabs the end of my dress and pulls it over my head throwing it towards the chair in the corner, I am naked underneath as I couldn't wear a bra with the open backed dress. Christian growls when he sees this and his jacket and shirt quickly follow along with his shoes and socks.

Christian has never been this...forceful with me, it's a side to him that although I knew he must have he has never shown it to me. I like it.

He steps back and looks me up and down, breathing heavily. He looks so hot standing there with just his jeans hanging off his hips. I can see the V between his hips as it disappears below those jeans, I want to lick it.

He reaches for the zip on his jeans, "get on your knees."

And that is all it takes to effectively send me into a tailspin. All of a sudden I'm right back in that motel with Jose as he forced me to my knees and...and...

He said those exact words to me.

In a panic I try my best to hide I get on my knees quickly. Inside I know Christian loves me and I am desperately reasoning with myself that he is nothing like Jose, that this situation is completely different. He _loves_ me for crying out loud.

I close my eyes and try to banish the memories invading my mind. They remind me that this is not the first time I've been in this position with a man. Why am I thinking this now? I thought I was over this.

But as much as Christian wants to believe it, and so do I, I am not entirely his. Another man has had this part of me, albeit unwillingly. I suddenly feel sick as more and more images of what he did and said invade my mind.

"Ana?"

**CPOV**

**I am all over Ana in the back **of the car on our way home, I can't help myself. When she was on that dance floor I could see every mother fucker in the place wanting a piece of her. She looked cute as a button teetering around in those sexy as fuck heels. How she manages to look so innocent and in the same moment like a goddess is something I may never understand. I don't want to scare her but I need to prove to myself right now that she is mine, and mine alone.

I could see a few of them edging towards her as she danced. I say danced...let's just say she isn't going to be starting a new career anytime soon. But that didn't matter as Ana just has that _thing_ that draws attention to her even when she is doing everything to avoid it.

So I marched over and showed those fuckers she was mine by claiming her then and there. I told Elliot we were leaving before I even went to her and he knew better than to argue with me. I did my best to hide my ire from her as I didn't want to scare her, and also as it wasn't her fault, though I should have never allowed her to go out in that damn dress.

When I reach between her legs only to find her wet I know she is as turned on as I am right now. Game on.

Once in our room I make short work of her clothes and I am shirtless in record speed. I then step back to admire her delectable body and that is when I decide it's time to show Ana a few new moves. I run through what I plan to do quickly in my head deciding to start with her on her knees.

"Get on your knees," I command as I go to remove my jeans.

I see an immediate change in her and freeze in my spot. Her face falls and she looks at the floor. For a few moments neither of us moves. What's going on?

Then she quickly drops to her knees but her eyes are screwed shut. She is shaking and looks petrified, what did I do?

_Fuck_.

I drop to my knees in front of her but I don't think she heard me as she doesn't react at all. She _is_ pale however and looks like she is on the verge of being physically sick. Is she unwell?

"Ana?" for a moment she doesn't react but then she opens her eyes and my gut twists at the fear I see there.

"Baby what's wrong?" I breathe. "Did I do something? Say something to upset you?" Ana doesn't answer me but the fear lessons slightly as I talk only to be replaced with a sadness that fucking kills me to witness.

"Sweetheart?" I reach out tentatively, afraid to touch her when she's like this. Suddenly she scrambles to her feet and bolts for the bathroom where she is sick repeatedly in the toilet. I am right behind her, holding her hair and ignoring her hands as they try to weakly bat me away.

Once she is finished her whole body seems to slump in defeat. She still hasn't spoken a word and I'm really starting to freak out now.

"Ana _please_, you're scaring me. Do you want me to call a doctor?"

"No, no I'll be okay in a minute," she finally mumbles quietly. Well thank fuck for that, I breathe a heavy sigh of relief.

"What's going on? Are you sick?" stupid question I know after she just vomited but maybe it was the alcohol, even though she didn't drink all that much.

"Um n...no I'm not sick, not really."

I help her up and she rinses her mouth and brushes her teeth. She still won't look at me. I touch her arm and realise she is freezing. "Do you want to take a shower."

"Okay," her voice is small and unsure.

Outwardly I am calm as I turn on the shower and wait for it to heat up but on the inside I am freaking the fuck out. What happened to make her shut down like that? One minute we were going at it pretty hot and heavy and the next she is kneeling on the floor completely unresponsive.

"Water's warm," I say and help her in. I go to take off my own clothes to join her.

"You're coming in too?"

"Yes...unless you'd rather I didn't," fuck, does she not want me to?

"No, I'd like that," she moves a little so we are both under the large shower head.

"Can I hold you?" I am afraid to touch her, how did we go from there to here in a matter of minutes?

She nods and I wrap her shivering body in my arms and pull her against my chest. "I don't know what's going on Ana but we can fix it. It will be okay baby, I love you."

I'm not sure if it's my words but she breaks down into sobs. Huge tearful gut wrenching sobs. What the fuck is happening? I'm lost here and I feel like I'm drowning.

After a while her sobs quieten to soft hiccups and she looks exhausted. I wash and condition her hair and soap and rinse her body. She seems to calm with my gentle ministrations so I dry her off and wrap her in a soft white towel. I dry myself off quickly and wrap a towel around my waist as she watches me with those huge blue eyes and pick her up, carrying her to the edge of the bed. I grab the dryer and sit behind her as I dry her hair.

Once I'm finished I put one of my t-shirts on her and tuck her under the sheets and climb in behind her, pulling her against me. I decide not to say anything, though it kills me, waiting to see if she will open up about what made her have such a spectacular meltdown. I don't have to wait long.

"I'm sorry."

My heart clenches at her melancholy tone, "I don't know what's going on here Ana but I do know that you have nothing to be sorry about."

Another minute passes before she speaks again. "Why am I so fucked up?" she sniffles.

I can't take it. I turn her to face me, "Ana Steele you are _not_ fucked up. You've had fucked up things happen to you, that does not mean you are any way at fault...is that what this is, has something I did trigger a bad memory for you?"

She nods. "What did I do?"

"It's not your fault Christian and I don't want to tell you because I know you will blame yourself," she says. Ana knows me well it seems.

I take a deep breath, "okay will you make a deal with me?" she raises a sceptical eyebrow but doesn't refuse so I continue, "you tell me what happened and I will agree not to blame myself in any way as long as you agree to do the same. Deal?"

She bites her lip as she contemplates my offer and I want to kiss her so bad right now but I don't as I feel all the importance of dealing with this issue without getting distracted.

"Okay deal," she says quietly.

"Alright. What happened baby?"

"When...when you told me to g...get on my knees. That's, um, that's exactly what _he_ said to me that night when he...when he..." she doesn't finish but I know exactly what she's referring to.

_Fuck_. How could I have been so stupid.

"Oh God baby I'm so sor," she doesn't let me finish.

"No blaming ourselves remember?"

"Yes okay," I agree but inside I am still fucking kicking myself. I am a selfish son of a bitch, if I had thought for just one second about her instead of how I needed to prove that she belonged to me. Fuck, fuck, _fuck_.

"Christian," she admonishes, knowing I am internally beating myself up, "stop it."

I pull her closer and bury my face in her hair. I want to apologise, get on my knees and beg for her forgiveness for being so thoughtless. This time last week she was a virgin for crying out loud. And she is an abuse victim, much as I hate to think about it. But I don't because I made a deal, a fucking deal I came up with.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I know it's better to get this stuff out or it will fester.

"No."

"I think that might be the problem here baby," I pull back to look at her, "you haven't dealt with what happened, not really."

"I just want to forget," her voice cracks.

"I know, believe me Ana, I know. But that's not how it works. You can bury it as deep as it will go but unless you talk about it and get it out of your system it will always come to the surface when you are least expecting it. That's what happened here tonight."

I know I should turn some of this advice towards myself, in fact what I am telling her is what John has told me over and over for years now. But it is only as I give Ana that same advice that I see the truth in his words. Maybe it's time I also opened up more and talked to him about what happened to me as a child. Would it really bring me 'peace' as he has so often promised me? This definitely warrants more thought but right now I am more focused on Ana.

"If I see someone they will make me talk about _everything_ Christian. I don't know if I am ready for that," she sounds freaked out now as she is obviously referring to her life with Carla and Morton.

"That's not how therapy works Ana. You can set the tone baby, you can agree to only discuss what you are able to at first and when you are ready to deal with other issues you can talk about them then."

"Are you sure?" she doesn't sound convinced.

"Yes Ana, trust me I've been in therapy so long I know what the deal is," I hesitate, not wanting to push her too far and have her clam up on me, "I can make an appointment with John for you, or we can find you a female therapist if you would be more comfortable with that. Tell me what you want baby."

She doesn't answer for so long I wonder if she has fallen asleep. "Okay, I'll see John. If you trust him I suppose can trust him too," she all but whispers.

Oh thank the Lord for that. "I'll set it up baby, don't worry about it now, it's late and you need to sleep," I pull her closer when she yawns. She's had a long day and ended it with an emotional night and I can practically feel the exhaustion coming off her.

"Thank you Christian. I love you."

I kiss her forehead. "As I love you baby," more than you will ever know.

**A/N I can't stay away from the angst for long it would seem...Please review and let me know what you thought of the chapter. **


	31. Chapter 31

**Hi guys, well what can I say about my prolonged absence except that I am so, so sorry. A while back I was given a pretty bad medical diagnosis so all my energies for the last few months have been on getting well. I probably should have given you all the heads up but I didn't feel able to share it at that time so again I apologise for my sudden absence. I tried to keep updating but between treatments and other things my schedule became erratic and eventually I just had to stop for a while. **

**It's been so long since I have updated that it is almost embarrassing to come back at this stage, but I feel genuinely guilty for leaving you all in limbo with this story. I have had to read over it all again to refresh myself but it's okay because I've had a clear outline from the start where it is going and I have made some notes so hopefully I can jump right back in.**

**I'm not promising weekly updates and my chapters may not be as long as usual, I get tired easily I'm afraid and when I have my treatments sometimes I am sick for days afterwards so you will have to bear with me xxx**

**Ana POV**

**When I wake the next **morning I am still safely cocooned in Christians arms. Reflecting on what I agreed to I feel a new sense of determination, it's about time I learned to face my demons head on. So I will go see Christians therapist and hopefully he will help me deal with my multitude of issues. It won't be easy, or quick, but I'm sure with Christians support I'll get through it. I felt like a weight had been lifted off me once my decision had been made.

I turn over and gently push Christian onto his back, he grumbles a little in his sleep but doesn't wake. Knowing Christian he was awake half the night worrying about me and castigating himself for something that was never his fault.

I sigh and raise my hand to run my fingertips along his jaw. My beautiful man. Mine.

The sheet has been pushed lower with our movements and is now pooled around his waist. With sudden curiosity, and a quick glance to see he is still asleep, I lift the sheet so I can peer at his penis, unobserved.

Of course I have seen and touched it a few times now but it was always in the heat of the moment or in the bath...I have never gotten the chance to really _look_ at it. And I am less intimidated to do it while he is asleep. I want to be able to do all the things Christian wants to share with me without having a meltdown.

So I pull back the sheet and gaze at Christians 'favourite appendage' as he informed me the other day. It made me giggle at the time and I bite my lip now to hide a smile.

I'm intrigued by his penis, even when it is soft it still looks quite big. I don't really have any experience on penis size but to me it seems on the larger side.

I want to touch it. I reach out with my pointer finger and poke it gently before drawing my finger back. I am fascinated when it reacts immediately, I gasp softly as it stirs to life and begins to twitch and grow. I glance and see Christian is still sleeping and continue my illicit exploration.

I touch it again and feel how hard it is becoming. ''Ooh,'' I exclaim softly when it begins to point upwards. It's still growing!

I moan a little when I see a little bead of moisture from at the top, I press my thighs together and feel just how wet I am. I want to lick it.

Forgetting myself for a moment I wrap my hand around the shaft and pump a few times. His penis, which was so soft only minutes ago, now feels as though it has a rod of steel at its centre. Steel covered in soft velvet. I bite my lip again.

Christian has exclaimed how he loves the taste of me on his fingers, I wonder if I will feel the same about him. Slowly I lean forward and lick the tip. ''Mmm,'' I hum against him. He tastes like salt, and musk.

Suddenly Christian groans aloud and I pull back swiftly, guiltily. I blush furiously as I scramble to apologise, is he angry I touched him without his consent? "S...sorry."

I peek at his face and relax when I see amusement there, amusement mixed with want. He rises a little so he's resting on his elbows, "don't be sorry baby, you can do whatever you want with my body, it's yours."

I try to remain calm as my heart leaps at his words. It isn't so long ago that Christian couldn't bear for me to touch him at all, now he is more comfortable with my touch every day.

I squint at him suspiciously, "how long have you been awake?" I ask accusingly.

Christian grins impishly, "since the moment you touched me." His lazy smile is endearing.

With a sudden surge of bravado I smirk and grab his erection tightly in my fist, I watch in awe as Christians eyes roll back and he moans as he flops back down onto his pillow. With severe concentration I return to the task at hand. Namely, Christians pleasure.

I'm kneeling at his side, my bare bottom sitting on my feet as I work him over, pulling in long strokes up and down his shaft. Suddenly his hand is palming my ass and I squirm in pleasure and lift up on my knees a little to give him further access.

With a speed that knocks me breathless Christian grabs my hips and spins me around as if I'm weightless so that now my knees are on either side of his head and he is pushing my sex down onto his face all the while his penis is still gripped firmly in my hand.

"Christian!" I gasp. He has never put his mouth _there _before.

He doesn't say a word he simply hums when his lips and tongue make contact with my most sensitive area. "Aaagh," I whimper.

It's difficult to concentrate on what I was doing but I am determined to give him as much pleasure as he is giving me so I quickly put my head down and take him into my mouth. This time there is no hesitation as all I'm thinking about is how good Christian is making me feel while I do the same to him.

When my mouth wraps around him he huffs a breath against me and then I groan loudly around him when he plunges his tongue into me. My legs are jelly and I completely let go and melt against him, widening my legs and offering myself to him completely as he hits the back of my throat. His hips are bucking gently against me and fuck if that doesn't just turn me on even more.

I am starting to get that now familiar feeling of an impending orgasm when Christian suddenly pulls away and flips me onto my back. He pushes my knees up so I'm almost curled into a ball and slams himself into me. "I want to see your face when you come," he pants breathlessly.

With my knees pressed up almost to my chin and my legs bent it has risen my behind completely up off the bed. And as Christian is furiously pumping in and out I know this won't take long. In this position the sensation seems to be more intense than ever and I can't stop the moans and whimpers of pleasure that escape me, I have never been this loud before, have I?

Christian is full of lewd praise every time I shriek in pleasure. When my orgasm hits it is so intense I think I black out for a moment. Every inch of my body bucks and convulses and I'm only vaguely aware of Christian stilling and shouting my name aloud.

When I come around Christian is lying beside me still panting, we are both a sweaty sticky mess. I giggle and Christian grins, "well that was one he'll of a wake up call Miss Steele."

After a shower where we couldn't keep our hands off each other we follow our noses to the kitchen in search of breakfast where Mrs Benson is cooking up a storm. It's after ten am and I'm famished from our morning activities.

After greeting Mrs Benson and grabbing two cups of coffee we are informed breakfast is almost ready so we go to see who else is up.

Kate is sitting in the dining room with her own cup of coffee and reading what looks like a newspaper on her tablet. She looks up and smiles when she sees us. "Morning," she says cheerfully, "Elliot's up, he's in the shower trying to wash away his hangover," she smirks. "Ethan is in the gym and I think Mia is still asleep."

"Of course she is,'' Christian says dryly just as Ethan comes in looking fresh from a shower himself.

"Hey guys I just woke sleeping beauty, man was she pissed," he laughs lightly but I don't miss Christians scowl at the mention of Ethan sharing her room. I elbow him and he raises his eyebrows at me.

A few minutes later we are all sitting down to the most delicious breakfast. Mrs Benson has gone all out, if I didn't know any better I'd think she was trying to wipe Gail's eye.

Kate, as usual, is full of chat and even Christian is in a good mood. Of course that could have more to do with his obvious glee in his brothers suffering. Poor Elliot. Mia didn't even bother to dress, she arrived to the table bundled up in her dressing gown and announced to the table that she is having a 'duvet day'.

We all end up having a lazy day as the weather turns out to be too bad to head out in anyway. We light the fire and sit around watching movies and snoozing on and off as we are all tired from our exertions last night. All too soon however we have to go as our plane is leaving at eight pm to take us home. Everyone has work in the morning after all. Everyone except for me, I pout.

When we finally arrive home it is late so we end up going straight to bed. I'm almost asleep when Christian comes out of the bathroom and climbs in beside me. I quickly snuggle up against him and kiss his chest, he only tenses for a moment. He getting better everyday with my little touches.

"Thank you," I mumble sleepily.

"For what?"

"The perfect weekend."

He kisses my head in response, "anything for you baby." I barely register what he is saying as I think I am already asleep.

However I am only asleep a few hours when I wake with a dry throat. Hmm, it's a little sore too and is it just me or is this room really hot? I untangle myself from Christian and go to the kitchen in search of some water. I fill a cold glass from the fridge and wince as I drink it. Fuck that hurt!

I feel a tickle in my throat and start to cough. Man my throat is really sore now, shit. I search for cough syrup but finding none and now feeling exhausted I decide I need to go back to sleep. But I don't want to wake Christian so I decide to lay down on the couch in the TV room, it's a little cooler in here anyway.

Sure I'll feel fine after some sleep I get as comfortable as I can on the couch and fall into a fitful sleep. But I don't feel better, not at all, when I hear Christians frantic voice calling out for me.

It's early morning when I wrench my eyes open, the dark grey clouds signalling the dawn they are hiding from us. Christians voice is almost panicked as he calls for me.

"In here," I call out in a hoarse voice. No, definitely not better.

Christian bursts I to the room and looks relieved for half a second before he frowns. ''Ana are you alright?"

"No," I croak. I really don't feel well at all, my limbs ache and my throat is killing me.

Christian flips on the main overhead light in the dim room to see me more clearly and I shut my eyes and grimace in pain at the intruding light. He quickly switches it off again but turns on one of the dimmer lamps in the room.

"Baby what's the matter, why are you in here?" he reaches out and touches my face and gasps. "Jesus Ana you are burning up."

"I'm fine Christian I'm sure it's just a cold or..." I can't finish my sentence as I start coughing.

"Come on baby I'm putting you back to bed." He lifts me gently and I bite my lip to stifle the groan at the pain even this slight movement causes. Once I'm back in bed he calls his mother to come see me. I try to protest but he will have none of it.

I feel guilty that he is calling Grace this early in the morning but I'm too weak to really protest. I feel only slightly better when she is already up and getting ready for work. Grace agrees to come see me before she starts her shift.

Christian is making me dizzy with his worried pacing while we wait for his mother to get here so I shut my eyes. I must doze off because the next thing I feel are Graces gentle hands as she examines me.

I open my eyes and smile weakly at her. Jesus I have to stop falling asleep because every time I do I wake up feeling worse. Grace places a cool hand on my forehead, she is just about to ask a question when Christian interrupts her.

"What wrong with her mom? I think we should just head straight over to the hospital now. It's better to be safe than sorry just in case..."

Grace cuts him off, "Christian calm down or I'll have to ask you to leave the room." He looks horrified at her threat, I would laugh if I didn't feel so sick.

She turns back to me and smiles, "now dear, I think what we have here is a nasty case of acute tonsillitis." We both ignore Christians dramatic exclamation of 'dear God'. "Your temperature is higher than I would like so the first thing we are going to do is get that down because it must be making you feel extremely uncomfortable and I'll give Christian a prescription to fill for you." Christian has run from the room at this stage screaming for Taylor, before Grace can continue he races back in and we just watch silently as he runs into the bathroom and we hear a bath running. Grace turns to me and rolls her eyes mouthing 'men'. This time I do giggle but stop abruptly when my throat catches fire.

Christian all but pushes his mother out of the way when he comes back and scoops me up off the bed making me groan, he apologises and kisses my forehead.

Grace is just staring at him, "Christian what are you _doing_?"

He looks over his shoulder as he carries me into the bathroom speaking frantically, "You said we have to get her temperature down straight away so I'm putting her in a cold bath." He finishes his sentence just as Taylor arrives into the bathroom with a bag of ice and I watch with growing horror as he empties it into the tub.

I look helplessly at Grace afraid to talk because it hurts too much. Thankfully she comes to my rescue just in time. "For crying out loud Christian there's no need to go to such extremes, all you have to do is get the antibiotic I've put on the prescription and she will be fine in a few days. Put the poor girl back into bed and stop this foolishness."

Christian looks from me to the bath and then to his mother as he looks unsure, "are you positive she will be alright?"

Grace takes pity on her son, "of course she will," she soothes, "people get tonsillitis every day. Ana will be poorly for a few days and you will have to look after her but she is going to be fine."

Finally he relaxes and brings me back to the bed. He still looks worried so I offer him a reassuring smile, he kisses my forehead again.

Christian finally calmed down long enough for his mother to give him a list on how to care for me over the next few days as he obviously hasn't got a clue about such things. Grace told him if he was unsure about anything to just ask Gail before he made any rash decisions.

In the end I did end up having a bath, not the ice one Christian had planned but a nice bubble bath that eased my aching muscles. Now I'm wrapped up in bed being force fed medication and chicken broth by Nurse Christian who insists on taking my temperature every ten minutes 'just in case'.

It's going to be a long few days.

**A/N I wouldn't mind my own nurse Christian right now! I decided that those of you with the patience to stick with me deserved a little love, hence the lemon. Thank you for reading, and thanks to those who have reviewed even if I haven't gotten back to anyone recently please know that I read them all and love that you took the time to review xxx**


	32. Chapter 32

**A/N I want to say a mahoosive thank you to everyone for their prayers and we'll wishes, it means a great deal to me. But don't worry about me I'm a tough cookie and I'll be fine, I just wanted to explain why my updating is taking so long. **

**Now on with chapter 32...I know Ana's illness may seem a little extreme but believe me I used to suffer from acute tonsillitis as a teenager and it can get pretty bad.**

**Ana POV**

**Burning. My whole body feels **as if it is on fire and my limbs and joints hurt so bad I feel like I've been in some kind of accident. Even the soft mattress I'm lying on is doing nothing to ease the ache. I groan.

"It's okay baby," I hear Christian croon beside me just as I feel a wet washcloth being wiped across my forehead. The cool cloth feels so good I whimper.

"Christian," I croak and then wince when pain rips through my throat. Why isn't he in work? I manage to convince one eye to open and see him sitting in the club chair beside the bed leaning over to me.

"Hey," he says quietly and continues to rub the soothing cloth over my burning skin. "Try not to talk okay? I don't want you hurting any more than you have to."

The curtains are closed and the room is illuminated by soft lamplight so I've no idea what time of the day or night it may be. How long have I been asleep?

I sit up awkwardly and attempt to speak again but it hurts too much so I end up mouthing "work" to Christian, he understands what I mean immediately.

"I'm working from home today," he says while pointing to the laptop that he has left on the bed for now while he looks after me. I frown. He should be in work, I'd be fine here on my own and I'm sure Gail wouldn't mind looking in on me now and then. Christian rolls his eyes at my frown.

He takes my hand and gently runs his fingertips over my skin. It feels good. "Don't be ridiculous Ana, how could I go to work knowing you were so sick? I wouldn't get a thing done for worrying over you. There's nothing at the office that won't keep for a few days, besides I can do any urgent business from here." He is still speaking lowly, aware no doubt of my pounding headache.

"Are you hungry?" he sounds hopeful but the thought of food makes me visibly cringe. His face falls.

Suddenly he looks wary and I'm instantly on alert. He takes the bottle of pills from the bedside table and I tense up at once and shake my head. Christian sighs, "Ana please, you heard what my mother said, you need to take these four times a day or you'll end up in the hospital on an IV."

Ugh. I pout as he takes two pills from the bottle.

This is the third time I've had to take this blasted medication. The first time I didn't realise how much they would hurt and Christian freaked out and called his mother when I refused to take the second dose a few hours later. He had put his cell phone on speaker and had Grace lecture me on the consequences if I didn't take them at regular intervals, I couldn't even talk to her myself but when Christian hung up the phone and made me take them I was so pissed I turned my back on him and sulked until I fell asleep.

I know it's silly but it hurts so bad when I take them I feel my eyes well up and spill over at the thought. When did I turn into such a cry baby?

Christian is instantly frantic, "what's the matter Ana? Are you alright? Should I call my mother or will I just get Taylor to drive us straight to the emergency department?" I think he is talking more to himself than me. I place my hand on his as he takes out his phone again, probably to call Taylor.

His eyes fly to mine and he looks so concerned I now feel awful for making him worry because I'm acting like an infant. I shake my head and sniffle a little then put my hand out for the pills. He calms down at once when he realises what happened and silently hands them to me with a glass of water to wash them down.

I take a deep breath to steel myself then swallow the pills with a sip of water. Fuck! I squeeze my eyes shut waiting for the excruciating pain in my throat to pass. When I open them again I see Christian eyeing me warily, waiting for another silent tantrum no doubt.

I give him a wobbly smile instead and sink further down into the bed. Just this small amount of interaction has me spent and I'm ready to sleep again. Just as I'm dozing off I feel Christian taking my temperature, yet again, before softly kissing my forehead and whispering, "I love you, sleep baby and feel better." But I'm too far gone to respond.

**Christian POV**

"**I love you, sleep baby and feel better," **I whisper against Ana's forehead. She doesn't respond, not that I expected her to, she was nearly asleep before she lay down.

I look at the electric thermometer in my hand and frown. 102.5 hmm that's still really high, no wonder she still feels so poorly. Maybe we should just head on over to the hospital and be done with it. I run a hand wearily over my face, even I'm aware of how absurd I'm being but I just don't want to take any risks where Ana is concerned.

And the not eating thing has me more worried than anything. How is all this going to affect her diabetes? I'm keeping an extra close eye on her levels just in case but for now they seem to be holding up. I did get her to eat some broth earlier but I'm going to have to get something more substantial into her soon.

I sigh and look at her flushed face. Her overheated cheeks are rosy red but her delicate features look beautiful as she sleeps. So fragile. I nearly get an anxiety attack every time I think of just how fragile my Ana is, physically speaking that is. Mentally she is one of the strongest people I have ever met. To go through the shit she has had so far In life and come out so sweet and innocent on the other side is nothing short of a miracle.

But the biggest miracle of all is the fact that she loves _me_. I have agonised so much over the last few months whether or not to act on my feelings for Ana but in the end I couldn't stay away. I was drawn to her beauty, innocence and strength of spirit like a moth to a flame. In the end though being with her has made me happier than I could have ever dreamed of being. Imagine that, Christian Grey happy. I shake my head when I realise I'm grinning.

I could no sooner give Ana up now than chop off my own leg. She has become a part of me, as vital as any organ I need to survive. I wonder if she has any real idea of just how much I love her?

Lately I have been thinking about our future. We've had so much thrown at us recently that I haven't been able to stop and think which is weirdly out of character for me. I used to have every facet of my life organised to a T. Even the business world has become predictable and easily manoeuvrable for me. My own family could hardly reach me without an appointment for Christ's sake, I shake my head at myself. Was I really that disconnected?

Now I feel as if a new life has been breathed into me. I am seeing things through Ana's eyes and I'm loving what I am seeing. Where before I had seen everything in bleakness and shades of grey, through Ana's eyes I see the world as she does...in a burst of light, like a kaleidoscope. Maybe this is because she was locked away for so long and is happy to be free or maybe it is just who she is, either way I'm all in.

_I'm_ _all_ _in_.

My heart nearly leaps out of my chest with this realisation and I'm not sure if it's panic or elation. Probably a bit of both. On reflection though I realise that I have felt like this for some time and my moment of panic passes as I let it sink in that Ana is it for me, there will never be anyone else. I can feel it in the core of my being. I pray to whoever may be listening that she feels the same way about me.

All the while as my revelation hits me I am staring at my Ana's sleeping form. The pull to climb into the bed beside her simply to hold her is almost impossible to resist, as is my urge to wake her and tell her about the plans taking root in my brain. But for obvious reasons I cannot do that right now so I simply lean over and kiss her forehead and allow her to rest as I pull out my laptop and try to concentrate on work when an idea hits me.

I think I need to make an appointment at Cartier...

**A/N Thanks for reading my lovelies, what'd you think of this one? I know...pure fluff right, but I was just in the mood for a lil romance. It's a bit on the short side but I just wanted to put something up this weekend xxx**


	33. Chapter 33

**A/N Hello my lovelies x **

**I know the chapters lately are full of fluff but believe me it won't last forever...make the most of it because there's plenty of drama still to come.**

**Ana POV**

"_**Christian**_**," his name comes out** as a whine. "I feel fine, honestly. If I don't get out of this bed today I'll go insane. I have been trapped in this room for five days..._Five. Days._"

Christian sighs, "Ana you're still sick," he holds his hand up to halt my interruption, "I don't care what the thermometer says, or my mother for that matter, you are as pale as a ghost and don't think I didn't see you almost faint when you walked to the bathroom earlier." He dares me with his eyes to contradict him.

"But that's normal when I've been so sick it just takes time for me to recover fully. And I did not almost faint...I just had a little wobble." I finish sheepishly as he rolls his eyes at me.

''I'll make you a deal," I start and ignore his snort. "If I can get out of bed today I promise to sit on the couch all day and not move an inch, you can even carry me to the bathroom if that will make you happy." Giving Christian my best puppy dog eyes I try my hardest to hide my excitement when I see him waver. He notices though and gives me a wry grin, "you promise to stay on the couch?"

"Will you stay with me?" I ask hopefully, knowing he's not going back to work for the rest of the week. He has stayed with me all week apart from a few hours yesterday when he had an emergency meeting he couldn't miss.

"Of course, where else would I be?"

I smile widely at his answer and nod like a child, "then I promise."

Christian pulls back the comforter and helps me put my dressing gown on over my pyjamas before lifting me in his arms. He offers me a sweet kiss, which I accept, as he carries me to the oversized couch in the TV room.

"Do you want to watch a movie?" he asks as he flips through a wall of DVD's.

''OK, how about a comedy?"

He peers over his shoulder at me, "hmm, should you be laughing with a sore throat."

I try, I _really_ try not to roll my eyes. "I told you my throat is fine, I barely have any pain at all now."

"I know you want to roll your eyes right now Miss Steele," Christian is trying to look stern but I can see the humour behind his scowl. I can't help but giggle and catch his smirk as he turns back to his massive DVD collection. Why does a person who never watches TV need so many movies? "This one," he says as he plucks one from a shelf.

"What is it?" I ask eagerly trying to see.

He puts the DVD on and comes back to sit beside me, I snuggle into his side and he wraps an arm around me pulling me close and kisses the top of my head. "You'll see."

I let out a delighted squeal when one of my favourite films 'Airplane' comes on. Christian sends a quick message on his phone and ten minutes later Gail arrives with a tray of nibbles for us to enjoy while we watch the movie. This is fast turning into the perfect day.

"I am serious...and don't call me Shirley," I giggle as I say the line at the same time as Leslie Nielsen.

Christian guffaws, "how many times have you seen this?"

"A few," I mumble around a mouthful of popcorn. "It was one of the few things I was allowed to do in...well you know where," I finish hesitantly.

Lately I've tried my best not to mention my stepfather or the abuse he put me through as I hate to see how angry it makes Christian. There's nothing he can do to change what happened and anytime it comes up it always ruins his mood. I peer over at him and sigh when I see his hardened expression, his fist clenched in his lap.

I gently put the half eaten tub of popcorn back on the coffee table, hating that I have once again ruined his good humour. I'm such an idiot, nothing ever changes. "S...sorry."

He looks at me quickly but I'm staring at my knotted fingers in my lap. He tightens the arm he has around my shoulders and reaches over with his other hand to tip my chin up so I have no other choice but to look at him. I know he can see my guilt written all over my face. His eyes are dark and his jaw is set in a hard line, but he doesn't look angry anymore...his look is smouldering.

I barely have time to register this before his mouth is on mine. The kiss is harsh and demanding and feels so, so good. It's been days since he has given me anything more than a light peck. I open my mouth to him and we both groan in pleasure as his tongue licks deeply into my mouth.

Christian pushes me gently onto my back as his kiss steals all of my senses, I whimper in delight as I buck up against him and feel how hard he is. I don't care how tired I feel from being so sick this week, I want him now.

I reach between us to pull at his belt buckle but his hand stops me. Breathing heavily he pulls away "Ana we can't," he's struggling with himself.

"I'm fine," I pant breathlessly.

"Ana," he groans into my neck, "you're still sick."

I know he doesn't really want to stop, if the evidence pressing against me is anything to go by he's just as turned on as I am. "It's been so long Christian...please," I'm still trying to open his belt buckle and I buck up against him again, frantic with need. Where did this sudden fire come from?

He leans back again and stares at me for a few moments, I bite my lip. And that's all it takes for Christian to give in. He makes the sweetest love to me right there on the couch in the middle of the day. He is more gentle with me than he has ever been.

Afterwards I am completely spent and I fall asleep almost instantly only to awaken as Christian picks me up off the couch. "What are you doing?" I mumble sleepily as be carries me into the bathroom.

"I ran a bath for us," he says quietly and lowers me into the warm water thick with bubbles and smelling of jasmine. In no time he is sliding in behind me in the tub and washing every inch of me slowly and methodically. I'm so relaxed I feel as though I'm in a trance.

Once I'm washed we lie there quietly, happy to just be in each others company. No words are needed as I trail my fingers lazily through the bubbles and Christian traces imaginary shapes with his fingertips across my skin.

"Ready to get out? The water is starting to get cold," he says quietly.

I hold up my hands to see my fingers are all pruny, "yep," I yawn.

"I can dry myself," I protest weakly as Christian rubs a soft towel across my skin. He just gives me his patented 'behave' look and applies by body moisturiser, his hands moving in long sure strokes. Hmm, he's definitely enjoying that. Actually I am feeling pretty drained and I can hardly lift my arms as he puts a nightdress on over my head. He kisses the tip of my nose making me grin and carries me back to bed.

By the time he has dried my hair I am almost asleep sitting up. He helps me lay down and snuggles beside me. "You smell good enough to eat baby," he nips my earlobe.

I giggle sleepily, "so what's stopping you?" I challenge.

He laughs quietly, "go to sleep Ana."

I look at my bedside clock, "but it's only four pm."

"If you sleep for a few hours now then you can have dinner with me later," he bargains.

"M,kay."

"Good, now sleep baby. I love you."

Tired as I am my heart still leaps every time he tells me he loves me, "love you too."

We are lying my back to his front and I snuggle my way further back into him, wiggling to get more comfortable. I hear an almost silent grunt and feel him getting hard against my bottom and I grin sleepily. Maybe he'll put that to good use later.

**Christian POV**

**Little minx. By now Ana is fast **asleep and I'm still lying here with a God damn hard on that won't go away. I gave in earlier and we made love on the couch but that barely took the edge off. Christ I'm an animal.

Of course anytime Ana and I make love it's perfect but it's been almost a week since she's been sick and I need a good session with Ana to make up for the time we've lost. It was all I could do earlier not to plough into her and fuck her hard until we both came but she's still weak and gets tired so easily I couldn't do that to her.

Maybe later after she's had some rest and her dinner...alright I have to stop thinking about this as it isn't helping my little problem down below.

Instead I think about yesterday. I told Ana I had a meeting that I had to attend and she believed me easily. But in fact I went to Cartier where I had a private viewing of engagement rings. They kept showing me all of these massive rocks that would dwarf my Ana's tiny hand. Nothing was right and I was getting frustrated.

I was about to give up when I spotted a ring with a perfect square cut diamond set in a platinum band. It was big, I'm not going to lie, but it wasn't gaudy or overly flashy like all the others that had been paraded in front of me.

"That one," I pointed it out through the glass of the display case. It hadn't been taken out of the cabinet for me to view.

The jeweller looked a little disappointed, "but sir, this is not one of our most decorative pieces."

And of course by decorative the greedy bastard meant expensive. "I would like to see the ring, please." I stared at him and he quickly took it out for me to view.

He handed me the ring and I had a closer look. I could actually see the ring on Ana's dainty little finger. It was perfect. "I'll take this one."

"Excellent choice sir, I'm sure the lady will love it." Fucker knew better than to question me twice.

So now the ring is at Cartier being resized, I had to guess Ana's size as she doesn't own any rings I could copy. It will be ready for me to collect in a few days. I'm still not sure how I'm going to propose though and I'm plagued by fears that she won't say yes. I'm not sure how I would cope if she turned me down.

I'm not going to do anything outlandish as that is not our style. It will have to be intimate, just Ana and me. Maybe I'll take her to New York and we can go to a show and make a weekend of it or maybe I could do it Christmas morning. Come to think of it Christmas is only a couple of weeks away and Ana still hasn't said much about it.

We didn't do much for thanksgiving either, just went to my parents for dinner. I usually go to my parents for Christmas as well so I think it's just assumed I'll be bringing Ana with me this year, I'll have to talk to her about it as I'm sure my mother will inform me of her plans any day now.

I wonder if Christmas is a big deal to Ana, although knowing her past it probably isn't something she celebrates. It's not something I'm into either but it's a huge deal to the rest of my family so I usually tag along so as not to hurt my mother's feelings. This year though I find myself looking forward to it. I usually get Andrea to buy all my presents but this year I'm going to buy Ana's presents myself.

I tighten my arms around my baby and silently promise I will make up for every bad Christmas she ever had this year. I will make it perfect for her if it's the last thing I do.

While she's asleep I put my plan into motion. I email Taylor and let him know that I want the apartment decorated for the holidays, he is to get a tree with lights and decorations and all the other stuff that goes with it. He can have the tree set up with the lights on it and all the apartment decked out but we will decorate the tree ourselves.

He can set it all up someday next week while I have Ana out of the apartment, I hope she likes the surprise.

**A/N I know the Christmas stuff is coming quite late but I had it planned out that way before I got delayed and I don't think I should skip over it so you are all going to be reading about Christmas in February! **

**Thanks for reading and don't forget to review xxx**


	34. Chapter 34

**A/N I've been getting reviews and pm's from you guys freaking out about the aforementioned 'drama' in my previous A/N. Well let me put your minds at ease a little...there will be no major character deaths or break-ups, Christian isn't going to suddenly turn into a heartless monster or hurt Ana **_**in any way**_** (she's been through enough) and I promise you all that this story will have a HEA.**

**But how boring would it be if there was no drama at all? And don't forget there's still a lot of plot lines up in the air right now that need to be resolved. Elena anyone? Not to mention Morton will have to get his comeuppance. **

**Happy? Good. Now enjoy the chapter x**

**Ana POV**

"**We're going out? Really?" **I do a little happy dance. Christian has just informed me that we have been invited to Belleview today for Sunday lunch.

He grins at my silliness as he steps towards me and pulls me into his arms, "were not going _out_ out, we are jumping in the car and will spend the afternoon at my parent's home. The amount of time you'll be spending outside will be minimal. You still have not fully recovered." He raises a brow at me in warning.

I lean up on my tippy toes to kiss him but as I'm too short I am only able to reach his chin, he smirks at my efforts causing me to pout. I'm about to object when he grabs my bottom and lifts me so I can wrap my legs around his waist. I expel an excited little huff.

Christian holds me against him with both hands still firmly on my sweat pants covered ass. He then proceeds to kiss me with abandon, his fingers squeezing and flexing rhythmically. Things are getting quite heated and just as I think this is going to end up in the bedroom he pulls away breathing hard.

"Keep this up and we'll never make it out of the apartment," he growls, not looking like that scenario would bother him in the slightest.

I, however have been stuck inside for a whole week and if I don't get some fresh air soon I'm going to turn into a hermit. Giving him one final peck I wiggle free from his grasp and run to the bathroom to get ready, shouting "I won't be long," over my shoulder.

"I look silly."

Christian grins, "no, you look cute...and sexy," he kisses the tip of my nose.

I snort an incredulous and unladylike laugh, "liar." My overprotective boyfriend has gone all out for our short trip to his parents home. He is forcing me to wear a winter coat complete with a woolly bobble hat and scarf. "I don't remember these in my closet, where did you get them?" Christian has bought me a lot of fancy clothes (that I do not need) and they all fit perfectly. This coat however is two sizes too big and I feel lost inside it.

"I haven't had a chance to buy your winter wardrobe yet and as today's outing was last minute I had Elliot send over one of Kavanagh's coats for you to wear. I'll ring Niemen's tomorrow." Just like that. With one phone call he will have a whole new set of clothes in my closet. "_Christian_," I whine but he silences me with a kiss. What was I saying again?

Taylor is parked at the curb as we exit Escala and I am ushered quickly into the warmed vehicle by a fussing Christian. The ride to Belleview is less than thirty minutes as traffic is light so we are soon walking through the front door of Christians childhood home.

I have been here a few times now but I never fail to marvel at the beauty of this house. Grace and Carrick have somehow managed to make it both stylish and homey at the same time, I feel very relaxed and welcome every time I am here. Of course the place looks more stunning than ever all decorated for Christmas.

I wonder what Christmas was like here for Christian growing up? I picture stockings over the hearth and carrots left out for Rudolf. I look at the stairway and I can picture small children racing down the steps eager to see what Santa has brought. I bet Christmases rivalled the best fairy tails in this house. At least I hope so, I like to think Christian had a happy childhood here despite his demons.

I imagine it was a far cry from any Christmas I ever had. The only good memories I have of this time of year are from when we lived with Ray but that was so long ago I wonder if I have unconsciously embellished those times to give myself a few cherished memories.

We follow the delightful smell towards the kitchen where we find Christian's parents. "Ana sweetheart, I'm so glad you were recovered enough to come today, "Grace envelopes me in a motherly hug then pulls back to look at me closely, "so pretty."

I feel my face heat at her words. I don't feel very pretty right now as I still have that pale sickly look from being unwell. Maybe Christian can get some make up delivered along with the clothes from Niemen's, I could have done with some today.

"Thank you," I say quietly as Grace moves to greet Christian. "The house looks beautiful all decked out for the holidays," I add politely.

"Thank you dear, it's my favourite time of year you know. Reminds me of when the kids were little," she pinches Christians cheek lightly making him frown.

Grace takes me around showing me all the decorations, the tree has a lot of decorations that were made by Christian, Elliott and Mia as they were growing up. I laugh along with her at some of their efforts, Elliott was not artistic in the slightest, Christians where the most practical but Mia was definitely the creative child in the family. It is obvious that Grace cherishes each and every one.

"This was Christians favourite," Grace pulls an old bell from the tree and shakes it gently, it tinkles sweetly. "He had the most beautiful smile," she says wistfully as she holds the little bell like it was something precious. She hangs it back in its placed and I'm surprised to see her wipe away a tear then we both turn when Christian clears his throat from the doorway.

He watches his mother for another moment before he makes his way over to us. He runs a fingertip over the bell and I think he is lost in the same memory Grace was. He suddenly turns and wraps his arms around his startled mother in a big hug. "I love you mom," his words are quiet as he holds her but he may as well have shouted them for the effect they have on his mother. She is frozen for a split second before she hugs him back and sobs into his chest where he cradles her for a long minute. I have tears in my eyes at the sight. Then Carrick is there as well and he is wiping away tears of his own as he claps his son on the shoulder.

Grace eventually lets go of her son and makes her way to me with fresh tears in her eyes as she pulls me into another hug. "Oh thank you my sweet girl. Thank you so much." I'm confused but I don't say anything, what did I do?

Grace and Carrick both leave and it's just me and Christian in the room, he is very quiet. "Are you okay?"

He let's out the breath he was holding, "I'm good, really good actually," he answers and then pulls me to his side and we look at the tree with its twinkling lights for a little while until we hear Elliott and Kate make their loud entrance just as Mia and Ethan come downstairs. I didn't realise they were up there.

Grace is on cloud nine for the rest of the day. Elliott asks her twice if she's on something as she keeps smiling to herself every few minutes. After dinner we have coffee in the living room and relax for a while in the Christmassy atmosphere.

"Christian darling am I to assume that you'll both be here for Christmas dinner?" Grace addresses Christian but is smiling at me.

"We'll be here," he answers.

"Marvellous, we'll have a full house," she beams.

I find myself looking forward to Christmas this year which is new for me as I usually dread this time of year. Apparently all the Grey children and their significant others are coming for dinner as well. Christian told me Kate and Ethan's parents are travelling Europe for the holidays this year.

We leave shortly after with me once again wrapped up like a burrito, which embarrasses me and causes Elliott to howl with laughter.

Christian gives Taylor a pointed look as he helps me into the car and Taylor nods slightly. I swear those two have a silent language all of their own. "What was all that about?"

"Hmm?" Christian mutters absently.

By now I know when he's deliberately avoiding a question, "You know what I mean. That little silent conversation you had with Taylor before you got in the car. What's going on?" I eye him suspiciously.

Christian looks amused as he leans over and kisses me, "nothing you need to worry about sweetheart."

I feel my eyes narrow but I can't be angry at him when he seems so carefree right now. If he's like this it can't be anything bad. "Fine. I'll figure it out soon enough," I threaten playfully.

"I'm sure you will."

It turns out I don't have to wait long to figure out Christian and Taylor's cloak and dagger act as the evidence of it is staring me straight in the face the moment I walk into the living room in Escala.

"Ooh!" I squeal, clap my hands and do my second little happy dance of the day.

Christian has had the entire apartment kitted out with Christmas decorations while we have been away. There are garlands and twinkle lights and an array of Christmas themed paraphernalia all over the apartment. He went all out.

I turn and fling myself into his arms and kiss him all over his face, "thank you, thank you, thank you. This is amazing Christian!" But then to my embarrassment my throat tightens as tears start to fall in streams from my eyes.

Christian is instantly concerned, "what's the matter baby?"

I shake my head as I choke out, "happy t...tears."

He smiles a little sadly at my admission and gently kisses them away. "Most people don't cry when they are happy you know, are you sure you're alright." Still unable to speak clearly with the lump in my throat, I nod yes. He helps me out of my ridiculous coat and hat, picks me up and starts walking down the hallway and I'm about to ask where we are going when he stops outside the library door.

He opens it and I gasp as I see the most beautiful Christmas tree all set up with fairy lights and boxes of brand new decorations to trim it with.

"I thought we could start our own tradition...if you'd like," he seems suddenly shy.

"It's perfect," I whisper and lean up to kiss him. "Thank you for this Christian, you have no idea how happy this is making me right now even if I have a funny way of showing it."

"How are you feeling? Not too tired?" he asks, ever the worrier.

"I'm good, almost back to normal," I assure him.

We spend the next hour putting baubles and bows and little trinkets onto our tree. Then we turn off the main lights and sit back with hot chocolate Gail has made for us to admire our efforts and enjoy the smell of the fresh pine tree. There really is nothing quite like it.

"It's beautiful," I sigh happily.

"Not bad for our first attempt," Christian agrees.

"Hardly our first attempt, didn't you put up the tree when you were little?"

"Of course we did, usually ended up with me and Elliott in a fight but I remember it was great fun. How about you? Didn't you help decorate when you were little?"

My face scrunches a little as I try to remember clearly, "I do remember when we were with Ray Christmas was my favourite time of year. We didn't have much but Ray made sure we always had a tree and I had presents to unwrap from Santa. Of course that all stopped when Carla left with me. That first Christmas we were on our own she told me Christmas was 'bullshit' her words, not mine, and she wasn't going to buy into all of the hype so we didn't celebrate the holidays after that. I was eight I think." I grimace, "of course I know she only did that because she wouldn't spend her money on presents for me and couldn't be bothered decorating the house."

Christian takes my cup and puts it on the coffee table along with his then reaches out and pulls me onto his lap, "baby, I don't even know what to say to that except you mom was a selfish bitch."

He sounds so pissed. "Don't worry about it, I'm not going to dwell on my past this year, I don't want it to ruin this Christmas for us," I wrap my arms around his neck, "I want _this_ Christmas to be the happiest one I've ever had."

Christians eyes shine and I can see the love there he has for me. It makes my chest hurt in the best way to feel so loved by this man and to return those feelings with my whole heart. "It will be baby, I promise."

**A/N Hmm I wonder what Christian's plans are to keep his promise to ensure this is the best Christmas Ana has ever had...feel free to speculate in your reviews xxx**


	35. Chapter 35

**A/N I want to give a huge shout out to pjames who gave me the idea for this chapter. This works waaay better than how I was gonna do it so thank you xxx**

_**Just who is Anastasia Steele? **__That is the question on the lips of everyone in the State of Washington these last couple of months. This young girl has seemingly popped up out of nowhere and captured the attention of our very own Christian Grey leaving socialites everywhere crying into their Cosmos. However the bigger question right now is...__How__ did she do it?_

_Grey, who has only ever been seen alone or with family in his rare public appearances, is suddenly seen parading Miss Steele around Seattle's hot spots, most recently The Mile High Club. A notoriously difficult establishment to get a booking without a three month wait. Then again if you have Christian Grey's money to grease the wheels none of those details are an issue._

_A source close to the couple has revealed to us here at The Nooz that although Miss Steele may look as though butter wouldn't melt that the opposite may, in fact, be true. According to this self proclaimed long term family friend of the Grey's she is worried that Anastasia has gotten her claws firmly into Mr Grey and is only after his money and the prestige of being with a 'Grey'._

_So is this true or is Miss Anastasia Steele the real deal? We are asking anyone with information on the reclusive pair to contact us here at The Nooz to fill us in on any gossip you may have to share. Follow us on Twitter to see regular updates on the couple and to cast your opinions on Miss Steele, for instance what do you make of her in this photo that captured her leaving Escala hand in hand with her beau looking a fright last week. In the name of the Lord what is she wearing? And couldn't she at least put on a little make up? Oh dear, Christian we hope you know what you are doing!_

_Before you go click __this __link__ and cast your vote on whether you think Anastasia is good enough for our very own Mr Billionaire._

_Sheila Dunham, # The Seattle Nooz_

**Christian POV**

**That fucking bitch!** I just know that their so called 'source' is none other than Elena Lincoln. What the fuck is she playing at? All of this because I no longer need her to acquire subs for me and took away her pass code for the elevator in Escala. Maybe its because I sent Taylor to her apartment a few weeks back with instructions to stay away from me and my entire family. Well fuck her, I'll be having words with Mrs Lincoln in the very near future.

I also know it was her who helped Carla try to split us up as I watched the security footage of them meeting in the lobby of Escala. I've been so preoccupied with Ana lately though that I haven't retaliated yet but if Elena believes she's off the hook she is in for a rude awakening. I have already had legal draw up the papers to dissolve our business relationship. I'm cutting all ties with that bitch as soon as I can. I give a quick glance at the photoaccompanying this fucking poor excuse for an article. God damn picture was taken last Sunday, the first day Ana went outside since she had been sick. I didn't want to let her out at all but as we were only going to Belleview for dinner I didn't see any real harm in it. Of course I made Ana bundle up in warm clothes and I smile when I see her cute little face peeping out under her woolly hat and scarf. Yes she was still pretty pale but she looked beautiful. Fucking Nooz trying to make her feel like crap. That shit just pisses me off. Hopefully she won't see this.

The article is bullshit anyway. Reporters my ass, these guys are nothing but jumped up tabloid scum. It wouldn't take much to find out I'm the owner of The Mile High club either as it's a matter of public record. Fuckers wouldn't know what real journalism was if it bit them in the ass.

In a fit of rage I hurl my tablet across the room and watch it smash against the wall. Just as it lands on the ground in pieces there is a knock on my office door. There are only three people who come to my office without going through Andrea first so I know it can only be Taylor, Ros or Ana. I know it's not Ana as she is having lunch with Katherine Kavanagh right now, I roll my eyes. I hope she survives in one piece.

"Come in," I almost growl.

Taylor opens the door and steps into the room. "Sir," he greets me in his usual gruff manner ignoring my mood. If he is aware of the ruined tablet by the door he makes no mention of it.

I hold up one finger as he sits across from me with an opened envelope in his hand, "hold on one second Taylor." I press the button on my desk phone to buzz my PA, "Andrea?"

"Yes, Mr Grey."

"Order me a new iPad please," she doesn't ask why, this isn't the first time she has received this request. She has cleared away the evidence of my temper off the floor more than once.

"Yes sir."

I turn back to Taylor who is waiting patiently. "What's up?"

He reaches across the desk and hands me the envelope. I'm still irritated about that fucking article, "What's this?" Jesus what is this twenty questions just tell me what's in the fucking thing.

"We received this letter to GEH this morning sir. It is from Raymond Steele."

I lean back in my chair with the wind knocked out of me. Holy fucking shit. "This is the Raymond Steele who was with Ana's mother when she was a child, am I right?"

"Correct sir. According to that letter," Taylor points to it with his chin, "Mr Steele was with Carla Morton from when Ana was less than a year old until she was almost eight. Her longest relationship before Stephen Morton. They were engaged but never married, Carla changed Ms Steele's name but she was never adopted by Mr Steele." I nod, Ana told me that much herself but I want to know more, I want to know why they broke up and also why, if Carla hated Ana so much didn't she just allow the child to stay with someone who _did _want her.

"He wants to see Ms Steele," Taylor continues as I pull out the letter.

I skim over the brief wording and see Taylor has already informed me of the critical points. I heave a sigh, "alright Taylor, I'm going to fill Ana in on this when I get home later and I'm almost certain she will want to meet this guy as soon as possible so I'm going to have to get you to perform a background check on him asap. Also I'll want to set up a meeting with him first before he speaks to Ana."

Taylor nods and stands, "will do sir, I'll get Welch on it right away as a top priority, we should have the preliminary results in twenty four hours and a more in depth search within three days."

I nod as I skim over the letter again and Taylor leaves without another word then I fold it and put it in my pocket. I hope that this is finally some good news for Ana where her family is concerned. Putting it out of my mind I buzz Andrea again, "Andrea, get me Barney on the line."

"Yes, Mr Grey."

I tap my fingers while I wait. "Yeah?" I swear besides Ros only Barney gets away with talking to me like this, anyone else and I'd have them out on their ass but that freaky little genius seems to get away with everything. His mind is on more important matters than minding his manners.

"How long would it take to shut down the Seattle Nooz website?"

"Legally?"

"What do you think?"

"Right, yeah. Well I could have it done in fifteen minutes but it would just be a temporary hack, they'd be back online within twenty four hours, would that do?"

"Do it. And Barney, it can't be traced back to GEH." I hang up on Barneys protests about my lack of faith in him and smile. They messed with the wrong billionaire, I won't have that fucking rag saying shit about my Ana. They fuck with me and I'll fuck with them right back.

**Ana POV**

"**Don't read that shit," Kate** **scoffs**, takes my phone from my hands and flings it onto the couch.

Kate and I went for lunch today and we were not long back in Escala when I got a text from Mia telling me to check out the article about Christian and me in the Nooz. I'm horrified, why would she want me to read such awful things about myself?

"I love that girl but she can be so dense at times," Kate rolls her eyes. I like Kate. I like Mia too but sometimes I find that she is still quite immature, if I didn't know her actual age I would assume she was only about sixteen and not almost twenty one. Kate is a lot more grown up and I'm drawn to her 'no bullshit' mentality. I can see her becoming a really good friend.

"I don't understand how they can b...be so cruel," I say quietly. As much as I hate to admit it, I'm hurt by this.

"It's simple Steele, gossip sells and if these fuckers can't come by it honestly they _will_ make it up. Besides I know Sheila Dunham and that bitch would sell her mother for a story." Kate sighs dramatically, "I fucking hate reporters."

I stifle a giggle, "but um, Kate you _are_ a reporter."

Kate looks indignant, "I am not! I'm a journalist," she looks at me seriously for a few seconds before we both burst into fits of laughter.

"Thanks Kate," I say once I've pulled myself together.

She raises a brow, "for what?"

"For not allowing me to make this into a big deal."

She waves off my thanks, "what are friends for?"

Soon enough Kate has to leave to go back to work herself, being the bosses daughter has its perks...namely a two hour lunch break, and I'm at a loose end waiting for Christian to come home. So I wander off in search of Gail. I find her in the kitchen making blueberry muffins and I decide to help out. Gail has long since stopped trying to deter me from helping in the kitchen and I secretly think she enjoys the company. We spend a companionable few hours chatting and cooking until I hear Christian in the foyer.

I run and meet him just as he enters the huge open living area and jump into his arms and kiss him all over his face. He grins, "a guy could get used to this."

"I missed you."

He pulls my body closer to him, "I missed you too, baby." He then proceeds to kiss me silly.

After dinner we are sitting in the library, Christian is sitting on one end of the couch reading while I'm stretched out with my feet on his lap reading a book of my own. There's a piece of classical music I don't know playing lowly in the background, it's so soothing I'm slowly being lulled into sleep. The twinkling lights of the Christmas tree just adds to the relaxed scene.

Suddenly Christian puts down his book and looks at me. Instantly I can tell somethings up. "What is it?"

He starts to rub my feet, "we received a letter today in GEH." He doesn't elaborate even though it's obvious by his tone this letter has something to do with me.

"And?" I nudge.

"It was from Raymond Steele."

All the breath leaves my body. "Ray," I choke.

Christian pulls me towards him, plants me firmly in his lap and wraps his arms around me.

"What does he want?" I'm afraid to hope.

"To see you."

"Really?" I sniffle as my eyes fill with tears. "He wants to see me?" Christian watches me closely, "I hope those are happy tears?"

I nod but even though I _am_ happy I start to sob uncontrollably. Christian pulls me closer as I cry into his shirt. I couldn't explain why I'm crying so hard if I wanted to, for goodness sake this is good news!

_Pull yourself together Ana! _I inwardly berate myself.

Eventually I calm down, "sorry," I mumble.

Christian is rubbing my back gently and letting me cry all over him, "why are you sorry?"

I finger his shirt where it's all wet from my tears, "I ruined your shirt."

He rolls his eyes, "don't worry about it, I have others. You okay now?"

"I guess...I'm not sure. This is a bit surreal you know? Ray was the only real 'Dad' I ever had. My heart was broken when my mother took me away from him. I was too young to really understand what was going on at the time, one day I had a daddy then all of a sudden I had none." I look into Christian's worried eyes, "why didn't she leave me with him? I remember he wanted me. He wanted to keep me." My voice breaks at the end and I'm crying again.

Christian pulls me close again, "I don't know the answer to that baby, but maybe you will get the answers you need from Ray."

"When can I see him?"

"Well I haven't replied yet and I wanted to talk to you first but if you want I can contact him tomorrow."

"I'd like that. The sooner the better."

We are silent for a few moments when I think of something I have to do, it will be difficult but I just feel like it's the right time. I spent time thinking it over today and I have made up my mind. "Christian?" I whisper.

"Hmm?" he's still rubbing soothing circles on my back while he comforts me.

"Will you make an appointment for me with Dr Flynn?" Maybe he can explain why I keep bursting into tears at the drop of a hat lately, even when things are going so well in my life. Surely it's not normal to be this emotional all the time, especially when I'm happier than I've ever been.

He pulls back slowly and stares at me for a moment, "sure baby, anything for you." Then he leans down to give me the softest kiss.

**A/N I'm thinking it's about time we moved forward in the story or it'll end up way longer than I originally intended. So Ray is going to make his entrance soon...what do you think? Do you like it...hate it...couldn't give a shit? **


	36. Chapter 36

**A/N BONUS update for all your fantastic reviews for the last chapter. Thanks everyone for the great response. I only wrote this today and I've proof read it once so please forgive any mistakes. **

**I think most of you certainly do give a shit that Ray has come into the story (I do read reviews even if I'm awful at responding!)...so let's gets right to it shall we?**

**Ray POV **

**Man I'm nervous. I'm here** in GEH to meet Annie's boyfriend at his request, although I'm not sure what this meeting actually entails. I addressed the letter I wrote to this building as I had no other way of making contact. I wonder if he told her about my letter, and if he did, does she even remember me? Lord, I hope so. It would break my heart all over again if my Annie wants nothing to do with me.

I couldn't believe it when I saw her picture on a magazine a few weeks back. It was a complete accident as I don't read any of that rubbish, I was buying a few groceries at my local store when I walked by a magazine stand and there she was. Anastasia has grown up a lot in the last fourteen years, gone is the adorable, tiny little girl I used to carry around on my shoulders and sneak off to buy ice cream with when her mother was having one of her hissy fits. In her place is a beautiful young woman that would surely make any parent proud. I genuinely choked up when I saw that she has kept my name all this time.

I bought every magazine and paper on that rack and soaked up all the information I could about her life, which I have to say, wasn't a whole lot. Apparently Annie wasn't well known before she met this Christian Grey character but I'm assuming Carla did well for them if she was moving in the elite circles of the rich and famous.

I decided to research Grey instead to see if I could gain more I formation about my baby girl through him but again, nothing. So lacking a home address I wrote to Grey Enterprise Holdings...and here I am sipping a coffee that a polite young lady, Andrea, has fetched for me while I wait. I don't even like coffee.

Before long his office door opens and I see him standing there. Sizing him up I note he is an impressive fellow. Tall and athletically built, he gives off an intense, powerful vibe. This is a man who clearly likes to be in charge. Is he like this with Annie?

I stand and take his outstretched hand and shake it firmly. ''Mr Grey," my welcome is short.

"Good to meet you Mr Steele, if you would come into my office please and we can talk in private," he gestures for me to go ahead while he talks. Once we are seated I look around, what does one man need with all this space? My disdain must be obvious as he chuckles quietly but doesn't comment.

I clear my throat and decide to get right to the point, "how's Anastasia?"

His lips purse a little, "Ana. She prefers to be called Ana."

"I always called her Annie," I say quietly, allowing myself a small smile.

"Annie?" he grins for the first time and I feel a little more comfortable in his presence, "it suits her."

"I always thought so, though her mother hated it. Said she named her daughter Anastasia and that's what she should be called." I refrain from calling Carla the names I want to use as I don't want to be thrown out before I get to meet my little girl.

Christians features cloud angrily and he turns his head to look out over the impressive Seattle skyline. He doesn't say anything for a few moments and I decide to stay quiet too, it's obvious mentioning Carla hit a nerve and I want to know why.

"Ana..." he starts slowly then pauses for another second. He turns back to look at me and I get the feeling he wants to study my reaction. "Ana no longer speaks to her mother."

The way he said 'her mother' through clenched teeth has me instantly on alert. "Why not? What did the bloody woman do?" I knew I couldn't trust that bitch to take care of her properly. Annie was never more than a nuisance to Carla.

Grey gnashes his teeth together. "It's not my story to tell. If Ana wants to tell you about it I'll leave it up to her to do so."

I sigh, "fair enough."

There's an awkward silence as we sit at opposite sides of his large wooden table. Both sizing up the other. Him wondering what my angle is in trying to contact Annie after all these years and me wondering if she could be happy with this rather severe man I see in front of me. Each waiting for the other to break first.

Suddenly there's a buzzing sound from his desk and I hear Andrea's voice. "Ms Steele for you, Mr Grey."

I barely have time to catch my breath with the realisation that it's Annie before I hear her sweet, soft voice for the first time in so many years.

"Christian?"

"Hey baby, is something wrong?" The change in this man's demeanour when speaking to Annie is startling. Gone is the tough, no bullshit business mogul and in his place is a man who obviously adores the person on the other end of the line. I feel myself relax for the first time in his presence.

A little giggle from the desk phone, "no...does something have to be wrong for me to call you?"

He smiles indulgently, "of course not baby. What are you up to?"

A pause, "ummm, just hanging out with Gail." He rolls his eyes at this and I'm left wondering why.

"I know you're rolling your eyes Mr Grey!" she scolds playfully. "I miss you."

"I miss you too, sweetheart. But hey, I think I'll be able to get off early today so maybe we can go out for dinner, tell Gail not to cook okay?"

"Okay," she sounds ridiculously happy and I'm glad. I didn't realise how much I needed for her to be happy until just now. It feels as if a huge weight has been lifted off my chest. I was so afraid Carla would ruin her life, thankfully that doesn't seem to be the case.

"Oh the reason I'm ringing is because I'm almost out of insulin, will you ask your mom if she'll write me another prescription?"

That's another thing I always worried about, Annie's diabetes. Her mother had absolutely no interest in monitoring her daughters illness and I lived in fear that Ana's health would suffer in Carla's care. So I always made sure to explain to Annie, even at a young age, how to look after her shots and taught her what to eat and what foods to steer clear of. Our only cheat was the rare ice cream trips when her levels were good. I guess on some level I always knew Carla would take her away from me, if only to hurt me. She knew I was only with her because of Annie.

"Sure baby," Christian suddenly looks up at me and it's as if he forgot I was here.

"Christian?"

"Sorry honey, I got distracted for a second." Hmm, Annie obviously knows nothing about our meeting today, interesting. I raise a brow at Grey.

"Oh!" she exclaims, and then in a much lower tone, "are you in a meeting?"

"You could say that."

"I'm so sorry, you should have said!" I frown at the panic in her voice, why would she be so worried about disrupting him? I scowl.

"Ana please, it's no problem. I told you before you can ring me whenever you want. I'm never to busy to talk to you."

They talk quietly for another minute or so and I don't miss the mushy 'I love you's' they say to each other before she disconnects.

"Sorry about that," he says but is clearly anything but.

"She sounds happy."

"She is...now," he runs a hand through his hair, the first sign I've seen that he's not as calm as he appears. "I'm not going to lie to you Mr Steele, Ana hasn't had the easiest life since you've seen her last and she still has some pretty big scars to show for it." At my obvious alarm he rushes to add, "scars of the emotional kind. Which, in my humble opinion, can be the worst kind." I nod in agreement, I've been in the military and have seen first hand what mental strain can do to the strongest of people.

I am sitting at the edge of my seat now, unable to hide my own anxiety. "Does she want to see me?"

He hesitates, "yes. But I wanted to meet you first Mr Steele, I can't allow her to be hurt again. She's been through enough at the hands of her parents already."

"Parents? Did Carla find her real father?" my gut twists, Carla always said she didn't know where he was. She wouldn't even tell me his name.

He shakes his head and if I'm not mistaken that is pure fury I see in his eyes. I'm dying to grill him and my imagination is running wild right now but I don't want to push my luck. But _fuck_, knowing that my baby girl has been hurt in some way I want to demand to know who is responsible so I can find them and rip their fucking head off. The crushing weight is back on my chest ten fold.

"Stepfather," he grinds out but then he sighs, "look, I'm sure Ana will fill you in when she's ready, but I just need you to be aware that although she may be a little...fragile right now, your daughter is one of the strongest people I have ever met." He says this with such pride and conviction and I smile when he calls her my daughter. Hopefully that's how Annie feels as well, that she is my daughter regardless of biology. None of that ever mattered to me.

"I already knew _that_ Mr Grey," I answer proudly, "my Annie has always been a tough cookie, even when she was just a little bit of a thing."

"Christian, call me Christian."

I nod, "alright Christian, and I suppose you can go ahead and call me Ray. I was never one for all that formal crap anyway."

By the time I leave Christian has promised me he will tell Annie that we met today. He also assured me that she will rip him alright new one when she finds out he met me behind her back...not that he looked too worried about it.

I decide not to head back to Montesano just yet as Christian reckons he will be contacting me soon to arrange a reunion between me and Annie. I wait until I am back in my hotel room to allow myself to shed a few tears. I haven't cried since the day her mother took her away from me, the day that almost destroyed me. I haven't been a whole person since.

But now, knowing I'm so close to seeing her again I can't help but allow a few relieved tears to fall and even an escaped sob before I quickly pull myself together again.

The last thing Annie needs right now is a blubbering mess of a dad. Reading between the lines of what Christian said, she needs strong people to take care of her. And I intend on being there for my baby girl, God help anyone who tries to stop me.

**A/N Not the longest chapter I know but I think Ray needed a chapter all to himself to welcome him to the story! **

**Please review and let me know how much you all love Ray xxx**


	37. Chapter 37

**A/N Hi all! I hope you enjoyed the last chapter in Rays POV. Thanks everyone for your continued support and a special thanks to those of you who take the time to review xxx**

**CPOV**

**Escala is especially quiet** as I walk in this evening. I have gotten so used to the sound of Ana and Gail chatting and laughing each evening when I come home I now find the silence a little disturbing. Of course I promised Ana we would be going out for dinner so I am assuming she is getting ready in our room.

"Ana?" I call out when she's not there. Taking off my suit jacket I lay it across the back of a chair.

"In here," I hear her call back followed by the sound of splashing water.

I find her immersed in our huge bathtub filled with bubbles, the space bathed in soft light from the numerous candles lit about the room. The smell of jasmine is enticing. "Well this is a fine sight," I say as I loosen my tie and open a few buttons on my shirt. "A man could get used to coming home to this."

Ana rubs a washcloth slowly up and down her arms before sliding it towards her breasts. My pants tighten at the way she innocently seduces me without even realising it. She turns and upon seeing the growing tent in my pants she bites her lip and looks up at me coyly. "Can you scrub my back please?" she holds the cloth out for me to take. Hmm, maybe not so innocent after all.

Smirking, I squat down and take the cloth from her as she sits forward. I rub the cloth across her shoulders and she moans a little as the warm water streams down her naked back. "That feels so nice."

She leans back once more and I continue cleaning where she left off, her ripe breasts are slightly pinked from the warm water and it takes serious willpower for me not to lean forward and suckle those perfect nipples until they are hard and aching for me. The candlelight is dancing on her bare skin making it glisten in its wetness.

"Did you have a good day?" she murmurs. I pause momentarily as I am reminded of the conversation we need to have about my meeting with Ray today. She opens one eye when I hesitate, "what's the matter?"

I let the cloth sink to the bottom of the tub and make soothing circles on her tummy with my fingertips as I try to find the right words to answer her, "I did something today which you may not like," I hesitate, "you may even be angry with me, but baby I need you to know I did it for your own good."

She sits up suddenly, splashing my white shirt with water. "What did you do?" there's no accusation in her question, only worry.

"I met with Ray Steele today."

"What?" she whispers.

I can't look her in the eye, "I had a meeting with Ray this afternoon at GEH. I contacted him a few days ago after I showed you his letter and asked him to meet with me. I needed to know if his reasons for contacting you were part of any ulterior motive."

"What possible reason could he want to meet me other than to see me after so many years?'' she sounds confused.

I look up at her and see all the confusion and worry in her eyes, but thankfully no anger. I take her face in my hands, "Ana, did it ever occur to you just _how much _money I'm worth."

She pulls back suddenly and crosses her arms under her breasts. On any other occasion I would take my time to marvel at the sight of them propped up like that, but right now I know better as anger finally makes an appearance on her delicate features. "Why would _I_ care about how much...oh! You think Ray is after your money?" she squeaks indignantly, "he's not like that!"

"Sweetheart please understand, you haven't seen the man since you were a small child. I needed to meet with him and be positive he wasn't willing to use you the way your mother was prepared to," she flinches and I feel terrible for mentioning the bitch, "please baby, I couldn't see you be hurt that way again."

Ana plays with her fingernails while she contemplates this, "I suppose," she murmurs but then gives me a dirty look, "I still think you should have told me." She pouts but I can see she isn't really angry, just a little pissed that I did this without informing her. I rub her pouted lip with my thumb. "I'm sorry." I continue at her sceptical look, "I'm not sorry I did it, but I _am _sorry it has to be this way."

After a moment she perks up, "how is he? Does he look like he's looking after himself? Did he get married? Oh! does he have kids?" The questions tumble out of her mouth much too quickly for me to answer them, causing me to chuckle.

"I'll tell you all I know about him, but first let's get you out of this bath, the water is getting cold and I don't want you to get sick again." I help her out and hop into the shower while she dries herself off.

"Do you think he missed me?" Ana asks quietly while we are getting dressed.

She is standing in front of her closet with her back to me and trying to seem as if she is asking off handedly. But I know better. I walk up behind her and pull her close to my chest. She is dressed only in thigh high silk stockings and her agent provocateur lacy underwear and I'm still in my boxers. For a moment I revel in the feel of her silky soft skin against mine.

"Baby," I murmur against her neck, "the man raised you as his own daughter for eight years and came looking for you as soon as he knew where you were. He gave you his _name, _sweetheart." I kiss her temple, "I think he has thought about you everyday for fourteen years."

I feel the tremor in her body as she catches a sob, "you think?"

I pull her around gently to face me, "I know. If it was me I would never stop looking for you. Not for one. Single. Day." I kiss her softly between each word. "Now come on, we have reservations at eight." I can't resist but to palm her ass just once before I turn to finish getting dressed, those panties are fucking killing me.

As usual the Mile High Club is booked solid but of course my personal table is always free. We are shown straight to our table and our first course is served within five minutes.

"You ordered before we got here?"

"Of course. You know how much I hate waiting, besides, the last time we were here you said you liked the look of the scallops for next time so I made sure they were on the menu," I grin and she rolls her eyes.

"What did you order for the main course?" she asks as she wraps her lips around her first fork full of scallop and mint pea puree. "Mmm this is really good."

I take a bite of my own and have to agree, they are delicious. "I ordered us the seabass for main."

She wrinkles her nose, "I've never had seabass before."

"You'll love it, trust me."

We eat in companionable silence until we finish our starters but once our plates are cleared I see Ana's nerves return. I reach across and release her lip from her teeth, "stop fretting baby, you will meet with Ray and everything will be fine. I promise."

"When?"

"Whenever you want baby. We can go visit him in Montesano or he can come here, whatever you decide to do we'll do it." I want to make this as easy and stress free as I possibly can and the sooner the better. I don't want all this stress affecting her diabetes. Her therapy with John is starting in the first week of the new year and I want this stuff with Ray sorted before that.

"W...would this weekend be okay?" she thinks for a second, "or maybe not, he's probably busy with his family so close to Christmas. I wouldn't want to be a nuisance."

"Ana," I scold, "you could never be a nuisance. Anyway, Ray never married or had children so I'm sure he'll be more than happy to meet you as soon as you can. I'll ring him later to set up a time."

She frowns, "why did he never marry?"

My guess is he never got over losing one child and didn't want the heartbreak of it ever happening again so he didn't take the chance. Of course I know saying this out loud would only upset Ana and I don't want to make her feel guilty, as she undoubtedly would so I simply say, "you'll have to ask him that when you meet him."

"Okay," she agrees just as we are served our main course. She tries some. "You're right, this is delicious."

#####

"Hello?"

"Ray? It's Christian here, I just wanted to ring to let you know I spoke to Ana about our meeting earlier," I wanted to ring Ray as soon as I got home so I'm making a quick call to him from my office while Ana's getting ready for bed. Technically Ana could have made this call herself but she's nervous and I think she wants her first contact with him after so long to be face to face.

"Oh, hi Christian. Good, that's good. How'd she take it?" although he tries to sound calm I can hear his nerves betraying him.

"Better than expected actually, she wants to see you and was wondering if you wanted to meet up this weekend. You can come back to Seattle or we can come up to Montesano if that would be easier," I know it can't be easy for him to take so much time off work. Ray is self employed and although he's not struggling financially, he isn't exactly rolling in it either. But I don't want to hurt the man's pride by treating him like a charity case.

"Actually Christian I'm staying in Seattle for a few days so I'll be around any day she wants to meet up," his eagerness for a reunion with his long lost daughter is touching and I decide not to prolong the agony for any longer than necessary. I know Ana will approve.

"Well if you're still in town I don't see why you two can't meet tomorrow. If you tell me where you're staying I can have someone pick you up tomorrow evening. You can come here to our apartment," I think the privacy of home is better than a public place as I know this will be emotional for Ana and I don't want her to feel self conscious.

Ray happily gives me the details of his hotel with an agreement that he will come for dinner tomorrow at 7pm.

When I enter our room Ana is already burrowed under the comforter reading a book. After quickly brushing my teeth I waste no time stripping and climbing in beside her. She snuggles up to me immediately.

"Did you call Ray?"

"I did. He's still in Seattle."

"Really? Is he going to see me this weekend?" she sounds so hopeful and I'm selfish enough to be delighted to be able to deliver her some positive news for once regarding her family.

"Actually, he's coming here for dinner tomorrow," I watch her beautiful face light up with a smile.

"He is? That's the best news ever!" she throws herself on top of me and rewards me with kisses all over my face, "thank you, thank you, thank you."

I grin and kiss her back and one thing leads to another and before long the inevitable happens and we end up fucking.

"That was some thank you," I pant as I roll off her onto my back and pull her with me. When she giggles and slaps my chest playfully I outwardly laugh but inside I marvel at how at ease I am with her touch now. She squeezes one leg in between mine, tangling them together as she nuzzles into my side again. I run my fingers up and down her bare back.

After a few minutes in which I thought she fell asleep she surprises me when she whispers, "I'm starting to remember things. About Ray. Things I had forgotten," she's surprisingly sombre, I thought having memories of her father would make her happy.

"Are they not good memories?" I ask gently as I continue to stroke the soft skin of her back.

She hesitates, possibly trying to make sense of her hazy memories, "mostly they are good, I think. I see swings...a park maybe, and I feel happy when I see it. Or sitting on his lap while he reads me a bedtime story from a huge book of fairytales.

"But then there are other memories that are not so good, pretty much any with my mother in them. I think I remember the day she took me away..." She trails off and I want to tell her it's okay, that she doesn't have to talk about it but I hold my tongue knowing it's better if she gets it out.

"What do you remember?" I whisper and hold her tighter. She traces her fingers along my ribs absently while she thinks.

"I was clinging to Rays legs and crying. Carla was pulling me away and I just kept screaming and screaming, begging him to keep me. She was saying nasty things, awful things, to Ray. It's the only time I ever saw him cry.

"Afterwards I was so angry. I didn't understand why my Daddy didn't love me anymore. Why he wouldn't come see me, take me away from the awful places Carla had us stay. Obviously as I grew older I realised the truth for myself, that my mother had kept me away from him and I felt guilty for blaming him. I don't remember much more than that really."

"You were just a little kid Ana, and your mother must have told you lies for you to think Ray didn't want you any more. Jesus that woman is a piece of work." I swear I will make her pay for what she did to Ana. As soon as I can find the bitch, she seems to have vanished into thin air but I'm sure she'll raise her ugly head again. And when she does I'll make her rue the day she was born.

"I know." Although she's obviously upset, I'm surprised Ana's not in floods of tears talking about all of this. But I reason that the sorrow and anger are being offset by her excitement in knowing that she will finally be reunited with her father tomorrow.

"Tomorrow will be a _good _day," she says with such conviction I have to smile.

"It sure will baby, it sure will."

**A/N Not sure I like the last part of this chapter. The damn thing wouldn't come out the way I wanted it to (grrr) but after rewriting it three times I gave up. If I didn't you wouldn't be getting an update till God knows when.**

**Anyway enjoy and don't forget to review xxx **


	38. Chapter 38

**A****/N Sorry about the delay in posting guys but y'know…life n' shit.**

**Tissue warning for this one ladies, dunno if this kind of thing gets to you so I'm gonna give you one just in case!**

**Ray POV**

**Standing on the sidewalk** I lean back and look up at the massive building in front of me. Grudgingly I admit to myself that I'm impressed, Escala has quite the presence. I glance down at the slip of paper in my hand where I have written the address Grey gave to me. Of course he wanted to have one of his henchmen pick me up but I'm a grown ass man for crying out loud, I can navigate my way around Seattle. I rang him earlier to tell him the ride wouldn't be necessary and he begrudgingly gave me his address.

Taking a deep breath I enter the lobby and make my way to the elevators, of course he's on the top floor. I'm trying my absolute hardest not to judge Christian Grey, and really, he has given me no _real_ reason to doubt him but from the little experience I've had with rich, powerful men I have yet to meet one with the moral values I consider good enough for my Annie.

_Annie_.

My gut clenches and my heart starts to beat wildly as it does every time I think of my baby girl. Of course now it's different because I have found her. _Finally._

Before I found her though the near panic was because I didn't know where she was or if Carla was looking after her. I hated to admit to myself that this was unlikely as Carla hadn't taken notice of her daughter since the moment she had given birth to her. For all I knew Annie could have been seriously ill or even dead if her diabetes hadn't been treated properly. That was why I always insisted on her knowing how to look after illness, understood how it worked and what to do if there was a problem. A part of me must have known she would end up having to fend for herself.

Now however the panic is for a different reason entirely. I worry that she will be angry with me. I know she has had a rough time at the hands of her current stepfather. Christian refused to give me details, insisting that it is Annie's story to share, but he has dropped enough hints for me to put two and two together.

Will she hate me for not coming for her? For not running with her when I had the chance and allowing her vindictive mother to take her away from me, from her home. From her safe place.

God that is the biggest regret of my life, my worst mistake. I planned to fight Carla, to pay her off even, if it came to that. I was willing to marry the evil woman just so I could have a legal claim on her daughter.

Carla may be a lot of things, but gullible isn't one of them. She figured out what I was about when I tried to push through the adoption before we were married, we even had Annie's name legally changed. She realised I was putting her daughter before her and she was outraged. She had always hated the attention I paid Annie, the bond we shared. Jealous of her own flesh and blood.

I should have just left with my little girl, consequences be damned. I had friends, friends who would have helped me if they had known the truth of the matter. We could have made it to South America and disappeared. I'm sure Carla wouldn't have put up much of a search for either of us once she was free to do as she pleased.

But stupidly I stalled, and she took her away. I tried to keep a track of them but they moved around so much and Carla seemed to change her name every time and I eventually lost them. That was a rough time for me. For a long while I struggled to carry on, the only sliver of light at the end of the tunnel was that Annie might need me someday. And I'd be damned if I would fail her a second time.

As I ascend in the elevator I try unsuccessfully to fend of the memory of that last day. The day Carla took her away from me. The memory haunts me and if I could reach in and dig it out of my brain, I would not hesitate to do so.

The images are so clear even after all this time.

Carla telling Annie to say goodbye to me because they were leaving and never coming back…Annie crying and screaming as she clung to my legs, asking me to keep her as her mother hurled insults I didn't hear at me…Carla emotionless then as she ripped her roughly out of my arms. In fact the only emotion she showed was to smirk back at me as she pulled her terrified, confused child to her car. She couldn't hide her delight at seeing me in our driveway, begging her to stay.

But I just stayed there on my knees and watched as my world ended. Maybe she _should_ hate me. I hate myself.

The ding of the elevator reaching the penthouse has me shaking off those dark thoughts. After all, I will have plenty time later to dwell on them as they are my constant companions in my nightmares.

"Mr Steele, if you could follow me," the one I remember as Taylor greets me at the elevator and leads me into the biggest living room I have ever seen. I almost whistle as I take in the high ceilings and expensive furniture. If it wasn't for the fact that the whole place was kitted out in Christmas decorations I would have said the place was decorated quite coldly. Every piece of furniture in here is in shades of white and grey. It's a far cry from the handmade pieces that adorn my home.

Were the decorations Annie's doing? I smile wistfully even as my heart hurts, my little girl always loved the holidays. Despite her mother she was a very loving person who wanted to be with her family more than anything.

"Ray?"

I spin when I hear the timid little voice coming from the hallway. _Annie. _I am rooted to the spot as I see my daughter for the first time in fourteen long, torturous years. I look her over from head to toe trying to take her in, the pictures in the paper didn't do her justice. She is beautiful.

She has changed so much…yet not at all.

Obviously she is taller, her hair is longer and she has matured from the little girl I remember. But she is still the same Annie, _my_ Annie, I can tell from the way she is standing there all shy and unsure, fidgeting with her fingers, questions in her big blue eyes.

"Annie," I choke. And that's all it takes before she is running across the room and jumping into my waiting arms. I look over her head to see Christian watching us quietly from the hallway, he must have been behind her but I saw no one but her. He locks eyes with me and nods once in greeting before turning and walking back down the hall, giving us our privacy.

That's when I realise she is crying into my shirt. "Its okay baby girl," I croon to her, "it'll all be okay now."

"Daddy," she whimpers and it's all I can do not to burst into a sobbing mess myself. _Pull yourself together Steele!_

I gently set her dangling feet to the ground and guide her to sit with me on the sofa. Tears continue to stream from her eyes as I lean back to have a good look at her. "C'mon now sweetheart, there's no need for all the tears," crying women aren't exactly my strong suit and I'm feeling a little out of my depth.

She scrubs away a few tears and sniffles, "S…sorry."

"Ah now, there's no need for apologies. I understand," I sooth.

Although my natural reaction is to shy away from 'touchy feely' behaviour, I simply don't care right now. Being ripped away from the person you love the most in this world only to be reunited after more than a decade apart will cure you of any hesitation you may have had in regards to showing your feelings.

I hold her face gently in my palms, "how are you feeling? Christian said you've been sick."

She sniffles a little again, "I'm okay…Christian worries," she rolls her eyes. I wonder if he lets her get away with that.

"That's not a bad thing you know?" I almost grin at her.

"Yeah, I do."

We settle back into the sofa cushions, Annie snuggled into my side, my arm wrapped around her shoulders. I'm amazed at first at how comfortable we are around each other so quickly. But then I remember it has always been this way with us. From the first moment we met we were like two peas in a pod.

She was an attention starved little baby when I met her mother. I don't think she had ever had a moments love before I laid eyes on her little cherubic face. And man, I was a goner with that first dimpled smile, she simply owned me from the start and I would have done anything for her…even marry her bitch of a mother.

Carla had fooled me into thinking she was a decent human being, and yes I readily admit it was physically she attracted me at first. The way she was just handing it out should have been my first clue as to what type of woman she was, but I was young and foolish and I fell for her charms. Of course all of that fake charm went away once we had been together a few months. Obviously though it was too late as I could no sooner walk away from Annie than cut off my own arm.

Meeting that woman has been the worst and best thing to ever happen to me.

"Daddy?" Annie is looking up at me with those wide blue eyes.

"Yes, baby girl."

"I missed you," she sniffles a little but the tears have stopped.

"Oh honey," my voice cracks and now I'm the one in danger of blubbering like a woman. I wrap my other arm around her and pull her in for a closer hug, she sighs and snuggles into me. "I missed you too, more than you could possibly imagine."

"You still smell the same," she mumbles with her cheek pressed against me. "I'm so happy you found me. I…I didn't know if you would want to…to see me…or not," she bites her lip.

Her speech is hesitant, almost on the verge of stuttering. She never stuttered as a child, did she develop this problem later? What has happened to a perfectly normal child with no speech issues to cause her to develop a stutter? I don't want to draw attention to it though so I ignore it for now. I'll talk to Christian about it later.

"Why wouldn't I want to see you? You are my daughter." Her eyes gloss over with tears when I say this but she manages to hold them in this time.

I have to know why she thinks this way though and I pull back a little so I can better see her reaction. "Why did you think I wouldn't want to see you?"

She shrugs her small shoulders and looks down at her fidgeting fingers, "I dunno…" she trails off.

"Annie?"

"Because of my mom," it's a whisper but I hear her clearly.

I stiffen at the mention of Carla. I have read between the lines of what Christian has told me and I can tell she didn't look after Annie. I also know something traumatic has happened to her because of this neglect. If I didn't know it before I do now when I look at the timid girl in front of me.

The young girls of today aren't the shy and retiring types, what with all their Facebook and selfies and God knows what else. They are confident, outgoing young women for the most part, having grown up knowing they can do and be whatever they want in life. If it's the last thing I do I will help Annie know her true worth.

She misreads the tension in my body. "S…sorry, I'm sorry I won't mention her again. I p…promise," she says in a rush. Her little fingers grip my shirt as if I might try to bolt.

"Hey, hey, hey," I release her death grip on me gently. "You can talk about whatever and whoever you want Annie. I just hate knowing she wasn't good to you. If I got my hands on her…" I grind my teeth in frustration as I know this is unlikely to happen anytime in the near future. If Christian Grey can't find her what chance do I have?

We will just have to wait until Carla comes crawling out of the woodwork again, as she undoubtedly will. I can wait as long as it takes.

"You're mother would never deter me from seeing you Annie. Nothing would," I say with conviction.

"Okay, good," she smiles a fleeting little smile, nothing like the beaming daughter I once knew.

We are quiet for a few moments before she speaks again.

"Christian said you still live in Montesano. Are you still at our house?" she asks hopefully.

"I am," I don't explain that I couldn't bear to leave no matter how much it hurt to stay in that empty space. "You'll have to come see it soon, I kept your room the same as you left it."

"You did! Really?" I'm delighted at the genuine excitement in her voice and I finally see a real smile.

"I really did," I smile back.

Her brow furrows a bit. "Christian said you didn't get married or have any children."

Its said as a statement but I can hear the question in her voice. She wants to know why I never got married. Well I'm sure as shit not telling her the truth as I know Annie well enough to know she would blame herself. No, I'll never tell her it is because after losing her I couldn't risk going through that kind of pain again. And I got it so entirely wrong with Carla how could I ever trust my judgement when it comes to meeting someone new?

"Dad?" Annie calls quietly causing me to pull away from that train of thought. I shake off the familiar dark feelings.

"Guess I just never met the right woman," I say off handedly as if my years of self-imposed solitude were no big deal to me. I think I pull off the nonchalance I was going for as she doesn't question me further.

"Oh!" Annie suddenly bolts up and exclaims almost making me jump. "What are you doing next week?"

"Next week?" I'm confused.

She furrows her eyebrows at me as if I'm dense. "It's Christmas next week, silly."

Oh, right. I shrug, "don't worry about me Annie. You go have a good Christmas with Christian and I'll come see you after…if that's okay with you," I finish hopefully.

"Nonsense, you can't do that."

My heart sinks. "Okay, well um…"

She cuts me off before I can make a further fool of myself. "You can't spend Christmas alone! I'll talk to Christian, we have been invited to his parents' home but I'm sure he won't mind me spending the day here with you. Or I could come to Montesano if you'd prefer?"

"Now Annie, don't go changing your plans for me," Christian will break my neck.

"Not a chance Ana," Christian interrupts from the hallway. He has obviously overheard us as he made his way to check in on us.

For the first time I see a spark of the old stubborn Annie I once knew as she stands up, crosses her arms and glares at Christian. It makes me so proud and I have to work to hide my grin, knowing it would get me in trouble.

"Excuse me?" she asks indignantly. "You're not telling me I can't spend Christmas with my father…are you?"

Christian has reached us now and I see him roll his eyes. "Of course I'm not don't be ridiculous. He can spend Christmas with us, at my parents' house."

The words are barely out of his mouth before she squeals and leaps into his arms. I'm uncomfortable when she kisses his face repeatedly before she remembers I'm sitting here, which is ironic considering I am the topic of discussion. She slides out of his arms and her face reddens when she turns to me.

"Will you come?" and dammit she is so hopeful when she asks me. My instinct is to say no. How can I turn up on the doorstep of people I have never met and eat Christmas dinner with them?

I'm debating what to do when I catch Christians eyes over the top of Annie's head. The message there is clear in his piercing stare.

_Don't you dare say no and disappoint her._

"Of course I'll come baby girl, of course I will."

**A/N So was the tissue warning required…or was I overly cautious? I know Ana was a little needy here and even acted quite childishly with Ray but I think she just needed her Dad…we are all forever little girls in our Daddy's eyes. Am I right?**


	39. Chapter 39

**A/N I really feel like I don't say enough how much I appreciate all of you who take time to read my story. And I want to say a special thank you to all my reviewers, old and new. When I struggle to continue sometimes I go back over your reviews and when I see how much my words affect some of you it gives me the little push I need to keep going. I am absolutely serious when I say I love you all xoxo ... now enough with the mush, here's the next chapter ;)**

**Ana POV**

"**I'll see you in a few days honey." **I am still clinging to my dad as we say goodbye. Irrationally I don't want to let him go, afraid he'll disappear from my life again the moment he is out of sight and I won't see him for another fourteen years.

Eventually though I pry my fingers from his jacket. "You'll definitely come?" I ask for what must be the tenth time. I know he was hesitant to accept Christians offer of having Christmas dinner at his parents house, I suspect he only agreed so as not to upset me. I know I'm being selfish but I really don't want him to change his mind. Also, I hate the thought of him spending Christmas alone.

He pats my shoulder gently. "Yes Annie, don't worry I'll be there," he kisses my forehead and I finally allow him to get on the lift.

The second the doors close Christian is at my back wrapping his strong arms around me, "are you okay baby?"

I turn in his embrace wrap my arms around his waist and press my face against his chest. I don't answer as I inhale his scent, so much different from my dads but just as comforting. Where my dad smells of forest pine and old spice Christian smells of clean soap and something else I can never put my finger on, it's just _his_ scent. I can't answer him though because I honestly don't know how I feel right now. Mentally drained might be a good way to describe it.

I have a tumult of mixed feelings inside and I know it'll take me a while to sort them all out. Of course I am happy to have finally seen my father after all these years, but there is immense sadness and regret there too...and no small amount of anger at this whole situation. It's all so confusing. I realise fully for the first time that Christian is right and I need to see someone to talk through all of these warring emotions. My January appointment can't come soon enough, but I want to spend a happy Christmas with the people I love before I open that particular can of worms.

"Ana?" Christian questions, still waiting for an answer.

"I'm not sure how I feel." It's the most honest answer I can give him right now.

He pulls back to study my face, frowning. "But you are happy you saw your father right? Did I not do the right thing?"

"No, of course I'm delighted about that," I rush to reassure him. "It's just...ugh I don't know!" I pull back and start to pace. "Shouldn't the _only_ thing I'm feeling be absolute joy after seeing someone I though I'd lost contact with forever?"

"Baby, no one can tell you what you shouldbe feeling. There is no right or wrong way to react here."

And he's right, I _know_ he's right. "But I just feel so c...confused," I blubber.

He pulls me back to him again and I go willingly, burying my face in his chest once more. "I'm sure that's perfectly natural Ana."

"He must think I'm an immature brat," I mumble into his shirt.

Christian pulls me back to the couch and I sit on his lap, not that he gives me a choice to sit anywhere else. "Why would you think that?"

"Because that's how I behaved! I clung to him and bawled all over him like a three year old kid," the fact that I'm pouting right now goes a long way to proving my point about my display of immaturity today.

Christian kisses my pouting lower lip, "Ana I'm sure he understood. He's your dad after all."

"Hmmph," I huff inarticulately and continue to sulk.

"So," Christian says after a beat of silence, "Ray is still living in your childhood home." His words are a statement but the way he says it makes them sound like a question.

"Yeah." I don't add anymore, knowing what question is coming.

"I was just curious...why didn't you go to Montesano when you left Morton?" he asks so gently yet I still can't help my flinch at my stepfathers name. Christian holds me tighter in response but says no more as he waits for me to answer.

I pick at my nails so I don't have to look him in the eye. "Well, when I ran I wasn't really thinking I just hopped on the first bus I saw and gave what little money I had to get me as far away from Portland as possible. I could've ended up anywhere, it's just by chance I got off that bus in Seattle."

"So it never crossed your mind to try making it as far as Montesano?" he pushes me.

I sigh, "I thought about it. But I didn't remember the way to our house, it was so long ago, and I didn't have the first clue how to get that far with no money, other than hitch hike, but I was too afraid to try that. And what if I did manage to find his house and he no longer lived there? Or worse, what if he was there but wanted nothing to do with me?" I ask rhetorically.

"Montesano is a small town, I'd have a better chance of survival in a huge place like Seattle where they have shelters and help for the homeless. At least...I thought so," I'm whispering at the end, knowing I didn't do so well on my own in this big city either.

Christian lifts my chin with his fingertips as I have dropped my head. "Hey, don't dwell on that part alright? You've been doing so well lately, I don't want you thinking about _him_ until you see Flynn. He will guide you through it in a safe way," he kisses my lips softly. "I'm glad you got on that particular bus," he whispers against my lips.

I grin in spite of the tense conversation, "me too." And its true, no matter how bad things got before Christian saved me I am glad all of the decisions I made led me to him. "I love you."

"I love you too, baby."

**When I awaken later that night **in the pitch black room I am covered in a cold sweat, shuddering and crying from a nightmare. A nightmare I forget the details of the second I open my eyes, all I can grasp are vague feelings of suffocation and overwhelming fear. I feel so disoriented and immediately start to panic when I forget for a moment where I am.

"Ana?" I cringe backwards, almost falling off the bed with a yelp at the sound of a man's voice beside me in the dark.

I'm suddenly blinded by a bedside lamp being switched on. "Baby it's me." It's only when I recognise Christian's worried voice the panic recedes and I search for him blindly, climbing onto him and clinging to him like a baby monkey.

"Shh baby, shh it's okay. You just had a nightmare." When he hushes me I realise I'm whimpering. I try to breath through it as Christian rocks me in his lap. He is sitting upright and I am straddling him as I hold onto him tightly, more than likely strangling him the way I'm wrapped around him. I calm down slowly, Christian never missing a beat as he soothes me.

Eventually I'm relaxed enough to lay back down and talk but when Christian asks me about my nightmare I can't remember any specifics, not that I particularly want to remember the details of something that frightened me to the point of hysteria anyway so I don't try very hard to recall it.

Christian doesn't hesitate when I reach for him tonight. He understands my need to chase away the demons by losing myself in him as he has so often done with me. As the hours pass he makes love to me again and again, worshipping my body as I worship his, and never once turning me away. Finally, in the small hours of the morning we lay back panting against our pillows, no words are needed as we stare silently at each other. He leans over and kisses me sweetly on the lips then pulls me to him and wraps his big body around mine, not caring that we are a sweaty mess, and I sleep away what's left of the night nightmare free.

I wake in the morning to Christian still wrapped around me. I groan when I attempt to stretch my muscles, there's a delicious ache in my body from our activities during the night. Christian holds me tighter in response and continues his soft snoring. He must be worn out too as he usually wakes before me, I giggle.

"What's so funny," he grumbles sleepily.

"You!" I giggle again, "I can't sleep with your snoring."

"I don't snore," he protests though I hear the smile in his sleepy words.

"Uh...Yes you do!" I shoot back, my voice filled with humour.

"Liar! Take it back," Christian responds and tickles me mercilessly until I beg him to stop between shrieks of laughter. He is lying on top of me now, pinning me with his weight and I can feel his erection pressing against me _there_. I am instantly wet.

We stare at each other, all humour gone, and both moan in pleasure as he slowly sinks inside me. "Jesus baby you feel so good," he moans against my ear as he slowly pumps into me again and I gasp when he rolls his hips.

"Christian_."_

"I've got you baby," he croons as he continues this slow intoxicating rhythm.

In. Out. In. Roll. Repeat.

His measured movements slowly bring me to the brink of ecstasy. Just when I think I may die from pleasure he increases the strength of his thrusts, but never the speed. His every plunge now rocking my body and knocking little grunts from my throat.

"Aaagh! Oh my God, oh my God," I start to chant. My body is climbing impossibly higher and higher and for the first time I almost fear the power of the forthcoming orgasm. I wrap myself tighter around him, desperately holding on as he takes my body somewhere it's never been before.

"_Christian_," I beg.

"Oh baby, Ana, yes," he moves one hand under my bottom and lifts me as he plunges hard and I scream. His own careful rhythm becoming a little erratic as he nears his own release.

"That's it, come for me Ana, let go. Just. Let. Go." He says, thrusting between every word.

And I do. Spectacularly. I think I claw his back as I experience a climax so intense it almost hurts. I vaguely hear Christian roar as he follows me over the edge but I can't really take much notice as my body erupts, tightening every muscle and I spasm around him. And it seems to go on and on wringing every ounce of energy from my body, leaving me boneless.

I think Christian feels the same way as he collapses on top of me before slowly rolling away, dragging me with him. For a long few minutes we don't, or rather can't speak, we just lay there in our post coital glow.

Eventually I prop myself up on my elbow wearily and look down at him, "We _really _need a shower."

He opens one eye sleepily and peeks up at me, "I like shower sex," he declares.

My mouth drops open. "Again?" I look at his waning erection sceptically.

He laughs as he gets up and pulls me from the bed, "just give me a few minutes to reload and I'll be good to go baby."

"My God Christian you are a sex fiend!"

"Sure am," he states proudly and smacks my bare ass as I head to the bathroom ahead of him, beaming all the way.

**A/N Just fancied finishing off the heavy drama from the last few chapters with a nice juicy lemon...hope you enjoyed it ;) up next is Christmas...in March Lol **

**Please review xo**


	40. Chapter 40

**A****na POV **

_Christmas Eve_

"**Man what a busy week,"** I exclaim as I flop down onto the couch in the TV room. Christian pulls my legs onto his lap, removes my shoes and starts massaging my aching feet. "Mmm," I moan appreciatively as he rubs his thumb gently but firmly into the arch of my foot. It feels so good.

"Tired baby?" he asks and I can only nod as I rub my sleepy eyes.

This has indeed been a whirlwind week. After Christian informed his mother we had invited my Dad for Christmas dinner I had insisted on helping Grace prepare for the festivities. She was only too delighted to have me over to Belleview for the last few days and we spent the time cooking all sorts of pies and sweets to see us through the holidays. Today we had cooked a honey crusted ham and prepared the turkey and vegetables for tomorrow so we wouldn't be slaves to the kitchen all day while everyone else was enjoying themselves.

I have a feeling Grace also wanted to use this time to get to know me better as she asked me question after question about my life. I didn't mind though as she was genuinely interested in getting to know me and she also shared plenty of her own life and told me lots about Christian's childhood. Mia also flitted in and out to help when she was at home.

At one point I asked Grace if she thought that perhaps we had overdone it just a tad but she responded with a grin, telling me I had obviously never been around Elliot Grey for very long.

"I swear that boy could eat all day and not get full," she had laughed good-naturedly.

I didn't say anything but I doubt anyone could put a dent in the amount of food we had prepared, and that was only the desserts!

When I wasn't at Belleview I was out shopping for Christmas presents for everyone. I was horrified last weekend when I asked Christian what he had bought his family for Christmas and he told me he was having Andrea 'see to it'.

I had told him that it wasn't in the spirit of the season and he said that's what he had always done. I told him that was about to stop here and now and dragged him along with me on Wednesday to pick up gifts for everyone. He was a bit mopey at first but eventually got into it and we actually had fun picking gifts for his family, but oh Lord did he spend a lot of money. There was no way I could afford to spend anything like that on Christian. I wanted to use the money in my bank account that I had saved while I was working. I know it wasn't much but I refused to buy Christian's gifts with his own money. I had to put a lot of thought into it to make it special if I wasn't able to spend much money on him.

I hate thinking about it even now but it upset me knowing Christian had sent Andrea to buy _my_ Christmas gift too. It only hit me when we were headed home from our afternoon shopping spree. Of course he noticed and kept on at me until I told him what was bothering me.

_*********__Wednesday__*********_

"Baby please tell me what is the matter, and don't tell me again that you are _fine_. You have been quiet the whole way home," Christian is frowning as we get off the elevator.

I wave him off as I direct Sawyer to put the presents we bought into the living room so I can sort through them and start wrapping.

Christian grabs my arm gently to stop me and pulls me around to face him. I stare at his chest, unable to meet his gaze. He sighs and puts a finger under my chin, forcing me to look at him

"Tell me, baby."

"It's n…nothing," I try again.

He leans down and stares me directly in the eye, "Ana," he warns and I know his patience is wearing thin because he's worried. "If you don't tell me what's bothering you then how am I supposed to fix it?"

"It's stupid…I'm being s…stupid," I mumble and my face heats as I start to feel ridiculous.

"I'll be the judge of that, just tell me sweetheart."

I huff out a breath and pull away from him. I can't look him in the eye because he'll probably laugh at me when I tell him. "I didn't like that you told Andrea to pick out my Christmas gift," I whisper.

I wince as Christian starts laughing behind me. That ass! Glad I'm not looking at him, I run out of the living room.

"Ana," Christian calls as I flee to our bedroom and slam the door behind me.

"Go away," I yell out of anger and embarrassment. Of course he doesn't listen to me and follows me straight into the room to find me sitting on the end of the bed scowling at him. At least he isn't laughing anymore.

"Baby…" Christian takes a hesitant step towards me but I cross my arms over my chest and look out the window, ignoring his pleading look. I am well aware I'm behaving like a petulant child, yet again, but I'm hurt and I can't hide it.

Christian kneels in front of me and wedges himself between my knees. "I'm sorry for laughing at you," he says but I still don't look at him.

"Ana?" he whispers against my ear and I shiver.

Nope. I raise my chin and sniffle, still glaring out the window trying hard to hold _onto_ my waning anger.

"Sweetheart," Christian croons as he runs his lips along the edge of my jaw. Damn him and his sexy ways. Holding onto my irritation by a thread I push my lips out into a pout.

"I'm sorry," he says again and I can tell he is still trying hard to hide his humour. If it wasn't for his fingertips slowly skimming up my inner thighs under my skirt, robbing me of my reasoning, his humour would ignite my anger all over again.

Finally I relent and look at him. Christian kisses my lips so softly I barely feel it. "I wasn't laughing at you," he explains. '_Really_?' I think sarcastically as I arch one brow at him so he'll explain himself further.

He shakes his head slightly, "I was laughing at the ridiculous notion you had that I would allow anyone but me pick out gifts for you."

Oh. "So…Andrea didn't buy my presents?" I ask quietly as I feel more than a little embarrassed by my actions.

"Nope, just me…and Taylor of course," he grins and I feel terrible.

"I'm an idiot," I moan and flop back onto the bed, covering my face with my hands. I don't want him to look at me. Of course I don't get my way as Christian leans over me and pulls my hands away.

"Hey, don't talk about my girl like that," he mock scowls but then he gets serious. "I love you," he murmurs as he presses his mouth to mine.

"What are you thinking about?" Christian asks, bringing back to the present.

"Make up sex," I grin no longer tired.

"Are you now?" he drawls then places my feet on the couch with my knees up, legs spread and crawls up between them only to lay his delicious weight on top of me. I grab his ass in my hands, God I love his ass.

"You're being naughty Miss Steele," he whispers and nips my earlobe.

I respond with a whimper and he slips his tongue into my mouth, I suck on it a little and he groans. He unzips my skirt and pulls it off along with my panties. They are quickly followed by my shirt and bra. Christian's jeans are unbuttoned and he takes off his shirt and settles again between my legs.

"Mmm," he hums appreciatively as he grasps one breast in each hand and squeezes a little. They are so sensitive to his touch I cry out when he starts to suckle first one aching nipple then the other.

"Fuck baby, did these get bigger?" he asks in awe as he plumps them.

I have had to adjust the straps of all my bras lately as they've been feeling a little tight. Sometimes they swell before I get my period so maybe that's it. Before I have a chance to answer however Christian continues, "Although you are bigger all over so it's no surprise these puppies have grown as well," he punctuates this by reaching around me and squeezing my ass.

I freeze. Did he just call me fat?

"What!" I screech.

Startled, Christian gets up on his knees and I scramble out from under him. "What did I do?" he asks, confused.

I don't answer him as I bolt to our room and stand in front of the full length mirror turning this way and that trying to see my body from all angles. I gasp when I realise he's right. I _am_ bigger, how did I not notice this before? My ribs can't be seen anymore but I've known that for ages and I _was_ happy about it, although am I now too thick around the waist? Looking at the rest of me I see my bottom is definitely bigger and my breasts seem to have gotten two sizes bigger overnight, how did that happen?

Also my face has filled out…is that a double chin? I scrunch my chin as far as I can into my neck and see that yes, I do in fact have a double chin. Shit. This is what I get for cooking with Grace all week. I must have 'sampled' one too many pies.

"What are you doing? You streaked through the living room Ana, you are lucky Gail and Taylor are gone for the night," Christian chides from right behind me but looks bewildered as I study all of my new flaws. I jump when I see him and I cover my humungous boobs with my arms when they bounce unattractively.

"Don't look at me!" I shriek as I rush to cover myself with my robe off the back of the bedroom door.

"What the fuck? Why can't I look at you?"

"Because I'm fat!" I wail.

"Don't be ridiculous Ana, you couldn't look more perfect right now," he rolls his eyes at me.

"But you said my ass was big. And look," I proceed to show him my double chin. I can tell he's biting the inside of his cheek to stop himself from laughing. "This isn't funny," I say and then mumble to myself, "I'm going to have to go on a diet."

Christians humour is instantly gone, "not a fucking chance Ana. You are finally at an acceptable weight, no fucking way are you to lose a single pound."

"But, but you said…"

He cuts me off, "what did I say to make you think you are fat Ana? That's the most ridiculous shit I've ever heard." Boy he really takes this weight stuff to heart.

"You said my breasts were bigger, and my ass too," I challenge.

Christian stalks towards me and peels my robe from my shoulders. "I fucking love that your tits and ass are bigger. You looking so fucking hot right now I can barely keep my hands off you," he growls as he grabs my ass in both his hands.

"Oh."

"Yeah, oh. Don't bring this up again Ana." He looks me straight in the eye and gives me his 'no bullshit' stare he usually reserves for his employees. "No. Diets." Then he softens his command with a kiss to the tip of my nose.

Once fatgate has been forgotten, by Christian but not me, we discuss the coming few days. Christian wants to wake up here at home with me Christmas morning so we can exchange our gifts privately, then we are heading over to Belleview in time for breakfast with all the family. My Dad is meeting us here at Escala and riding with us. Taylor and Sawyer have the day off so I think Reynolds is driving.

Then the men will probably watch the game while I help Grace to cook dinner and everyone just relaxes for a few hours. Once dinner is over Mia has all kinds of activities planned for the evening that I think Christian is secretly dreading but is doing his best to hide it because I'm looking forward to it.

We are all sleeping there Christmas night and although we have no plans made for the day after, Christian said he's sure we'll come up with something. It's not like him to have no idea what's going on but I let it go as I'm sure even Christian Grey likes to wind down for the holidays.

For the first year in a long, long time I'm excited for Christmas, it's going to be perfect.

**A/N So sorry for such a delay in updating...Hopefully you'll forgive me and help me out! I've a few ideas for Christians gift from Ana but I thought it might be fun to open it up to you all for suggestions. What should Ana give Christian for Christmas? It has to be something extra special but not too expensive. If a few people give me ideas I'll pick my favourite and put it into the story so put your thinking hats on ladies.**

**Please review xx**


	41. Chapter 41

**A/N Sorry for making you wait so long. Hopefully this chapter will make up for it xx**

**Christian POV**

**Heat. Soft, wet heat. I flex my hips to** get closer to the glorious feeling when I hear and feel a soft humming. I open my sleepy eyes to a gloriously naked Ana giving me the best fucking wake up call I've ever had, one small hand is around the base of my dick as she sucks at the top like a lollipop. She takes my rock hard length to the back of her throat and I gasp, "Jesus, baby."

I see the twinkle in her eyes as she deep throats me over and over. I buck up into her mouth causing her to moan again and the sound only makes me harder. I fist the sheets beneath me so I won't grab her head to fuck her mouth, instead I encourage her with words, "does my naughty girl likes to suck on my hard cock?" I see her squirm and I know she must be soaking wet right now. The thought brings me closer to the edge.

Then her other hand reaches up to fondle my balls and I'm gone, my head presses back into the pillow and my eyes roll back as I shoot my load down her throat and roar her name. "Ana, _Fuuuuck_."

She takes every last drop and licks me clean before crawling up over me and kisses me sweetly. "Merry Christmas Christian," she grins.

I flip her over easily and devour her mouth to stop her giggles. Plunging my tongue between her soft lips I taste myself on her. It's hot as fuck. After a moment I pull back, "best Christmas present ever," I tell her as I start to work my way down her body with kisses, pausing at her favourite spots to pay them special attention. By the time I reach my destination Ana is mewling and squirming all over the place. I settle in and throw her legs over my shoulders then I hold her steady by pinning her hips to the bed with my hands. "Now it's your turn, Merry Christmas baby," I say with a smirk before I dive face first straight into her dripping wet pussy.

**Once we are showered we** make our way to the kitchen. Ana is sulking as she wanted to head straight for our presents but I have noticed lately that her insulin levels are a bit erratic so after I've helped with her shot I insist we eat breakfast first.

"I hope you like your present," Ana says as she nibbles on a piece of bacon.

"You bought it. Of course I'll like it," I state as a matter of fact. I can't imagine not liking anything Ana would give to me. Her returning smile lights up her face and I swear even if she got me socks I'll love them.

We settle ourselves on cushions in front of the lit fireplace as we exchange our gifts. Ana looks cute as hell in her reindeer covered pyjamas while I'm comfortable in grey sweats and a t-shirt. Her eyes get huge as I pull out present after present from under the tree. I had left a few under there but last night while she slept I tip toed out here to add the rest of my gifts to the pile.

"Where did all of these come from?" she squeaks.

I crawl over the presents knocking a few out of the way so I can kiss my girl silly. Once I've achieved my aim of distracting her I pull back and smirk, "I had a secret hoard stashed in Taylor and Gail's apartment upstairs. I didn't want you snooping and finding them."

"I would never!" she says and lifts her chin causing me to laugh.

"So what were you doing when I caught you last week buried halfway under the bed in the spare room?" I ask and laugh again at her forced innocent expression. Just when I think she is going to deny it she bursts into a fit of giggles so endearing my chest hurts with my love for her.

Before Ana opens her presents she turns and scoots under the tree and retrieves the gifts she bought for me. She hands them to me shyly. "I'm sure this is nothing like what you have bought me but..." I cut her off with yet another kiss.

"I love them already because you bought them for me," I say sincerely and I mean it. She could have bought me anything and I honestly will love it.

"Okay," she grins and picks up her first present to unwrap.

I can't help but notice the perfect way Ana has wrapped my presents, complete with bows and name tags. I hope she's not expecting the same level of gift wrapping from me because she will be sorely disappointed. Hers were the first presents I have wrapped since I was a little kid and it didn't go smoothly, maybe I should have had Andrea do that part. Oh well, if she noticed she hasn't said anything.

I wait while Ana opens her gifts because I want to see her face as she unwraps each one. I know I've done good when she opens the heaviest one and it's a set of first editions by Jane Austin.

"Oh Christian! I love it, thank you," she leans over to kiss me.

We go on this way as Ana opens a few more, exclaiming delight in every single one. I have gotten her lots of clothes, an iPad, her favourite books, a nice new watch and a lot of other little things besides. Eventually she stops, sitting in the middle of piles of discarded paper.

"Aren't you going to open yours?"

"Of course, I was just enjoying watching you first." I tear into the small box in my lap. Once I open it I find a pretty awesome watch. This can't have been cheap, I know Ana used her own personal account to buy my gifts and I get it but this along with the other things she has bought must have cleared her out. I don't say that though, instead I tell her how much I love it. "This is fantastic sweetheart, thank you." I'm just about to put it on when she stops me.

"It's engraved," she says a little shyly.

"Really?" I turn it over and read the inscription on the back. _'I love you. Always. Your Ana.'_

I instantly have a lump in my throat, "baby."

"Do you like it?" she asks hopefully.

Like it? I fucking love it. I reach over and pull her to me as I crash my mouth to hers yet again. When I pull back I growl against her lips "_always_ baby, you and me." She smiles and kisses me again.

I open the rest of my gifts then and I'm delighted that she has gotten me several little models of a glider and a helicopter that I can assemble, the helicopter is even solar powered. "I used to love this kind of thing as a kid, I'll have fun putting them together." Ana is ecstatic that I liked her gifts so much and I feel a little guilty that she has gotten me such thoughtful gifts and I have only gotten her 'things'. I'll make it up to her later.

**Ana POV **

"**What time is your dad going to** be there?" Christian asks as Sawyer drives us to his parents home. I feel bad that Sawyer has to work today. I must ask Grace to make sure he gets a Christmas dinner too.

"He said he will get there around one pm. I wanted him to come with us but he said he would drive himself." I don't think my dad is comfortable in Christians apartment, I need to change that. "Is it okay if I invite him to your apartment to spend the day tomorrow? I don't think we have any plans, do we?" Christian chews on his lip but doesn't answer right away and my heart sinks. Does he not want my dad there?

"Christian?"

"Huh? Um yeah, yeah tomorrow's fine," he says but he is distracted.

"I can go to see him instead if you wanted to do something else. I'm sure Sawyer wouldn't mind driving me to Montesano tomorrow..."

Christian whips around to face me, "What? No! Of course he can come to ours." He almost sounds panicked. What's going on?

"You're being weird Christian," I tell him.

"Am I?" he fakes innocent, he's better at it than me.

I sigh, "yes. But it's okay, I'm used to it."

Sawyer says he will carry our trunk load of presents into the house once we arrive at Belleview. We can hear the Christmas music playing before we walk through the front door. Christian rolls his eyes, "Mia," he says in explanation.

Mia herself greets us as we walk into the house. "Merry Christmas," she cheers. Then she embarrasses me by grabbing my left hand and looking at my fingers. Disappointed at what she sees, she drops my hand and rolls her eyes at Christian.

"Mia," he warns but she simply sticks her tongue out at him and skips down the hall. "Take no notice of her, she suffers from Disney Syndrome. Thinks the whole world's a fucking fairy-tale."

Despite my embarrassment I giggle, "at least it was just her." The less witnesses to my mortification the better.

There's no way Christian is going to propose to me, we have only known each other a few months and only started dating properly less than seven weeks ago. I ignore the disappointed knot in my tummy at how easily Christian dismissed the whole idea and decide maybe I have a mild case of 'Disney Syndrome" myself.

When my dad arrives shortly before dinner I am in the kitchen with Grace while the boys watch some game I know nothing about on the TV. Kate is with them but she is reading a magazine with her feet propped up in Elliot's lap, scolding him every time he jumps about cheering or booing at the game. Mia was helping myself and Grace but she hasn't been seen since Ethan arrived half an hour ago. "Daddy!" I all but squeal as I run down the entry hall to hug him.

He puts down his bag of gifts and catches me easily. "Hey baby girl," he kisses the top of my head as he hugs me tighter. "How have you been?" he pulls back a little to look at me.

I laugh because he only saw me the other day. Ray fusses more than Christian over me, and that is saying something! "I'm really great dad, c'mon I want you to meet someone," I drag him to the kitchen behind me. "Daddy, this is Grace Trevelyan Grey, Christian's mom. Grace, this is my Dad, Ray Steele," I introduce them.

Grace wipes her hands on a dish towel before greeting Ray warmly. He even smiles at her! It's hard not to love Grace. Once he has been introduced to everyone else I deposit him in the sitting room with the boys with a beer in his hand. He seems happy enough.

We eat our delicious Christmas dinner in the formal dining room. Grace said they don't use it all that much but it's the only table in the house big enough to fit all of us. I am sitting in between my dad and Christian and I can feel both their eyes on me as I struggle to make a dent in this huge meal. I have to concentrate hard not to roll my eyes.

Afterwards we clear up and sit around the living room exchanging gifts. It's much less extravagant than mine and Christians exchange earlier but it's great fun all the same.

Christian snorts as he holds the present given to him by his older brother. "What is it?" I ask him, ready to scold if he is ungrateful to Elliot.

"I never realised there was such a thing as obnoxious wrapping paper, but I suppose if there was indeed such a thing then Elliot would surely find it." I look at the wrapping on our gifts from Elliot and can't help but laugh aloud. "I mean seriously," Christian continues, "naked Santa's! Where do you find this shit?"

Elliot just grins as he flips Christian the bird. "Elliot!" his mother admonishes as Mia giggles at her brothers and Carrick just rolls his eyes and goes back to reading the manual of his new fishing boat. Poor grace looks embarrassed.

After the gift giving is finished and the mountain of discarded paper has been dumped we all settle in with glasses of mulled wine, or beer as is most of the boys preference and watch an old movie. I couldn't tell you what it's called or anything about it really as everyone spends most of the time talking and laughing, not much actual TV watching occurs.

As the afternoon goes on I am starting to get sleepy in the warmth of the room with the open fire, it is so cosy here snuggled up next to Christian on the love seat.

"Want to go for a walk?" Christian suddenly asks me.

"Huh?"

"A walk. Do you want to go for a walk outside. With me?"

"Umm," I hesitate as I look out the window. It looks as though it might rain and it's freezing out there. I'm surprised over protective Christian is asking me to go out in it.

"C'mon the fresh air will do you good," Christian urges and pulls me up with him as he rises.

"OK," I mumble as I stifle a yawn. Maybe he has a point, I'll fall asleep if I don't get some fresh air soon.

We go out the back door and I instantly regret agreeing to this. "Christian it's freezing," I whine.

"It's not that bad," he says but I can see his teeth chatter as he says it.

He pulls me along and I'm about to insist we go back, it's starting to rain, when Christian pulls me into his parents boathouse. I'm surprised to find that it's toasty warm in here as there is a stove lighting. Strange.

"Do your parents always keep this place heated?" I ask. It seems like a terrible waste of money.

Christian doesn't answer me as he pulls me up the stairs behind him. When we reach the top I gasp. The whole place is decked out with twinkling fairy lights and beautiful winter flowers and it smells like winter fir trees. It's amazing.

"Christian...it's..." I trail off not knowing what to say to all this. My momentary confusion as to why the boathouse is decorated so nicely is abruptly washed away when I turn to see my boyfriend getting down on one knee in front of me.

"_Oh my God" _I gasp. Is he? No. way. "Christian?"

"Ana Steele," Christian says seriously and a sob breaks free as it hits me that this is really happening. "I know we haven't known each other for very long, and I also know we met in less than ideal circumstances, but baby I love you. I love you more than anyone on this earth. Please make me the happiest man alive and marry me." Christian says with all sincerity as he holds out a ring towards me.

I couldn't tell you what cut the diamond is or how many carats are in it because I know nothing of those things, but I can see that it is both stunning and huge. It's so beautiful I sob again.

"I know I'm not the easiest guy to live with Ana but I promise I'll be the best damn husband anyone ever had," Christian continues but I can see he's nervous now. Why?

"Ana?"

Oh yeah, I have to say something. Silly me. "Yes," I choke through my tears, "yes, I will marry you."

"Thank fuck," Christian blows out a breath and pulls the ring from the little velvet box. He puts it on my finger and it's a perfect fit. Just like us.

"Thank you, it's perfect," I'm still sniffling.

"_You're_ perfect," he states and kisses me softly. "So, we're getting married?" he grins.

"Yes," I can't help but giggle.

"You won't regret it baby."

"I know."

**A/N Thank you all for reading. Please review xx**


	42. Chapter 42

**A/N Thank you guys for the great response to my last chapter. It's nice to know I still have faithful followers despite my erratic updating schedule xxx**

**Christian POV**

'When is the wedding?' Mia squeals as she dances on the spot excitedly. 'Ooh ooh can I be a bridesmaid? Please, please, please.' Fuck me, the girl screamed so loud when we told her we are getting married I can still hear the ringing in my ears. We are all gathered just inside the back door in my parent's kitchen, where everyone was waiting to pounce on us the moment we returned from the boathouse. Fuck, couldn't they at least have waited until we were fully inside the house?

'Calm down Mia, I've only just proposed so you're going to have to give us a chance to discuss the details,' I roll my eyes.

She sticks her tongue out at me as she grabs Ana's hand to look at the ring again. 'Can I try it on?' I tune her out as Ana obliges her and hands her the ring.

'Oh sweetie, I'm so happy for you!' my mom hasn't stopped crying for ten minutes. She damn near squeezed the life out of Ana when we broke the happy news. Jesus, I had never seen anyone so damn grateful in my life. Even my dad got choked up before breaking out the good stuff.

'Sooo,' Elliot starts and I roll my eyes. Oh here we go. 'You were out there a long time,' he says as he motions in the direction of the boathouse with his chin.

'Yeah?' what's he getting at?

'Just sayin if you weren't discussing the wedding nitty gritty all that time then what exactly _were_ you getting up to?' he waggles his eyebrows.

Oh for fuck sake will he ever grow up? I look at Ana and her face is on fire, she couldn't look any more guilty if Elliot had photographic evidence of what we got up to out there.

'Elliot Grey!' Kate admonishes him as she pops him across the back of the head. 'You're an animal!'

'What?' Elliot asks innocently as he rubs the spot where his girlfriend smacked him.

Mia giggles and my dad is grinning but my poor mother looks mortified by Elliot's behaviour, anyone would think she'd be used to it by now. Could my family be any more embarrassing?

I'm about to let Elliot have it when I notice Ana trying, and failing, to fight a grin. Suddenly I see the funny side of it and start laughing, really laughing. Ana joins in and laughs with me and for a beat everyone else in the room is silenced in shock. I don't think they have ever seen me like this before, so carefree and light. It must be the Ana effect.

The rest of the evening is spent in celebration. Elliot and Kate end up getting too drunk to drive home so my mother insists they spend the night. Ethan is already staying too. In the spare room. I checked.

'Christian darling, would you and Ana like to stay tonight? I can have the bed in your room made up in a jiffy,' my mom asks hopefully.

I look to Ana, 'baby?'

Ana shrugs, 'I don't mind, but if we stay Sawyer can go home early so that's good.' Typical Ana thinking of everyone else. Sawyer doesn't give a shit he's getting plenty money to work over the holidays. Fucker volunteered for it as he has no family of his own.

'Ok Mom we'll stay, thank you.'

'Shots!' Elliot slurs stupidly.

'Not a chance young man,' my Mom scolds.

'Aw Mom,' he whines like a kid and Kate snickers at him. 'You're no fun,' he pouts.

I think my mother might possibly be the only one here that isn't on her way to a hangover, Ana is even drinking more than her normal glass or two of wine. Not that I'm complaining, I like to see her enjoying herself.

Mom and Ana put together the best supper ever from today's leftovers in the hopes of sobering us all up a little. We stuff ourselves with cold ham and turkey, various salads and huge chunks of bread…the good stuff. I'm delighted to see Ana happily munching away too.

Once we are all full Mia suggests playing charades and at first I roll my eyes but after I give in, at Ana's urging, I end up having a lot of fun. Elliot playing charades while drunk is possibly one of the funniest things I have ever seen.

Eventually Ana starts to nod off against my shoulder while we are all sitting around talking. 'We're going to head up Mom,' I say as I try to rouse a tipsy Ana.

'Lightweight,' Elliot mumbles from where he's now sitting on the floor propped against the sofa, half unconscious as Kate runs her fingers through his hair.

Mom follows us out into the hall, 'oh she's dead on her feet,' she says as I half drag, half carry Ana from the room.

'Yeah,' I smile softly. 'She's pretty worthless after midnight even sober, definitely not a night owl,' I rub my thumb gently over her soft lips.

My mom's eyes are once again shining with tears as she watches us. 'She's perfect,' she whispers.

I look at my mother seriously, 'yes, she is.'

'What was that?' Ana slurs as she comes to.

'Nothing baby, come on let's get you to bed,' I give up and just pick her up. 'Night mom,' I kiss her cheek and make my way upstairs.

'M'kay,' Ana mumbles belatedly before she starts snoring lightly. I laugh quietly.

Ana wakes up again as we enter my old bedroom. She sits on the side of the bed and I undress her and put on an old Harvard t-shirt of mine that I grabbed from the dresser. She fists the old soft material and sniffs it. 'Mmm smells like you. I'm keeping this.'

I laugh at her as I strip down to my boxers quickly. Once we are under the covers Ana scoots over and attaches herself to my side, wrapping her light form around me. I kiss her forehead, 'goodnight sweetheart.'

'Night,' she says sleepily and manages to pucker her lips long enough to kiss my neck where she has buried her face. She is out like a light but it takes me a little longer to fall asleep as I gaze at her beautiful face in the soft light of the bedside lamp.

She said yes. I still can't believe my luck and I want to pinch myself every few minutes in case I am dreaming. I want us to get married as soon as possible but I don't want to freak her out by being too pushy. We can talk about it tomorrow, if she's not too sick. I grin. Ana with a hangover is going to be fun.

I must watch her for an age before I eventually turn off the light and give in to my drooping lids.

It feels like only moments later when I awake to the sound of someone retching in the bathroom. It's still dark. I feel around the bed but Ana isn't there.

'Ana?' I call and the only answer I get is the sound of more vomiting. Shit.

I jump out of the bed and open the door to the small bathroom just off my room. The light blinds me for an instant before my vision clears and I see Ana hunched over the toilet bowl. Looks like someone can't hold their alcohol.

I kneel down beside her and pull her hair back. She tries weakly to push me away, 'don't watch this Christian.'

'Don't be ridiculous,' I stay put while she dry heaves for another few minutes. When she is done she gets up and rinses her mouth out with water. I search the little cabinet under the sink and find a new toothbrush. 'Here,' I say as I rip it open, 'you'll feel better if you use this.'

'Thanks,' she mumbles and brushes her teeth quickly.

'Feel better?' I ask as I lead her back to the bed. Looking at my watch I see it is barely five am.

Ana thinks about it for a moment. 'Yes, actually I feel fine now. I wasn't even drunk.'

'Maybe it's a combination of all that food we ate with more alcohol than you are used to,' she was drinking more than she usually would so I am positive that's what caused her to be ill. I also don't want to point out that she was pretty tipsy.

'Yeah, I suppose.'

We snuggle back under the covers and I pull her closer to me. Shit now I'm horny but there's no way I'm making any kind of moves on Ana after she has been sick. It doesn't matter anyway as she is out like a light almost immediately anyway.

**A/N I know this is a short one guys but the plan is to have another chapter up this weekend. Also I'm not too happy with this as it didn't really come out how I wanted it to. I'll do better next chapter…I hope! Please review x**


	43. Chapter 43

**A/N Brace yourselves...angst is coming, not that it is ever too far away with me.**

**Ana POV**

**Five days. I have been feeling **unwell for five days now. I have mostly managed to keep my vomiting a secret from Christian as it seems to occur in the middle of the night for some strange reason. When I awake feeling ill I bolt for the main bathroom instead of our personal en suite.

I don't want to worry Christian but I am a little concerned if I'm honest. It's really unlike me to be sick like this and it is starting to mess with my insulin levels...something I am also trying to hide from my overprotective fiancée .

I think back two weeks to the day after Christmas when I first got sick. I blamed it on my consumption of alcohol mixed with an over indulgence of rich food. I don't even know if this illness is related to that anyway as I felt fine afterwards for more than a week before I started getting sick again. But now I don't really have any excuse to still be sick. Thankfully I feel fine during the day apart from tiredness from the lack of sleep, or I know Christian would worry.

Christian went back to work a couple of days ago and has been really busy, he took more time off over the holidays than he usually would to spend time with me and his family so now he is paying the price...we both are. He promised me it's only for a couple more days before he catches up and then he will be all mine again outside normal office hours. I smile at the thought.

My smile fades and I sigh as I pick up my cell phone. It's time I rang Grace. I dial her number and she picks up on the second ring. "Hello?" she sounds distracted.

"Grace?"

"Oh hello Ana dear, how are you?" she sounds happy to hear from me.

"Um, you sound b...busy. Will I ring back later?" I really hate being a bother to her, she's so busy all the time.

"Goodness no Ana, I'm buying coffee and you rang just as I was paying for it." There is a slight pause, "is everything okay?"

"I'm sure it's nothing..." I trail off.

There is silence again and I can almost hear grace picking her words carefully. "Is it Christian? Did he upset you or..."

"No!" I cut her off. Why does everyone assume Christian is always the bad guy? "He would never do anything to upset me."

"Then what's the matter?" she sounds confused.

"I'm sick," I blurt out.

"Oh gosh, is it the diabetes? Did you ring Christian? I'm working but I'm sure he will bring you straight over and I can check you out."

"No its not my diabetes, at least I don't think it is, and I don't want to worry Christian over something silly."

"Your feeling poorly is hardly something silly Ana," Graces admonishes me. "Listen, I'm here for another couple of hours why don't you have Sawyer bring you here so I can do a quick check up to ease your mind?"

I breathe a sigh, "okay, but can you not tell Christian? I can tell him later if there is anything wrong."

"Of course, I'll see you soon honey just ring me when you get here."

Sawyer parks the car in front of the hospital and accompanies me inside. I told him I was having lunch here with Grace so he waits for me in the lobby. I know he will have told Christian but as it's not out of the ordinary for me to have lunch with his mother I doubt he will take much notice. I feel silly hiding something so trivial from him but knowing how much he over reacts when it comes to my health I know I'm doing the right thing.

"Ana honey," Grace embraces me tightly when she meets me but when she pulls back and frowns a little I start to feel self conscious. "You look pale dear, come, we can go to my office and you can tell me what's the matter."

"So," Grace says after I tell her my symptoms, "you have been ill every night this week, correct?" I nod. "And you are feeling fatigued, a little light headed and sometimes the smell of food makes you nauseous?"

"Yes, oh and I have been really emotional the last couple of months. Crying over the stupidest things. But Christian reckons that's because I need to see a therapist and talk about my past..." I trail off when I notice Grace's expression. Why is she grinning?

"What?" did I miss something?

"Ana, honey when is the last time you menstruated?"

My face heats, talking about my periods with Christians mother is embarrassing, even if she is a doctor. "I...I haven't had my period since I went on the pill. Isn't that normal?"

"For some women, yes. But I think your lack of menstrual cycles along with the other symptoms all point to something pretty clear."

"What?" for a moment I wait for her to answer but then what she said hits me. "B...b...but I'm on the pill! It's impossible," I sputter.

Grace shakes her head, smiling. "No Ana, unlikely maybe but not impossible." She pull a little cup from a drawer in her desk. "Here, take this and bring me a urine sample so we will know for sure."

I do as she says robotically and watch as she dips a little piece of paper in the cup. When she pulls it out and smiles at me I break out into a cold sweat. "Congratulations Ana, you are going to have a baby! Oh honey this is wonderful."

"Thank you," I mumble but inside I'm panicking, my mind screaming at me, '_He doesn't want this.'_

The one and only conversation Christian and I ever had about kids was when a senior employee of his told him his wife was pregnant and he told me he didn't understand why anybody would want children. I had ignored the little stab in my heart at his revelation and asked him why he felt that way. I remember him shuddering and saying "why would anyone want a wailing little person shitting and puking all over the place." I had been disappointed that he clearly didn't want children but hoped someday he would change his mind.

"Ana?" Grace calling me pulls me out of my stupor. She is looking at me expectantly.

"Sorry, what?" I had obviously missed something.

"I can have Dr Green do an ultra sound, see how far along you are if you would like?"

"Who?"

"Dr Green, she's our gynaecologist here."

"Oh, okay," I mumble and Grace heads off to get her. Before long she is back and tells me the doctor can squeeze me in now if I go straight to her department. Grace waves me off, smiling the entire time.

Dr Green is a lovely woman who congratulated me warmly after leading me into her office. Although, unlike Grace, she noticed my subdued mood almost instantly and changed her tone accordingly. She quietly went about setting me up on the table and spreading some cold gel on my tummy.

"Okay, let's see what we have here." She spends a few moment moving the probe around my tummy, "ah, there we are." I watch her pause the screen and point to a tiny little blip on the screen, "do you see that?"

"I...I think so," I whisper in awe.

"That is your baby." She doesn't smile or congratulate me again as I stare silently at the small bean shape on the screen. My baby...our baby. Mine and Christians. Tears filled my eyes.

Dr Green silently hands me a tissue and I thank her quietly. She unfroze the screen and starts to move the probe around again. Suddenly she stops and exclaims. "Oh!"

My heart stops for a beat and then starts to pound frantically. "What? Is something wrong?"

She doesn't answer but starts messing around with the buttons and that little roller ball thing. I am ready to scream at her to answer me when she once again freezes the screen and turns to me. "Well that depends," she says cryptically.

"On what?" I breathe, still panicked.

"How you feel about twins," she states carefully.

"Twins?" I squeak. "Are you sure?"

"Yes, look here," she points now to a second little blip. I can see both of them clearly on the screen.

"He's going to flip," I say in a whisper.

"Excuse me?" she doesn't hear me properly.

"N...nothing," I mutter. "How far along am I?" I wonder aloud

"I would put you at about eight weeks Ms Steele, it's a little more difficult to tell with multiples."

Eight weeks! I do a quick mental calculation. Christian and I had only started having sex eight weeks ago. I must have gotten pregnant almost immediately. "I'm on the pill, how did this happen?"

"Any number of things can affect the success of the pill," she explains, "have you been on antibiotics?"

"Yes but that was only last month, according to you I have been p...pregnant for longer," saying it out loud like that suddenly makes it real. I'm having g a baby...two babies!

"When did you start taking the pill?"

"Um, nine weeks or so, I think."

"And did you wait until the last day of your period to start taking it?"

"No, does that make a difference?" I feel stupid asking all this questions. A _normal _person would surely know all this stuff.

"For the first month yes, you need to be careful when you start taking it. If you start in the middle of the month it won't be effective until after you have had your period," Dr Green looks at me sympathetically.

"Oh," I say dumbly.

"Look Ms Steele, I can see that this has come as a huge shock to you. I want you to go home and think about your options," she looks at me pointedly. "Once you have had a few days to think I want you to come back and see me. Take these with you to read," she hands me a few pamphlets on unplanned pregnancy.

"Also, as you have diabetes we will have to monitor this pregnancy very closely as there may be complications," I look up sharply, not even having considered my illness to be a factor in this. "Don't worry Ana, take a couple of days than come back and we can discuss how we are going to handle this."

Once we are done and I get cleaned up I quickly leave the hospital. I felt bad not calling to see Grace but I needed to get away. To think. As Sawyer drives me home I pulled out the little black and white picture Dr Green printed out for me. Twins.

I lay my head back and close my eyes. Christian is going to blow a fuse. He doesn't even want _one_ child, what will he say when I tell him I'm having two? And when I tell him this happened over my stupidity he will really go nuts. Will he kick me out? It's no more than I deserve for being so careless.

I think about the 'options' Dr Green mentioned and I shudder and put my hand on my tummy protectively. As scared and unprepared as I am to become a mother, that is not something I would ever contemplate. For better or worse I will be having these babies. I already feel protective of them and even as the minutes go by I can feel my love for them growing. My little blips.

I know by the time I have them I will completely love them. The question is will Christian feel the same?

**A/N I know Ana seemed a bit clueless here but remember guys how she has lived the last few years...no school = no sex Ed. The poor girl hasn't a clue when it come to stuff like this.**

**Please ignore any errors, I just wrote this now and quickly scanned through it once before posting.**

**I have been contemplating for ages how I am going to write the revelation of Ana's pregnancy...not that it was a secret to anyone but her and Christian at this stage. I hope I did it justice.**

**Sooo . . . How do we think Christian is going to react? Please review xx**


	44. Chapter 44

**A/N You are lucky to be getting this chapter tonight as the fanfic website is acting up...I almost threw my tablet across the room with the frustration. But because of all your awesomeness with the reviews for the last chapter I persevered as they inspired me to write loads this week. I have the next chapter almost completed and will have it up Sunday or Monday so as not to leave ya'll hanging too long.**

**I was listening to James Blunt writing this one guys so my apologies if it's a bit depressing! The song I was listening to is Goodbye my Lover. Sigh, why do I love the things that hurt me?**

**Ana POV**

**"Tell me," Christian almost begs.** He knew something was up the minute he got home this evening but I insisted I was fine. I can see he is worried but also getting a bit pissed at my continued silence when I'm so obviously not okay. I take a deep breath.

"I'm p…pregnant."

Christian suddenly goes very still. "What?" he whispers.

"I'm p…p…pregnant," I repeat dumbly, though I am positive he heard me the first time.

"How?" he asks, his face ashen, and I know he doesn't literally mean 'how' I managed to get pregnant. He wants to know how this happened while I was on birth control.

"Um," how do I explain something I don't fully understand myself? He is going to go ballistic when he realises I messed up the doctors instructions.

Christian says nothing for what seems like an eternity but is probably only about thirty seconds. Although his face is beginning to tell me everything he's not saying in words. He's angry. Really, really angry. His pale face is turning red as he digests the bomb I just set off in the kitchen. But still he says nothing.

"It…it was an accident," I stammer as I rush to explain myself, hating the strained silence. "I got c…confused when I started t…taking the pill. I…"

"Confused?" Christian asks incredulously. "How far along are you?" he asks and I continue to look down.

"Answer me!" he commands but I can't speak. I find it difficult enough to talk when I'm nervous but it's almost impossible when I am scared. I'm afraid Christian is going to ask me to leave.

By now he is pacing the living room and all but pulling his hair out from the roots. Suddenly he stops and comes towards me so quickly I flinch back violently, almost falling off the barstool I am perched on. Deep down I know he won't hurt me physically but the act of protecting myself from pain is so ingrained in me I can't help my reaction.

Christian stops immediately and steps back. "What am I supposed to do now?" he asks quietly and my heart breaks he sounds so lost.

I want to tell him that I'm sorry, that I didn't want this yet either. But I can't. I'm a coward and I don't want him to shout at me. Without another word he turns on his heel and marches to his study where he shuts the door and doesn't come out for the rest of the evening.

By the time I'm going to bed I haven't seen him for hours. I stay up late hoping he will come out of his study but he doesn't and I'm about to fall asleep on the sofa. I take a shower before bed and spend an extra few minutes letting the water fall on my stinging eyelids, I cried for most of the evening. I'm shocked when I come out of the bathroom to see Christian in our bed, far over on his side and facing away from me.

"Christian?" I ask tentatively. He doesn't answer, maybe he is asleep. I climb in and for the first time in a long time Christian doesn't hold me in his arms. Even in his sleep Christian usually seeks me out and wraps himself around me. My heart hurts and I feel cold.

I wake groggily the following morning as I didn't get much sleep, I'm not sure if Christian slept either but he hardly moved all night and stayed rigidly on his side of the bed. Thankfully I didn't get sick last night. I turn over now and he isn't even there, I look at the clock to see it's just before six am. Did he go to work already?

Getting up I put on my robe before heading to the kitchen where I find Gail pottering around. "Good morning Ana, would you like some breakfast?" I shake my head, "just tea please Gail," she frowns.

I am sitting silently on a stool at the breakfast bar sipping my tea when Christian comes in, hair wet from a shower and dressed in sweats. He must have been in the gym downstairs. He doesn't spare me a glance as he speaks to Gail, "I'll be ready for breakfast in ten minutes Mrs Jones. White egg omelette and fruit," with that he has gone to his room. Gail offers me a sad smile and goes about preparing Christian's breakfast.

I am on my second cup of tea when he emerges dressed for the day. I contemplated going to hide in the library until he was gone but avoiding each other isn't going to solve this. Christian doesn't even acknowledge me as he sits beside me and starts to eat his omelette. If he has noticed I'm not eating he doesn't say anything, which is a first. Gail has wisely left us alone, sensing that all is not well.

"Christian?" I ask tentatively.

"Not now Ana, I need to get to work. We can discuss this mess at another time." The cold edge in his voice cuts me. He sounds so distant. I would prefer him to shout and scream at me, at least then he could vent his anger on me. Bottling up his frustration isn't going to help.

"Okay," I whisper instead of confronting him. Because I am a coward.

With nothing more said Christian finishes eating, takes his coffee to go and leaves me sitting alone in the large, empty room. Once I know he is gone for sure I put my head down on my arms and burst into tears. I haven't even told him it's twins yet. If his reaction to one baby is this bad what will he do when I tell him? After a few moments I feel a comforting hand on my back and look up to see Gail smiling at me sadly. Of course she must have heard us yesterday and is fully aware of what's going on. "He'll come around Ana, just give him time."

"I don't think he wants me anymore," I voice my fears.

"Yes he does, he loves you. Just give him time."

Five days later.

I think it's safe to say that after five days of Christian barely speaking to me that he no longer wants me here. Two nights ago I gave up going into his room and have been sleeping in the old subs room as my presence was obviously making him uncomfortable. He didn't even acknowledge or question my decision.

I have given up trying to talk to him as all he does is brush me off and walk away. I have cried so many tears over his coldness I have none left to cry. It is becoming clear that Christian no longer wants me, I have finally done something unforgivable in his eyes and he is done. I ruined us as I always knew I would.

I pick up my phone and dial the only person who I can now turn to for help.

'Hello?'

'Daddy…'

When Sawyer pulls the car into the drive of Ray's small house in Montesano I smile for the first time in almost a week. I thought I would forget what my childhood home looked like but the moment I laid eyes on the faded green front door with matching wooden shutters I immediately get the feeling of being somewhere I belong. Home.

Before I am out of the car my father is there waiting to take me in his arms. "Baby girl," he croons and I allow myself to snuggle against the comforting familiar smell of old spice and sawdust that is my Dad.

He doesn't ask questions or demand to know why I am here he just takes my small bag from Sawyer silently and leads me inside. I turn at the front door and wave goodbye to Sawyer, I don't Know if I will ever see him again. Getting settled in my little old room doesn't take long, it still looks the same as my eight year old self remembers. Old faded matching curtains and bedspread, dark wooden flooring covered with a few threadbare rugs. It's not much but it is everything to me. Perhaps the familiarity of my childhood home will help to ease my broken heart, though I'm not sure anything could do that anymore.

"Uh, I didn't have time to update the room," Ray says from the doorway as he scratches the back of his neck self-consciously. "We can head over to Walmart tomorrow and get you a few new things."

"It's perfect dad," I say as I look at the little twin bed. "I don't need much…." I trail off as I realise in the not too distant future I am going to need a lot of things for the babies.

The babies. It hits me fully for the first time that I am really going to have these babies…alone if Christian doesn't change his mind. I left him a note saying I'm going to stay with Ray for a little while as he is still hardly speaking to me and I want to give him space to think. I also made it clear that if he could no longer be with me then I understand that too. I left the decision in his hands. But how can I possibly do this by myself? I can't expect my dad to keep helping me, he has already raised one kid that wasn't his own, there is no way I can do that to him again. With twins no less.

It strikes me with the force of a hammer blow. I'm probably going to be a single mom…like my mother. Maybe I am just like her after all. Will I use Ray like she did until a better situation comes along? She always said having me ruined her. I should have never come here. Suddenly I can't catch my breath.

How can I look after two babies by myself? I don't know the first thing about raising kids and I had a shit role model for a mother. I have no money…no skills, qualifications or any real life experience. I don't even have a high school diploma for crying out loud! I wasn't able to look after myself for three weeks when I left home without almost getting myself sold into prostitution!

"Annie?"

I start to panic as I can't breathe and my vision starts to swim. I have a pain in my chest it feels so tight, like someone is sitting on me. I try to calm myself to breathe but I just can't manage it so I only wind up panicking even more. Am I having a heart attack? Is this what it feels like?

For a fleeting moment I hope it is a heart attack, but then I think of my little blips and panic more at the thought of them being in danger. Dark spots dance in front of my eyes and my legs go from under me. If it wasn't for Ray catching me I would be sprawled out on the floor. "Jesus, Ana," I barely hear him say as he picks me up and puts me on the bed. "What can I do?"

I manage to speak a single word, the only thing that matters right now. I move my hand to me belly and pant, "pregnant." I haven't told my Dad that I am pregnant and I only see his horrified expression for a second before I am dragged under from the lack of oxygen.

"Annie?" my Dad's quiet voice asks as I come to.

"Hmm?" I don't remember my childhood bed being this hard…and what is that annoying beeping sound?

"Open your eyes baby, you're in the hospital."

Hospital! My eyes fly open and I sit up too fast causing the room to spin. "Crap," I hold my head.

"Hey, take it easy now," Ray says as he gently pushes me back down.

"What happened?" I croak and Ray helps me to drink some water through a straw before he answers.

"You passed out Ana. And after you said 'pregnant' I freaked and called an ambulance when I couldn't wake you."

I look away, "Is...is the baby okay?" it doesn't feel right telling anyone I'm having twins yet when Christian doesn't even know.

"The baby is fine," he answers me tightly and I risk peek at him. He looks furious.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you Daddy, I can leave as soon as I get out of here I just…"

"What are you talking about?" Ray snaps angrily.

"You're mad. I thought…"

"I'm not mad at you Ana. Does Christian know?" he asks while obviously trying to calm himself..

"Y…yes," I whisper.

"Is that why you are here? Did he break up with you because you are pregnant?" that little vein in Ray's forehead when he's really angry is popping out. I don't want him to have an aneurism.

"Its c…complicated," I hedge. "It came as a shock to both of us."

Just as I think my Dad is about to rant a string of expletives we both freeze when we hear raised voices in the room beyond the flimsy curtain surrounding us.

"I don't give a flying fuck about your fucking hospital policies. Where the fuck is my fiancé?" Christian roars.

Oh. Shit.

**A/N Uh Oh…**

**Well at least he didn't shout at Ana...or is his ignoring her somehow worse?**

**Now, before I get any lectures telling me how 'weak' my Ana is please remember this is not the strong Ana from the original books. This poor girl has been broken and abused for years, she had only just begun to heal when all of this happened. She hasn't even started therapy yet. Ana reacted in the only way she knew how...she ran.**

**Also, please wait for the next chapter before you judge Christian too harshly. There are two sides to every story.**

**Please review x**


	45. Chapter 45

**A/N Once again thank you all for your amazing reviews for the last few chapters. It makes me want to reward you with even more updates! Flattery will get you everywhere...this is the longest chapter yet in this story. Funny how that works.**

**Christian's POV**

**I am so fucking angry.** This is one fucked up God damn situation. How in the hell could she be so bloody careless with her birth control? I haven't spoken to Ana for five days and I suppose I would have to talk to her to find out what really happened here.

The kicker is though that I'm not even angry with Ana, not really. Most of my anger is directed at myself. I frightened her. I scared the shit out of her with my anger, I didn't even have to raise my voice. She thought I would hit her judging by her reaction. I could never hit her, doesn't she know that? I just need some time to cool down while I think things through. If I speak now I may shout or say something I regret and no matter how angry I am at this situation I don't want to hurt Ana or stress her out.

A baby. I'm not ready for a baby. I don't know if I ever will be.

I look at my uneaten lunch before me. Fuck. I have never lost my appetite before, I hope Ana is eating. She needs to look after herself…especially now. Fuck, fuck, fuck. This situation is so messed up. It isn't helped by the fact that my Mom knows she's pregnant. I have been avoiding her calls all week but judging by the voicemail she left this morning, I am in some deep shit when she finds out how I reacted.

"Sir?" Taylor calls from the doorway.

"What?" I snap. I told him I didn't want to be disturbed unless it was an emergency.

"Sawyer has just rung to say he is on his way to Montesano with Miss Steele," Taylor tells me casually.

I jump up knocking my chair back, "what the fuck is that supposed to mean? Nobody said anything to me about Ana taking a trip to see her father." Unless it's not a trip…Oh my God. "Is she leaving me Taylor?" I ask pathetically. What have I done?

"I couldn't say, sir." Taylor answers coolly. Fucker has been pissed at me all week, he tries to hide it but I can tell.

I pick up my phone and try to ring her but it goes straight to voice mail. "We're leaving. Now." I grab my jacket and head for the elevator ignoring Andrea as she calls to me about rescheduling the three meetings I'm blowing off.

"Take me to Escala," I snap as soon as we are in the SUV. I want to know what I'm dealing with, if Ana has just taken a trip to see her father I don't want to barge in. but I am having a sinking feeling that she may have left me. "Fuck," I pull my hair roughly. I'm such a fucking asshole.

Once we are at Escala I go straight to the bedroom. All her clothes are here, that's a good sign. Surely she would take them if she was leaving, wouldn't she?

A flash of something on Ana's dresser catches my eye as I pass. I go to investigate and when I see what is lying there my heart plummets. Its Ana's engagement ring, the ring I put on her finger only two weeks ago as I swore to love and protect her forever. I sink to my knees, my self-loathing at an all-time high right now.

There is an envelope under the ring addressed to me in Ana's dainty handwriting. I pick up the ring and hold it in my fist as I open the letter and read.

_Dear Christian,_

_Please forgive me. I know this whole mess is completely my fault and I am truly sorry I ruined us with my stupidity. I never meant for this to happen. Though I am not sure you believe anything I say at this point._

_It is clear now you want me to go and even though it is destroying me, I will give you what you want without a fight. I won't ask you for anything. You can be involved as much as you like in our baby's life…or not at all if that is what you prefer. I just ask that you don't blame him for my mistakes._

_I am not leaving you. But I am giving you the space you so obviously need to figure out what you want. Please know that I love you with my whole heart Christian Grey. You are the great love of my life and nothing will ever change that, not if you decide to find someone worthy of you, not even if you never again speak to me and hate me forever._

_Though I hold out hope that one day you can see a way to forgive me for this there is no way I can give up our baby. This is possibly the only thing I could never do for you. I choose him Christian, I chose the life we created and I'm truly sorry it has to be this way._

_Love,_

_Ana._

What have I done? I crumple the paper between my hands barely able to breathe with the pain in my heart. She is blaming herself. What am I saying? This is Ana, of course she is blaming herself.

For one moment I contemplate just letting her go. She would be so much better off without me. It wouldn't take long for her to realise this. But then I remember what a selfish son of a bitch I am and know that I will never let her go. I will fight for us, even if Ana is unwilling to.

I shove her ring into my pocket and get to my feet. "Taylor," I shout as I leave the bedroom and he meets me at the elevator knowing full well where we are heading.

We get into the SUV and Taylor puts the address into the Sat Nav and we're off. I would have taken Charlie Tango to get there faster as this is more than a two hour drive in this traffic but by the time I could get everything set up and organise a place to land on such short notice we would already be halfway there.

I don't speak as we fly along the motorway weaving in and out of traffic, Taylor understanding my rush without any need for me to tell him. I read the letter Ana left me over and over. How quick she was to take all of the blame for this. Yes, she screwed up her pill, but my reaction was a disgrace and my treatment of her over the last few days unforgivable. I told myself I just needed time to adjust to this news. But if I'm being brutally honest I did want to hurt her in my own way and in the absence of being able to use BDSM this is the way I chose to punish Ana. God I hope she can forgive me, I will grovel on my hands and knees if I have to, to make this up to her.

The silence is broken by the ringing of Taylor's phone. He puts in on speaker, "Sawyer," he answers.

"Why the fuck did you bring her to Montesano Sawyer?" I yell before he has a chance to speak.

"Sir?" he sounds confused.

"I'm in the car with Mr Grey on our way to Montesano as we speak Luke," Taylor explains.

"She's not at her father's right now…." Sawyer trails off uncertainly.

"What? Then where the fuck is she?" I swear if he brought her somewhere else to hide I'll fire the fucker. After I beat the shit out of him.

"The hospital."

My stomach clenches and I think I might be sick. "What the fuck Sawyer, why didn't you tell us that first?" He doesn't respond. Taylor reacts the same way when I'm being unreasonable. "What is wrong? Is she sick? Is it her diabetes? Is it…is it the baby?" I choke. I give Taylor a silent look in the rear view mirror. He puts his foot down. I need to get there now!

"I don't know Sir, I wasn't with her at the time…"

I've had enough with the excuses. "Where are you now?" Taylor asks knowing I'm about to lose it with Sawyer.

"I'm at the hospital, I was sitting in the car outside her father's house and followed the ambulance."

"Stay there until we arrive," Taylor barks and hangs up.

It takes almost another torturous half hour before we reach the hospital, even with Taylor's maniac driving. We pull up beside Sawyer and I'm out of the car and heading for the front door before the car has fully stopped.

"Where is Ana Steele?" I bark at the bored looking woman at the front desk. She looks up from filing her nails with a snarky expression until she sees my face, her snarl suddenly turning into a sickly sweet smile when she sees me. I fight the urge to roll my eyes.

"Are you family?" she purrs.

"She is my fiancé and she was brought in by ambulance over an hour ago."

"You're not married?" she asks hopefully and pushes her chest out.

"What the fuck has that got to do with anything?" I almost shout. "Just tell me what room she is in!"

Her smile turns to a pout as she checks the screen in front of her. "Only immediate family are allowed to visit in the emergency room, sir."

I don't answer her as I look at Taylor who has finally caught up with me. With a nod to him we leave the reception area and head to the ER, barging through the door saying 'no entry' and ignoring the angry shouting of the receptionist behind us.

The emergency room isn't very big, Montesano is a small town after all, but everyone seems to be hidden behind those flimsy hospital curtains. Pulling them back one by one to find Ana would be a sure way of getting my ass thrown out of here so instead I stop the first nurse I see and ask to see Ana.

"Who are you?" she asks, eyeing me and Taylor.

"Her fiancé." Don't give me any shit lady, I'm hanging on by a thread here.

She looks behind me and I turn to see an out of breath overweight security guard standing there. "Immediate family only," she snipes, "you will have to go back to the waiting room."

Like fuck I will. "Just tell me where she is!" I demand.

"I'm sorry sir, its hospital policy. It's out of my hands," she doesn't look sorry to me.

"I don't give a flying fuck about your fucking hospital policies. Where the fuck is my fiancé?" I roar. I have officially reached the end of my rope. My reason for existing is here in a bed sick. I don't know what's wrong and I'm seriously starting to lose it with these people.

"Am I going to have to use the security guard?" she asks calmly looking like she would relish seeing me getting hauled out of here by this fucking rent-a-cop.

"Just you try it," I threaten and I'm about to push past her when I hear a familiar voice behind me and I whip round.

"What are you doing here?" it's Ray and he's pissed.

I march over to him, "Ray, thank fuck, where is she?"

"I'm not sure this concerns you, Grey." He eyes me up as he says this. Why the fuck is everyone trying to keep me from her? Don't they know I'm dying here?

"Look Ray I like you, I do. But if you don't tell me where Ana is right now I swear to God…"

"I'm in here," I hear my angel call quietly from behind the curtain beside us. I don't even finish what I was saying to Ray as I brush past him and pull away the curtain to see Ana. She looks awful!

I rush to her bedside and hold her pale face in my hands, "what's wrong baby? Why are you in here?"

"I'm fine."

"Ana please, you don't end up being brought into the emergency department by ambulance if everything is 'fine'," I take her little hand in mine, she's cold. "Please tell me what's wrong. Is…is it the baby?" I ask tentatively.

She stiffens when I mention the baby and pulls her hand away. "The baby is fine," she says almost robotically.

"I know I deserve your anger, I deserve much worse right now but I need to know you're alright. Please, baby," I beg.

She sighs and looks at me. "I don't know what happened, I was worrying about…things and all of a sudden I couldn't breathe. I g...guess I passed out and Ray panicked when I didn't wake up right away. No b...big deal," she shrugs like her being unconscious for an extended period of time is perfectly normal.

I turn to Ray behind me, "what did the doctor say? What tests are they running?"

"Uh" he scratches his head, "the doc who saw her when she came in said it looked like a panic attack and because her levels are too low she didn't wake up right away. He gave her a shot and put her on a drip. He said once she woke up she can probably go straight home," he shrugs like he doesn't agree with it but hasn't a clue what to do about it.

"Like fuck they are sending her home without running tests," I bark.

"Christian," Ana pleads.

"No Ana, no. I'm sorting this shit out now." These people better not fuck with me.

Two hours, and every test available, later, Ana is sleeping on the narrow uncomfortable bed when the doctor comes in. Fucker had no problem running the tests when he realised money wasn't an option.

I am trailing my fingers along the back of her hand. We haven't had much privacy to talk with Ray here giving me the stink eye, not that I expect him to leave. I'm just happy Ana hasn't made_ me_ leave.

"Good afternoon Miss Steele," he smiles warmly at her as her sleepy eyes open. "I'm Doctor Ryan."

"Hello," Ana mumbles sleepily as she tries to sit up. I lean over to help her.

"So the results are in," he starts.

"Already? That was quick," she says surprised.

The doctor gives me a sideways glance but says nothing. Wise move if he wants that new MRI for the hospital. He clears his throat, "well, everything looks okay with the babies, aside from your low sugar level and being a little dehydrated I think it's safe to say that it was a panic attack you had Miss Steele. Now…"

"Hang on," I interrupt, "did you say _babies_? As in more than one?" I instantly break into a sweat. I look at Ana but she won't meet my eyes. Ho-ly shit.

He shoots me a glance before turning back to address Ana, "would you like to speak to me alone, Ana?" he asks her gently. Fuck him. Who told him he could call her Ana?

"N…no, it's okay," she whispers. "Just say what you need to say."

Doc Ryan looks uncomfortable but continues on anyway, "are you under a lot of stress lately Ana?"

She shrugs, "A little, I suppose."

"Ana…" I did this to her. I stressed her out so much it gave her a panic attack and made her sick. All while she is pregnant. I'm nothing but a selfish piece of shit. I look away, ashamed.

"You need to start looking after yourself Ana, especially now. I'm sure you have been told by your own doctor that pregnancy can be particularly difficult for those with diabetes."

What? "This pregnancy can affect her health?" why didn't he say this before? Ana nods a little and chews on her lip. Both of them ignore my outburst.

"I have made an appointment with our resident gynaecologist here to see you in a few days Ana, just to see that everything is progressing normally," he hands her a script. "The date and time are on there." With a few more words of advice the good doctor signs her release forms. My head is still spinning with the revelation that she is pregnant with babies. Plural. How many is she having?

"C'mon baby girl," Ray says as he starts to help Ana from the bed and studiously ignoring me, "let's get you home."

"She _is_ going home…with me," no way is she going anywhere but back to Escala with me right now.

"I don't think so Grey," the fucker brushes me off.

I don't care who he is I am about to get in his face when Ana interrupts us, "Its okay Daddy, I guess we do need to t...talk," she motions to me. "I'll call you later okay?"

Ray frowns, "I don't like this Annie."

She leans up and kisses his cheek, "It'll be fine, now go, I'll call soon."

Ray throws me another warning glare as he leaves. I hold my hand out to Ana, silently willing her to take it. I breathe a sigh of relief when she does and give her tiny hand a gentle squeeze. We don't say anything as we head out to the SUV and I help her inside.

"I don't really know Montesano baby, is there anywhere you want to go so we can talk, maybe get something to eat?" Ana isn't looking at me, she is staring blankly out the window. When she turns to me I can see plainly all the hurt I have caused. She looks so sad my apology dies in my throat, I did this to her.

"Why?"

I'm confused, "Why what?"

"Why do you want to talk to me now? I tried for days to speak to you Christian, days. And you just shut me down every time!"

"I was angry," I whisper.

"I know! Jesus, do you think I don't know how mad at me you are? You have made it perfectly clear you no longer want me around…so why now?" she angrily swipes at a tear.

"I'm sorry," I murmur, not able to justify my unreasonable behaviour.

She laughs incredulously and looks out the window again. For a few moments there is silence and I look out my own window where I see that Taylor is giving us our privacy as he is sitting in Sawyers car with him.

"I understand you know," she says, her voice now eerily calm.

"I don't think you do…" I start but she continues as if I haven't said a word, still looking out the fucking window.

"I ruin everything eventually. They were right all along, there is something … wrong with me."

"Baby, no…" fuck.

"You should have just left me in the gutter where you found me." Her lifeless voice is scaring me.

"Jesus Christ Ana, don't ever fucking say that," I bite out. The pain of that image is more than I can bear.

She just shrugs her shoulders. "I bet you wish you had never laid eyes on me now."

"That's not fucking true and you know it!" I say heatedly.

She looks at me and smiles sadly, "Do I? Christian you basically shut me out and treated me like a stranger for days. Those aren't the actions of someone ready to marry the woman he claims to love." She looks away again, "but like I said, I understand. You realised you made a mistake and wasn't sure how to get out of it."

"That's not fair. I panicked alright! I fucking panicked and didn't know how to deal with it." I grip my hair in my fists.

"For five days?" I don't answer this as I really have no excuse.

"I'm sick of being a burden, I wish I could d...disappear," Ana finally hiccups a sob.

Fuck this. I reach across the seat and lift Ana onto my lap gripping her tear streaked face in my hands. "Don't ever let me hear you say that again, understand?"

She pulls her face out of my grip. "You don't get it Christian. I don't work right," she slaps her chest, "in here. Not even my own fucking mother could love me," she screams. I'm shocked then as she falls apart screaming and crying things I can't begin to make sense of.

I turn and wave to get Taylor's attention. He hops out of Sawyer's car and makes his way to us quickly and I motion for him to get in the front seat. He looks worriedly at Ana who is sobbing loudly and yelling about how worthless she is. I'm not too sure what she's saying exactly as I can only make out a few words here and there.

"Take us home Taylor, now." I don't give a flying fuck right now what anyone thinks, Ana is having some kind of a breakdown and I'm taking her to the one person who I trust and who is qualified to deal with this.

A little while later Ana is lying against me, she's no longer communicating at all now as she cries silently into my chest. I was afraid this was coming for a while. The signs were there, some may put it down to pregnancy hormones but the simple fact of the matter is Ana has never properly dealt with the issues from her past. I think the way I have treated her this last week has forced her to face things all at once, things she wasn't ready for. I will never forgive myself for doing this to her.

I pull out my phone and dial Flynn. I talk to him quietly for a few minutes letting him know I am on my way back to Seattle right now with Ana and we need to see him at Escala the moment we get home. He agrees to meet us there, if he hears Ana's quiet sniffling he doesn't comment on it. I get Taylor to call Ray as I don't think arguing with him in front of Ana is a good idea right now.

Ana eventually cries herself to sleep on the long drive back, which I am grateful for as she is exhausted. I kiss her hair, repeatedly telling her I love her and I am going to fix this, fix us.

Flynn is waiting in the garage of Escala and gets out of his car to meet us as we drive in. Ana wakes groggily when the car stops. She looks around and I'm worried when she doesn't react at all to her surroundings.

"Baby?" I ask gently and she turns tired weary eyes to me but doesn't answer. "I have someone I want you to meet ok?"

**A/N Aw poor Ana.**

**Please review x**


	46. Chapter 46

**A/N You have all been spoiled the last few days with updates. I'm afraid there won't be another chapter after this one until at least Sunday so make the most of it!**

**Once again thank you for all the reviews. Each and every one is read and appreciated xxx**

**Ana POV**

**I wake up in the car to Christian** speaking softly to me, worried no doubt that I will freak out again. Well he can rest assured that won't happen, not while I'm so exhausted. I'm too tired mentally, physically...emotionally.

'Baby, I have someone I want you to meet, ok?" he says quietly.

I shake my head, "I'm tired," I say wearily and I am sure I look a fright after the day I've had but I couldn't care less right now.

"He just wants to speak to you for a few minutes sweetheart. It won't take long, I promise," Christian implores.

Fine. I sigh and nod my head once. "Good girl," he says softly and lifts me from the car.

"I c...can walk," I mumble.

He puts me down and once my feet are on the ground I am aware of a man coming towards us. He looks to be in his early forties, not quite as tall as Christian and his hair is starting to grey at the temples. He gives me a friendly smile and offers a hand in greeting, "good evening Ana my name is John Flynn." I look up at Christian. He called his shrink to come see me? Out of politeness I shake the doctors hand.

We make our way in silence to the apartment and I can sense them giving each other looks over the top of my head but I just don't care right now. Christian leads us all to sit in the library and I am perfectly aware he is doing this as it is where I feel most comfortable.

"Would either of you like some tea or coffee?" Christian asks as we sit down. I shake my head but John says he will have a cup of tea. Christian goes off for just a moment and comes back quickly, "Gail will bring it in shortly."

We sit in an awkward silence while we wait. John on one sofa, Christian and I together on the opposite one separated by a coffee table between us. Well, it's awkward for me anyway. Are they expecting me to talk or something? I feel like getting up and running from the room.

Gail comes in a few minutes later with tea for everyone and a plate of sandwiches. She sets the tray on the table and leaves quietly. I watch as Christian picks up the teapot and pours some hot water into a cup, quickly dunking the teabag and then sets the cup in front of me on the little coffee table. He then places a sandwich beside it and leans in to talk to me quietly. "You need to eat something Ana."

I don't answer him as I watch John make his own cup of tea. He has put the two remaining teabags into the pot and stirs it with the little teaspoon so it's really strong, then he pours two cups. He pushes one towards Christian and adds milk and sugar to his own. Christian ignores the cup in front of him, as do I.

The tension is killing me but still I don't speak. In fact it is John who breaks the silence, he puts down his cup. "Christian asked me to come speak to you this evening Ana, he says you have had a rough few days."

I stare at Christian for a moment then turn to John. "He doesn't want me anymore."

"Ana! That isn't true..." Christian splutters.

I look at him sadly, too exhausted to play this game. "Then what do you want Christian?"

"I want you Ana, I will always just want you," he pleads.

"Then...why?" I shake my head. "I'm so confused," I whisper.

"What has you confused Ana?" the good doctor asks.

"I'm pregnant. He doesn't want the babies. He wouldn't talk to me for almost a week so I did what he wanted...I left."

John raises an eyebrow, "babies?"

"I'm having twins," I explain.

"Twins," Christian says quietly to himself.

"Would you prefer to talk to me alone Ana?" John asks.

I look at Christian who is trying his hardest to make me think my decision doesn't matter to him as he sits rigidly with his hands clasped in front of him, but I know different. He wants to stay, wants to hear what I have to say to the shrink.

"Christian can stay. I don't care. I don't keep any secrets from him."

"Okay, but if you change your mind you only have to say the word Ana," he assures me. "Now, Christian contacted me today because you got upset. Would you like to tell me what happened?"

I sigh, "I ruined everything."

"Did Christian say that?"

"No. He didn't say anything at all. He didn't have to though because I know it's true."

"What makes you think everything is ruined Ana?"

"Christian wouldn't talk to me because I messed up by getting pregnant."

"It came as a shock, I was angry," Christian cuts in.

John gives Christian a look, "last time I checked, it took two people to make a baby."

"No, it was my fault. I was on the p...pill but I didn't know you had to start it at a certain time of the month or the first month doesn't work. I didn't know, because I'm stupid."

"Ana, baby you are not stupid." I look up at Christians worried face.

"Yes I am," I say wearily, "I have been told often enough, this mistake just proves them right."

"Who are 'they'" John enquires gently.

Shit I shouldn't have said that. "My mother and s...stepfather," I shudder when I think of Stephen.

"Are you still in contact with them?"

I rub my hands over my face. I don't want to talk about any of this. This is a topic the doctor will most definitely want to delve into and I just cant do it right now. As it is my feet are tapping against the wood floor with the need to run. I look towards the door, would they stop me if I just get up and leave?

"Perhaps we can talk about that another time," John backs off and I'm glad. I don't want to talk anymore.

He then turns his attention to Christian, "is there anything else you would like to add Christian?"

Christian speaks to the doctor but is looking at me. "I just want her to know how sorry I am. I fucked up this last week." He turns to John, "I was angry, so fucking angry...but not at Ana." This gets my attention. If he wasn't angry with me then why put up that wall of silence? Why shut me out the way he did?

"Who was your anger directed towards Christian?" John asks the question as if he already knows the answer.

"Myself. I was angry with myself over the way I reacted to Ana telling me she was pregnant." He looks at me again, "I frightened you, I never want you to be afraid of me baby, it killed me to see fear in your eyes."

"You wouldn't hurt m...me," I murmur as I try to process what he is saying. He wasn't angry with me?

"Never, not physically. And never on purpose sweetheart. But I did hurt you with my actions and I'm sorry, I am so fucking sorry, please say you'll forgive me," he begs.

"B...but it's my f..."

"Stop saying that! Jesus every time you say it's your fault it just makes me feel even more like a shit," he pleads.

I bite my lip hoping it will keep my tears at bay, "but you don't want children," I say slowly. "You said you don't want children." None of what he is saying matters if this is still the case.

"I want you," he says fiercely.

"I don't want them to ever feel the way I did Christian. I don't want them to feel unwanted, unloved." I hiccup a small sob.

"Neither do I," he whispers. "We can be better parents than the ones we had Ana, we got the perfect example of what not to be."

I want to believe he is being sincere but I can't help wondering if Christian is just saying what I need to hear. I bite my lip. My befuddled brain is too tired and agitated to make sense of this mess right now. I need time to process.

John realising this cuts in. "Okay, I think we can leave it there for tonight. It's getting late and I'm sure you are both tired from the day. But I think Ana, it will do you good to start your regular appointments as scheduled from next week, okay?" I nod as he gets up to leave.

I wait in the library as Christian walks the doctor to the elevator. When he comes back he doesn't hesitate to pull me into his arms. "I know you are tired honey, but you really need to eat something before you go to bed."

I'm not hungry but I know he's right so I silently pick up a sandwich and nibble on it. Christian wolfs down two sandwiches while I slowly eat one.

"Do you want to go to bed?" he asks once we are done.

I nod, "yes, but I need a shower first." I feel icky after the hospital.

Christian takes my hand and leads me into the shower where he lovingly washes every inch of my tired body. He then quickly washes himself and dries both off us off. Wrapped in a warm towel he dries my hair with the blow drier as I sit on the bed.

This isn't the first time Christian has looked after me this way. He does this when I am particularly upset over something. He knows how much it soothes me when he takes care of me like this. Even now when things aren't perfect between us I still need him, so much.

Tonight when we get under the covers he doesn't hesitate to pull me against him. We don't mention the babies or what we are going to do now. But I feel better when he plays with my hair absent-mindedly. We have a lot to discuss still and I'm sure the next few days won't be easy, but right now I am too tired to talk about anything.

When I wake the room is in darkness. I have to yank myself out of Christians arms as carefully as I can but I'm in a hurry as I run down the hall in the almost pitch black darkness. Flicking on the light I only just make it to the toilet before I vomit. I knew I shouldn't have eaten that sandwich before bed.

My head is still halfway in the toilet bowl, my sweaty palms gripping the edges, when I hear movement behind me. I know without looking it's Christian. I must have woken him when I pulled away from him.

He kneels beside me and holds the hair back from my face "What's wrong baby?" he sounds worried.

"Morning sickness," I mutter into the bowl.

"But it's two am," he argues.

"I get my morning sickness in the middle of the night."

"This isn't the first time?" I shake my head as I feel the dry heaves coming. This is disgusting. "Go away," I push at him weakly, "you don't have to see this."

He ignores me. "How often?" he asks when I finally sit back onto the cold tiled floor, shivering from both the cold and the after effects of being sick.

"Nearly every night for the last week," I sigh.

"Why didn't you tell me!" I just stare at him. Is he serious right now?

He grumbles as he picks me up off the floor and carries me back to the en suite in our room. I brush my teeth, grateful to be rid of the horrible taste in my mouth. When I'm done Christian carries me back to the bed, tucking us both in. "Feeling better?"

"Yes," I say through a yawn.

"We are going to see my mother tomorrow," he says against my hair.

"We are?" tomorrow is Sunday. "Did she invite us for dinner?"

Christian snorts, "we don't need an invite to call to my parents Ana. But no, my mom has rung me a few times this week and I've been ignoring her calls. I have a feeling she is going to rip me a new one when she finds out how I've behaved this week."

"Oh. Well we can just explain..." I start to reason but Christian stops me.

"Honey, there isn't an excuse in the world my mother is going to accept for the way I acted this week. Don't worry about it. Once she's done with me I want her to check you over. I'm a bit worried about what that doctor said today."

"Worried? What did he say," I wasn't paying much attention to be honest.

"He mentioned pregnancy with diabetes can be high risk, I just want to know what we are dealing with here so we can get the best care possible." He kisses the back of my neck, "it'll be fine baby."

"Okay." I wonder if Christian is worried at all about the babies or if he is only thinking of me. I know he loves me, but if he can't love our babies then that isn't enough. I'm worried he only told me what I wanted to hear today because I was sick and upset.

I try to fall asleep again but no matter how tired I am I can't switch my brain off. Christian has his arms around me and I know he is awake too, he must be able to feel how tense I am.

"Do you want them at all?" I whisper into the dark room.

He sighs and my heart clenches in fear. Fear that I could still lose everything. "Its not that simple Ana," he starts hesitantly, "I just can't picture myself being a good father."

This surprises me. Christian would make a wonderful father. "Why do you say that?"

Christian rolls onto his back away from me and I just know he is pulling at his hair even though I can't see him, "Ana, I know nothing about raising kids. I know I said we have an example in our parents of what not to be but...but what if I'm like her." Once again I hear the fear in Christians voice of not being enough. I sigh, what a pair we make.

"And I do? You don't think I'm petrified of making mistakes and ruining their childhood? That I could do the wrong thing and scar them emotionally for life?" I pause for a moment and think, then whisper my biggest fear, "how can I possibly raise well adjusted confidant children when I am the exact opposite of that?"

Christian rolls back over and pulls me close tucking my head under his chin. "You will be a wonderful mother Ana. Never doubt that. You are the most caring, loving person I've met aside from Grace."

Tears start to leak out at his words. "I don't think I could do it on my own," I almost whimper.

His arms tighten around me. "Never baby. You'll never be alone again."

"You didn't answer my question," I murmur.

"What question?"

I hesitate but I truly need to know. "Do you want them?"

"Of course I want them sweetheart. I just...I'm terrified of fucking them up," he whispers.

"You won't," I say quickly. "Christian, you say I am loving and caring but do you see yourself at all?" I don't wait for his answer, "you have done nothing but look after me since the day you found me."

"That's different."

"No, it's not. When you first found me you didn't know who I was but you saved me anyway. These babies will be a part of you Christian. You will love them from the second you see them." I say, silently imploring him to believe me...to believe in himself.

"I..I think I love them already Ana," he says hesitant and my heart soars.

"Of course you love them, they are your babies," my voice breaks as I say this.

He pulls me closer, "our babies."

"Yes," I sniffle. "Our babies."

"God baby I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt you the way I did," he says yet again.

"Its okay, but you can't do that again Christian. You have to talk to me."

"I know. I will I promise."

Just as I'm feeling comfortable enough to sleep Christian sits up suddenly and flips on the bedside light and jumps out of the bed.

"What are you doing," I ask as I squint in the sudden brightness. He doesn't answer but I hear him in our bathroom rustling around with his clothes. He comes back in with something clenched in his fist and kneels at my bedside.

Wordlessly he takes my hand and tears spring to my eyes when I see he has my engagement ring in his hand. He gently puts the ring back in its rightful place.

His determined gaze meets my tearful one. "This is never coming off again," he says fiercely. "You. Are. Mine." He almost growls.

I nod as my tears flow freely, "yes," I mumble.

He reaches up and wipes my tears, "go more crying baby. It kills me when you cry."

"S...sorry," I whisper.

Christian groans and leans up to kiss me. I wrap my arms around him and pull him up onto the bed with me. "Love me Christian, I need you." I need him to make me his right now. I need to heal us with our closeness.

"Yes baby," he pants as he tears off my t-shirt.

And as Christian enters me and we make love I know that no matter how tough the road ahead, we will be okay. As long as we are together everything will be okay.

**A/N Some of you may think Ana forgave Christian too quickly and maybe I could have dragged this angst on for a while but this just felt right. I think that Ana would forgive him easily if she knew he was sincerely sorry.**

**Please review x**


	47. Chapter 47

**A/N Sorry, sorry, sorry I know I broke my update promise and I have no excuse only I have been really busy this last week. Sorry for any mistakes, I haven't gotten to read this over as many times as I usually would.**

**The reviews I am getting lately are amazing and it makes me so happy that so many of you really get what I am trying to say. I set out to write a story of two broken souls who heal each other with their love. I didn't know if I could do it justice but reading all you have taken the time to write in your reviews I can see that maybe I'm not so far off the mark after all.**

**Please keep reviewing and PM'ing and telling me what you are thinking as it honestly inspires me to work harder and make each chapter as good as it can possible be.**

**Thank you, and again, I am sorry this is later than I promised xxx**

**ANA POV**

"**How are you feeling? You okay?"** Christian asks me for at least the fifth time since we got up this morning.

"Yes Christian, I'm absolutely fine," I humour him…again.

Christian looks at me doubtfully. "Are you sure? You would tell me if you were feeling sick again, right?" he frets.

I reach across to him where we sit in the back of the SUV, on our way to his parents', and thread my fingers with his. He squeezes them gently. "It's just a little high blood sugar Christian, I'm fine. Really"

When I woke this morning I didn't feel so good and I jumped out of bed too quickly trying to make it to the bathroom. Realising immediately what a bad move this was, I stumbled and barely caught myself on the bedside locker before I fell. It was only a little dizziness…and a lot of clumsiness, but Christian being Christian he almost lost his mind with worry. I didn't end up being sick as it was a false alarm so he made me get back into bed and took my sugar levels. They were higher than they should be first thing in the morning and he has been mothering me ever since.

Of course once I convinced him I wasn't going to die we made love again, slow and sweet, Christian moving so slowly and being so careful with me, as if I would break. The result was a build-up of emotions that exploded in an epic orgasm. I swear I can still feel the after effects of it as I sit here now.

I am brought back from my pleasant daydream to Christian frowning as if he doesn't quite believe me. "Nevertheless, I will feel much better once my mother checks you over," he soothes himself.

We are met at the front door of Belleview by Christian's parents. "Oh honey, it is so good to see you," his Mom gushes as she embraces me warmly. Carrick is smiling at me from over her shoulder in a way that tells me Grace has spilled the beans about our pregnancy. I shyly smile back at him.

"Congratulations kids," he says happily as he raises the tumbler of dark liquid in his hand in salute. Once Grace lets go of me he moves in for a hug of his own.

I see Grace giving Christian a cool look out of the corner of her eye before turning on her heal and leading us with a wave toward the living room. Carrick gives him a cheeky grin and slides his thumb across his throat in a 'you're dead' gesture before following her in. Oh Boy.

I look at Christian who smiles ruefully before taking my hand and pulling me along behind him. "Here we go," he mutters.

"Ana, darling, would you care for something to drink before dinner?" Grace asks as we enter.

I shake my head at the same time as Christian says, "she will have some lemon water."

Grace once again turns her cool gaze on Christian, "I don't believe I was addressing you, Christian." He rolls his eyes.

"Don't roll your eyes at me young man," she scolds. "Actually I would like to speak with you in private, mister."

Christian looks suitably chastened, "yes mom."

"We will be back shortly sweetheart," Grace smiles as she starts to lead Christian from the room.

I fidget uncomfortably, it doesn't feel right her blaming Christian for something that was my fault. "Don't be mad at Christian Grace, it was my f…fault," I say nervously. "He had every right to…"

"No Ana," Christian interrupts me, "Mom's right, this one is all on me." He comes back and kisses my forehead softly, "I love you," he whispers against my skin before turning and leaving with his mother. Carrick wisely doesn't get involved but hands me a glass of lemon water while I wait anxiously for them to return.

What is she saying to him? I hope she isn't too hard on him. My stomach is in a knot as I anticipate raised voices and slamming doors. Isn't that what happens in these types of confrontations? People lose their tempers and say awful things. I half expect Christian to come storming in here, demanding we leave straight away if his mother chastises him too harshly. God, I feel sick.

"Ana, you look pale, are you alright?" Carrick asks worriedly.

"I'm okay," I croak through the lump forming in my throat.

Carrick takes my elbow and leads me to a nearby chair and sits with me. "Come now, this isn't the first time Christian has been in trouble with his mother, or me for that matter."

"It's not?"

Carrick laughs heartily, startling me. "God no. Barely a week went by when he was a teenager when he wasn't grounded over one thing or another. That boy was a handful," he says ruefully.

"So they aren't…arguing?" I wince as I say this.

He shakes his head and grins, "Right now Grace is chewing his ear while Christian allows her to vent her frustration at him. Silently, if he knows what's good for him."

I fiddle with the glass of water still in my hands. "I just worry…I don't like f…fighting," I mumble.

Carrick pats my arm gently, "they aren't fighting honey," he says as I hear a door open out in the hallway.

I put my glass on the low table in front of me and hop up, unable to stay seated despite Carrick's reassurance. Christian enters the room looking a little sheepish with his mother on his heels. She claps her hands, "alright, everyone else will be here shortly and we can have dinner. Ana would you like to help me in the kitchen."

And that's it. Just like that nothing more is said on the matter and my moment of nausea passes.

Everyone did arrive soon after and dinner was delicious. There was no tension at all which was surprising for me. When Stephen and my mother fought the atmosphere would last for days and I would have been on tenterhooks waiting for the inevitable backlash as it always ended up somehow being my fault.

We are sitting together in the family room, Elliott complaining that he feels sick. "Mom I think there was something off with that fish," he groans while holding his stomach.

Kate scoffs, "maybe it had something to do with the three helping you had…not to mention the two slices of pie."

"Everyone else seems to be fine Elliott," Mia observes.

"But I have a delicate stomach," he whines, "I am very sensitive to the slightest thing."

This time it's Christian who laughs, "like the time you ate that five day old pizza out of your fridge on a dare and were sick for a week?"

"Oh man, don't remind me," he groans then mutters "fuckin anchovies."

Grace looks shocked, "you ate a five day old pizza? Elliott Grey that is disgusting!"

"But it was a dare," he protests as if this should make perfect sense to his mother.

Grace just shakes her head at him and turns to me. "Ana dear could you come with me a moment I need your advice on something?" She looks at me pointedly and I know she wants to discuss the baby so I nod and stand to follow her as she makes to leave.

"But Mooom," Elliot cries, "I could be dying here." She just rolls her eyes at her eldest sons' dramatics and takes my hand, leading me away. I don't need to look behind me to see Christian has followed us as we enter Carrick's study. He won't need it today judging by the happy smile he is sporting after drinking a few more glasses of brandy with Elliott and Ethan. Elliott has already asked him twice why he looks so happy but Carrick just grinned and said nothing. He may not be allowed to tell anyone about being a grandfather yet but he has obviously decided to start celebrating anyway.

We will tell them soon but Christian and I decided on the way over here to keep it to ourselves as much as possible for now, at least until I am further along. Christian doesn't want the chance of someone letting it slip and bringing the press to hound us for information. He doesn't trust Mia not to 'blab' to her friends. His words, not mine.

"How are you feeling dear?" Grace asks as soon as the door is shut.

"She has been sick non-stop and passed out from high blood sugar this morning," Christian answers for me.

"Oh, dear." Grace says this at the same time as I say, "Christian! I did not."

I turn to her, "take no notice Grace, he is over-reacting." Christian huffs in annoyance.

"I'm afraid I cannot ignore this Ana, these are very real concerns with a high risk pregnancy such as this," she says softly.

My breath leaves me in a rush. High risk? Is there something wrong with my babies? Why didn't she tell me before? My arms wrap around my middle as if I can protect them from the outside. Even as I say nothing in my panic I feel Christian's arms come around me as he starts firing questions at his mother.

"What the fuck do you mean high risk? Why did no one mention this before now? Should we be at the hospital?" Christian turns and half carries, half pulls me towards the door, "get your coat Ana, were going to the hospital."

"Wait, wait, wait." I hear Grace's hurried footsteps behind us.

Christian whirls around, the movement turning my already delicate stomach. _Oh, this is all I need right now_, I think to myself. "Why didn't you say something sooner?" he sounds hurt and angry.

"Oh sweetheart I thought Ana already knew." They both look at me and I shake my head, still feeling too sick to talk.

"I sent Ana to our in house gynaecologist to check her out when we discovered the pregnancy. I sent all of her notes too, stressing Ana's diabetes." Grace rings her hands, "I thought she would have more details than I would to share with you Ana as she is the specialist. I'm so sorry honey," she looks close to tears.

I wiggle out of Christians hold and go to hug her, Grace hugs me so often when I am down I can't help but try to comfort her when she feels so bad, especially when this isn't her fault. She hugs me back tightly, "its okay Grace, I'm not mad." I pull back, "we'll figure it out okay?"

"What are we talking about here?" Christian interrupts as he runs his hands through his hair. "Is Ana in danger? What about the babies?"

Grace gestures for us all to take a seat. She and I sit beside each other in the twin chairs in front of Carrick's large mahogany Deck while Christian, obviously unable to sit, simply leans up against the edge in front of us.

"It's hard to say," Grace starts and I silence Christian with a sharp look when I see him about to retort. "Every pregnancy like this is different. Some go perfectly normally while others…like I said there can be complications.

"Like what?" I whisper, hating the thought there could be something wrong with them.

"Well, you should start taking folic acid straight away, and we will need to set you up with a specialist as soon as is possible." She pauses and takes a deep breath, "now I want you to understand that with proper monitoring the chances of complications are greatly reduced…"

"Just tell us mom," Christian sounds as terrified as I feel.

"You need to get used to checking your glucose levels multiple times a day Ana."

"I already do," I frown.

Grace smiles gently, "nowhere near enough I'm afraid. I am talking a minimum of eight to ten times a day for the duration of your pregnancy," she pauses while I let that sink in. Jesus, I will be like a pin cushion. "Also judging by the fact that your blood sugar is already rising you need to be aware that hypoglycaemia may be a real issue for you."

Chancing a peek at Christian, I see his mouth is in a stern line as he listens intently to what his mother is saying. But Grace is only getting started. I spend the next twenty minutes listening to her tell us about macrosomia, congenital malformations, pre-eclampsia and the more than likely probability that I will have to have an elective C-section. Grace speaks quietly but firmly, just as a doctor should, but I am aware of a slow panic creeping into my system.

I don't think I can do this.

I look to Christian again who seems to mirror my thoughts. "What do we do?" he chokes.

Grace sighs, "see? This is what I didn't want. To cause panic," she eyes Christian, "the worst thing for Ana right now is stress."

Christian, immediately understanding her meaning, comes to me and pulls me up out of the chair where I sit wringing my hands. He kisses my forehead gently and wraps his strong arms around me, it's comforting despite the gnawing worry in my gut. "Don't worry Ana, I will get you the best doctors I can find."

"But.." I start but he cuts me off.

"No buts Ana. I will look after you and our babies, all you have to do is relax and let me." His look is both pleading and stern.

"Okay," I whisper and feel his body relax against me, causing me to calm in return.

And I know it's true. Christian will do everything and anything in his power to take care of me, because he loves me. I push away the tiny little voice that asks if he is doing this just for me or if he genuinely cares what happens to our babies. Does he love them too? Or is he only telling me what I need to hear? I am too afraid to acknowledge the niggling question and so I push the thought away and wrap my arms around Christian and cling to him, to his strength.

**A/N I know people won't like Ana doubting Christian but I think being realistic given the last couple of days and his reaction, even after they have made up, it may take a little time for her to trust him completely again. Even if she is unable able to admit that fact to herself.**


	48. Chapter 48

**A****/N Most of my reviewers have said they love a hovering, worried Christian. Well prepare yourselves…there's lots more where that came from. I noticed how over-protective he was in the book with Ana even before he had anything to worry about. I thought it might be interesting if I gave him a reason to freak out and see how he reacts. **

**Christian POV**

**I hold Ana's hand tightly in mine as **Taylor drives us away from Belleview, I don't want to let her go. If I could wrap my body around her to protect her, I would. But there is nothing I can do and so I feel useless.

She was in trouble when I met her and I knew how to fix it. Even when her mother came back I helped her through it. I know we haven't heard the last from Morton or Carla, maybe even Elena and though I don't mention it to Ana, I am monitoring the situation closely. I have cut all business ties with Elena but she hasn't made any retaliation is in jail awaiting trial along with his accomplice the former Detective Burke and Taylor's sources have made sure he isn't causing trouble from inside. All of these things I know how to deal with, I am ready for them.

But this…I know nothing about pregnancies or babies, add in the fact that because of her illness Ana or the babies may suffer and I am terrified. I am lost. Looking over I see Ana biting her lip and staring out the window. She is gripping my hand just as hard as I am hers. She is as scared as I am, maybe more so. She was fine, if a little overwhelmed, leaving my parents but the further away we get the more withdrawn she seems to become.

I need to find a way to make this okay. She can't use all of her energy worrying for the duration of her pregnancy, that won't help her or our children's health. She should leave all the fretting to me. I lift her hand and kiss her fingers gently. She startles a little as if her mind has been miles away, probably deep in worry, and offers me a small smile.

"It will all be okay love, I promise" and I mean it. I would kill myself with the effort to keep this promise.

"You don't know that," she whispers and her lower lip trembles a little.

"What were you thinking," I ask as I stroke the back of her fingers with my thumb.

She takes a breath, "I um, I was thinking that I know you will do everything you can for me. Get every doctor and specialist you can find to protect us," she lays a hand on her middle as she says this, "but at the end of the day…." She trails off. After waiting a few moments its clear she isn't going to say any more without prompting.

"What is it Ana? Tell me so I can fix it" I plead.

"You can't," she croaks.

"Tell me," I soften my demand with a soft squeeze to the hand I am holding.

She takes a deep breath. "No matter what the doctors say, no matter how much you spend on specialists, _I _am the one who has to carry these babies. _I _am the one they are relying on to keep them safe."

"And I will be there with you baby, don't panic…"

She huffs and pulls her hand out of mine, "No Christian, you're not getting it. _I_ am _not_ strong enough."

Shit now she's crying, I hate it when she cries. "Of course you Ana, you're the strongest person I've ever met," I say sincerely. I have told her this many times.

She snorts and swipes at her tears. "No, I'm not. I am barely a few weeks along and my body is already betraying me. Something will go wrong and it will be all my fault."

Fuck. All I want to do is pull her over to me but we are in the car and I can't take the chance of her being hurt if we were in an accident. But as I look out the window I realise we are just pulling into the garage at Escala. Once Taylor has parked I jumped out and round the car to her side. Reaching in I unbuckle Ana and pull her from the seat straight into my arms. Silently I carry her to the elevator and up to our apartment, she says nothing the whole way, only her small sniffles give away the fact that she is still crying.

Once in the apartment I head straight for our room. I sit her on the edge of the bed and kneel in front of her. She is looking at her fingers clasped in her lap so I tilt her chin up with my fingers and wipe away her tears. My heart clenches at the fear I see there. "Listen to me baby," I implore her. "Everything will be okay, worrying about what might not even happen will do nothing but make you ill."

"But what if..."

"No. I refuse to let anything happen to you, or our children," I finish softly and place my palm gently on her stomach. "Those things my mother said were frightening, yes, but she also said those were extreme cases and as long as we are careful and follow all of the doctors orders the chances of anything going wrong are minimal."

She takes a deep breath and let's it out slowly. "Okay." I know she will continue to doubt herself but for now I don't push the issue. The relief I feel is palpable, "thank you sweetheart." I lean up and kiss her softly. "Are you hungry?"

"A little, I guess. I need to check my levels and take my shot first though."

"Alright, you do that and I'll go put something together." Standing to leave I stop and turn when I hear her snicker. "What's so funny?"

"You," she giggles again, "you can't cook."

Putting my hand over my heart I stumble back dramatically, grinning when she laughs again, "you wound me," I gasp. I wag a finger at her, "I'll have you know I can use a microwave like no other." I leave the room delighted with the sound of laughter behind me. Is there any better sound in the world than Ana's sweet giggling?

If it kills me I won't let her know how petrified I am about the dangers of this pregnancy. I go through my options as I pull a container of food from the fridge left by Gail. I'm not even hungry after dinner at my parents but Ana is and I won't let her eat alone.

As soon as I am able I am going to research every available piece of information I can get a hold of. I uncover the dish and smile when I see the mac and cheese inside, hmm maybe I am hungry after all. I make a mental note to find the best gynaecologist in Seattle as I watch the food rotate in the microwave.

"Mmm that smells fantastic," Ana says as she wraps her arms around me from behind. I'm glad she seems to have gotten over her moment of panic. Her moods are a little erratic today but I don't mention it as my mother warned me about it earlier when she was chewing me out.

I look down at her over my shoulder, "Mac and cheese," I smirk.

"You're favourite."

"Yep."

Ana sets our places at the breakfast bar while I spoon the food into bowls, careful not to burn myself...that shit hurts.

We eat in companionable silence, the food is delicious. Once we are done Ana suggests we curl up and watch a movie. I agree easily, not giving a shit about the movie but loving the feel of her pressed against me on the couch.

"How about we watch a horror?" I tease as she stands in front of the cd case. She looks cute as fuck in her short pyjama bottoms and tank top, one hand cocked on her hip and chewing on her thumb while she decides. She turns and mock glares at me, obviously remembering the 'Saw' fiasco and how she clung to me in fear. Fuck, she's beautiful.

She reaches out and plucks one from the shelf, "this one."

She pops it in and curls up beside me covering us with a fleece blanket she brought from the library. I groan when the starting sequence of 'The Notebook' comes on the screen.

She smacks my chest, "stop it."

I do as I'm told and suffer through the movie for her. She coos and laughs and cries, her little noises making me hard. But I don't act on it as I know she needs a bit of taking care of after the emotions of today. It's not her fault I'm such a horny bastard.

I startle when I feel her small hand venture under the blanket and her fingers slide around my hard shaft through my sweats. "What do we have here?" she asks and pumps my cock once. I hiss.

"Jesus," I gasp when she slips her wandering hand inside my underwear and grasps me again, harder this time causing my hips to buck off the couch.

I look down at her to see her biting her lip as she works my cock with her nimble little fingers. The blanket has fallen away, she has pulled my sweats down and we both watch her working me over. It's hot as hell.

"The movie," I manage to say.

Ana gets up on her knees and whispers in my ear, "I've seen it before." Then she lowers her head down towards my exposed and aching erection.

**It's early when I wake, **Ana is still sleeping soundly beside me. I'm not surprised after our late night, she woke up twice to be sick. I am wrapped around her as usual but she doesn't stir as I carefully pull away and leave the bed. She looks so adorable with her hair wild around the pillow and a small line of drool at the side of her mouth. I grin and shake my head.

Taylor is already in the security office when I enter. "Sir," he greets me with a nod.

"Good morning Taylor. Did you research what we spoke about yesterday?" I pulled him aside before we left my parents yesterday and told him to find the best gynaecologist he could, preferably one who specialises in woman with diabetes.

He nods again, "yes Mr Grey. Dr Porter is reputed as not only the best gynaecologist in Seattle, but on the entire West Coast. Also she specialises in high risk pregnancies such as Ms Steele's." He hands me a thick file on Dr Porter. I am impressed he has gotten me so much information on so little notice. Also I'm glad this doctor is a woman. I don't want a man touching Ana.

"This is excellent Taylor, thank you." Taylor seems shocked at my gratitude but hides it quickly. I guess I may have been a bit nicer lately, whatever. "I will be staying home today," I say and leave the office.

Sitting in my home office with a fresh coffee I flip through the file. I have to admit her work and research is impressive and she has had great results with diabetic pregnancies. I pull out my phone and dial her number. It's a little after eight thirty so I am sure she is up.

"Hello?" she answers after the second ring.

"Good morning Dr Porter. This is Christian Grey."

"Do I know you?" she asks.

"Not yet, but my fiancé is pregnant and in need of..."

She interrupts me, "I am sorry Mr...Grey was it? All appointments must be booked through my office. You will find the number in your local directory or on our official website."

"I am afraid that won't be acceptable," I say calmly. "My girlfriend is diabetic you see and..."

She cuts me off again and now I'm pissed. "I am sorry to hear that Sir, but you really need to ring our office number. I will be honest however and tell you that as we are extremely busy you may not deal with me personally. I have a very capable staff who can see to your fiancés needs."

Well that's not happening. "How much?"

"I beg your pardon?"

"How much to see you as our doctor...today."

There is silence on the other end of the phone, then "how did you get my personal cell number? Wait, did you say your name was Christian Grey...as in _the _Christian Grey"

I choose to only answer her first question. "I have my ways. Listen doctor, I have been told that you are the best gynaecologist in town, my fiancé is diabetic and pregnant with twins. I am a _very _rich man and am willing to pay whatever it takes to get her to see the best. Now, is that you...or not?"

Three hours later Ana and I pull up outside the offices of Doctor Olivia Porter. If Ana was surprised getting an appointment at such short notice she didn't say anything. Then again, I didn't see the need to fill her in on all the gory details. Taking her hand I lead her inside. "Ms Steele," I say to the receptionist.

Her eyes widen a little and she flushes. I roll my eyes. "Just go straight through, second door on the left."

We sit in the office for a few moments before Dr Porter joins us. She looks to be in her mid forties with short blond hair and is dressed well in what looks like an expensive suit. She offers Ana a genuine smile and I relax.

"Your fiancée is a determined man, Miss Steele."

"Huh?" Ana sounds confused.

Realising Ana knows nothing about our earlier conversation she waves off her statement with a smile. "So, I believe congratulations are in order..."

For the next half hour the doctor goes through every scenario that could occur with this pregnancy, in each case stressing the low possibility of them happening, and what could be done if they do. Once she is done we have a plan on how best to proceed and a list as long as my arm with instructions on how to care for Ana. It eases my mind now knowing what I can do to help her, I no longer feel like I am floundering.

"Excellent," she stands and motions to a door, a different door than the one we entered. "Shall we see how the little ones are getting on?" she opens the door and I peer into the room and see a bed with an ultrasound machine beside it.

"What? Now?" I blurt out. I have never seen an ultrasound being performed before and I don't know what to expect. Ana stands silently and leads me into the room.

"I'll give you a few moments to prepare Ana," she says and closes the door behind us. Prepare? Ana immediately starts stripping. "What the hell are you doing?" I ask and she rolls her eyes and picks up one of those paper gowns that's all open in the back. She puts it on and climbs up on the narrow bed. I quickly cover her with the light blanket.

"Calm down Christian Dr Porter needs to be able to examine me." I stand on the far side of the bed and hold her hand.

The doctor comes in and moves around the blankets and Ana's gown so her stomach is bared. Ana inhales sharply when she squirts some gooey shit on her. "Sorry it's a little cold," she apologises. I give her a dirty look. "Okay, let's see how these little ones are coming along," she says and presses a wand thing against Ana's stomach and moves it around.

For a moment there's a weighted silence, I'm still not sure what to expect. Then the doctor pulls our attention to the screen.

"There...and there," she says and freezes the screen.

"Where?" Am I missing something here? I can't see shit.

She points to two tiny bubble things on the screen. "Those are your babies Mr Grey. Let me just turn on the audio," she presses a button on the screen and both Ana and I gasp.

The room is suddenly full of the sound of rapid little pulses. "Is that...is that..." I can't finish my question. I look down and Ana has the hand I'm not holding pressed over her mouth with tears streaming down her face.

"Yes, that is the sound of your babies heartbeats, good and strong too I might add," the doctor smiles.

I am overwhelmed. The sound of those tiny little hearts beating so fast does something to me. Before, the thought of being a father was in the abstract. I knew they were coming but it still wasn't real to me. For Ana the knowledge of becoming a mother was instant the moment she found out she was pregnant. But all I felt was fear.

I am still afraid. I'm afraid I will fuck them up somehow and I will need Ana to help me try to be a good father. But hearing them like this? It's all suddenly so real and I feel a connection to them that I didn't before. I feel _love _for them, and so God damn protective it is almost too much. I know I will do everything and anything in my power to keep them safe and let them know they are loved. Just like their mother.

I lean down and kiss Ana's smiling lips, "thank you baby." I manage to choke and it is only then I realise that I am crying. I look up and see the doctor has left to give us some privacy. I lean down and kiss Ana again.

I am going to be a father. A dad. And I suddenly can't wait for them to be here.

**A/N I worked fast to try to get this chapter out to you today...even though today is my Birthday! I hope there aren't too many mistakes. **

**Please Review xxx**


	49. Chapter 49

**A****/N Thanks everyone for the reviews for the last chapter and for all the birthday wishes. I cannot believe my story has reached a thousand reviews! Thank you all so, so much xxx**

**Now, I am sure you all noticed the boo boo I made in the last few chapters. I completely forgot Ana and Christian had been told her pregnancy was high risk when she was in the hospital in Montesano. So the freak out Christian had at his parents house probably confused you. I'm sorry about that...let's just say they had temporary amnesia due to the stressful situation. That's a thing...right? (Hears Crickets)**

**This one is a bit emotional, but in a good way, I think…**

**Ana POV**

"**Christian," I giggle. "Stop**, Taylor can see us." Of course my half-hearted admonishment is ruined by the soft moan I can't stop from escaping my lips.

"Don't care," he mumbles into my neck. Christian has buckled himself into the middle seat of the SUV, something he never does, and is kissing and nibbling my neck while his hands roam all over my body.

He hasn't been able to keeps his hands off me since we left Dr Porter's office. His touches are sweet and reverent and my heart flutters every time he runs his hand over my tummy. Something changed in Christian when he heard our babies' hearts beating. I could see the transformation right before my eyes, causing my heart to swell with so much love I feared it would burst. The doubts I had before melt away with every kiss, every touch.

Once we get home we move our make out session to the large couch in the living room where Christian peppers my face with soft kisses as I straddle his lap. Pulling back, he gives me a fierce look, "I. Love. You."

My throat clamps shut hearing the emotion behind his words, he really means it. "I know," I whisper with tears swimming in my eyes.

He runs gentle fingertips down my cheek, "I'm going to take care of you."

This time I can only mouth the words, my constricted throat unable to allow any sound out. "I know."

Christians hand drops to my tummy, hovering over the two tiny little lives encased there in my womb. He swallows visibly. "I want to take care of them too," he whispers and this time I say nothing as the threatening tears spill over. "But…" he hesitates as he stares at his large hand against my middle.

I dip my head down slightly to the side so I can see the expression he is trying to hide from me, he looks afraid. "What is it?"

He licks his lips hesitantly. "Ana, I…I love them, I feel it now." My heart leaps as his pleading eyes mean mine. "But it terrifies me. I don't how to be a father…what if I fuck it up? What if I fuck _them _up?"

I throw my arms around his neck and hug him as close to me as I can. My poor, damaged love. "You could never do that Christian. You will be an amazing father, I just know it."

"Will you help me?" he mumbles against my chest where his face is now buried.

I pull back so I don't smother him, not that he was complaining, "Of course. You will have to help me too, you know. And we have your parents and my Dad. Even Mia and your crazy brother will be involved," I pause to take a deep breath. "They will have a _family_ Christian, an entire family that loves them."

I wipe away another traitorous tear, jeez I'm so emotional today. "They will never be like us. Never be…hurt like we were."

Christian hugs me closer to him again, banding his arms around my back. "_Never,_" he says emphatically. "I would die before I let that happen. I would kill anyone who tried."

"It won't," I assure him. "I am not my mother and you are not yours, we are better people than that. Through whatever circumstances they were faced with they chose to be what they were. Maybe in time we may be able to forgive them, but we will never forget, and we will never become them."

Wordlessly Christian stands up off the couch with me still wrapped around him and heads down the hall to our bedroom. "What are you doing?"

He stops just inside the bedroom door, kicks it shut behind him with his foot and kisses me breathless, then he lays his forehead against mine. "You hardly thought after saying all of those things to me I wasn't going to be able to _not _make love to you, did you? I need you Ana, I need to show you how much I love you with my body because my words aren't enough and will not do it justice."

I melt into him, "yes, show me," I say quietly against his open mouth. And he does, for hours.

**I awake to the sound of **Christian speaking quietly. Is he on the phone? I'm too tired to open my eyes. After we made love I was exhausted, multiple orgasms will do that to a girl, and I fell into a deep sleep.

I manage to persuade one eye to open and see on the bedside clock that it is just after six pm, I was asleep for over an hour. Hearing Christians' quiet voice again I look over to see him speaking…to my stomach. I stifle a gasp when I realise he is talking to the babies.

"…and you have to behave yourselves for your Mommy," he says, "but we can talk more about that when you get here. For now you have to stay safe and snuggled in Mommy's tummy until you are big and strong enough to come out." He kisses my stomach softly causing a happy tear to roll down my cheek.

"You will love her," he goes on, "so much. She is the most beautiful Mommy in the world." He presses his lips against my still flat stomach again and starts to hum 'Somewhere over the rainbow'. It tickles and I can't help my giggle. His eyes fly up to see me watching him.

He turns his attention back to my stomach. "Mommy is awake, we'll pick this up later." He kisses them again and scoots up the bed. "Hi," he grins at me.

"What were you doing?" I smile.

"Me and the little guys were having a discussion," he kisses me.

"Guys?" I arch an eyebrow and he grins sheepishly shrugging, but says nothing. Hmm, looks like someone wants boys.

"They can't even hear you yet," I say.

"Really?" he frowns.

"Actually, I don't know. Do babies hear at eight weeks along?"

"Almost nine," he corrects me, "and I will be looking that up later. Are you hungry?"

My stomach answers for me and growls loudly causing us both to laugh. "Well that answers that question, here let me help you with your shot and I'm sure Mrs Jones has dinner ready by now.

The nurse at Dr Porter's took my bloods and I have to go back in two days for the results and a more detailed plan for my treatment depending on the results. For now though I just have to prick my finger every couple of hours and start taking the folic acid and other vitamins she has prescribed. Once I am all done I still have to wait about twenty minutes before I can eat so I decide to have a shower. Afterwards dressed in one of Christians t-shirts and my pyjama shorts, I follow the smell of garlic, tomatoes and basil that is now coming from the kitchen.

"That smells delicious Gail," I say as I peek into the pot of bolognese sauce bubbling away on the stove.

"It's almost ready Ana," she smiles as she throws some homemade spaghetti into a pot of boiling water.

I see she has already set our places at the bar complete with a glass of wine for Christian and water for me. There is nothing I can do to help so I perch myself on the barstool and chat away with Gail while I wait. She doesn't mention my pregnancy, even though I know she knows, so I don't either.

I am alerted to Christian's presence when I feel his lips on the back of my still damp hair. "You shouldn't be wandering around in the middle of winter with wet hair, you'll catch cold," he mutters.

"It's warm in here," I tell him, "I will dry it after I eat."

He doesn't say any more as Gail places our meal in front of us with a basket of garlic bread. "Thank you Mrs Jones." She nods and gives us our privacy.

Famished, I tear into the spaghetti using my spoon to twirl it onto my fork and stuff heaps of it into my mouth, barely managing not to burn myself. I look over to see Christian frowning at me. "What?" I mumble and reach for some garlic bread.

"I let you get too hungry," he says. "I should have made sure you ate when we got home."

"I wasn't hungry then," I say and stab a meatball with my fork.

"That's not the point. I won't forget again." I resist the urge to roll my eyes and grin to myself instead when I think he is only worried because he loves me…us, he loves us.

I look at the glass of water in front of me. I usually drink water but right now I'm not in the mood for it, I am craving something else. I glance over at Christian's wine glass.

"Don't even think about it," he warns.

I roll my eyes, "keep your knickers on that's not what I want."

I hop off the stool and go to the fridge; opening it I stand there and peruse what we have to drink. Sprite…no, iced tea…no, cranberry juice…ugh, no, milk…perfect! I grab the carton and pour myself a huge glass, grinning as I take it back to my seat. Jumping back onto the stool, I take a big swig of the ice cold creamy goodness and hum in pleasure with my eyes closed when I swallow it.

I look over when I hear Christian snicker at me, "what?"

"You have a milk moustache," he laughs.

"I do not!" I argue as I run the back of my hand over my lips.

Christian leans forwards and whispers, "you missed a spot," before licking my mouth and sucking my lip into his mouth. I whimper. He pulls back and grins knowingly at me, "finish your dinner." I stick my tongue out at him but do as I am told.

"Your father rang while you were asleep." It doesn't escape my notice that he wanted until I had eaten to tell me this.

My gut twists, Ray. With everything going on the last two days I didn't ring him. "He must be so worried," I mumble, feeling guilty. "Did he ring your cell?"

His mouth twists wryly and he takes a sip of wine. "Uh, no. He rang yours but I answered it because you were asleep."

"I can't imagine that conversation went well, considering." I bite my lip. "Did he sound angry?"

"He wasn't too impressed to hear from me, not that I can blame him, but when I told him you were asleep he was willing to speak to me. I told him you worn out," he waggles his eyebrows at me.

I swat at him, "Christian, that's my father!"

"I thought he'd chew me out, but he was so relieved you are alright he just didn't have it in him. I felt bad for the guy Ana, I apologised for how I behaved and assured him it would never happen again."

"Did he believe you?"

"He didn't say but I'm sure we will find out when he gets here this weekend."

"He's coming here?" I ask excitedly. I love when Ray comes to visit.

"Yes and I talked him into staying here with us overnight. Once I told him it would give him a better chance to see how you are doing he didn't hesitate to accept."

I lean over and kiss him, "thank you."

"No thanks necessary baby, this is your home too."

"I'll ring him tomorrow to sort out details," I say and he nods his agreement.

**The following morning **Christian wakes me to say goodbye before he heads out for work, nuzzling my cheek. I mumble a garbled 'good morning' and I hear him laugh as I roll over and go straight back to sleep. I wake a while later to my phone ringing. I pick it up. Kate.

"Hi Kate," I yawn.

"Good morning sleepy head, well for some getting to sleep in all day. I'm one jealous bitch!" she laughs.

I look over and see it is nine thirty am. "Crap, I can't believe I slept so late," I groan.

"Fuck it, I didn't get up till almost noon on Sunday," she scoffs. "Anyhoo, I just wanted to ring and ask if you want to meet Mia and myself for lunch today. She has a job interview this morning so will be already in town. What do you say?"

"Sounds good," I pull myself out of the bed. "Text me when and where and I will let Sawyer know for security."

"Okay, laters," she says cheerily before hanging up.

A few minutes later I receive her text, _Tell the mogul__s henchman__ we are meeting at Lloyds, the little bistro in Pike Place._

I laugh at her message and text her back, _Will do, see you soon x._

I send a quick text to Sawyer then ring Christian and put my cell on speaker as I sit at my vanity to prick my finger and take my shot.

"Hey baby," his warm voice comes through my phone.

"Hi Christian, I just wanted to ring and let you know I'm going for lunch with Mia and Kate. Sawyer has the details." I have realised if I don't push back on security Christian is less likely to be argumentative about me going out in public without him.

It takes him a few moments to reply. "Where are you going?" I tell him the address.

"Did you eat breakfast?"

"I only woke up, but I promise to eat something soon."

"Its only the three of you?"

"And Sawyer," I say dryly.

More silence, "Can they not come to you there?"

I roll my eyes, "I want to go meet them Christian."

"Don't roll your eyes," I bite my lip to stop the giggle, "and stop biting your lip."

I gasp, "How did you..? Never mind. I'm going for lunch, it's close by, with your sister for crying out loud and I will be perfectly safe with Sawyer there."

"I don't like it." I can hear the pout in his words.

"What could possibly happen?"

"You could trip and hit your head, or get food poisoning at that god damn bistro or..."

"Christian," I stop him from working himself into a frenzy, "I'll be fine, everything will be fine," I say calmly.

He sighs, "Okay."

"Good, I'll see you when you get home. Oh and Christian?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

"Love you too sweetheart, be careful."

**A/N Well that was as fluffy as a feather pillow! I think you deserve it as a reward for following my story and being such faithful readers and reviewers xxx**


	50. Chapter 50

**A****/N After the next few chapters are complete I am going to start skipping ahead a bit. I don't think writing about every single day of Ana's pregnancy is going to be all that interesting. I have plans for when she is a few months along but I don't want to write twenty filler chapters before I get there. The story will get boring and too long and that's the last thing I want.**

**Ana POV**

"**Three glasses of the Bollinger,"** Kate tells the waiter and turns to smile at us, "we are celebrating."

Shit. "Uh, n…not for me," I stammer awkwardly. "I'll have a cup of tea, English breakfast if you have it, bag out. Thank you." I don't make eye contact with the girls as the waiter walks away.

"Aw Ana," Mia whines, "don't be a party pooper. I got a job today, I want to celebrate."

This is so awkward. Christian and I haven't talked about when we plan on telling people I am pregnant yet, the only thing we decided is that we want to keep it to ourselves for a while. Christian is afraid that 'the wolves will descend' when the news becomes public and it will be harder for him to protect me. So far only his parents and my Dad know. I bite my lip nervously, what can I say that won't give me away? I can't think of a lie quick enough and start to panic when I am saved by Kate.

"Is it because of the antibiotics the doctor gave you last week?" Kate asks while staring straight at me.

"Huh?"

"The antibiotics," she says again, "for your _stomach _infection."

"Uh, yeah I c…can't drink with them, sorry Mia," I say apologetically. Why is Kate lying for me? And how is she so good at it? I can't tell a lie without blushing and here she is making up a whole story for Mia without batting an eye.

"Oh you poor thing," Mia says then her eyes get huge, "wait, it isn't contagious is it? I don't want to be sick for my new job." She puts a hand over her nose and mouth.

"No Mia it isn't contagious," I assure her, smiling at her silliness.

Once Kate has explained my phantom illness Mia lets the subject drop and we order our food. She doesn't even question how I can eat normally with a stomach infection. While we wait we discuss Mia's interview and subsequent job offer.

"I had only left the building fifteen minutes when I got the call," she beams. "I start next week and they already have a list of smaller events lined up for me to start on," she squeals.

The job Mia has gotten is as an apprentice to an event organiser for a charity that Christian is heavily involved in. We all know her getting the job was a foregone conclusion before she stepped in the door because of who her brother is, but we also all genuinely believe it is a job she is well suited for. She may come across as a spoiled brat sometimes, even a little ditzy but she is no fool and I am sure she will be a great success. I would never tell her though that from what I overheard I gathered that Christian had the position created for her when she expressed an interest in event planning after tiring of the idea of becoming a chef. He didn't however want to just hand it to her and that's why he had them interview her first.

"That's fantastic Mia, you'll do so well. You are perfect for it," I tell her sincerely.

The waiter arrives and places our meals on the table. I ordered the caesar salad with bacon and croutons and it looks mouth-watering when it is laid in front of me. We dig in and for a few moments there is silence while we enjoy the food.

Then Mia puts down her knife and fork, wipes her mouth delicately with a napkin and clears her throat. "So" she says and I chew slowly while I watch her. "Now that I am an official event organiser," I see Kate roll her eyes and hide her grin against her glass, "I want to ask if you and Christian will allow me to plan your wedding."

I choke on my food. Kate pats my back and hands me my water, once I can breathe again Mia starts with the pleading. "Please Ana, I know Christian will say yes if you do. Please." She gives me puppy dog eyes, "think of my career!"

Kate snorts, "Is this how you are going to win every contract?"

Mia makes a face at Kate. "Maybe," she pouts.

"We haven't even set a date," I argue, "Christian might not want to get married until after…" I clamp my mouth shut. Crap, I nearly spilled the beans.

She squints at me, "after what?" she asks slowly.

Shit. Think Ana, think.

"After their trip to New York in a few months," Kate says smoothly.

"Ooh you're going to New York. Are you going to stay in Christian's apartment there?" Christian has an apartment in New York? I try to remember if he has already told me but I can't.

"Of course they are Mia. Christian wants to take Ana to a show." I have to start taking notes, how does Kate do this? "He asked if Elliott and I wanted to go too," she says with a sly grin.

"Why didn't he ask me?" Mia says, affronted. "I love Broadway."

I see what Kate is doing. She keeps diverting the conversation back around so it is centred on Mia, and the poor girl doesn't even notice. "I'm sure he will get around to it," she waves her hand to signal the waiter and orders more wine.

Mia turns back to me, "so what do you say Ana? Can I do your wedding?"

"I don't see why not," I hesitate, "as long as it's okay with Christian. I don't know what he has planned."

"But this is _your_ wedding," she protests.

"It's his too," I argue quietly.

She waves a hand as if she's swatting away a fly, "men don't care about those things, trust me. All they want to do is turn up for the food and drink; they never want to be involved in the planning of the actual day."

"Um…have you met your brother?" I ask incredulously.

She laughs and ignores my comment, "this is so exciting! You have to tell me as soon as you set the dates and we can discuss colour themes and…." She is cut off by her phone ringing. She picks it up, "hey, babe." I give Kate the 'save me' look while Mia chatters away to Ethan. She only laughs at me.

She hangs up, "sorry ladies, I gotta go. I promised Ethan I would meet him after our lunch and he is on his way now."

It doesn't matter anyway as we have already finished our food. Actually, I'm glad as I will be saved from further interrogation from the intrepid Ms Grey. She pulls out her credit card and pays for all of our food before she leaves. Once she has gone me and Kate simply sit in silence for a few moments before we burst out laughing.

"I swear I love that girl, but sometimes…" she just shakes her head and doesn't finish her sentence. I sip my tea and say nothing. I too love Mia to pieces, but when she wants something she is like a dog with a bone until she gets it. It must run in the family.

"So when are you due?" Kate says so bluntly I almost drop my cup.

"I figured you knew when you kept lying for me," I say wryly.

"Someone had to. You would have given the whole game away if left to your own devices," she laughs and I can't help but laugh with her. "You're right, I couldn't tell a lie to save my life."

"Don't worry, your secret's safe with me. Are you happy?"

"Oh my God yes, _so_ happy," I say emphatically and without hesitation.

"What about the mogul? Can't say I see him being the fatherly type."

My back stiffens at her words, "Christian couldn't be happier," I say sternly leaping to his defence. "He will be a wonderful father." I don't see the point in telling anyone about how he took the news, it is our business alone. What matters is how he feels now. People who haven't had his experiences wouldn't understand his fear and they would judge him harshly.

Kate raises her hands in surrender. "Ok, calm down Momma bear. I'm sure he will be Dad of the year."

"Sorry," I mumble but she only shrugs.

"No worries. So…are you really going to let the energizer bunny plan your wedding?" she asks and gestures towards the door where Mia exited.

Groaning dramatically I hang my head, "I couldn't tell her no when she looked so excited. Besides she will do a better job of it than I could in ten lifetimes. Anyway, I more than likely will have months before we even need to think about setting a date." We have a lot on our plate right now, I don't want to freak Christian out by throwing a wedding into the mix as well. Kate raises a brow but says nothing.

"Elliott wants kids," her mouth twists a little.

"And you don't?" I ask quietly, sensing her inner struggle.

She downs the last of the Bollinger and stares into the empty glass, "I'm twenty two. Babies are not something I have even considered yet. I am so focused on my career. Ha, career…I sound like Mia."

"No, you don't" I disagree softly, sensing the delicacy of the subject, "I…" I hesitate, "I didn't consider them either…until I had no choice. But now that I am pregnant I can't imagine ever feeling anything other than happiness."

"Really?" she asks, "Elliot says he's ready now but understands if I'm not."

"Yes _I_ feel that way, but I also understand that it's not the same for everyone." I push away memories of my mother telling me she was sorry she didn't get rid of me when she had the chance.

Kate shocks me when she swipes at a tear, she never struck me as the emotional type. "I think that's why he hasn't asked me to marry him. He's afraid I won't change my mind."

"Do you think you _will_ change your mind?" My chest hurts for my friend.

"I don't know," she says sadly. "I would never agree just to get a ring on my finger…but I love Elliott, so much. It terrifies me that he might leave me over this."

"He loves you Kate. He will wait until you are ready, I'm sure of it," I say and I believe it. I've seen the way Elliott looks at Kate, he adores her.

Kate visibly shakes herself and forces a smile for me, "look at me sitting here feeling sorry for myself, anyone would think I had problems." Knowing she's done discussing this I smile weakly and let it go. If she wants to talk about it again she will, I won't pry.

**By the time Christian comes **home at five thirty I have been home hours and have just woken up from a nap. I stretch on the bed as Christian sits on the edge and leans over me. He kisses the tip of my nose and I giggle. "Hey sleepy head."

"Umm," I hum sleepily.

"I'm surprised to find you awake," he kisses my forehead and between his fresh scent and the comfort of the bed I almost purr like a kitten. "You are asleep all the time lately."

He's not complaining but I instantly feel bad regardless. Thinking about it I realise that he is right, I _have_ been sleeping a lot lately. Maybe I need to do more around the apartment to keep myself from getting too lazy.

I sit up awkwardly. "Sorry Christian, I will try and stay awake more," I whisper, embarrassed at my sudden laziness.

Christian leans over me forcing me to lie back down, "baby that's not what I meant. I want you to sleep if you are tired. It's perfectly normal in your first trimester."

"What? How do you know that?" I didn't even know.

He shrugs as if it's no big deal, "I read it in one of the baby books."

"What baby books?" and where can I get my hands on them?

"The ones I sent Taylor out to buy today."

I can't help but laugh at the image of Jason Taylor buying baby books in Barnes and Noble. Christian tickles me, "what's so funny Ms Steele?"

"Nothing" I giggle.

"Mia called me this afternoon," he says, changing the subject.

Oh God, please say she didn't.

"Apparently she is our official wedding planner, what with her being a _professional_ event organiser now."

She did. Of course she did.

"She made me do it!" I almost screech.

Christian grins and I'm so embarrassed I want to hide under the bed. "She informed me we need to pick a date asap so we can decide on a seasonal theme."

I groan and cover my face. I'm going to kill her then fire her, in that exact order.

"I told her I would have to discuss it with you and get back to her," he continues.

"Do you think she will notice if we never call her back?" I mumble.

"Probably."

Christian pulls my hands away from my face. I expect to see amusement but my breath catches at the tenderness I see there. "So?"

"So...what?"

"Do you want to get married?" he asks softly.

"Now?" I almost shout.

He laughs, "well...not right this minute. But yes, soon."

"B...b...but..."

He leans forward, his lips almost touching mine. His hot breath scrambling my thoughts. "Say yes."

"Yes," I breathe.

"Next month." He runs his hand up my inner thigh, cupping me _there_. He still hasn't kissed me and I'm getting frustrated I am so turned on.

"Yes," I whimper.

"Good girl," he says and crashes his mouth to mine.

**A/N Not much Christian in this one I'm afraid, just a bit at the end there to keep you from getting withdrawals. I know, I know I'm so bad! I just thought Ana needed some girly bonding time.**

**On another note...Chapter FIFTY. Yay (does happy dance) **

**Please review xxx**


	51. Chapter 51

**A/N A big fat thank you to everyone who read and/or reviewed the last chapter. I have ridiculous fun reading the reviews x**

**A****na POV**

"**Good morning Ms Steele, Mr Grey."** Dr Flynn shakes our hands. Gesturing for me to sit he faces Christian, who seems hesitant to leave.

"Christian?" he asks and I notice he is one of the few people who uses his first name. Christian ignores him and stares and me, worry colouring his features.

We had agreed that I would have this session with Dr Flynn alone. If I want Christian at any future appointments then we can organise that when the time comes. But now looking at Christian, it is obvious he is struggling to leave me here. I stand up and walk around the back of my chair to where he is standing rigidly. Forcing his tight fists to loosen with gentle fingers I look up at him.

"I'll be fine," I whisper. He nods curtly but doesn't say anything.

"Go to work and I will call you once I am home."

He shakes his head, "I'll be in the waiting room."

I sigh, "Christian please, I won't be able to relax knowing you are out there waiting for me, please."

Christian's whole body sags, "what if you need me?"

I am about to tell him I'll be fine again but one look at his face tells me he doesn't want to hear that. "Okay, if I need you I can call you," I turn to face Dr Flynn to see him eyeing us carefully, "right Doctor?"

"Yes, of course," he agrees quickly.

I wrap myself around Christian and snuggle my face into his chest then rest my ear against his rapid heartbeat. Who knew that Christian would have a harder time with me seeing a therapist than I am? His arms encircle me without hesitation and pull me tightly against him. He speaks to Dr Flynn and I can feel the rumble of his words through his chest. "At the first sign of panic you will stop and call me, understand?" he says gruffly.

Dr Flynn nods and opens the door for him to leave, "Ms Steele is in good hands here Christian, we will see you later." Leaning down for a quick kiss Christian reluctantly pulls away from me and mopes out the door.

Once we are both seated I start to feel awkward. Does he expect me to just start blurting stuff out? Is that how this works? What do I tell him? I'm not sure I feel comfortable enough yet to start spilling all the sordid details of my childhood and recent history. I bite my lip and look at my hands now twisted in my lap.

"Would you like a cup of tea?" Dr Flynn interrupts my rising panic.

"Um, n…no thank you, Dr Flynn," I mumble. How does he know I drink tea?

"John, please. Dr Flynn makes me sound like an old fuddy duddy."

Fuddy Duddy? I smile at the term; it must be an English expression. Christian has told me he is from England.

"Okay…John," I smile tentatively, a little more relaxed with his easy going nature. "I prefer Ana," I add shyly.

He grins. "Well then, Ana, I don't think we should get into anything too heavy in our first session. I don't want to scare you off too soon, but I think if we can just go over some points that may be of issue to you right now and we can start from there, okay? And then we can build from there on a session by session basis."

"Like what?" I'm not sure what to say.

"Is anything in your day to day life affecting you, for instance?"

"Well…I do get very nervous around new people," I offer quietly. "And I don't like large crowds of people." I discovered this last bit when I fled to the city after leaving Stephens house. The crush of people in the city terrified me.

John taps at his iPad for a moment. "Alright Ana, that's a good place to start. Can you tell me what, specifically, makes you nervous about meeting new people?"

"Uh, um," I stammer feeling my face flush with embarrassment. "Because I trusted the wrong person," I whisper. "Now I don't trust _myself _to judge if a stranger means me harm."

"Neither can I, nor can anybody judge if a complete stranger means to do us harm."

My brow furrows. "B..but I should have _seen_ it." I look at him helplessly, "Why did I trust him so easily?"

John sits forward a little, "For me to help you find these answers you are going to have to tell me who it is you trusted and what it is he did to you." I flinch despite his gentle tone. "Also, Christian has told me the basics of how you were homeless when he first met you. We need to discuss how this came about. If you aren't ready to do that today I completely understand. After all, I am a stranger to you as well. Someone new you need to learn to trust."

"I do trust you." His eyebrows rise. Knowing what I have just said directly contradicts what I told him previously I try to explain, "Christian has been coming to you for years. He told me I would be safe here with you."

"And you believed him?" His head tilts to the side as he regards my response.

"Of course," my voice sounds sure for the first time. "Christian would never put me in harm's way." In fact he regularly goes out of his way to prevent it.

"Is Christian the only person you trust so completely?" he asks quietly after tapping away again for a moment at the iPad.

I blow out a breath, "That one's not so easy to answer. There are degrees of trust, I guess. Grace and my Dad are probably the people I feel most comfortable with, besides Christian, and Kate is becoming a good friend. But I do feel comfortable with the rest of his family and I enjoy being in their company. Also, I believe Christian's security team would never do anything to harm me either, especially Sawyer and Taylor. I just don't think I could ever feel as relaxed with any of them as I do with Christian...well maybe my Dad, but it's different."

"That is perfectly normal Ana; most of us choose one person who we can share everything with and hold back certain aspects of ourselves from everyone else in our lives. To have that level of intimacy with the person you love is a good thing."

"It is?" That makes me feel better. I was afraid he would think me too dependent on Christian.

"Of course," he smiles. "Knowing Christian he wouldn't have it any other way."

I smile despite the tension I feel, "you know him well."

We are silent for a few moments and I start to feel awkward again. Is he waiting for me to fill it? My foot starts to tap restlessly.

"I'm pregnant," I blurt out suddenly out of nowhere. "With twins."

"Christian told me. My congratulations," he smiles warmly.

My face reddens, "thank you."

More silence. "Did you want to discuss your pregnancy?" he pushes gently.

Do I? Not particularly. My pregnancy is one of the things in my life that I am truly happy about, I don't see the point in thrashing through Christian's reaction when we have resolved any issues we had and I don't want to taint it by picking at the now healing wounds. I shake my head, "no, everything is fine there. We are both genuinely delighted." I feel like we are in a place where if we have any concerns about pregnancy or parenting we can turn to each other. And I trust Grace with any questions I may have about my health. And of course Christian has his baby books. I smile a little at the thought.

John looks at the clock. "Well Ana, it appears our time is almost up anyway. Shall we agree to meet at the same time next week with a view to start looking into the two issues you have raised today?"

I glance at the clock, surprised that our half hour is over so quickly. Going forward our sessions will be longer but Christian felt that a half hour for my first appointment should be enough. "Okay, yes." I agree but I can't say I'm too excited about the prospect of talking about Jose, or the lingering fears I am left with from my childhood.

"Ana?" I look up at his warm brown eyes. "If you aren't comfortable with talking to me, there are a number of other psychiatrists I can put you in contact with. Sometimes it can take a person a number of tries to find the right fit for them." He says gently.

"No!" I say too loudly, "I mean, I am happy to keep coming here, thank you." I don't like the idea of being alone in a room with a complete stranger. The only reason I can be here is because Christian knows John so well.

"Alright," he sticks out his hand and I shake it. "Until next week then."

To say I'm surprised when I walk out of John's office to see Christian sitting in the waiting room would be a lie. But I scold him lightly anyway. "Are you going to sit out here every week?"

He shrugs and stands up. "Possibly. And stop rolling your eyes."

He hugs me close and kisses me soundly right there in the waiting room. "Christian, people can see us," I say, blushing when he pulls away and bury my hot face in his shirt for a moment. For a fleeting second I want to rip his clothes of and go at it right here on the waiting room floor of his therapists office. I wonder what John would have to say about that?

"Let them look," he mutters and nods a greeting towards the doorway I just came out of. I turn to see John smiling at us and my face heats even more.

He simply smiles and waves us off.

"**Why aren't you eating?"** Christian asks when he sees me picking at my dinner.

"I am," I protest. I was starving actually but for some reason the sight of the fish on my plate is turning my stomach. I don't say anything as I don't want to offend Gail. Trying a bit I force it down. It's disgusting!

"No, you're not. What's the matter? Do you not feel well?" Christian is instantly on alert.

"Yes…no...it's not like that." I look at his plate to see he is having no problem eating it. "The fish tastes funny."

"It tastes fine to me," he furrows his brow before realisation dawns. "The babies don't like fish," he exclaims and whips the plate out from in front of me.

"Gail," he yells and she comes scurrying into the kitchen, I give her an apologetic smile. She looks at Christian who is throwing the food from my plate into the trash.

"Is there a problem with the food Mr Grey?" she asks worriedly.

"Not at all Gail, Ana has gone off fish I'm afraid. Will you please make her something else?"

"Of course Mr Grey, Ana what would you like?" she asks me politely.

I hop off the stool, "there's no need Gail, I can just throw a sandwich or something together…"

"Absolutely not," Christian interrupts. "A sandwich for dinner is not acceptable. You need a nutritious meal Ana." He scolds. I roll my eyes.

"But it's too late to have Gail cook anything now, and I'm too hungry to wait," I pout.

"I have some of that leftover bolognese Ana dear, I can just heat some for you and put a little pasta on to boil. It won't take more than a fifteen minutes." Gail's suggestion sounds perfect, my mouth waters at the thought.

"That would be great Gail, thank you." I turn to Christian and smile, "I think the babies like Italian food."

"I'll have to remember that," he says happily, his mood instantly better once he knows I am going to eat.

Looking at him smiling I want to jump him right here and make love on the breakfast bar. Oh my, what is happening to me today? Christian turns his attention back to his food which is a good thing because if he could see my heated gaze God knows what would happen.

**I get into bed beside Christian **and snuggle up to him. He puts his book down and wraps his arms around me. "Tired?" he grins when I yawn.

I turn in his arms and start to kiss his chest slowly. "No," I whisper as I lick his nipple.

"Fuck," Christian grunts when I nip his skin gently. "What has gotten you so hot and bothered?"

"Don't you like it?" I ask as I run my fingers down his back to the top of his firm butt. I don't know what has gotten into me today, having Christian inside of me has dominated most of my thoughts since leaving John's office, but I couldn't act on it as Christian had to go to work afterwards. I'm not the one who usually instigates our lovemaking as Christian always seems to get there first, but I need him right now with a fierceness I can't explain.

Crawling over him I straddle his lap and brazenly rub myself along his quickly thickening erection. Sensing my mood Christian grabs my hips and grinds me against him.

"Feeling a little needy tonight Ms Steele?" he asks as he bucks up against me hitting a spot that makes my head fall back on a moan.

"Yes," I whimper, "all day."

"You were thinking about my cock inside you _all day_?"

"Yesss," My response becomes a hiss as his fingers find my clitoris and start to play with me there.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"You were aaaagh, you were too busy."

"I am _never_ too busy for you," Christian growls as he holds my hips aloft and plunges into me.

"Oh my _God,_" I almost scream as I fall forward onto his chest.

Christian wraps his arms around my back and holds me firmly against him as I move back and forth on him. Being on top like this feels amazing. He hits me in a spot that always makes me come quickly, I am almost squealing as I feel him rubbing over that spot now, over and over.

I freeze when I suddenly feel one of Christian's fingers at my anus. He has never done this before.

"Sssh," he soothes me as he runs his finger around the tight entrance. Slowly he starts to thrust again as he plays me with his finger, slick from my juices.

I cry out, startled as along with a deep plunge of his hips he pushes his thick finger into me just a little. The feeling is overwhelming…in a good way. A sheen of sweat mists my entire body.

"Do you want me to stop," Christian pants against my ear and starts to pull his finger out again.

"No," I whimper. "Don't stop."

On his next slow thrust he inches his thick finger further inside me. The feeling of fullness is so intense I can't help the cry of pure pleasure that comes from me.

My face is still buried in Christian's neck, my lips pressed to his sweat dampened skin as his harsh breaths blow against my ear. My whole body is pressed against his as he undulates and moves easily under my weight. My knees are tucked up tightly under me against Christians sides and my arms are wrapped under his and grip his shoulder blades.

In this position I cling to him helplessly as he pleasures my body completely.

When I come it is with an intensity I have never felt before. My body clamps down hard and squeezes rhythmically against both Christians penis and his finger, the feeling so overwhelming my mouth is open wide in a silent scream. Deep inside I am aware of a thick wash of heat as Christian comes inside me, pulling me almost painfully tightly against him. The feeling is wonderful.

Both sticky with sweat and...other things, we decide to have a shower. Christian washes me gently from head to toe taking time to massage my scalp when he washes my hair. I return the favour and soon we are dried and snuggled together back in bed.

I'm sure we will discuss this new aspect that occurred in our lovemaking tonight. Christian is all about talking things out and not letting me feel awkward about what happens between us, especially when it comes to sex. He wants me to always be comfortable with him. But right now I am exhausted beyond belief, noticing this Christian has obviously chosen to let me get some much needed sleep.

As I drift off though, I wonder if Christian knows any other...kinky stuff he could show me.

**A/N Hmm I wonder indeed! Thank you to mrsvixter who suggested in a review that I add a little dirty Christian into my story. Although this will never be a BDSM story I think that Christian isn't Christian without a little kink. Also thanks to everyone for their suggestions, I will try to add in as many as will fit into my storyline.**

**Please review and let me know if you approve of kinky Christian xxx**


	52. Chapter 52

**A/N Thanks for the reviews and PMs for the last chapter xxx**

**You may need a fan for this ones guys...it gets a little hot! **

**A****na POV**

"**Good morning Mia," I say **as I meet Christian's sister at the elevator.

Watching Mia I wish Christian was here and not at work. She has sacks of samples and ideas for our wedding…_sacks. _She had to have Sawyer help her load it all into the lift. God only knows who put it all in to her car for her, I can't see Mia lugging those things around. Not in those heels. I stare, dumbfounded, as he now helps her bring it all to the living room. In her arms she holds a large binder with slips of paper and post-its sticking out from what looks like every single page.

"Hi Ana," she beams. "I just brought a few bits and pieces so you can give me some indication on which way you are heading for your wedding. She heads straight for the living room, making herself right at home. "C'mon, let's do this." She waves me over with a well-manicured hand as I'm sure I am just standing there gaping like a fish.

Only fifteen minutes later I am seriously reconsidering the 'no drinking while I'm pregnant' rule.

"…and if you do decide not to wear white, which I really don't recommend, then you should probably reconsider the white table cloths and flower arrangements. You don't want anything to clash with an ivory or champagne coloured…Ana? Ana are you listening to me?"

"Um what? Yes…yes of course Mia it's just…" I trail off uncertainly.

"What's the matter? Do you not like my ideas?" she gasps and pulls the overstuffed binder close to her chest protectively.

"No, I mean yes, of course your ideas are wonderful Mia, I just think that it's maybe too much to pull together in such a short space of time." I say gently. There's not a hope in hell I have time to fly to Paris to meet all of those designers, let alone visit all of the shops and specialists she has mentioned. And that six week special wedding preparation spa experience is definitely out. Jeez, I'm exhausted even thinking about all of this. And the cost! I break out in a cold sweat just thinking about it.

She looks shocked, "But Christian said the date was February seventeenth. Granted I would have preferred you waited until June, but you know Christian, once he has made up his mind there's no changing it."

"We'll never get all of this done in time," I wave at the multitude of items strewn across the table.

Mia laughs and I feel self-conscious. "But we have over a year, I know it'll be tight but we can make it work."

"A year!" I almost screech. "We're not getting married in a _year_ Mia; we are getting married next month."

Mia actually goes pale, "what did you say?"

"We, um, we don't want to wait so we decided to just go ahead and do it."

She gets up and starts to pace. "What's the rush? There is no way I can pull this together in a month. _No. Way._"

"I place my hand on my tummy nervously. I really wanted to get married before I started showing now I have had time to think about it. "Surely we could do something small, just family and close friends? Christian mentioned your parent's house…" I trail off at her horrified expression.

"Don't you think Christian deserves to have a big celebration for his wedding Ana? I mean it's not like either of you are going to do it again," she pouts.

"I suppose…" I bite my lip. Am I taking this away from Christian by wanting to get married so quickly? I was sure this is what he wanted as well.

Mia starts to gather everything together, "look, you talk to Christian. Sort this out. Then we can pick a decent date that isn't in the middle of winter and work from there okay?"

"Okay," I almost whisper.

Once Sawyer has helped carry all of her stuff back to the car again I take a moment to sit and contemplate what just happened. Is she right? I was so sure Christian wanted to get married as soon as possible, it was his idea for God's sake! I think I will ring him and see what he has to say.

**Christian POV**

"**Perhaps we should wait until things** have calmed down a bit over there, it will be very difficult, not to mention dangerous, to try and get aid through right now," Ros says from the seat opposite my desk.

"But it's _now_ that they need food Ros, not when things have _calmed down" _I rub a hand over my face in frustration. "Look, go back and see if there is another way in. I refuse to believe there isn't some way we can make the delivery. See if there is anyone we can...persuade."

Ros nods as she gets up to leave, "will do boss." I know she is sceptical about this but she also knows that once I have set my mind to something there is no point in disagreeing with me.

My phone buzzes and I hit the answer button. "Yes Andrea, what is it?" I know I sound terse but I am fucking busy today, I don't need any more distractions.

Andrea hesitates, sensing my mood. "Ms Steele is on the line for you, Mr Grey."

"Put her straight through," I'm never that busy. My mood instantly lifts at the prospect of speaking to Ana.

"Christian?"

"Hey baby, everything alright?" There's a pause and I am instantly on alert. "Ana?"

"Christian," she says timidly. I know Ana well enough to know that there is something wrong.

Not wanting to intimidate her by demanding answers, I go for the softer approach. "Is something the matter baby?"

"I…I don't think we can get married next month.

My world stops. It literally stops turning. Is she changing her mind about marrying me? _No!_ I can't fucking breathe. "Why?" I choke. I stand up, sit down and stand up again, not knowing what to do in my panic.

"Mia was here," she pauses. "She said…she said we can't get everything organised in time."

_Mia._ I roll my eyes, if I didn't love my sister as much as I do I would rip her a new one for this. "Take no notice of her sweetheart," I say, finally able to breathe again.

"B…but she said you would regret it, not having a big fancy wedding."

I change my mind. I am going to kill my meddlesome little sister. I send her a text while I speak to Ana. _I need to speak to you. Now._

"Of course I won't baby, the quicker I marry you the better," I sooth.

"Really? You won't be sorry?" She sounds so hopeful my gut clenches. She's still so insecure at times.

"Ana," I sigh. "There is nothing I can think of that I would like _less _than a big wedding with a load of freeloaders only there to gawk and sell their stories to the news rags."

"But Mia said I won't be able to get a dress at such short notice," I can hear her biting her lip. God I want to be with her, so I can bite it instead.

"You'll have a dress baby, whatever dress you want," I assure her. "Besides, you would look good in a bin bag."

She giggles and it feels as though a thousand pounds has been lifted from my chest. "Don't be ridiculous."

"What time will you be home?" she asks and hearing the sudden huskiness in her voice my cock instantly reacts. My baby needs me. I look at my watch, fuck, I can't leave for at least another three hours. My stirring erection isn't cooperating with me though as it continues to grow.

"Not for a while yet, I'm swamped today." My phone buzzes with a message and I look at it. Mia. I sigh, just one more thing I have to deal with today.

"Oh, okay," she says and I can hear the disappointment in her voice.

I groan, "don't be sad sweetheart, I'll make it up to you when I get home."

"How?" she asks sulkily, making me grin.

"I'll think of something."

**It's after seven when I eventually** get home. I paid severely today for all the time I have taken off lately, not that I will ever tell Ana this. It's not her fault and I freely admit I like that she needs me so much. Maybe I will just have to delegate more going forward. There's no way I can spend so much time in the office once the babies arrive. It wouldn't be fair to Ana, and I don't want to miss my children growing up because I was working all the time...it's not like I need more money.

I don't even make it into the living room when a rush of brown hair and pale limbs is jumping me. I am engulfed in Ana's sweet smell as she eagerly climbs my body and plants kisses all over my face. I laugh and return her fevered kisses, hoisting her up so she can wrap her legs around my waist.

"Miss me?"

"MmmHmm," she hums even as she squeezes herself closer to me. I have to say I am really enjoying this side of Ana. I read in one of the baby books that Ana would become a little more 'needy' in her second trimester…but that isn't for another two weeks yet. Not that I am complaining. But ever since Ana's morning, or rather night time, sickness lessened she can't seem to get enough sex.

It's a win/win for me.

I was afraid I went too far last week when I used my finger to pleasure her anally but Ana loved it, as she shyly told me later. She also asked if I knew of any other kinky things I could show her. I got so hard at her suggestion and the thought of what I could do to bring us both pleasure that I had to take her right then and there, hard, much to her delight.

We haven't gone any further yet though as I don't want to seem too eager but if she is willing to play a little then I am more than happy to oblige. My cock hardens painfully at the thought and Ana wiggles against it eagerly.

"Did you eat dinner?" I gasp against her mouth even as we head to the bedroom. Ana couldn't wait until this time of the evening to eat her dinner, besides being starving, it's just not good for her health. I ate dinner at my desk while I worked.

"Yes," she breathes into my mouth.

"Good." I lay her gently on the bed and give her a quick, hard kiss before I stand back out of reach of her grasping hands. "Wait here," I command.

"Wh…What?" she asks in a daze, clearly confused as to what I am up to.

"Stay here," I repeat, "I will be back shortly." I turn and leave the room quickly.

I got rid of my playroom months ago when I realised if I had any chance at a relationship with Ana I would have to let it go. It really wasn't such a hardship, in the end, as Ana is more than enough to keep me satisfied. I honestly don't need any of the hard shit any more, I rarely even think of it now. Was I really that person?

All of the canes, whips and belts are long gone, along with the ropes and the furniture. But, for some reason I held on to a few of the items in my playroom. Nothing that could ever cause pain, only pleasure. They are left in a chest of drawers in the newly decorated room. I admit to myself now that a small part of me must have always hoped Ana would someday be ready to indulge in the kinky aspects of BDSM with me.

Now I reach into the top drawer and retrieve a black silk blindfold along with a pair of butter soft leather handcuffs. I hesitate for a moment, is this too much? If Ana freaked out on me I would lose my mind. But no, she said she was willing to try a little. And I selfishly want to invite her into this world, show her just how pleasurable it can be.

When I return to the bedroom I am delighted to see she is lying on the bed, naked. She eyes the contents of my hands suspiciously. Not wanting to frighten her I show them to her freely.

She sits up on her knees and looks at them more closely. She doesn't seem afraid which I take as a positive sign.

"What are those?" she asks quietly.

"This," I hold up the long piece of black silk by one end, "is a blindfold." I give her a moment to take that in before I hold out the soft leather cuffs. "And these are hand cuffs."

Her eyebrows raise and she takes the cuffs from my hands and inspects them. "So soft," she murmurs, "they don't look like cuffs." She looks up at me her eyes wide and blue.

I take them back from her and let them rub along her wrist and hand as I do, she shivers. "These are meant for pleasure Ana, metal cuffs would be too harsh and might cut your skin."

"Oh."

I lean forward and graze my lips against her forehead then whisper against her skin, "I will _never _hurt you sweetheart. "

I pull back and look her straight in the eyes to gauge how she is feeling about this. Even when she is quiet her eyes express her true feelings. Right now she looks curious, and completely turned on. "Trust me?" I ask quietly.

"Yes," she breathes. "Always."

I lean down and kiss her mouth, because I can't resist. "Good girl. Now lie on your back in the middle of the bed."

She does so eagerly and I stretch out her arms and strap her to the headboard with the cuffs. "How's that? Not too tight?" I ask as I check they are okay.

"No, it's fine," Ana pants as she watches me.

I pick up the blindfold and lean over her, kissing her again. "I'm going to blindfold you now. The feeling will be intense at first but just give it a moment okay?"

"Yes," she breathes.

I tie the blindfold and stand back to look at her. Magnificent.

"Baby you look so fucking hot like this," she squirms at my heated praise.

I take off all my clothes quickly and climb over her on the bed. Leaning forward but keeping my weight off her I lick the shell of her ear. She whimpers and the sound makes me so hard I can feel the precum leaking out of the tip of my cock. I'm not sure I can last very long with her looking like this.

"I am going to lick you all over," I whisper in her ear and her whole body bows in response.

I start at her collar bones and kiss from one to the other slowly, then I drag my tongue down between the valley of her breasts. She is so hot that sweat is starting to gather there and I hum with pleasure at the salty sweet taste of her skin.

Ignoring her peaks for the moment I continue my exploration down her body, planting wet kisses on her still flat tummy, smiling when she gasps as I hit her ticklish spot just below her belly button.

"Christian," she gasps when I finally take the straining tip of one breast into my salivating mouth and suck hard. I continue to torment her nipple with my teeth and tongue while pulling at the other one gently with my fingers, then I switch and pull the other rosy pink nipple into my mouth.

By this point Ana is mewling and on the verge of coming and I'm not far off myself. Knowing I won't last long once I am inside her I decide to give her what pleasure I can now.

Still suckling one breast I creep my hand down and tangle my fingers in the soft curls of her pubic hair. Venturing further I feel that she is so wet my fingers start slipping around as I find her clitoris.

"Please...oh _please,_" Ana begs as she writhes against my exploring fingers.

"Shh," I sooth as I move to take her mouth with mine, "just feel it baby, feel what I am doing to you. Jesus Ana you look so beautiful." I slip first one then a second finger inside her as I praise her. With my thumb pressed against her clitoris I start to pump my fingers in and out of her. Slowly at first, then faster and faster until Ana is crying out with pleasure.

Pulling her nipple back into my mouth again I plunge my fingers deep and find the spot which always makes her come quickly. When her body freezes I allow her breast to fall free from my mouth and move to her ear, whispering praise that I don't even know if she can hear in her bliss.

Ana arches off the bed with a loud scream of my name that almost has me coming without having been inside her at all. I continue to pump, wringing her orgasm out to the last, until she begs me to stop.

Once she is limp I pull away the blindfold gently. Glazed blue eyes look up at me. "Hi," I whisper.

She doesn't say anything but her smile is all I need. I lean in and kiss her gently, "you okay?"

"Hmm," she sighs.

"Ready for some more?" I grin and gesture to my straining erection.

She smiles and nods eagerly. Reaching up I release the cuffs and rub her wrists, they're a little red from pulling against the restraints but they are fine, I kiss each one gently.

Climbing over her I place my erection at her entrance. "Ready?"

At her nod I ease in slowly, sheathing myself in her wet heat. Ana's head presses back into the bed on a low moan and I take the opportunity to kiss her exposed neck.

Once I am fully inside her I wait for a moment, panting as I try not to lose it too soon. Eventually getting control of myself I start to move slowly inside her. She wraps herself around me, clinging to me as I love her. I put one hand under her and lift her bottom a little so I can reach the spot that makes her come fast.

She is so wet I can hear the slick sucking sounds as I pull out and push back in languidly. Neither of us say anymore but we stare into each others eyes as I move at a steady rhythm until I bring us both to the peak of orgasm. The pressure is almost too much to bear.

Just as I'm sure I won't last, I feel Ana tighten around me and she gasps as she comes, her sex rippling and milking my own orgasm to follow swiftly behind her.

The pressure that has been building now flashes down my spine and bursts from me in thick hot streams when I come. I see stars and I think I shout her name but the feeling is so intense I can't be sure.

**Lying beside Ana **I stroke her hair as she sleeps. She often does this, falls asleep for a while after we have sex. Exhausted. And I love it, watching her kiss swollen lips and mussed hair, her angels face as she naps.

"You're looking at me," she mumbles.

Caught, I grin. "Guilty as charged."

She opens one eye to look at me, "you wore me out."

"So, you approve?" I ask and I know she doesn't miss the slight hint of worry in my tone. I don't ever want her to regret what we do together.

She closes her eyes and snorts, "if this is what kinky sex is all about, then you can sign me up."

I can't help but laugh at her words. At how that would have played out if we had maybe met under different circumstances. But that is another world, I won't live my life on 'what ifs'.

**A/N So, a bit more kink for you guys as you were all so eager for more. I was in a hurry and didn't get to edit this properly, please forgive any mistakes.**

**Please review xxx**


	53. Chapter 53

**A/N I see a few of you are getting a little impatient with my two week absence. Please bear with me as I am having a few personal issues at the moment. I promise I will update whenever I can.**

**I want to share with you a frightening experience I had last Sunday week...I brought my mother to a well-known furniture shop in Dublin (Ikea) to buy a few things for a new holiday home she and my Dad bought recently. As you can imagine it was quite busy being a weekend. Literally hundreds of people were milling about.**

**As we were looking around, a male voice came over the intercom telling us we all had to evacuate the store immediately and the children left in the play area had already been brought outside. He didnt give an explanation, just that everyone had to get out. Now, you can imagine with all the terrorist attacks happening almost daily to our close European neighbours what everyone thought...**

**The reaction in the store was something I will never forget. There was no screaming or running, everyone just stopped dead and stared at each other in dumb panic for a few moments before dropping everything and heading for their nearest exits. And for those few moments the previously noisy store was dead silent, you could have heard a pin drop.**

**And that's what I can't get out of my mind, the look of fear on people's faces, fear so bad they didn't know what to do or say. Forgive my language but it was fucking terrifying, I will be having nightmares for weeks and I don't think my poor mother will ever get over it, I was genuinely worried she was going to get heart failure she was so afraid. She is disabled and needs a walking aid so she found it difficult in the crush of people to get out. The lifts weren't in use and she had to be helped down a flight of stairs.**

**Thankfully, it turned out to be a false alarm but the ten minutes it took us to get out of the store felt like an eternity. However now it's making me think about all of those poor souls caught up in those attacks that aren't false alarms. We only had a tiny fraction of the fear they must have felt but I swear it took years off my life. **

**Sorry to unload here but I feel better once I get things out of my system. Writing has always helped me deal with things this way. Ya'll are like my own personal therapists xxx**

**Tissue warning for anyone who may be a big softy like me x**

_**One month later . . .**_

**BPOV**

**I hold tightly to my Dad's arm** as we approach the makeshift chapel. He uses his free arm (the one I'm not currently crushing in a death grip) and pats my hand gently. Stopping just before we enter, he looks me in the eye, a serious expression on his face. "You doing okay Pumpkin? It's not too late to change your mind."

I smile as I hear the pet name my Dad used for me as a kid. He has made no secret over the last few weeks that he has reservations about my marrying Christian. Even though he knows I am pregnant he doesn't see it as a reason for us to rush into marriage.

I tried explaining the situation to him, Christian even shared some of his own past and though he reluctantly gave his blessing I know he would rather we waited a while before jumping into marriage. But even my father's reservations wouldn't sway me from how _right _it feels to be doing this.

I meet his gaze evenly. "I have never felt more certain of anything in my life." Smirking wryly I add, "just a bit nervous of everyone watching me." Its true, I don't exactly relish the idea of everyone's eyes on me as I make my way to Christian, even if it is only family and close friends in there.

"Now come on," I pull his arm a little, "Mia and Kate will already be up there and Christian will be having heart failure if I take any longer to make my entrance." I snort as I think it wouldn't surprise me if he came looking for me soon.

When I, or rather Christian, told Mia of our wedding plans I never dreamed a wedding in a tent, or marquee depending who you ask, could look so . . . glamorous. I was allowed a quick peek while both the tent for the service and the much larger one adjoining it for the reception were being set up this morning and I couldn't believe my eyes. They weren't even half way done and already looked spectacular, there seemed to be dozens of people scurrying about setting up. There was even a canopy running from the house to cover us in case it rained.

Despite a hissy fit of epic proportions, Mia really came through for us. Both tents were decorated similarly with draped billowing champagne coloured chiffon backlit by golden muted lighting. The alter was being set up while I watched and was a beautifully carved wooden structure woven with cream roses. That is really all I saw before I was dragged away in case, God forbid, Christian caught sight of me today.

The whole third floor of Christians parents house was cordoned off for the use of the bridal party since last night. Which meant that Christian and Elliot's rooms were occupied so they had to sleep in the spare rooms on the second floor, Christian absolutely refusing not to at least sleep under the same roof as me last night. This was the only way he would agree to the scheme of not seeing me before the service today. I almost giggle every time I think of his pouting face when I went to bed without him last night. He couldn't even sneak in to my room as Mia assured him that her, Kate and I were having a sleepover in his old bedroom last night. His face was priceless.

Despite this though, last night was a brilliant night. Neither of us wanted bachelor or bachelorette parties, much to Elliot's dismay, so we decided that a meal with our immediate family was what we wanted last night. Carrick and Grace hosted here at Belleview and there were drinks and laughs aplenty and I think everyone had a really good time.

I don't think anyone even noticed I'm not drinking as I rarely drank before. Our parents and Kate are still the only people who know about the babies, we decided to tell them when we get home from our honeymoon as we know if anything slipped to the paparazzi Taylor's job of protecting us would be impossible. Miraculously I'm not showing yet but I am sure I will be soon.

I take a deep breath as I enter through the back of the tent with my dad. As soon as we clear the doorway I see him and everything else falls away and we might as well be alone. I have to stifle a gasp he looks so handsome. He is wearing a dark grey suit with a silver tie and I can see his grey eyes shining from here. His beautiful mouth turns up into a huge smile and it is all I can do not to sprint down the aisle to him.

Vaguely I am aware of the song we chose together, The first time ever I saw your face, playing softly and the murmurs of the crowd inside as they see me in my dress for the first time, but none of it matters. I sure it will later but right now I just _need _to be up there with him.

We finally reach Christian and Pastor Welsh asks and is given permission from my dad to marry me off, something Kate and I had a good giggle about the other day when discussing how ridiculous those old traditions are. But I do it gladly so my Dad can have a part in this wedding, he has missed enough of my life and is the only relative I have left. I refuse to think of Carla Morton as my mother, she was _never _that to me.

Once I am handed off Christian looks down into my eyes, he is no longer smiling and has a look of...is that reverence I see on his features?

"Hi," he whispers and my legs almost turn to jelly at the huskiness I hear in his voice.

"Hi," I squeak back.

He takes a moment to look appreciatively at the dress that Kate's mother offered to make at such short notice. It is ivory satin overlaid with French chantilly lace with a sweetheart neckline. The fitted bodice and A line skirt that flows to a small train is understated, simple and elegant. I fell in love the moment Mrs Kavanagh showed me her design.

"You look stunning Ana, simply beautiful," he leans down and kisses me gently. And despite, or perhaps because, of everyone watching my face turns pink as I kiss him back.

"Hey, hey, hey," Elliot whisper yells loud enough for half the congregation to hear, "the kissing comes _after _guys. Sheesh." I pull back and peek over Christians shoulder to Elliot standing beside him and my face burns hotter when he wiggles his eyebrows suggestively.

Christian turns slightly and whispers out of the corner of his mouth, "fuck off Elliot," just loud enough for the bridal party...and the pastor, to hear. Mia gasps and Kate giggles while Pastor Welsh clears his throat uncomfortably. Christian just rolls his eyes and turns us to face front.

The ceremony admittedly goes by in a blur until it comes to saying our vows. I am terrified I'll mess up by stuttering but I wanted to do this. I want everyone to hear how much I love him from my own lips.

When it's time for me to speak I turn and look Christian in the eye. He squeezes my hand for encouragement, knowing how difficult this is for me. I take a deep breath, "C...Christian from the first moment I saw you, you have been saving me. When I had nothing you freely shared with me your home, your life...your family. But none of those are the reasons why I love you," I pause and sniffle a little, damn it I swore I would hold it together. Christian raises his hand and gently wipes away a stray tear with his thumb.

"The reasons I love you are far too many to mention," I continue shakily. "I love your generous spirit, your caring nature, your sometimes maddening protective streak," quiet laughter fills the room, "but most of all I love this," I lean forward and rest my hand over his heart, a place he still cannot bear anyone else to touch, "you have the biggest most loving heart of anyone I have ever met." My voice chokes up a little and I have to compose myself, "And you have given this beautiful heart to _me_." I look from my hand back to his face and see him working hard on a swallow, "I promise to care for it and protect it as you do for me for the rest of my life. I love you Mr Grey, with my whole heart."

When I finish I am aware of quiet sobbing and realise it's Grace sitting in the front row. No one knows more what it means for me to say these things and to touch his chest than his mother. She catches my eye and mouths to me _thank you, I love you Ana. _Fresh tears roll down my face.

"Follow that bro," Elliot whistles quietly but Christian ignores him as Pastor Welsh gives him his cue to say his vows.

Christian takes my hands. "Ana, my love," he begins and already I'm trying not to sob at his adoring expression.

"Before I met you I was lost, alive but not truly living. You have given that to me. It has been said by many that I am hard to know, a closed book. But you Ana, you _know _me, baby. You know the worst of me and love me regardless, I cannot express how much of a gift that is to me. The night I found you was the night my life truly began.

"You say _I_ have a big heart but _your_ heart is the purest I have ever known. You are accepting and trusting despite," he pauses as he is most likely remembering what I was like when he found me, "everything. I promise to love you and care for your heart as you do mine for the rest of my days. Knowing that wherever I go and whatever I do that you will be with me always, gives me the greatest...peace I have ever known. You are a gift Ana, a gift given to me that I will treasure forever."

I think all of my make up must be gone I have cried so much. Thank the Lord for waterproof mascara. I am dying to fling myself into his arms but reluctantly I wait while the service continues and when it finally comes time to say I do, I turn to Christian eagerly.

"Christian do you take Ana in sickness and in health..." I don't even listen as I stare into the deep grey pools of Christian's eyes.

"I do," Christian says clearly and loud enough for everyone to hear.

"Ana do you..."

When it's time for me to answer I offer Christian the biggest grin I can manage. "I do," I say happily, all my tears gone now as pure joy fills me.

"...I now pronounce you man and wife, you may kiss the bride."

Christian pulls me into his arms. "Thank fuck for that," he murmurs before his mouth descends on mine and he devours me right there in front of all our friends and family as I cling to him. I am vaguely aware of clapping and at least one person wolf whistling. Elliot no doubt.

Christian pulls back breathing roughly but continues to hold me in his arms. "Mrs Grey," he growls before kissing me senseless again.

**Once Kate manages to pry **Christian off me I am passed off to a dizzying round of hugs and congratulations. I look over to see Christian grinning and shaking hands with numerous people. My chest tightens, he looks so _happy_.

After my make up is restored, photos are taken and the delicious meal is eaten. Then it is time for the speeches. My Dad is first up, he is a man of few words so I am interested in what he will say.

Mia hands him the microphone and he looks a little nervous as he clears his throat. "When my Annie was taken from me I thought I would never see her again."

Instant. Tears. The thought of my children being taken from me causes a knot of fear in my stomach and for the first time I have some small idea of what my father must have gone through when I was gone.

"I searched for years and had all but given up hope when I spotted a beautiful young lady with my Annie's angel face on a magazine, of all things. I immediately sought her out and when we were reunited it was...," he pauses and looks down. "Yeah, that was a good day," he says quietly.

"Of course I wasn't to know that I was finding her again only to lose her to someone else," he smirks at Christian. "But even this old Dad has to admit that you two are perfect for each other. Annie, I am proud of you baby girl and I hope you are always as happy as you are today." Ray raises his glass in toast and everyone joins him but I get up and go to hug him. He wraps his strong arms around me.

"Thank you Daddy," I whisper.

"I meant every word Pumpkin," he kisses my forehead and I give him one more squeeze before returning to my seat. Carrick says a few words of thanks to everyone for coming and then the microphone is passed to the Best Man who rises to his feet with a flourish.

"Oh, here we go," Christian mutters. I am already grinning before Elliot opens his mouth.

"When I was seven years old I suffered the most traumatic event of my life...I got a little brother." Elliot shakes his head sombrely. "Now I know what you are all thinking. How could this kid's parents do something so cruel to a defenceless little boy. Believe me...I'm still asking the same thing to this day." Everyone laughs and I see Carrick rolling his eyes.

"When we got older I had to help him with everything from tying his shoe laces to doing his homework." This time Carrick laughs outright and I hear Christian mumble something about it being the other way around.

"Now imagine my surprise when I found that my poor hapless brother had found himself a girl?" More laughter. "I, of course, offered him some worldly advice on how to woo said lady...I don't want to upset my Grandmother by repeating his response but suffice it to say he wasn't exactly grateful. I look at Christian who is openly grinning now, obviously remembering that conversation.

"I watched in horror from the side lines as he fumbled through their courtship like a pre pubescent boy," he pauses and shakes his head sadly again. "But I said to myself, 'Elliot, you have to let them grow up sometime'."

At this point the whole room is laughing. No doubt amused that such a good looking man as Christian was never publicly attached to a woman before me. Could they all really have thought of him as an innocent virgin? They probably just thought he was gay.

There is one table in particular who seem to be enjoying Elliot's speech. Taylor and Sawyer are leaning over their table in fits of laughter, trying hard not to make too much noise and failing miserably. Gail is sitting with them and looks embarrassed by their display. The added benefit of having the wedding celebrations here was that we didn't have to worry about the paparazzi ruining the day, and both Taylor and Sawyer could attend the wedding as guests while hired security took care of everything else. Though I did see Taylor speaking into a small device in his hand a couple of times.

"But despite all the odds, here we are." Elliot throws his arm out a little wildly and not for the first time I think he may be a bit tipsy. "He was smart enough to snap up our little Ana, we all know Christian knows a good deal when he sees one," he looks at me and winks. I blush.

All of a sudden he gets serious. "But honestly bro, I am delighted for you and Ana." he swallows and sniffs a bit. Is...is Elliot _crying_? Definitely drunk.

"And I couldn't have asked for a better brother," he says thickly.

Christian gets up and hugs his brother. "Thanks Lelliot...you pussy," he says quietly.

Elliot's laugh sounds suspiciously like a sob and he pulls away. He puts the microphone back to his mouth. "Now, enough with this shit...lets get drunk!" Cheers go up and the music starts and the next few hours are spent celebrating with our family and friends. Christian and I have our first dance as man and wife and I am passed around to dance with so many people I lose count. I even manage a few dances with the girls.

Thank God I am in my second trimester and have gotten over the awful tiredness I was plagued with the first few months of my pregnancy. Eventually Christian reclaims me and pulls me outside for some fresh air. It's a cold but clear night and the cool air feels nice on my heated skin.

"How are you feeling?" he asks as he kisses my forehead. I know he was afraid I would overdo it today but I honestly feel really good.

"I'm great," I smile up at him.

"Good...because it's time to go."

"Go? Go where?" I'm confused, it may be late but the party is still in full swing.

"Our honeymoon," he smiles at me.

"Now?"

His grin disappears and he growls, "Yes, I'm not waiting any longer to have you to myself."

"I haven't packed," I start to fret.

Christian simply raises one eyebrow silently asking 'are you serious'. Yeah, Gail probably packed for me a week ago.

"Where are we going?" I ask, warming to the idea of spending some extended time alone with him.

"It's a surprise but I hope you haven't planned anything for the next month."

"Month! We will be gone for a month?" I ask incredulously. Surely he wouldn't leave GEH for that amount of time.

"Mmhmm" he affirms as he leans down to kiss me silly. And I grin because I could certainly suffer through nothing but the two of us being together for an entire month.

**A/N Dum dum da dum dum dum dum...a little reward for waiting so long for an update. Bit emotional perhaps but they have been through a lot to get here. I hope you liked it and didn't mind the little time hop. Please review xxx **


	54. Chapter 54

**A/N Thank you for your reviews for the last chapter xxx. This was a frustrating SOB to write. Writing so much fluff for multiple chapters doesn't come easily to me, I am much more comfortable with angst. I kinda had to slog my way through this one so I hope you enjoy reading it more than I did writing it...who knew honeymoons were so boring? **

**A POV**

"**Ooh look Christian, **_**look**_**!"** I almost stumble as I move to get a better look at the amazing late evening view.

Christian steadies me easily. "Careful, baby. I see it." He wraps his arms around me from behind pulling me close and resting his chin on my head.

We are standing on the balcony of Christian's New York apartment. He has taken me to New York on what he calls the first leg of our honeymoon, though he refuses to tell me where else we are going as he doesn't want to 'ruin the surprise'. No amount of pouting and sulking on my part is changing his mind.

He wanted me to see his homes and since I have already been to Aspen he wanted to show me this one as well, it's magnificent. I can't remember the name of the building but Christian's apartment is at the top, of course, and the view of central park from up here is beautiful even if it is still like winter in New York due to a recent snowfall. It will be dark soon but I can still see the park clearly enough.

Speaking of winter, it is absolutely _freezing _out on this balcony. Christian doesn't allow me to linger for long. "C'mon sweetheart, you will catch your death of cold out here," he says while gently pulling me away from the scenery.

Once back inside I take my first good look around. I was too preoccupied to take much notice at first, wanting to see the view. Now as I look about I see the decor is quite different from the austere white of Escala. Not that I mind the bright clean lines of our home but this apartment seems…softer somehow. The walls are a soft cream with brass coloured fittings and the furniture in the living room is a rich chocolate brown. There are throws on the couches, plush mocha rugs covering the dark wooden floor and there is a fabulous fireplace complete with a lighting fire. It's so cosy. I take off my shoes and bury my toes in the long haired rug in front of the fireplace.

"Hungry?" Christian whispers as he approaches me. I wrinkle my nose and nod. I am always hungry these days, much to his delight.

He kisses the tip of my nose. "Good. You go check your levels and take your shot and I will speak to David about pulling something together for us." David is the man who looks after the apartment here in New York. He lives in an apartment a few floors down and Christian keeps him on staff for when he needs to come to New York on business. He seems very pleasant and when Christian introduced us he seemed genuinely happy to be meeting Mrs. Grey.

Christian hasn't referred to me as anything other than _Mrs Grey_ since the moment we got married. He says everyone will know who I am if he has anything to do with it. I roll my eyes, but really I love it.

While in the bedroom after taking my shot I decide to quickly put on a pair of snuggly pyjamas that Gail packed for me. Knowing where I was going she probably didn't want me to get cold. I grin when I realise she added a few pairs.

As I strip off I catch sight of myself in the mirror. I gasp, "_oh my God." _The clothes in my hands drop to the floor as I move to examine myself further. There's no mistaking it.

"Christian..._Christian!" _I yell loudly, not taking my eyes off my reflection.

There is the thundering sound of footsteps before a terrified Christian appears in the doorway, he is pale as a ghost. "What? What's wrong?" he asks, sounding completely panicked.

I hold my hand out to him. "Nothings wrong, come here. _Look_," I breathe as he walks up behind me. His hand is shaking as he takes a hold of mine.

"Jesus Ana you frightened the fucking life out of me...what am I looking at?" he asks and I feel guilty. This is possibly the first time he has ever looked at my naked body and not looked as though he is about to jump me.

"Sorry, I just saw this and I wanted you to see," I say apologetically. I turn to the side and bring my hands up to cup my previously flat tummy. It has really popped out. I didn't take much notice over the last few days if I'm honest, I was much too busy with the wedding plans and then we were heading off on our honeymoon.

Christians eyes go wide when he sees what I am talking about. He immediately drops to his knees in front of me and places little kisses all over my tummy while rubbing it gently. "Hey in there little ones," he murmurs against my small bump. "Look at you getting all big in Mommy's tummy. I can't wait to meet you."

He looks up to me and his smile is so huge I find myself wiping away a tear. Damn hormones. He stands up and kisses away my tears. "You look so beautiful like this Ana, growing with my children. Makes me want you more than ever."

Needing no more invitation than this I throw my arms around his neck and press my naked body against his still clothed one.

I moan when one of Christian's hands moves to cup me, playing with me, his other hand pulls at his clothes as he devours me. He is naked in record time and backs me up to the bed pushing me down gently and looming over me. Wrapping one arm under my back he pulls me up along the bed effortlessly.

"You ready?" he asks breathlessly as he positions himself at my drenched entrance.

"Yes, now Christian _please,_" I beg, needing him to be inside me _right now_.

We both groan loudly as with one deep lunge Christian sheaths himself inside me to the hilt. "Oh Christ baby, you feel so fucking good," Christian moans in my ear. "So. Fucking. Good," he repeats as he thrusts into me repeatedly.

All I can do it hold on and whimper as he takes me, clinging to him with my arms and legs. Before long I can feel the familiar tightening low in my stomach and I start to almost yelp with every hard plunge of Christian's hips. I love it when Christian takes me hard and fast like this.

"Need you to come," he pants breathlessly and I can hear the strain in his voice as he tries to hold back. "Can't hold on..." he snakes his hand between us and pinches my clitoris sending me headlong into an intense orgasm, my body clutching at him desperately. He follows swiftly behind me, groaning my name in my ear and I hold him close as he lets go.

"David will wonder where we are," I murmur quietly as Christian spoons me from behind. He is running his fingertips over my swollen tummy and I feel so boneless I could sleep.

"I don't think there can be any doubt as to what we were doing Ana," he chuckles.

I gasp and sit up. "Do you think he could hear us?" I ask, horrified.

Christian gives me a 'what do you think?' look. "You were so loud I reckon he would have heard you from his apartment ten floors down," he grins.

I press my hands to my flaming cheeks. "I wont be able to look him in the eyes. What will he think of us?"

Christian sits up and pulls my hands away, holding them in his. "He will think we are a happily married couple on our honeymoon."

I look at him sceptically. "Can I just stay in here until we have to leave?"

He laughs loudly and pulls me from the bed. Once we have cleaned up and I have put on my comfy pyjamas, much to Christian's amusement, we venture out of the room. I am starving by now so I am willing to risk the embarrassment of having to face the person who heard me having sex with my husband. I breathe a sigh of relief when David is nowhere to be seen.

"I told him to head out when he had our supper set up," Christian informs me as he heads to the fireplace where there is what looks like an indoor picnic set up for us. Yum!

We sit on the plush rug and help ourselves to the spread of crackers, cheese and fruit. It's delicious. I have a glass of what is quickly becoming a favourite drink of mine...milk, while Christian drinks wine.

"How long will we be staying in New York?"

Christian swallows before answering me. I stare at him, loving how his mouth and throat work while he eats. "Not long at all actually, we are leaving tomorrow."

"Tomorrow? Why so soon?" I am surprised our visit is so short, I had hoped to see the sights.

"There is more bad weather forecast, it's going to get really cold and I don't want you out in that. I won't risk you slipping on ice in your condition."

I resist rolling my eyes. I want to disagree with him but realistically he has a point. I have terrible balance at the best of times, add icy sidewalks into the mix and you have a recipe for disaster. Seeing my disappointment Christian tells me we can come back soon for a visit and he will take me to see all the sights then.

**As our plane takes off **the following day I bid a silent farewell to New York. Our visit was short but sweet and I look forward to coming back. We seem to be heading east, much to my delight. East means Europe!

"Where are we going?"

Christian grins at me, "I suppose I can tell you now we are on our way." I look at him expectantly. "For the second leg...we are going to Italy."

"Italy?" I squeal.

He nods, "we will be making a few stops, Rome, Tuscany possibly Sorrento."

I sigh, Italy. I have always wanted to go there, the whole country seems to be steeped in a rich history. I can't wipe the grin off my face. The seat belt sign has gone off so I unbuckle myself and move into Christian's lap. I kiss him softly, "thank you for this, all of this."

"You don't need to thank me baby, I live to give you everything, to see your face in moments like this."

I melt at his words. Leaning forward I press my mouth against his. "Take me to bed, husband."

He nips my bottom lip. "Your wish is my command, wife." He stands up and carries me to the small bedroom at the back of the plane.

**Italy really is the most** beautiful country, with the most delicious food. In the two weeks we have been here Christian and I have done little other than sight see and eat...and make love. We did manage to squeeze in an appointment with a doctor just to check in on how myself and the babies doing. Everything looks perfect.

We have been to all the popular tourist destinations and Christian has been relaxed and happy as we strolled around arm in arm. He has commented numerous times on how refreshing it is that no one cares who we are here. How we have the freedom to move around without being followed by idiots with cameras.

Tonight we leave this beautiful place and head to the last destination of our honeymoon. The last leg of our trip is on a boat in the south of France. We will be traveling around visiting St. Tropez and Nice among other places.

"I would like to come back here someday," I muse as we walk along a cobble stoned street in Rome. "See the places not on the tourist trail, maybe visit a vineyard or two."

Christian wraps his arm tighter around my waist, "I would like that too. Maybe we could buy a Villa here, I really liked Lake Como. Maybe I could get into the wine making business."

I think I need to stop saying it out loud when I like something. Every time I do Christian tries to buy it for me.

I'm a little sad to be leaving Italy but excited to be spending the rest of our honeymoon on a boat with Christian. Taylor will be there too of course but he has been good at staying hidden so far on our trip and I am sure he will be the same while on the boat.

"That's a _big_ boat."

Christian rolls his eyes, "she's a yacht, baby. You'll hurt her feelings calling her a boat."

"Her?" I ask incredulously, surprised that I feel envious of Christians affection for an inanimate object. He just laughs at me.

"Its weird is what it is," I huff in annoyance.

He pulls me close, still chuckling. "I think I like it when you're jealous, maybe I need to make you jealous more often."

I scowl, "and maybe _I_ will have to do the same."

His face falls, "then again...perhaps not." Of course not. God forbid anyone would even look in my direction. I have seen him shoot a few death glares at a couple of guys while we were strolling around in Italy.

As we make our way up the gangplank onto the bo..._yacht _I grin when I realise Christians jealously comes from a place of love for me. It makes me feel wanted and after so many years of never being wanted there is no better feeling for me than that.

I turn around and throw myself into his arms, kissing him fiercely. He responds instantly kissing me back.

"What was that for?" he asks when I pull away.

"Because I love you."

"I love you too baby, I love you too."

**A/N I'm just gonna say it...I really don't like how this chapter turned out but I'm so over trying to fix it I'm just gonna post it before I delete the f**king thing :(**


	55. Chapter 55

**A****/N Thank you for all the encouraging reviews after my mini meltdown writing the last chapter. Sometimes my words just won't come out the way I want them to and it's extremely frustrating. I am just thankful it's not the dreaded writer's block I am getting!**

**It took me a few extra days to write this as I had a plot bunny jumping around my head that wouldn't leave me alone until I wrote down a quick outline of the story. I won't be starting it until after I have this complete though as I don't think I could manage two stories at once and do them both justice! **

**Probably should have given this another read through but I'm already late and wanted to post so please forgive any mistakes x **

**CPOV**

"**Just fucking get it done Andrea,"** I shout into the desk phone and slam my hand down on the disconnect button. Jesus how hard is it to follow a simple fucking request?

I came back to work this morning after a month away and I am grumpy as fuck. I pull out my iPhone and look at the picture I took of my wife this morning as she slept. She looked so adorable snuggled up in the blanket with her wild brown hair spread out all around her I had to take a picture. I wanted to wake her up but I didn't as we only got home late last night and she was exhausted. We didn't even get to fuck before she fell asleep. Hmm, perhaps that is the reason I am in such a foul mood today.

Tomorrow evening we are having a welcome home dinner at my parents with all the family. Ana and I decided this would be a good time to share the news of our pregnancy with them. Not that we can hide it much longer as Ana has really started to pop out over the last few weeks. It is amazing how quickly she is growing now as she wasn't showing at all for so long. As much as I want to protect her from the media a very large part of me wants the whole world to know Ana is pregnant with my babies. It will let people know once and for all that she belongs to me. Mine alone.

Looking at the clock I see it is almost ten am. Surely she is up now. I decide to send her a quick text.

_Morning baby, you up? X_

Her reply is almost instant. _Yes…why you didn't wake me before you left?_

_Didn't want to disturb you, it was late when we got back last night. How are you feeling today__?__…you had better be taking it __easy._

_I didn't get my morning kiss _She accompanies her text with a pouty face causing me to grin stupidly.

Well, I didn't get my morning fuck, I type but delete it quickly. I notice she completely ignored my comment about taking it easy today. Her comment however has my pants becoming considerably tighter, _fuck_. Maybe I can go home early. I look at the pile of files and broadsheets on my desk and know that's impossible. An idea hits me and I send another text, typing so fast I make a few mistakes and have to retype it…_Do you want to come meet me for lunch at GEH? _

This time she doesn't respond.

_Ana? _Nothing, I try again. _Ana? What the fuck is going on?_

It has been three minutes since her last message. I am just starting to dial her number when my phone dings with her reply. Jeez, c_alm down Mr Impatient…I had to use the bathroom. _

_Sorry._

_Its okay x I can't come today, Kate is coming here to Escala to have lunch with me._

_Fucking Kavanagh. Tell her you have changed your plans._

_Don't be silly Christian I can't do that, I've already said yes. It would be rude._

_So? And stop rolling your eyes Mrs Grey._

_Stop sulking Christian! Anyone would think you haven't seen me for weeks and not just gotten back from a month long honeymoon!_

What the hell has that got to do with anything? I squint to make out what she has sent at the end of the message. Is that…is that an eye rolling emoji? My fingers fly across the touchscreen as I type out my reply.

_Wait until I get home Mrs Grey, you will play for that one…_

There is an extended minute of silence as I wait for her reply. Was I too harsh? Surely she knows I was only kidding around? I read back over what I wrote and curse when I see my spelling mistake. I am in the middle of typing another message when a single word pops up on my screen accompanied by the familiar ping.

_Promise…?_

Ho…ly shit. My previously too snug pants all of a sudden feel two sizes too small. Still, I want her to know that wasn't what I meant.

_That was a mistake sweetheart, the message was supposed to say pay…not play. You know what the autocorrect is like on these things. _

_Freudian slip perhaps? I will be waiting for you to deliver on your threat Mr Grey._

_Looks like I will have to put some thought into it then…Laters baby x_I sign off with an Elliotism.

_Laters X_

The rest of my workday is ruined as I try to come up with the perfect idea for our playtime later.

**Ana POV**

"**Hi Kate," I greet Kate as she** gets off the elevator. She looks a bit pale to me…has she been crying? "You okay?"

She smiles weakly, "yeah, just a headache."

I have gotten to know Kate pretty well over the last few months and I would like to think we have become really close friends, but I know she is lying to me right now. Something is bothering her to the point that she looks almost sick and I am worried about her. Thinking back to our conversation weeks ago, about how Elliott wants children and she isn't so sure, I wonder if they have had a fight. Gosh I hope not, Elliott and Kate are perfect for each other. True, they are each other's opposite in almost every way but somehow that just seems to work for them. I would hate if their relationship didn't work out because of this.

Not wanting to pry I decide to drop it and hope she will open up to me if she needs someone to talk to. "Do you want a glass of wine? I made sure I had a bottle of your favourite here …" I trail off as Kate bursts into tears.

"I…I can't drink w…wine," she hiccups loudly.

Oh no! I rush over and lay a comforting hand on her back, leading her to the couch. "Okay then, no wine. How about a cup of tea?" I offer gently. "I always find tea helps if I'm upset."

Kate laughs despite her tears, "yeah, a cup of tea would be nice, thanks."

I make the tea in silence, keeping one eye trained on the couch where Kate sits sniffling into a tissue every couple of minutes. Once I am done I place the pot and cups onto a tray with a plate of chocolate biscuits that I keep for emergencies. Chocolate is another thing I eat when upset, even though I know it's particularly bad for my diabetes.

"Here we go," I say as I lay the tray on the low coffee table and pour. Sitting back I blow the steam off my cup before taking a small sip. Kate hasn't touched hers.

"I'm pregnant," Kate whispers and I almost drop the steaming cup in my hands. I place it carefully back on the tray and turn to face my friend.

"Excuse me? Did you just…you're _pregnant,_" I gape in shock.

Kate nods and the tears are leaking down her face again. She grabs a biscuit and shoves it in her mouth.

"How far along are you? Does Elliott know?"

More tears. "No," Kate mumbles around a mouthful of crumbs. "I only found out yesterday. I missed my period and took a test, three tests actually, then I went to my doctor and she said I'm about six weeks along."

There is no need to ask if this was planned. Even if I didn't know Kate didn't want children right now, her reaction to this is obvious. This pregnancy was clearly unplanned, just like mine. I am certain though that Elliott will react a lot better than his brother did.

"What are you going to do?"

"I don't know," she murmurs and I feel so bad for her. "My career is just taking off and I'm not even close to getting married. I'm still living in an apartment with my brother for crying out loud." Her voice is getting more hysterical by the second. Kate is obviously panicking.

"Hey, hey it's not as bad as all that," I sooth, scooting closer to her and wrappig my arm around her shaking shoulders. "This isn't the nineteen fifties; you can still work and have children if you want. And you know Elliott wants kids, he will be over the moon, I'm sure of it."

Her mouth twists. "But you're pregnant and you don't work! And Elliott? I know he wants kids but…but what if he doesn't want them with _me?_"

I try my best not to get defensive, I know Kate is freaking out right now and not trying to deliberately insult me. "I don't work right now, it's true, but when I have these babies I plan on getting my GED and going to college." I rub my rapidly growing bump. "I might do an online course so I can stay with my babies, maybe, I'm not sure. I haven't figured it all out yet, but I'm not worried. Christian knows getting an education is important to me, and I have a few ideas of what I would like to do."

"I'm sorry Ana, I didn't mean to imply…I just don't know what I am going to do." Kate has stopped crying but her eyes are all red and puffy and her make-up is streaked, she's a mess.

"Have…" I hesitate because I hate to ask the question but I need to know if Kate has considered all her options. "Have you decided if you are going to keep it, or…" I trail off. Abortion is not something I could ever see myself considering, and I really can't see Kate doing it either, but I need to know what direction her thoughts are headed.

"What do you mean? Oh, God no Ana I could never do that." Her hand flutters unconsciously to her stomach and I allow myself a small smile seeing how she is already protective of the baby. Kate may be worried about being a mother but from what I see and knowing she is a good and loyal person I know she will make a great mom.

"When are you going to tell Elliott?"

She bites her lip, "I don't know, I just found out, and after telling him I'm not sure if I even want kids I think he might be planning on dumping me anyway." Her eyes fill with tears again.

How can such a beautiful, talented girl like Kate lack so much confidence? I always admired how she had it all together but this has really thrown her and I feel bad for her, but I know that this will work out fine in the end. "I don't think that's true Kate. I see the way he looks at you, he adores you." I try to reassure her.

"You think?" she asks hopefully and sniffles.

"Yes, now, go wash your face and I will make a fresh pot of tea."

Kate leans forward and wraps her arms around me tightly. "Thank you Ana, you're the best friend I've ever had."

**Later, when Kate has gone home**, I have convinced Gail to allow me to cook dinner for Christian. She was a little worried that I would be too tired but I assured her that I am fine. Honestly, she worries more than Christian sometimes. I enjoy cooking for Christian and there are a few dishes Gail taught me that I am getting quite good at. I even borrowed some cookbooks from her and have attempted a few of the recipes, baking being my favourite ones.

Today though, I am cooking to get my mind off mine and Christian's text conversation this morning. It has been a stressful day and Kate's bombshell effectively distracted me for a few hours but now I can feel anxiety bloom in my chest. He was a little peeved at me when he made the threat so I'm not sure if he made it playfully or if he said it because he was pissed off with me. It is so hard to gauge some ones mood from a text message.

I know he would never hurt me, I _know _that, but that doesn't stop the little bit of apprehension I am feeling. Why did I tease him? At the time I thought it was funny but now…I'm not so sure it was such a good idea. And why did I tell him I would be waiting for him to 'play' with me? What will he want to do to me?

I groan, I shouldn't tease him when I have no idea what I am talking about. We have done a few slightly kinky things together but what if he now expects me to do some of that other stuff? Maybe I could try…no, no I know I can't do it.

By the time Christian gets home I am a mess. I have worked myself into a bit of a state and I have just burnt both myself and his dinner. _Shit. _I rush over and run my scalded wrist under the cold tap. Christian must smell the ruined chicken as his nose is all scrunched up when he comes into the kitchen area. "Ana?"

I know how foolish I am to be worrying over this. Christian is my husband, he loves me. But for some unknown reason I can't seem to calm my anxiety. My mind is telling me he will be disappointed if I can't deliver on my promise, no matter how much he tries to hide it. I take a deep breath and plaster on the biggest smile I can manage and turn to face him.

"What's the matter?" he asks immediately and rounds the counter to me. He takes my face gently in both his hands and looks worried.

"Nothing," I lie. "Except I just burnt dinner, I'm sorry, I will have to make something else if you don't mind waiting. Is there anything you fancy? I can pour you a glass of wine and you can stay here or go to your study. I will call you when …."

"Ana," Christian cuts me off and pulls me back to him. I had pulled away and started to wander around the kitchen while I babbled nonsensically. "Look at me."

I look up into his face and at the same time I realise my breathing is rapid I notice that his face is a little blurry in my vision. Christian must notice my unfocused gaze because he quickly leans over, turns off the cooker and picks me up bridal style in his arms.

My brain must be working slowly or something and I am feeling confused because when he takes me into the bedroom I start to think he is going to make good on his promise to make me pay for this morning. "Didn't you want dinner first before we…do that?" I ask weakly.

Christian has sat me on the edge of the bed and is now rummaging in the drawers at my vanity table. Does he have something in there he plans on punishing me with? Shit, my head is fuzzy, why can't I think straight? "Christian no, I don't want…"

"Don't be ridiculous Ana," he snaps. Yeah, he is definitely angry. What is he going to do? "You promised," I think I hear him mutter. Well, that's true I suppose, but can't I change my mind?

He pulls out his phone while he takes something out of the drawer. Who could he possibly be ringing? He turns and comes towards me swiftly, I don't look at what's in his hands as I really don't want to know. Did he keep some of those awful looking whips? My stomach drops…did he keep a belt for when I am out of line?

"Mom?" Why would he be calling his mother at a time like this? That's a little…strange. God I'm sleepy, maybe if I just have a quick nap things will start making sense. I close my eyes and flop back on the bed while Christian speaks on the phone to his Mom.

"Ana? Ana!" Christian almost screams.

"I'm tired," I mumble. "We can have sex later Christian." I open one eye and notice Christian looking at the phone in his hand before explaining to it that I am acting really confused. Noticed that did he?

He grabs my hand and I feel the little sharp prick on my finger from the needle that takes my blood sugar levels. Things start to make a little sense.

"Thirty eight…Jesus Mom, what do I do?"

I can hear rapid talking on the other end of the line and then Christian calls out for Taylor. When Taylor runs into the room Christian shouts something at him and he leaves quickly. Christian then makes his way over to me and pulls me up the bed, resting me against the pillows. "Baby? Can you hear me?"

I am just about to answer when Taylor tears back into the room with something in his hand. Is that a carton of orange juice? Christian pours a small glass and holds it to my lips. "Drink Ana," he orders and I do as he says. I am actually quite thirsty.

"She's drinking it," he says into the phone. "How long? Fifteen minutes...okay, I'll call you back."

I finish the juice quickly. "I want to sleep," I grumble, feeling cranky.

"Not yet sweetheart, maybe in a little while. Why don't you tell me what you did today," Christian says while pulling me up a little so he can sit in behind me on the bed. Why wont he let me go to sleep?

"You're so mean," I complain but for the next few minutes I oblige him and tell him what I got up to today, leaving out the conversation I had with Kate. To my surprise I actually start to feel more alert.

Christian pricks my finger again and sighs in relief. "Here, drink a little more okay?" he gives me more juice.

The more alert I become the more I understand what happened to me. I turn to Christian. "My levels dropped?"

He kisses my forehead. "Yes, they did. Did you not eat earlier or check your levels?" he asks accusingly.

"Of course I did! Oh my God, are the babies okay?" I grab my bump.

Christians large hands cover mine over my rounded tummy, "they're okay baby, my mom said as long as I got your glucose up fairly quickly there would be no harm done. But we are going to the doctor first thing in the morning, we need to understand why this happened.

"Okay."

"You scared me," Christian nuzzles my ear.

"I'm sorry, I don't know what happened to cause such a drop so fast." I don't like it, it scares me that my body could turn on me like that.

"Don't be sorry. It's not your fault. Now come on and get something to eat so you can get some proper rest."

And just like that I feel fine again, if perhaps a little tired, this illness really is scary sometimes and now I feel as though I will have to be even more cautious going forward. If I did anything to hurt my babies I would never forgive myself.

**A/N Apparently it is quite common to be ridiculously confused with low blood sugar, it can cause clumsiness, anxiety, fainting****, grouchiness**** and a whole load of other things. Also low blood sugar in pregnancy is extremely common and can escalate quite quickly, especially during times of stress.**

**That whole episode at the end, from her initial anxiety to hardly knowing what was going on around her, was caused by Ana's blood sugar dropping rapidly without her realising it, which is quite common in women with diabetes when they reach the second trimester of their pregnancy. Scary stuff!**

**Please review xxx**


	56. Chapter 56

**A****/N Thanks to everyone who read****,**** reviewed and/or PM'd the last chapter. Just one teensy little thing I wanted to clear up…Christian would **_**never**_** hurt Ana, and she does trust him completely. It was her illness that confused her and caused her anxiety. **

**Anyone who has ever had an anxiety attack will tell you that the things they worry about mid attack don't always make the best sense later. They can sometimes freak out about something that in a calm state they know would realistically never happen…that has been my experience anyway. Add to this the other effects of her illness and we had one very confused Ana.**

**Christian POV**

**I can't sleep. In fact, **I may never sleep again. Ana is snoring lightly beside me but no matter how hard I try I can't relax my mind enough to allow me to fall asleep. I look at the faintly glowing light of the bedside clock and see that it is closing in on four am. Reaching over I flick on the dimmed bedside lamp and take the testing kit from beside the clock and for the third time since she fell asleep, I take Ana's glucose level. She is so used to the tiny needle she doesn't even stir when I prick her finger. One hundred and two, that's good, relieved for now I flop back down on my pillow wearily. Just because I can't sleep doesn't mean I am not tired.

My heart almost stopped when I realised what was going on when I came home last night. The unfamiliar smell of burning food hit me the moment I got off the elevator. When I found Ana stumbling around the kitchen alarm bells immediately started to ring in my head. I looked into her unfocused gaze and thanks to my continuous research on her illness I knew that her sugar levels had dropped dangerously low. The most frightening part however was Ana didn't even realise it was happening.

I wrongly assumed that she hadn't checked her own blood sugar or that she had skipped a meal, but this wasn't the case. Ana assured me she did nothing differently than any other day since she found out she was pregnant. Once she fell asleep I rang her OBGYN at home and demanded to know what could have gone wrong.

Dr Porter assured me that this can happen during the second trimester. To be fair she had warned us of this at our appointment before our wedding. I did take Ana to other doctors while we were on our honeymoon but maybe that wasn't good enough. Was this all my fault? I asked Dr Porter as much but she assured me that sometimes during pregnancy this cannot be helped. "Even perfectly healthy women can suffer with low blood glucose when pregnant." She had explained calmly. I think she was just trying to make me feel less guilty.

We have an appointment to see her this morning at ten am, which reminds me I must ring Ros and tell her I won't be in work today. I will have to get Andrea to gather a few files for Sawyer to pick up so I can work from home. The idea enters my head that maybe I can start working from home a couple of days a week from now on. I will talk to Ros about it and see if she is okay with handling things while I'm not in the office. After all, I do plan on taking an extended amount of time off when the twins come. Ros coped fine while I was away for the last month, I am confident she can handle it if I start to hand her over some more responsibilities.

Sighing, I wrap myself around Ana bury my face in her wild hair and sooth myself by gently rubbing her swollen tummy. In her sleep Ana snuggles further back against me and makes a contented snort. It makes me smile for the first time since last night.

I must eventually fall asleep because I wake to the annoying beeping of my alarm. I reach over and turn it off before it wakes Ana. I am so tired I decide to snuggle back in beside her and close my eyes for another five minutes.

"Christian," I hear an angel calling softly. "Christian," she calls again in a sing song voice. I grunt incoherently and am rewarded with the soft sound of glorious giggles. I open one eye to see the most beautiful face in the world peering down at me.

"Hi," she smiles.

"Hi," my voice is husky from sleep and sounds rough next to her sweet sound. I reach up and run my fingertips along her cheek, still marked from the sheets, her hair in even more of a mess than it was last night and from this close I can see her long brown eyelashes are all tangled. She is so beautiful. "How are you feeling?"

She shrugs and her smile falters a little. "Fine…embarrassed."

I cup her face in my hands and force her wandering eyes back to me. "Why on earth would you be embarrassed? You were sick, that's not your fault."

"I guess," she agrees slowly but doesn't seem convinced.

"I called Dr Porter last night and she said this can happen no matter what precautions we might take. We are just going to have to be more vigilant in the future."

"_More _vigilant? I don't think that is possible."

"There are always ways sweetheart, we will see the doctor and go from there."

"Okay. What time is the appointment?"

I glance at the bedside clock and blanch when I see that it is already eight-thirty. I overslept, shit. How can I go from thinking I'll never sleep again to not fucking waking up at all? "It's at ten." I give her a quick kiss, "you go hop in the shower and get ready and I will have Gail prepare breakfast. I have to ring Ros real quick too."

She quickly hops off the bed when she realises we are running late and makes her way to the bathroom while I throw on a pair of sweats. I will shower after her, there's no point in getting into the shower with her, we'd never leave on time. "Don't forget to check your levels," I shout after her as I leave the room.

"Doing it now," she hollers back.

Dr Porter's office is packed so we have to sit and wait in a back room until she is free to see us. It's not that I mind sitting in a waiting room full of pregnant women and little kids, well I do, but it has more to do with the fact that nobody knows about our pregnancy yet except for our parents and Kate. We have planned a meal for this evening at my parents' and Ray is invited too. Though, at this stage most of the people at that table know already. I smirk to myself when I think about it.

"What has you so happy?" Ana asks as she smiles up at me.

My grin broadens, "I am picturing Mia's reaction when she realises everyone knew about the babies before her. I wonder if she will have a tantrum, it's been a while."

Ana swats my arm. "Don't tease your sister," she scolds. "Anyway, Elliott doesn't know either."

I shrug, "Elliott won't give a shit if he finds out last." It's true; he will just be delighted for us when he sees how happy we are. Of course there will be months of ribbing and teasing ahead but that's just Elliott's way of showing us that he cares. If Elliott doesn't take the piss out of you, that's when you might have a problem.

"I still can't believe Kavanagh guessed," I say offhandedly. I am surprised when Ana looks uncomfortable for a second before looking intently at a poster about the benefits of breast feeding so I can't see her face.

"Ana? What's the matter?" I ask as I try to peer around her to see her expression.

"N…nothing, it's nothing." She says quickly.

My wife can't lie for shit. Her stutter, which has mostly disappeared, only rears its head when she is nervous. Or, as in this case, lying to me. "Okay now I know something is up. Tell me." I demand flatly.

"I can't, I promised." Ana is still looking at the poster.

I don't like when she keeps secrets from me. I want her to tell me everything. "Why not?" I can hear the pathetic whine in my voice.

"Because it's not my secret to tell," she turns and wags her little finger at me, it's adorable. "Now stop sulking."

Sulking? Me? "I don't sulk," I whine again. But Ana simply giggles at me and takes my hand in her small one and places them over her bump.

Despite what occurred yesterday, Dr Porter seems to think Ana is in good health overall. She increases the frequency of the level checks and makes Ana promise to eat little and more often during the day.

"So what set it off?" I don't like that we can't get a definitive answer on why Ana got sick so fast. It scares me and makes me think we might not be able to control this as the pregnancy progresses.

The Doc sits down behind her desk after examining Ana's blood pressure and steeples her fingers. "We may never know. From what Ana has told me she has been quite diligent about eating and looking after herself physically. I have seen cases where some women are particularly sensitive when stressed." She stares at Ana meaningfully, "is there anything you were stressed about yesterday Ana?"

Ana's face turns bright pink. "Umm, maybe, but not until after I already felt off so…no I don't think that's what caused it," she murmurs.

"Do you want to talk about it? Christian can leave the room if you would prefer." Like fuck I will. Why do doctors keep trying to send me away? She is my wife goddamn it!

"No, no I don't want to talk about it. I will just be more aware in future, thank you doctor." The colour is slowly fading from Ana's cheeks. Well, she may not have told the doctor what happened yesterday but she will definitely be telling me as soon as we get home.

However in the car on the way home the curiosity gets the better of me and the question bursts out unbidden from my mouth. "What wouldn't you tell the doctor?"

She sighs but looks straight ahead. "Not here," she says and I understand. She doesn't want to discuss this with Taylor within easy earshot.

We get home and I manage to make it through lunch before I ask her again what she wouldn't tell Dr Porter. We are sitting in the library on Ana's favourite overstuffed couch. She is covered with a woollen blanket and I am massaging her feet. I really should be in my office working but I am still too afraid to leave her on her own.

"It was our text conversation yesterday morning," she says hesitantly.

I inhale a sharp breath and my hands freeze on her feet, "the one where I said I was going to make you pay for rolling your eyes?"

"Yeah…I started thinking I shouldn't have teased you…I wasn't sure how mad you were."

I lean over and pull her more fully onto my lap and fix the blanket around her. "Baby, you don't think I would ever hurt you…do you?" I say into her hair, my gut twisting as I think she might be afraid of me.

"No, not hurt me exactly. But I was afraid you might want me to do …things…" she trails off uncertainly.

I try to recall our entire conversation. "Things? What sort of things?" Then it hits me. Ana thought I wanted to do BDSM with her. I put a finger under her chin and lift her face to mine, she is biting her lip. "Sweetheart, I would never _ever_ expect you to do anything you weren't one hundred percent comfortable with. Do you hear me? Never. Tell me you know that?" I say vehemently.

"I _do_ know that Christian, haven't you shown me time and again how patient you are with me. You never push anything I am even the slightest bit hesitant about. And the few things we have done have been amazing. I truly wasn't worried about it at all until I started feeling off while cooking dinner. I had the whole day to panic and I barely even thought about it, other than to look forward to it if I'm honest."

I am slightly mollified by her explanation. "Are you sure that's what it was? You weren't just supressing your anxiety until you could no longer control it?"

"What else could it be? I didn't feel off or worried at all until the evening. It's the only thing that makes sense to me."

"Only if you are positive Ana, though perhaps you should discuss what happened next week at your appointment with Flynn." Ana hasn't had an appointment in weeks and after this I am anxious for her to talk to him again soon.

"Yes, I had already planned to."

"Good girl, now what do you want to do this afternoon?" I ask, needing to change the subject. We can discuss it further after she talks to Flynn and gets his input.

She perks up, "don't you have to work?"

"Nope," I lie. "I'm all yours."

Ana gets a gleam in her eye and grins shyly at me. "Well.." she says slowly. "We haven't, you know, in forever."

"It hasn't been that long has it?" I tease her but I'm running my hand up her thigh as I do.

"It's been two whole days Christian!" she says indignantly, all shyness gone.

I don't say anymore, I only grin as I lay her back on the comfortable couch and make love to my wife for the rest of the afternoon. We stop reluctantly so we won't be late for dinner with our family.

"**That's was delicious Grace,** thank you." Ana says politely as she places her knife and fork on her empty plate.

My Mom smiles hugely at her. "You are most welcome Ana, dear."

Everyone else has finished as well so Gretchen comes and clears our places. Then my Mom scurries off to the kitchen and comes back carrying a plate with what looks like a massive spiky snowball on it. Elliott laughs.

"What the fu..er, hell is that? He asks stupidly. I say stupid, but _I_ don't have the first clue what it is either. Kate is looking at it as if it is a bomb waiting to explode.

"Ooh Grace, a Baked Alaska, it looks fantastic," Ana gushes. "I have been wanting to try one ever since it was on Masterchef weeks ago but I'm afraid I will mess it up."

My Mom giggles like a schoolgirl and Elliott and I give each other our 'what the fuck?' look. Since when does my mother, the paediatrician, _giggle_? I look and see my Dad just beaming away at her. "That's where I saw it Ana, when you mentioned liking the show I decided to give it a look see and now we have been hooked, haven't we Mia?" she turns to my sister who is sitting there nodding away happily. I think I see Ethan covertly rolling his eyes but I can't be sure. Ray just looks bemused at the whole conversation.

"But that Gordon Ramsey," Mom says sternly. "He has a filthy mouth on him, even if he is kind of handsome in a rugged sort of way." My Dad laughs loudly at this, not at all bothered that his wife has just admitted to fancying another guy. How much has she had to drink?

Mia squeals and gags, "Mom ewww, no, he's _old! _Ana tell Mom he's too old." Ana just shrugs but says nothing.

What. The. _Fuck_. Does Ana fancy this Gordon Ramsbottom guy? I break out into a cold sweat. I am starting to hyperventilate when I feel Ana's small hand squeeze my thigh under the table. Of course Little Christian stands to attention instantly, completely forgetting he was in action all afternoon. I look at her and she rolls her eyes and mouths 'calm down' at me. 'Fine' I mouth back and lean over to whisper in her ear, "we will be discussing this later." She just laughs at me.

Oblivious to the heart attack she almost caused me to have; my mother is happily cutting the desert and doling it out. "I used half sugar, half sweetener in both the meringue and ice cream Ana, so you should be able to have a small slice without any worries."

"Thank you Grace," Ana says appreciatively as she accepts a plate. I try mine and I have to admit it tastes pretty good. Even if I want to choke this guy they got the recipe from. After much praise from everyone the desert is finished and coffee is brought out, tea for Ana. While it is being poured I take the opportunity to google this Gordon Ramsbottom guy. I hide my phone in my lap and look him up. Gordon Ramsey…that must be him, I tap the name and the image of a wrinkly guy who is at least in his fifties pops up on my screen. I almost laugh. Ana elbows me and I put away my phone and give her a smug grin. That fucker has nothing on me.

At a lull in the conversation I decide it is now or never to share our news. I clear my throat and everyone's gaze swings to me. I reach over and take Ana's hand in mine. "I just wanted to tell everyone while we are all together, that Ana and I are going to have a baby, two in fact. We are having twins." There is a moment of silence before the squeals of delight and whoops of congratulations start. Everyone jumps up and crowds round us to offer hugs and handshakes.

"Oh my God, oh my God," Mia is chanting and dancing on the spot. "I'm going to be an Auntie! Oh congratulations guys." She pushes her way over to us and envelops Ana in a bone crushing hug.

"Careful Mia, for crying out loud," I almost yell at her but she ignores me.

Elliot claps me on the back and shakes my hand. "Who knew you had it in you bro?" he laughs. "I can't wait to take the little guys fishing and teach them to play catch."

"Elliott, honey, Children can't do any of that until they are about four years old," my Mom informs him.

"Oh." His face drops.

"Hey!" Mia cries suddenly as she pulls back from Ana. She reaches over and pulls up Ana's loose sweater to reveal her hidden little bump. "How far gone are you?"

Ana looks a little apprehensive of Mia's reaction. "Uh, nineteen weeks."

"_Nineteen weeks_? Is that why you got married so fast? Why didn't you tell us sooner?" Mia shrieks.

"Well," I explain, a little frustrated with her lack of tact. "We didn't want the media to know and Mom, Dad and Ray already knew and Kate guessed weeks ago…"

"So everyone knew all this time except me?" she pouts.

"Mia for God's sake, show some maturity," my Mom snaps making me grin. Elliott silently pretends to be a bawling baby behind her. Ethan comes over and congratulates us before pulling Mia away.

Kate comes forward and offers Ana a small smile and gives her a hug. "I'm so happy for you," she says quietly. Actually, Kate has been uncharacteristically quiet all evening. There is definitely something up with her.

"Twins," Ray chuckles. "You're going to have your hands full Pumpkin." I forgot we hadn't told Ray it was twins yet. He hugs his daughter and shakes my hand. I'm glad he seems genuinely happy to become a grandfather now that we are married.

A celebratory bottle of champagne that my mother had conveniently chilling is opened and everyone except Ana and Kate who is driving, drink to toast our good news which is finally out in the open.

"Is it boys or girls?" Mia, who has escaped Ethan's clutches, asks from beside Ana.

"We don't know yet," I say. "And we haven't decided if we are telling people anyway." I add that last bit to piss her off.

"Don't be so mean Christian! Anyway we will need to know for the baby shower."

"Baby shower?" Both Ana and I say at the same time, a similar note of dread in our tone.

Mia rolls her eyes dramatically. "Yes, you simply _have_ to have a baby shower." She pauses for dramatic effect, "And _I_ will organise it. Event planning is my job after all."

Nobody makes a sound, Ana even manages a small smile, but I can practically _feel_ everyone in the room groan.

**A/N That bit about Masterchef? Yeah…I get most of my (failed) cooking ideas from Masterchef Australia. It's the best version of that show in my opinion.**

**I have the next chapter written all I have to do is edit it so it should be up this weekend. **

**Please review xxx**


	57. Chapter 57

**A****/N Thank you guys for your amazing reviews and I am sorry I'm so crap at responding.**

**Something a little different for this chapter. I'm taking a wee break from Ana and Christian for the third chapter this week.**

**Kate POV**

"**Can you believe my little** bro is gonna be a baby daddy?" A slightly steamed Elliott asks excitedly from the passenger seat of my car. "Twice!"

"It's great news," I say quietly as I wonder how he will react when I tell him that I am pregnant too. Will he be this happy? Or disappointed that he is now stuck with a girlfriend he might no longer want.

Elliott hasn't been the same around me lately, ever since our conversation about children. The conversation came out of the blue one night a couple of months back when we were snuggled up on his couch watching a movie.

"Do you want that?" He had asked softly as we were watching Grown Ups.

"What? Bacon cooked on an insect lamp? Eww Elliott," I had giggled. The question didn't surprise me. My goofy boyfriend is liable to ask the strangest questions at times. It is what makes him so funny and is one of the things I love most about him, he is never boring.

He chuckled and nuzzled my ear and I shivered. "No. I mean that life…do you want kids?"

I know he felt the tension in my body when he asked, even if he didn't comment on it. "I…it's not something I have considered," I hedged. "Why do you ask?"

I felt him shrug, "just wondering."

I sat up and faced him, "do _you_ want that?" I waved toward the TV.

Elliott was silent for a moment while he watched me closely. For all his joking around Elliott can be quite observant when he wants to be. "Yeah," he breathed. "I want that."

Needing to be honest I told him that I don't want children yet, if ever. I explained that I wanted to concentrate on my career and felt too young. At the time he said he understood but we haven't spoken about it since and Elliott has definitely not been the same around me lately. He seems a bit closed off, nervous even. Part of me just wants to give in and tell him that yes; I will have a baby now to keep him happy. But deep down I know how wrong that would be.

I am afraid I would regret my decision, feel trapped, and come to resent him for it. I would never want us to have a relationship as cold and sterile as my parent's one. I can't have a child growing up in the tense atmosphere myself and Ethan were subjected to. It wouldn't be fair. Our parents loved us…they just didn't love each other. How they are still together is a mystery to me. Probably neither of them want to admit failure.

And of course now it turns out that I am pregnant anyway. I know that if I tell Elliott I am having his baby he will ask me to marry him. He is an honourable man and quite old fashioned, despite appearances, and would feel as though it was his duty.

But if he asked me that way…because he felt he had no other choice, there is no way I could say yes. And then what? My stomach heaves and my eyes sting. I can't lose him, I just can't. I love him so much.

"Katie?" he sounds worried. "You okay?"

"Fine, I'm fine, just a bit tired," I mumble. I pull up outside his house and keep the engine running. Despite the almost crippling fear of losing him I need some time alone to sort out my thoughts, figure out how I am going to drop this bomb on him.

"What's going on, aren't you staying?" he asks as he unbuckles his seatbelt.

"I can't tonight," I lie. "I am meeting my mom for breakfast in the morning and all my clean clothes are at my place."

Elliott leans over and watches me suspiciously but I won't meet his gaze. "Kay," he says slowly. "Maybe that's for the best."

My heart clenches at his words. The best for whom? Him? He sounds relieved that I'm not staying and I'm devastated. Although I have my own apartment I rarely stay there anymore, spending most of my time in Elliott's house. He leans over to kiss me automatically before he gets out of the car but I can tell he is distracted. He goes inside without looking back at me and the moment the front door slams shut I burst into tears.

I can't sleep at all and toss and turn all night. By the time I wake up I have convinced myself that Elliott is going to dump me. I had planned on thinking about how I am going to tell him I am pregnant, how I will explain that it doesn't mean he has to marry me, or even stay with me if he doesn't want to. But now none of that matters if he is finished with me.

As soon as I think he might be awake I ring him. It is later than I would like but after the few drinks he had and because it is a Saturday I wait until after ten am. The phone almost rings out before he picks up, out of breath.

"Yeah?" he says distractedly. What is he up to?

"Elliott?"

"Oh, hi Kate, I was just uh, busy with something and didn't check the caller ID before I picked up. What's up? Are you meeting your Mom?"

"I lied," I whisper.

"Okay…about what?" he sounds confused.

"I'm not meeting my Mom today."

"O-Kay," he says again, slower this time. "Why?"

"I need to talk to you, is it alright if I call over now?"

"Uh, not really," he says evasively. "Can you leave it for a couple of hours? Come over around…" he covers the mouthpiece of the phone and I think I can hear him whispering, "…two pm?"

Now I'm really curious as to what he is doing. "Who's there with you?"

"No one," he says quickly. "Must be the TV you can hear. Anyway I'll see you at two, don't be early." He hangs up.

In a history of sometimes odd phone calls with my boyfriend that had to be by far the oddest. What is he up to? The last time he was this evasive I called over to find he had filled his basement with those little colourful plastic balls and turned it into a ball pit for himself…just because. I keep telling myself this is just Elliott being Elliott but there is a niggling worry in the back of my mind. Who was he talking to, and why would he lie about it?

What if he has already found someone else? I spend the next few hours fretting and worrying that this is the case but by the time I get in the car to drive to his place I have gotten over my worry and moved onto anger. If he _is_ done with me then the least he could do is have the goddamn balls to tell me. I berate myself the whole way there thinking I shouldn't have given him the time to get rid of the bitch and just turned up and caught him red handed.

I slam the car door and stalk to his front door. I have a key but before I let myself in Elliott is there filling the doorway with a huge smile on his face. He looks so handsome, like some kind of curly haired blond God. It pisses me off.

I stalk past him and take no notice of him when he tries to halt me. Once in the living room I whirl on him. "What's going on?"

He has followed me into the living room and is standing there sheepishly. "Katie…"

"Don't Katie me, what have you been up to?"

"Babe…"

"Just tell me God damn it! Are you leav…" my question is cut off when Elliott stalks forward and silences me with his mouth. I know my temper doesn't faze him in the slightest as I have to keep him in line at least once every week or he gets carried away. Some people may think that I am unfair or even a bitch, but who wants a pet tiger in their backyard? I don't care if Mike Tyson has one! And don't get me started on the Halloween incident where he thought giving the kids stink bombs instead of sweets was a good idea. Those parents were _not_ impressed.

Elliott pulls back and I am breathing heavy from our kiss and despite everything, his kisses still make me weak in the knees. "Just shut up and look around."

I do as he says and for the first time take in my surroundings. Why is every surface covered in…are those _rose petals_? There is a bottle of champagne in a cooler with two glasses and a bowl of chocolate covered strawberries on the table. And what is that written on his t-shirt?

I read it twice because I don't believe it the first time. 'Marry me Kate' is printed on his t-shirt. Then I notice the little velvet ring box clutched in his large hand.

My hand flies to my mouth and I back away, shocked. Of all the things I was expecting, a proposal wasn't one of them. I look up into his face and Elliott is still smiling nervously. He throws his arms wide. "So, what do ya say Katie. Will you marry me?"

I do the only thing I can in this moment...I burst into tears. Elliott's face drops.

"Shit," I hear him mutter. "I knew I'd fuck it up." He starts rummaging around in his pocket and pulls out a ragged scrap of paper and clears his throat.

"How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. I love thee to the depth and breadth and…"

"Elliott shut up," I hiccup.

He folds the paper carefully but doesn't look at me. He thinks I'm saying no. "Elliott I'm," I start to sniffle but he cuts me off.

"I love you Katie girl, you do know that don't you?" he says, softer than I have ever heard him speak. Then he looks up at me and looks so worried it hurts me to see. "I can't ever see myself with anyone else and I don't care if you never want kids, I only want _you_. You are more than enough for me."

"I'm pregnant," I blurt out and bite my lips as if I can take the words back.

Elliott's eyes bug out of his head as if I have just told him the Earth was flat. His feet carry him forward like he can't help it. He stops in front of me, his mouth gaping like a fish. "What?" he chokes and I can't tell if he is happy or horrified. I thought he wanted this?

"I'm pregnant," I mumble again. "Six weeks, I only found out the other day. It was a bit of a shock." I offer him a watery smile.

The next words out of his mouth are not what I expect. "A shotgun wedding," he grins, "my Grandmother will be so proud." He wraps his big beefy arms around me and crushes me to him. His arms always feel so warm and comforting when they hold me.

"I haven't said yes yet", he hears me even though my words are muffled against his shoulder.

"But you will," he says.

"I will," I agree and nuzzle my face against him, the relief making me giddy. _He's not leaving me._

He pulls back and his expression softens. "I love you Katherine Kavanagh. Will you marry me?"

I am once again in floods of tears, happy tears now though. "I love you too, and yes Elliott Grey, I will marry you."

Before I know what's happening Elliott has picked me up and is walking towards our bedroom. I wrap my legs around his waist and bury my fingers in his golden curls kissing him so he bumps into the wall twice on the way. He lays me on the bed and yanks off my sandals and jeans then works his way up to pull off my top.

I fumble with his belt for a minute then shove his jeans and boxers down as far as I can and push them the rest of the way with my feet. I cry out when Elliott takes almost my whole breast in his mouth and sucks hard. They've been so sensitive and the suction feels amazing.

"Yes...ooh...yes Elliott," I shriek.

I love when he is like this, when he takes control of my body and bends it to his will. He reaches behind him and pulls his t-shirt off and, finally naked, he lays his bare body against mine. He is so much bigger than me but I love the feeling of his weight on top of me.

His mouth descends on mine and he kisses me passionately as his hand wanders down to my sex. "So wet," he moans. "You ready for me Katie?"

"Yes, yes," I whimper as I surge up against him. I need him inside me more than I need my next breath.

He positions himself and with a groan he starts to push inside me, only to stop when he is halfway there. He stills above me, chest heaving with the effort it takes him not to thrust further into me.

"Elliot," I pant. "What are you doing? Don't stop." I tighten my legs around his hips in an effort to urge him on.

"Is this safe?" he asks breathlessly.

"What?" What the hell is he on about?

"I have a big dick...what if I poke him in the eye."

Oh for crying out loud. "Jesus Elliot even _your_ dick isn't that big. And he doesn't have eyes yet...I don't think." I wiggle beneath him trying to get him deeper.

"You sure? I know nothing about all this, I'll have to ask Christian."

"I don't want to hear about your brother while we're fucking!"

Suddenly seeing the funny side of this Elliott starts laughing. I, however, am not amused. "If you don't want to do this," I huff but he silences me with a deep plunge of his hips.

"Does _that_ feel like I don't want to do this?" he asks as he screws himself deeper.

"Ungh," I groan inarticulately. "Again."

Elliott continues fucking me, pumping a couple of times before swivelling his hips and screwing deep then pumping again increasing his speed. It doesn't take long before I fall apart, screaming as I shatter under him. He follows quickly and we both collapse into a panting sweaty mess.

"I wonder how soon can we get married," he muses after a few minutes of comfortable silence. I just laugh tiredly at him thinking there is no fucking way Mia is organising our wedding.

**A/N So there you have it, the tenacious Ms Kavanagh is human after all.**

**I can't even do a simple marriage proposal without jacking up the angst. What is the matter with me? I think I may need to see someone…**

**The poem that Elliott started to so (in)eloquently recite was How Do I Love Thee? By Elizabeth Barrett Browning, 1806-1861.**

**Please review and let me know if you liked having a bit of Kate and Elliott time xxx**


	58. Chapter 58

**A/N I'm so sorry for the delay in posting over the last couple of weeks. I have a recurring illness and I'm afraid it has been pretty bad lately; I was in hospital for almost a week. I'm coming around now though. Hopefully this new chapter will make up for it xxx**

**Christian POV**

"**What's going on?"** I ask Taylor as I march into his office. He is just down the hall from me here at GEH and he normally comes to me or rings me when he wants to talk, but this time he has asked me to come to his office. I look around to see Welch, our head of security, is also in the room along with Sawyer and Barney. I give them a curt nod; if they are all here this can't be good.

"Morton's been spotted," Taylor says calmly.

Letting out a slow breath, I am hit by a mixture of relief and dread. I'm glad we finally found him but I can tell from Taylor's expression that the news isn't positive. "Where? When?"

"Just this morning, he was seen in the Pike Place Market. By the time Barney was able to hack into the security camera system he had already disappeared into the crowd."

"So you lost him?" I ask angrily. "Who saw him? Why didn't they follow the fucker?"

Taylor clears his throat and shares a nervous look with Sawyer. "Luke saw him sir. He was in the area at the time…with Mrs Grey."

I jump out of my seat and round on Sawyer. "What the fuck were you doing bringing my wife to such a crowded place? Are you a fucking idiot?" I roar at him.

"Sir, Mrs Grey wanted to go shopping. I wasn't told the market was off limits."

"Well it fucking is _now_ isn't it?" I growl at him. "Did he try to approach Mrs Grey?" If that fucking bastard came within ten feet of my wife…

"No," he says quickly. "He just seemed to be following her from a distance. She had no clue he was even there and I didn't see any point in frightening her."

"Following her from a distance," I repeat incredulously.

"Was there any other security in the area?" I ask Taylor.

"No, sir."

I am running both hands through my hair in frustration as I pace the office. What if he had decided to approach Ana? What if he had a weapon? "Jesus Christ," I grit through my teeth. I round on Taylor again, "I want three people with my wife at all times. Are you hearing me Taylor? At. All. Times." I point a finger at Sawyer and snarl, "_you_ are to stay by her side outside of the apartment when she is alone, I don't care if you have to handcuff yourself to her."

_Not that she will ever be allowed outside again_, I think to myself. How am I supposed to take care of her if she just takes off without a word of warning? "Why wasn't I told she was leaving the apartment?" I ask no one in particular.

"You were in a meeting sir," Taylor informs me as if that is some kind of excuse.

"I don't care if I was talking to the fucking President, if Mrs Grey leaves the apartment I want to know," I say, my voice rising on every word until I am shouting.

"Yes, sir."

I take care to glare at everyone in the room. "Find him," I bark, turn on my heel and leave. When I reach my office I slam the door and stalk over to my desk. Without thinking I pick up my cell phone and start a text conversation I already know I will be sorry for later.

C. _Why did you leave the apartment today?_

A. _I wanted to go for a walk and decided to stroll through the market….why are you asking?_

C. _What kind of excuse is that?_ _You shouldn't be going out on your own._

A. _Do I need an excuse to go out?...Are you mad at me?_

C. _No._

C. _Yes. _

C. _You're not to do it again._

A. _Is there a reason why I am to be held captive?_

C. _Can't you just do as you're told?_

A. _I will talk to you later. _

C. _I'm not finished Ana._

A. _I am. Goodbye._

C. _The hell you are. Tell me you won't do it again._

C. _Answer me._

C. _Ana…_

C. _Ana Grey if you don't text me back in two minutes…._

She doesn't text me back. I try to ring her multiple times before I really lose my temper and throw my phone across the room, smashing it off the wall. I guess I won't be sending any more messages today. I dial Andrea from my desk phone.

"Yes, Mr Grey?"

"I need a new cell phone," I say and hang up.

Why does nobody else seem to realise the danger here? Or maybe they do but I'm the only one who is losing it. _Fuck_. There's no point in wondering how he found Ana as anyone with a TV will have seen us on all the gossip shows in the last few weeks.

As I knew it would eventually, Ana's pregnancy was leaked to the press. Taylor discovered it was one of the nurses at Dr Porter's office. A nurse who is currently looking for a new job, might I add. The coverage of our dating and even our wedding didn't hold a candle to the frenzy of reporters in the days after the news was leaked. The fact that I absolutely refused to release an official statement probably didn't help matters either. Fucking vultures.

Not for the first time, I find I am glad that Ana hasn't made up her mind yet about finding out the sex of the babies. At first she wanted to know but then she changed her mind and wanted it to be a surprise and now she says she's not sure. Though I really want to know, I am grateful that the news isn't out there for every fucker to see.

And now after the media attention has died away, up pops fucking Morton as I knew he would sooner or later. Part of me is waiting for Ana's bitch of a mother to resurface too, but if she did go back to Morton as we assume, they are more than likely working together. If my guys were doing their jobs and not slacking off, we could have caught them today. I'm so fucking pissed right now.

_And you took it out on Ana_, a little voice says in my head. Shit. I'm a fucking idiot. Look what happened the last time she thought I was pissed at her. What will happen now that she knows I was angry with her today?

"Shit, shit ,_shit!" _I scramble for my phone before I remember that I broke it.

"Andrea," I roar, not bothering with my desk phone. She doesn't answer. I jump up and round the table, ready to rip her a new one for not answering me, only…she's not fucking there!

"Taylor!" he comes running out of his office.

"Sir?" his eyes dart around as though expecting an axe murderer to be standing in the lobby.

"Where's Andrea?" I bark.

He looks at his watch, "I would guess she is at lunch, sir."

I look at my own watch to see it is one pm. Is Ana eating her lunch, or is she unable to stomach it because I was a prick to her and she is stressed? Just as I think this the elevator pings and out walks the lady from the company canteen with my own lunch. I yank my hair almost from the roots.

"We're leaving," I start to walk toward the elevator with Taylor right behind me. He doesn't ask any questions, he probably has a pretty good idea I fucked up. The only time I tend to march out of the office like this is when something is wrong with Ana…and it's normally my fault. It has happened now more times than I care to remember.

Traffic at this time of day is a bastard. It takes us twice as long to get across town as it normally does. Taylor has informed me that he had Gail check on Ana and that she seemed fine. _Fine_! That's not even a thing. Fine could mean anything.

When I finally get home I find Ana sitting in the game room scowling at the TV. "Baby?" I say tentatively.

She turns to me and looks angry. Crap. "Is this why you didn't want me to go out?" She is pointing at the TV.

"What?" I ask bewildered and look at the screen.

There is a picture of Ana standing at a stall in the market and from the angle the photograph was taken her pregnant belly is very visible. The so called reporter is babbling about a deliberate pregnancy and _the_ Christian Grey being forced into marriage. Those goddamn fucking _bastards_!

"Sweetheart…" I don't want Ana to be upset by this.

"I look fat!" she wails.

It's true that in the month since we have told my family that we are having the twins Ana seems to have been growing more by the minute. Though I wouldn't call her huge by any means, it is now very obvious that she is pregnant.

I go over and sit beside her on the couch and pull her over, kissing her pouting lips. "Baby trust me, you don't look fat. You're beautiful," I rub her little rounded tummy softly.

"Humph, you have to say that because you love me, your opinion is biased."

I can't hide my grin, "I _do_ love you. And does anyone else's opinion matter?" I raise an eyebrow at her.

"No," she mutters, eyeing me sceptically. "Why are you home so early?"

"Uh, I wanted to apologise for sending those messages." No way am I telling her about Morton. I don't see any point in frightening her; she doesn't need that kind of stress right now.

"You could've just sent me another text," she replies coldly.

Shit, I think I'm in the doghouse. "No I couldn't because my phone broke."

"How?"

"It uh, it fell," I say lamely and she rolls her eyes at me. Ana knows what my temper is like by now.

"Well I'm fine, you can go back to work." She crosses her arms and looks away from me. There's that word again. Fine.

I can't leave when she's mad at me. Needing to make it better I start to nuzzle my nose against her neck. "I'm sorry baby," I whisper into the shell of her ear and she shivers. "Let me make it up to you."

Ana's breathing has turned to pants, despite her trying to stay pissed at me. "How?" she pouts.

"I'll think of something," I now run my tongue along the outside of her ear and grin when she whimpers. Oh yes, the second trimester is in full swing and lately we have been fucking at least five times a day. It has been awesome. I cup one of her breasts through her shirt and squeeze gently.

"Why do we always end up doing it in here?" Ana asks breathlessly as she begins to fist my hair.

"Doing what…watching TV?" I grin as I lay her back on the couch and reach under her skirt to remove her panties.

"No! Having sex, we hardly ever make it to our bedroom lately."

I take off my own jeans before stretching along the couch on top of her. "Dunno," I mumble as I lift her shirt and reach around to unsnap her bra and pull it off. "We can do it in there later too if you want." I suck one of her hardened peaks into my mouth and she mewls. Looks like her ire with me is long forgotten, I grin against her breast.

Pulling back I watch as I roll both of her pink nipples between my fingers. They have gotten darker since she has been pregnant. I lick one first and then the other.

"Christian," she whimpers impatiently.

"The reason we never make it to our bed," I place my aching erection at her entrance and tease her a little and she growls. "Is because you are so impatient," I lunge into her and she cries out loudly.

Digging my knees into the couch I drive into Ana over and over. She has been begging me for weeks to fuck her hard and I held back, afraid I would hurt her or the baby. But since Dr Porter gave me the go ahead at our last appointment I am only too happy to oblige when my wife needs me like this.

"More Christian, give me more," she begs and wraps her legs around my waist, bringing herself closer to me.

I rear up onto my knees and with a firm grip I hold her hips aloft and drill into her. Ana reaches behind her and holds onto the armrest of the couch, the only other part of her touching the couch are her shoulders and the tips of her toes. I hold her body aloft and piston my hips in and out until sweat is rolling down my back and I am clenching my jaw with the effort of holding back my climax.

I don't have to hold on for long however as Ana comes violently, clenching down hard on my cock, her mouth open on a silent scream.

"Ana," I groan loudly and release everything I have inside of her grasping sex. Her little muscles are milking furiously at my dick until I think I might die of the pleasure.

We collapse in a sweaty mess on the couch and I am careful not to put any of my weight on her tummy. We lay on our sides facing each other for a long time, smiling like a couple of fools but saying nothing. Not being able to help myself I lean in often to kiss her. Eventually we get up and head for the shower where I wash Ana from head to toe, which leads to me on my knees with my face buried between her thighs before standing and fucking her against the shower wall. By the time we are done and washed again Ana says we are like a couple of prunes.

We don't plan on going anywhere this evening as the weather forecast is pretty bleak, so we both end up dressing in lounge wear and spend the rest of the afternoon just lazing about watching TV and eating the delicious dinner Ana cooks for us. She was a quick learner when it comes to cooking and I would happily eat anything she prepares for me.

After dinner we are in the library sitting together in a comfortable silence. Ana is under a blanket reading a book and I am sitting on the other end of the couch working on my laptop. Outside the weather has turned nasty, the wind and rain beating off the glass. I am working on my laptop and trying not to dwell too much on the sighting of Morton today. If Ana notices me worrying she will nag at me until I spill the beans.

"Why does it always feel extra comfortable curled up on the couch when the weather is bad?" Ana muses.

"Probably because you're not stuck outside in it," I answer, still looking at my screen. Out of the corner of my eye I see her place the book in her lap.

"I want to find out the sex of the babies."

I try not to feel too much excitement at her statement. It is no secret that I would love to know what we are having but Ana has changed her mind more than once about this. "Are you sure?"

She nods, "yes, we need to decide what room they are going to be in and start decorating."

Ah, this may be the perfect moment to tell her what I have been up to. "Do you want to raise our children in an apartment?"

She cocks her head to the side, "what do you mean?"

I put my laptop on the coffee table in front of me. "I mean wouldn't you prefer to live outside the city, somewhere with a garden?"

"Are you serious?" I don't miss the way her eyes light up at this thought.

"Yes, I don't want my children being brought up in an apartment in the city. I want them to be able to play outside." I also want a property with high walls and a moat but I keep that part to myself. Having a place like that will allow Ana and our children to be outside without the threat of being approached by someone who may want to hurt them.

Ana's smile is huge. "I would love that, when will we start looking?"

I shrug, "I already have. I was talking to a realtor and she found a place that is just about to go on the market but she is willing to show it to us first to see what we think."

"When can we see it?" she asks excitedly.

"I'll ring her and organise a viewing for tomorrow." Ana jumps up and throws herself onto my lap and plants butterfly kisses all over my face causing me to laugh. "I take it you approve?"

"Oh my God yes! Thank you Christian."

"Don't thank me baby," I say. Borrowing Ana's phone I make a quick call to Taylor telling him to make an appointment for tomorrow afternoon with the realtor. I'm not really surprised when he calls back a few minutes later confirming the appointment. If she makes this sale the commission would probably pay her salary for the next few months.

For the rest of the evening Ana goes on about the new house. I have to laugh as she has us practically moved in even though she hasn't seen it yet. I don't burst her bubble though so I say nothing and hope the house is everything she hopes it is.

**AN Hopefully Ana will make up her mind and find out the sex of the babies soon…**

**Thanks for reading, please review xxx**


	59. Chapter 59

**A****/N I see a few eagle eyed readers spotted my blunder with Christian's ****magically**** reappearing phone in the previous chapter. I did fix the mistake but I made a balls of it so my apologies for the double notification for the same chapter. I felt so bad I wrote this to make up for it. It's a bit fluffy and not edited very well in my haste, but be warned: there is drama on the horizon.**

**Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed the last chapter. Cyber hugs for everyone xoxo**

**Christian POV**

"**I don't care what that doctor said**, I'm still nervous I'm hurting the little guy every time I fuck Kate," Elliot frets and I roll my eyes a-la Mrs Grey when she's exasperated with me. He is such a ham.

"Jesus Elliott, Ana is having twins and we go at it all the fucking time. Trust me if I don't have a problem then _you_ certainly won't," I grin and waggle my pinkie finger at him and he laughs.

"Fuck you Christian."

"Seriously though, you need to stop freaking out over stuff. What? Don't look at me like that." Elliott is staring at me incredulously. What's his problem?

"Are you fucking kidding me here? You, Christian Grey, the master of 'the overreaction'," he actually uses air quotes to emphasise his point, "are telling me not to freak out?"

"I do not overreact…much."

Elliott and I are having lunch in my office at GEH. He and Kate had another appointment with their OBGYN yesterday and it seems as though Elliott asked her almost as much as I did those first couple of visits. They are using Dr Porter's office but have a different doctor than Ana and I.

"So are you going to find out if it's a boy or a girl?" I ask him.

"Yeah, as soon as she can tell us we want to know, Doc says that won't be for another nine weeks at least. I can't believe you still haven't found out yet."

I sigh. "Honestly, I would give my left nut to find out but Ana has been flip-flopping on this for months now. The doctor said she could have told us during our 20 week anatomy scan but Ana said no. Porter is keeping it in her file though and will tell us if Ana changes her mind. That was almost four weeks ago."

I have had dreams of Taylor breaking into her office to get me the contents of said file. But I'm not about to tell Elliott, or anyone else for that matter, that I have been having recurring dreams starring my head of security.

"What the fuck is an anatomy scan?" Elliott looks lost. "And if you want to know so bad why don't you just ring the Doc and ask her? Ana doesn't need to know."

"Because, dickhead, I wouldn't do that to my wife. And an anatomy scan is a detailed ultrasound done between 18 and 20 weeks. It took almost an hour and a half because we are having twins, it was awesome," I smile at the framed sonogram from that scan on my desk. I have been trying to determine the sex of the babies from it but I can't see shit other than my two healthy babies from a side angle. I think Porter deliberately gave me pictures where I couldn't see their little junk.

Elliott just shrugs but I can see the underlying apprehension in his gesture. "What's wrong Elliott?" I ask in a more gentle voice than I have ever used with my brother. If he thinks I am insincere he will blow me off and just make fun of what he is worried about. It must be something to do with the baby because Elliott never worries about anything.

"I haven't a fucking clue what I'm doing!" he blurts out. "I know nothing about babies, Kate isn't much better, and everyone keeps throwing all this 'advice' at us and Katie isn't even showing yet and Mom keeps warning me babies can't play football…I'm drowning here Christian."

He's panicking. I recognise the signs. "Do you think Ana or I had any idea about babies before she became pregnant?"

"I suppose not," he mumbles.

"No, we hadn't a fucking clue, and we were both petrified. I still am! But you can be sure I researched the fuck out of those baby books and I will keep studying them and any other information I can find before they get here. And as Mom assured me last week that is when the work _really_ starts." It looks like my Mom is trying to frighten us into being good dads.

"Baby books?" he asks hopefully. "There are books on this shit?"

I gape at him. How can he not know this? "Yeah, I'll give you a list of the ones I have so you and Kate can start swotting up."

"Cool, thanks."

There are a few moments of silence while we eat our lunch, then Elliott ruins it. "Did you hear about the blowout that happened at Mom and Dad's last night?"

"No, what happened? Why did no one tell me?"

"I'm telling you now. I guess Mia just assumed she was our wedding planner, you know, cos she's family. But Kate told her last night when we were over there that she had decided to go with a professional."

I can't help the bark of laughter that escapes me. "Holy shit, she did not!"

"She did too, you know how Mia goes on. Well Kate has been pretty sick lately with morning sickness and she is understandably tired and a bit narky and Mia would _not_ shut up about it. I think Kate just snapped." Elliott is half grinning now, "She told Mia that her mother knows someone who has been a planner for years and she will be more comfortable with someone who knows what she is doing."

"Poor Mia," I say but I don't really mean it. I love my sister like no other but she can be a spoilt little brat at times, no harm in showing her the real world every now and then, and who better than Kavanagh to do our dirty work for us? We look at each other for a moment before we both burst out laughing. "How'd she take it?"

"Not good," Elliott shakes his head. "She got pissed and went on and on about how she _was_ a 'professional' and then she burst into tears and ran out of the room." Elliott now scratches his scruffy face, he needs to shave. "Ethan had a go at Kate for upsetting her and, well, I didn't like the way he spoke to my girl so I said as much to him…with a few choice words of my own."

"What did Mom say?" I ask but I have a fair idea.

"Man, she got pissed," he grins. "She told us we were behaving like little kids and were embarrassing her. I half expected her to ground me. She basically told Mia to grow up when she came back in, and that Kate could choose whatever wedding planner she wanted. Mia sulked for the rest of the evening."

"That's brilliant," I laugh. "I wish I was there." I can't wait to tell Ana about this.

"Kate tried to appease Mia then by asking her to throw her a baby shower but Mia had her nose in the air and said she might be too busy with planning Ana's baby shower. Said she'd have to check her calendar." He is still laughing but I have stopped. I forgot Mia was doing a baby shower for us. Shit. Wait...men don't go to those, right?

I look at my watch. "Eat up Elliott, Sawyer is driving Ana over here to meet me, we are going to look at a house this afternoon."

His eyebrows shoot up. "No shit. Where?"

"It's actually not too far from Mom and Dads, in Medina, it is supposed to have a fantastic view across Lake Washington."

"Really? Can I come too?" he asks.

"No you fucking cannot. But if we do buy it I'm sure I will need you to do some work on it, I'll show it to you then."

"Gee, thanks."

Five minutes later I get the call that Ana is outside in the car with Sawyer. I text Taylor to tell him we are leaving. "Alright Elliott I have to go, Ana's downstairs." I stand up and Elliott stands as well.

As we are exiting the building Reynolds is getting out of the car and Taylor replaces him in the front seat. He will wait here until we get back and then go home with Ana and Sawyer again. I'm not taking any chances now that Morton has been spotted.

Elliott notices the increased security, he's not as stupid as he looks. "What's with all the goons bro?"

I snort, seriously, what grown man says 'bro' anymore? "Trust me you don't want to know." I say and jump into the back seat before he can ask any questions in front of Ana. Elliott waves at Ana and we both say goodbye before I close the door and we drive off.

"How are you baby?" I lean across and kiss her and rub her belly as I always do lately.

"Excited," she grins.

The drive to the property is less than half an hour in traffic. More than what I am used to after work but not so long that it would be a problem. When we get there I am glad to see a high stone wall the whole way around the front. The huge wrought iron gates at the entrance are open so Sawyer just drives straight in. Jesus, the drive from the gates to the house feels longer than the drive form the office to here.

I notice though that Ana seems happy as she looks out at a massive orchard and overgrown gardens everywhere. It is early April and though there is no fruit the trees are covered in an abundance of frothy looking blossoms in a multitude of colours. The effect is actually quite nice.

"How many people live down here?"

What? "What do you mean?"

She turns around and looks out the back window towards the entrance that is long out of sight. "Isn't…Isn't this some kind of gated community? You know one of those places with a couple of houses that are protected by security?"

"Like a cult?" I ask, bewildered. What kind of place does she think I am taking her to?

She rolls her eyes. See? Exasperated. "No, not a cult, don't be ridiculous Christian. I said a gated community."

Sounds like a fucking cult to me…or some kind of polygamist commune. "No baby, just the one house." As I say this the house in question comes into view and her jaw drops. It's a big house, no wonder they are asking for so much. But it's old and more than a little run down, it needs a lot of work to make it habitable. No doubt the inflated price is more due to the location than the property itself.

"Christian…it's huge!" she whispers.

I take her hand and lead her from the car to the front steps where Miss Kelly, the real estate agent, stands waiting for us. She is all smiles.

"Mr Grey, Mrs Grey welcome, I am Regina Kelly," she says as she shakes our hands.

"Thank you," I say but Ana just offers a weak smile. I think she is more than a little in awe of this house. All I see is peeling paint and rotting window frames.

"The house was built in the late fifties by …." I tune out Miss Kelly's sales pitch and concentrate on looking around the big old monster of a house. Ana is wide eyed and silent and clutching my hand tightly. Miss Kelly shows us everything from the kitchen to the old cinema room but there isn't much I am seeing on this first inspection that impresses me, not until we reach the master suite that is.

The view from the massive bedroom window is breath taking. "Oh wow," Ana breathes beside me.

I turn to Miss Kelly who is now prattling on about bespoke light fittings and art deco mouldings. "Can you give us a moment alone please?"

"Of course."

Once we are on our own I stand in front of Ana. "What do you think?"

She tears her eyes away from the admittedly magnificent view. "Huh, oh yeah, it's beautiful."

Beautiful…really? I look around again in case I have missed something. Nope, still the same run down drab interior I have been looking at for the last half hour. "You like it?"

"I love it. But is it too big Christian?" she bites her lip. "Do we need all this space?"

I almost laugh. "What were you expecting baby, a duplex?"

She swats my arm, "no, but…not this." She gestures at the massive bedroom around her.

"Do you not like it?" I ask, we can always find something else. This is only the first place we have seen after all.

"I didn't say that. Can you afford it?" she looks up at me with those innocent blue eyes and I can't help myself. I have to kiss her.

"Yes baby, _we_ can afford it." I have told her how much we are worth but I don't think she can really comprehend that kind of wealth, so she pretty much chooses to ignore it. She spends next to nothing, it bothers me at times but I am sure once the babies come along she won't mind buying stuff for them.

"It's pretty beat up. The only positive thing about it is the view. Maybe we could knock it and rebuild."

"No! Don't do that. It's just old and neglected; all it needs is a little love. Can't we renovate it?"

I look down to where I am holding her in my arms. Honestly it would probably be quicker and cheaper to just level the thing and start again. Definitely more efficient. "Of course we can baby, whatever you want." I can refuse my wife nothing.

She beams at me, "so you are buying it?"

I kiss the tip of her nose. "Yes, _we_ are buying it." I tug on her hand and pull her out of the room. "Now come on, we have to pick the babies rooms." She squeals exitedely.

We pass Miss Kelly in the hall. "We'll take it." I say as Ana drags me into one of the other bedrooms.

**A/N I know this house stuff was very similar to the book but Ms James barely touched on it really, just a little ****when they bought it and then again ****in the epilogue, I like the idea of having them move into their new home at some stage. I didn't change the house ****and gardens much ****as I really liked the sound of it in the book. I chose Medina because that seems to be where a lot of Seattle's elite live.**


	60. Chapter 60

**A/N I feel like I owe you all an apology...and an explanation as to why it has taken me so long to update. The truth is, I have cancer. I have mentioned before I have an illness and I had been in remission but I found out a few weeks ago that it is back. **

**My Doctors are confident I can beat it if it's treated aggressively but that means I will be quite sick off and on over the next few months and there may be a number of weeks where I won't feel up to writing at all. **

**So, I have a few options here. I can either put this story on hiatus (something I dont want to do), finish it out quickly in a couple of chapters, or I can write and update when I can and finish the story the way I had originally intended to. **

**What would you all prefer me to do? I will take your feedback into consideration when making my decision.**

**Thank you all for your continued support xxx**

**Christian POV**

"**So, where are we with the Morton** situation?" We are in the debriefing room here at GEH. This shit has been dragging on for months now and I am quickly running out of patience.

I look around and see that most of our security team is present. Sawyer, of course, is at home with Ana along with her new female CPO Prescott. Prescott was a good find as her sister is a diabetic so she is well used to dealing with the illness and can spot the signs early if Ana is becoming ill.

Welch clears his throat. "We still have had no further sightings of him since Sawyer spotted him, sir. But we have the entire team here working on it 24/7. Benson in IT has been reviewing the CCTV footage that Barney obtained but we have had no luck so far. It might be possible that he has left the Seattle area."

Taylor looks unhappy with Welch's statement. "No, he hasn't left."

"Why do you say that?" Welch sounds impatient, not impressed with Taylor's disagreement.

Taylor is unfazed by Welch's tone. "Because I have dealt with his kind before. Morton will have made a plan, he didn't wait all this time to turn up only to leave without reaching his goal."

"Which is?" Reynolds asks, sitting forward.

Taylor looks at me and I give him the nod to continue. We have previously discussed this and we both are in agreement on what we think Morton's motives are. "We believe he means harm to Miss Steele. He either plans to hurt her or kidnap her. From what we have learned from Miss Steele when she lived with him and her mother, he seems to be obsessed with her. A man like that isn't just going to let her go easily. Trust me, he will make his move soon, and we must be ready."

Hearing Taylor say it out loud like this I feel sick. Since the sighting I have hired three new security team members, including Prescott, who stays with Ana at all times in public. Ana questioned why she needed so much security but believed me when I told her it was because she was getting so far along now and I wanted to be certain of her safety. She thinks I am completely overboard having someone follow her to the bathroom when she is out but thankfully doesn't suspect anything.

I keep telling myself I am going to tell her what's going on but I bottle it at the last second. I am afraid she will panic and her blood pressure will go out of control or her glucose levels will drop due to stress and harm her and the babies. I just can't bring myself to do it. Besides, if we catch the fucker Ana need never worry about him again. I'll make damn sure of that.

I have already bought a significant amount of shares in his business and I am ready to forcibly take over Morton Industrial. Then I will break it down and sell off the pieces to the highest bidder. He has had his second in command running the business for him for the last few months. A worthless fucker whose name I can never remember.

Before the sighting of him a few weeks ago nobody had seen or heard from Morton for over six months. That was around the time Ana kicked her mother out of our apartment. I am not fool enough to think that the bitch had nothing to do with this as she has been MIA as well. I would bet my fortune that she went running back to Morton and squealed like a pig, telling him everything she knows about Ana and where she is now.

The sooner the new house is ready the better, I will feel better having Ana behind those walls and in a place where I can better protect her. Elliott has shown us the drawings of what he plans to do and is starting with the remodelling this week. His designs are impressive and neither Ana nor I can wait to see the finished work. He reckons he will be done and we can move in before the twins get here.

The twins, I fight the urge to grin despite the tension in the room. We have an appointment with Dr Porter in an hour so I need to wrap this up. I can't wait to see my little ones again and today we have the added bonus of seeing our babies in a 4D scan. I was assured this method is the same as the 3D scans but in real time. In other words: no waiting around.

"I want a full report of this on my desk first thing in the morning. Taylor and I will review it to make sure we aren't missing something obvious." I glare at Welch, silently letting him know I'm not impressed with his defensive attitude. If he keeps this shit up he will be out of a fucking job. I stand up and so does Taylor, "I have a meeting now. I will be expecting that report Welch."

"**Hey baby," I kiss Ana and help** her into the back seat of the car. I have picked her up at Escala for our appointment with Dr Porter. Sawyer jumps in the front seat with Taylor and we take off.

"Hi," Ana beams up at me and I can't help but lean over and kiss her again.

"Hi yourself, how are you feeling?"

"Huge," she rubs her bump affectionately, man it's getting big.

We aren't kept waiting long and once Ana has been weighed and her tests are all completed we watch a video of our babies progress at 28 weeks, then we are shown through to see Dr Porter. The scanner is new and I am pretty sure it was purchased due to the four hundred grand I now pay Dr Porter to keep her on retainer. I need to be able to contact her whenever I like and this was the best way.

"Good afternoon Mr and Mrs Grey," she says politely. "And how are you feeling today Ana?" Much to my chagrin Dr Porter and my wife are now on first name terms, upon Ana's insistence.

"I'm great Olivia, enormous, but I'm feeling good."

"Good, I'm glad to hear that. Now, if you will just put this on and pop up onto the bed we can get things started." She hands Ana a gown and gestures to the narrow bed and I help Ana up onto it once she has changed her clothes.

Ana giggles when Porter smears the cold gel onto her tummy and I smile at the sound. Then it is quiet and I hold Ana's hand while Porter moves the wand around her tummy. So far there isn't any difference between this and a normal ultrasound. But then the image comes on the screen and...Wow!

"Oh," Ana exclaims. We can see everything, I can't believe the detail.

"Now with this machine I really don't need to point much out as you can pretty much see everything for yourselves..."

"Can you tell the sex?" Ana interrupts her and my heart speeds up. I want to know so bad my palm is sweating as I hold Ana's hand. She has changed her mind so often about this I stopped getting my hopes up months ago. Has she finally decided to find out?

"Yes, certainly. But if you don't want to know I can be careful not to show it. Of course I already have it in my file if you have changed your mind Ana. "

Ana squeezes my hand. "We want to know," she says quietly.

Oh fuck _yes_. It has been killing me not knowing, though now I have to sit down as the excitement has almost made me feel faint.

"Alright, just let me move...there, can you see Baby Grey one?" we both nod silently our eyes glued to the screen.

"I can see them!" I shout excitedly when I spot them. "I can see hits little nuts!"

"Christian!" Ana admonishes me but she has happy tears rolling down her face. I lean in and plant a huge kiss on her smiling lips.

"A boy baby, we are having a boy. Oh this is fantastic." I am beyond delighted to finally know this. "What about the other one?" I demand even as Porter is moving the wand again.

She stops it again and turns to us, grinning. "See if you can tell for yourselves."

I scrunch my eyes a little then I see it, but Ana gets there before me. "Another boy?" she half sobs. "We are having two boys?"

I stand up then sit down, only to stand up again. "Two little boys," I whisper as images of toy planes and teaching them to play catch fly through my mind. I honestly would not have minded girls but finally knowing what we are having is making this so much more real. I can actually _see_ it now. I can see myself being a dad to these perfect little guys.

Porter nods, she is smiling at our reaction. "Now that you know what you are having I can also tell you that you are have monozygotic twins."

My face drops and Ana's hand clenches mine tighter, "what's does that mean? Is something the matter with them?" Ana half whispers.

"Not at all," she reassures us with a shake of her head. "It simply means that your babies developed from the same embryo and share the same placenta," she continues at our blank expressions, "they are identical." Shit, I read about this in one of the baby books. I must have forgotten in the heat of the moment.

"Ooh," Ana coos, "Christian they are going to look the same." She turns her eyes on me still shining with tears. I wipe away a stray tear from her cheek and lean in to kiss her forehead, I feel too choked up to speak at the moment.

"Let me get a closer look at their faces and I can give you a print out." Porter says and starts moving the wand again.

**Back in the car Ana is holding **the pictures in her hands, studying every detail. We got one of each of our boys, on top of the pictures is printed Grey one and Grey two.

"We need to pick names," I say, not liking my sons being referred to as numbers.

"Mmhmm," Ana mumbles then turns to me. "They look like you."

"You think?" I can't explain why this makes me feel twenty feet tall. It's an amazing feeling. She hands me the pictures and I have to say, I agree with her. In a slightly squishy old balding man way...they do resemble me.

Add to this the fact that Kate and Elliott found out yesterday that they are having a girl and my day is just about perfect. My smile is huge as I pull out my phone to text him. While I am dreaming of football practice with my sons he will be having nightmares about tea parties, make up and horny teenage boys wanting to date his daughter.

All I need now for the perfect day is to go home and make love to my beautiful wife.

**A/N How cute would it be to have two mini Christians running around? I simply couldn't resist.**

**Please review xxx**


	61. Chapter 61

**A/N Thank you all so, so much for the response to my last A/N. All of your prayers and well wishes are greatly appreciated. As much as I would prefer to concentrate completely on my story I also needed to explain why my updating schedule has completely flown out the window. Thank you all for your understanding xxx**

**As far as the story goes, I have decided to continue on as I had planned and play things by ear. For now there will be no change to my original idea.**

**Christian POV**

"**What about Percy?" **I roll my eyes as I am brushing my teeth. Spitting into the sink I yell back "No! For crying out loud Ana, what kid wants to be named Percy?" I shake my head. The poor kid would get the shit kicked out of him every day with a name like that.

I walk back into our bedroom and see Ana propped up in bed with her pillows, and mine, behind her. I grab the pillows from the guest room I now keep on the chair in the corner and make my way over to the bed.

She looks so cute as she peruses the baby names book, her new glasses propped on her pert little nose. I made an appointment with the optician last week when I saw Ana squinting while trying to read a book. She hates having to wear them for reading but I think they look hot on her.

I laugh when I see she is pouting and lean over to kiss her then nudge her gently with my nose. "What's the matter?"

"What's wrong with Percy? I think it's cute."

"Baby seriously, no boy wants a cute name. Trust me on this." I take the book from her and flip through the pages. "How about Hunter, that's a good strong name."

"What? No, jeez Christian why don't we just call them Maximus and Zeus Grey and get it over with." I laugh.

She takes the book back and I lay back on my pillow and stare at her. Man, how did I get so lucky? Even when she's all huffy Ana is the most beautiful creature I've ever seen, inside and out. "I love you," I say sincerely.

She doesn't look at me but I see a smile tug at the side of her luscious lips. I lean over again and take the book out of her hand and throw it on the floor. Leaning down, I press my lips to her tummy. "Do either of you boys want to be named Percy?" I replace my lips with my ear and wait for a response. Lately every time they hear me speaking Ana says they go nuts inside her, jumping and kicking like crazy. It blows my mind that they recognise their Daddy already.

And they don't disappoint, I get one strong kick to the cheek which I interpret as a 'hell no' and I grin up at Ana. "I would say that was a pretty emphatic answer baby, Percy is a non runner I'm afraid."

Ana giggles in spite of herself and runs her fingers through my hair. "I just want to pick the second name. I am afraid we will be introducing our sons only having named one of them. I don't want him to feel left out."

"Pretty sure a new born won't know one way or another. All he will care about is your tit and a clean ass," I laugh and duck as Ana playfully takes a swipe at me.

We, or should I say Ana, decided on one of the boys names almost immediately. She wants one of them to be named after his Daddy so Christian Junior, CJ for short, will be given to whichever of the boys makes his appearance first.

I am immensely proud that I will have a son named after me. I may have even choked up a bit at the time. However, we cannot seem to agree on the second name. I want something strong and masculine but Ana keeps suggesting these wimpy little names like Cedric and Louis. Over my dead body will my kid be saddled with a name like Cedric. The problem is the names I like Ana thinks are too macho. We have been over and back about this since we discovered we were having boys last week.

"Oh before I forget," Ana says as I start to tug on her panties, "your Mom rang me today to tell you not to forget it's your grandparents anniversary this Saturday. We have to be at the clubhouse for seven pm."

Our family have been members at the Seattle clubhouse since my grandfather first joined about fifty years ago. So for their sixtieth wedding anniversary we decided to have a family meal there as they are both getting too old and frail for any big parties. They would much rather a couple hours spent at their favourite place with their closest family. Ana has really hit it off with my grandmother. She is so sweet you can't help but love her and my grandparents are no exception.

"I haven't forgotten." I make another attempt at removing my wife's underwear.

"Did Elliott tell you he and Kate have decided on a wedding date?"

I groan and drop my head onto Ana's thigh. "Baby please, my dick is hard as a rock here and all you want to do is chit chat...can't we talk after we fuck?"

She raises a brow and points a finger at her rapidly expanding mid section, "I could always say I'm too tired."

"Noooooooooo," I groan and it's muffled into her legs. "Please baby, I'm dying here." I have been thinking about being inside her all day. I am slammed at work lately and I've been getting home pretty late. I'm trying to do as much as I can now so I can take at least a month off after the twins are born. I'm not seeing my wife as much as I want so I spend the day fantasising about what I'll do to her when I get home.

She actually starts laughing at me. "Alright Mr Horny, you can have your wicked way with me."

Did she just call me Mr Horny? Fuck it, it's not as if she's wrong. She raises her hips and finally let's me remove her panties and I growl when I notice how wet she is. "Looks like I'm not the only one who has been thinking about this."

I insert two fingers into her slowly and her head falls back into the pillow on a low groan. Yep more than ready for me.

**The next morning I have** left for work before Ana has even stirred. To be fair I spent half the night fucking her. We are having to start getting a bit inventive with our positions now as Ana's bump is getting in the way. But I am nothing if not resourceful so I'm sure it won't be an issue. In fact, I'm looking forward to finding ways to make this work for us.

My phone rings just as I enter my office and I see its my brother. "Good morning Elliott," I answer.

"S'up bro?" Jesus Christ he talks like a teenager sometimes. "Did Ana mention we set the date for the wedding?"

Oh shit yeah she did mention something, just before we started fucking. "She mentioned you decided on the day but that's all."

"Cool, well we decided to wait until after the baby is born after all as Kate doesn't want to look fat in her wedding photos." I roll my eyes. Typical Kavanagh.

"Alright, so it's not for a few months yet then."

"We've decided on October thirty first."

Silence. I'm not sure if he's joking or not.

"Uh you there bro?" he asks.

"Yeah...yeah I'm here. Did you say October thirty first...as in Halloween?"

"Yup." He pops the P. He fucking knows that irritates the fuck out of me.

"You're getting married on _Halloween_?"

"Why is everyone so shocked?" he sounds genuinely bewildered.

Because it's a holiday famous for beasts and vampires and idiots playing dress up...wait, this actually sounds perfect for them. "No, I think it's great," I say enthusiastically. It's very you."

"I know right? Well I gotta go bro, laters."

"Yeah bye..._bro_," I add sarcastically after he hangs up. I shake my head and grin. My brother is a nut, and I wouldn't have him any other way.

During the morning we have another meeting to discuss the ongoing search for Morton but other than finding out he stayed at a motel on the edge of Seattle three nights ago there is no more news. I give my security staff a few choice words of...encouragement, before leaving them to it. I swear to fuck if they don't find him soon I'm going to sack them, starting with that fucker Welch.

Just as I enter my office my phone rings again and I answer without even looking at the caller ID. "What?" I snap.

"Christian?" a little old lady voice asks. "Christian honey is that you?"

Shit it's my grandmother. "Yeah, sorry Gran, it's me."

"That's quite alright dear, I just wanted to ask if you and Ana were definitely coming this weekend. It would be great to see you there."

Why does everyone keep asking if we are going? Maybe because in the not too distant past I would have just not bothered to turn up at this kind of thing. Great, now I feel like an asshole. "Of course we are, Ana is really looking forward to it," I say with deliberate enthusiasm in my voice.

My grandparents have always been so good to me. Even when things were shit at home when I was a hormonal little fuck I could go and hang out at my grandparents house for the day. Gran would cook my favourite meals and my Grampa would play hooky from work and we'd go fishing. We would sit quietly for hours in his boat, he never asked me questions, he just let me be. I honestly think they helped keep me sane in those dark times. Then Elena got her clutches into me and that all stopped. I realise now what she was doing, she was alienating me from those who loved me. But back then I just couldn't see it.

"Oh Theodore, he said he's definitely going to come this time," Gran sounds close to tears. It's then it hits me. Theodore. It's perfect. Who better to name my son after than the man who loved me and never once judged a fucked up little kid.

"Really? Well that's wonderful," I hear my grandfather say.

Jesus it's so easy to make them happy, I need to make more of an effort in the future. After all, these people who kept me going when things were rough at home deserve a lot more time than I have given them over the last fifteen years.

"**Baby?" I call out as **soon as I walk in the door. I want talk to her about the name as soon as possible. I even left work earlier than I have in weeks tonight because I couldn't wait a minute longer.

"In here," Ana calls from the bedroom and I walk in to see her getting ready to take her shot. She is twisting to reach a spot on her hip but I can see its not easy for her right now to twist comfortably.

"Here, let me." I take the swab and needle and clean and inject her quickly.

"I think I might have the perfect name for baby number two," I say excitedly but Ana looks at me warily.

"What is it?"

"Theodore." I say with clear pride in my voice.

She says nothing for a moment as she thinks it over. "After your grandfather?"

"Yes." She chews the inside of her mouth. Shit she hates it. "I just thought because he's always been so good to me even when..."

"Its perfect," she interrupt me and she's suddenly beaming from ear to ear.

"Really?"

"Yes really, and it will go perfectly with his middle name."

"Huh?"

"Theodore Raymond Grey, Teddy for short," she says and there are happy tears in her eyes as she rubs her belly.

"CJ and Teddy Grey," I say and pull my wife into my arms and kiss her sweetly. "Two perfect names for two perfect boys.

**A/N Short and sweet this time guys. A wee bit mushy perhaps but I was in a mushy kinda mood when I wrote this one. So...the names, Love them? Hate them? Drop a review and let me know xxx**


	62. Chapter 62

**A/N Thank you all for your continued prayers and well wishes. A bit of emotional personal stuff at the bottom, feel free not to read it. This didn't really turn out as good as it should have but I've had a crap few days and this was the best I could do right now xoxo **

**Christian POV**

**The last few weeks have been great. **Ana hasn't had any more scares with her illness and the pregnancy is going well. Our boys are getting big and strong, my wife is healthy and everything with us is perfect. The only cloud in an otherwise clear sky has been this crap with Morton. I finally bit the bullet and told Ana about him.

We haven't spotted him for weeks and I'm so terrified he will sneak up on Ana unaware and frighten her I had to tell her the truth. This way she will comply with security and won't fight me on it. Of course she cried at first and was worried but her panic was nowhere near where I thought it would be. She said she trusts me to take care of her and will do her best not to freak out because it may harm the babies.

I have also finalised the liquidation of my assets in Elena Lincolns salons. It took longer than I would have liked but I am now free and clear of her and I have done my best to ruin her in the meantime. Ana knows nothing of this but I have told everyone who matters that if they want me to attend any functions in the Seattle area ever again she had better not be on the guest list. I dont want my wife bumping into her.

Elena prides herself on her connections, connections made through me, and I am sure by now she realises what has been going on. Well fuck that bitch. I may not be able to do anything legally for the part she played in trying to break Ana and I up but I can definitely ruin her socially and financially. Welch has informed me that as word got out that I want nothing to do with her the top end clients have left her salons in droves. Seems like people were only tolerating her because of me. Shallow yes, but if it works in my favour where that woman is concerned I will take it. Welch also discovered that she has been looking into moving her business to the East Coast. Good riddance.

Today Ana is meeting me here at GEH for lunch. She doesn't get out much because of the heightened security and she never complains so today I asked her to come here for lunch. She is also heading to my parent's this afternoon. I look at my watch, she should be here any minute. I take the time to write a couple of emails before the door opens and my beautiful wife peeps into my office.

"Are you busy?" she asks quietly. "Andrea is not at her desk."

I stand up and make my way over to her. "I'm never to busy for you baby," I open the door more fully and gently pull her into the room. Closing the door I wrap my arms around her and pull her as close as I can, which isn't easy at thirty four weeks, and kiss her. "How was your morning?"

"Gosh I didn't do much," she wrinkles her nose. "I'm getting so huge I can hardly move." I watch as she holds her back while walking slowly to the couch. She groans a bit as she sits down.

"Ana is your back hurting?" Damn it. I wouldn't have let her come today if I knew she was in pain.

She shrugs, "just a bit, it's fine." Despite my worry I notice how gorgeous she looks today in her maternity dress. She is still so tiny everywhere else apart from her bump. I move to sit beside her.

"You look beautiful," I kiss her forehead.

She snorts and points to her middle, "I look like a whale."

I know better than to argue with her over this, there have been a few grumpy days in the last few weeks and it's only worse when I open my 'big mouth', as Ana said on a particularly bad day last week.

I sigh and console myself by thinking at least I don't have it as bad as Elliott. He called over last week to hide from Kate. He said she freaked out when she could no longer fit into her favourite jeans and told him it was all his fault. I laughed but then got into trouble when Ana told me I was insensitive.

Ana stretches again and groans as she presses her fist into her lower back. "God I feel so stiff and sore today", she whines. Ana never complains so she must be very uncomfortable.

"If I knew you were this sore I wouldn't have let you come," I scold her for not telling me.

"But I've barely seen you all week," she pouts.

It's true I have been busy for weeks now because I plan on taking at least a month off to help with the babies. "I know baby," I say and motion for her to turn a little, "and I'm sorry but it's all so I can spend more time with you all when they arrive."

I start giving and a gentle back massage. She groans, " Ooh that feels good. Harder Christian."

Fuck! Now I have a goddamn boner but I know better than to mention it. Maybe if I behave myself she will let me have my wicked way with her later. I kiss her small ear and whisper, "is that better?" She shivers.

"MmmHmm, so good." She kicks off her shoes and stretches her little toes. I move to kneel on the floor and take her feet in my lap, she has the most perfect little feet.

"Aah God that's fantastic," she moans again and lays back against a cushion.

I lean up and kiss her tummy, "I think Mommy is trying to kill Daddy," I say against her bump.

"What are you telling them?" she asks and I look up.

"Nothing," I lie. She squints at me but says nothing and I continue massaging her feet, sitting on the floor in my Armani suit.

Andrea brings lunch and while we are eating Ana almost puts me off my grilled salmon with wide rice when she mentions the coming weekend. It's the dreaded baby shower, I groan dramatically. "Do I have to go? Men don't usually go to this shit you know."

"Well you're going to this one. Mia will be upset if you refuse, and anyway you can't make me face her alone." She points her fork at me.

"Fine," I grumble, not at all looking forward to it.

Once Ana has gone I get straight back to work. She is going to my parents to discuss final plans for the Shower, which will be held there, with Mia. I did ring Gail and left instructions for her to ring me if Ana appears to be in a lot of pain once she gets home. I also have a call into Dr Porter to come see her at home later today if necessary.

Two hours later Taylor bursts into my office, startling me. "Mr Grey, Sir, Morton has been spotted."

I am out of my seat and following him to the security office almost before he has spoken the words. "Where? When?"

"We received information this morning that he stole a car yesterday, the car has been seen on CCTV. A camera at a downtown stop light has confirmed the driver to be Stephen Morton." I am not even going to ask how we have this kind of access to the closed Seattle CCTV system.

"Where is he now?" I demand. We are now in the security office surrounded by screens and I see Welch on the phone shouting at someone.

"We lost him Sir. There is a delay in the CCTV, we are looking for him now," Welch has hung up on whoever he was screaming at and pauses to fill me in.

I stand in the room as activity goes on around me, maybe they need some encouragement. "I am not leaving this room until you find that fucker," I look at Welch, "lose him again and I'll fire every fucking one of you."

I see Barney in the corner looking at the screen and then typing away furiously. If anyone can find him it's Barney.

My head whips round when Taylor's phone rings. "What's up Luke? ... what? Where are you now? And Reynolds? Alright Luke, hang on I'm putting you on speaker phone," Taylor turns to look at me and I feel all the colour drain from my face as I see his stony expression.

"What?" I choke. "What happened?" My knees feel weak.

"Sawyer and Mrs Grey are being followed by an SUV matching the description of the car stolen by Morton. Reynolds is driving directly behind them so he cannot rear end them." He puts his phone on the table on speaker, "go ahead Luke."

"Sir, the SUV is now driving directly behind Reynolds car. He must have followed us undetected from GEH to your parents house Mr Grey."

"How is Mrs Grey?" I ask frantically.

There is a short pause, "she is okay Sir." I don't believe him.

"Put her on the phone," I demand.

There is a soft rustling then, "Christian? Christian he's behind us," she whimpers and I swear to fuck I am going to kill that fucking bastard when I get my hands on him for frightening her like this.

"Its okay baby, Sawyer won't let anything bad happen," the most important thing here is to calm her down.

"Sawyer's driving so fast." She says quietly, her voice full of terror.

"He is trained for this sweetheart..." My words are lost in the sudden scream from Ana.

"Ana...ANA!" I am shouting but she doesn't here me as she is still screaming. I look up to see Taylor on another phone but he is just staring at it.

"What?" I ask him in panic. Ana is crying loudly now.

Taylor stares at me, "I was talking to Reynolds and he just got cut off...I heard a loud crunching sound and the phone went dead."

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I want to shout but I need to get Ana to talk to me. "Baby please, please listen to me," I beg into the phone.

"He, he ran him off the road Christian," Ana says hysterically. "Oh God, the car flipped over and over."

"Where is he now?" I ask.

There's a bit of quiet while I assumes Ana turns around to look. "He's coming," she whispers. "He's coming for us."

"No! Sawyer drive faster for fuck sake. Drive fucking faster! " I shout knowing he can hear me.

"Traffic up ahead Sir, I have to slow down." Sawyer sounds worried and my heart sinks. He can't get her away.

"I love you Christian," Ana whispers and my knees almost give out again. I have to sit down, only to stand up again two seconds later.

"Don't do that," I say forcefully. "Don't talk that way, you will be fine. Everything will be fine."

Just as I say this there is a sound of crunching metal and Ana screaming. This is followed by a deafening silence. I am almost too scared to breathe. Suddenly I hear Ana whimpering and I think I am shouting into the phone but my panic is so great I don't know what I'm doing. If anything happens to her I will die.

There is now a creaking sound and Ana's strangled cry of horror. It sounds as though someone has picked up the phone and then heavy breathing can be heard. "Sawyer is that you?" Taylor asks.

There is the sound of movement then Ana screams louder than ever and it slices through me like a physical pain. What is happening to her?

Then we hear the worst sound of all. A gunshot, followed by a deadly silence, then the phone goes dead. My legs finally give way from under me and I crumple to my knees on the floor.

**Ana POV**

**Oh my God. Morton has just run **Reynolds off the road. The SUV he is driving is massive and he rammed into Reynolds side and the car just flipped. I hope he's okay.

I see Stephen Morton's face as he drives right up behind us. I tell Christian he is coming for us. I also tell him I love him because I know if I survive this Morton will have me and he will hide me so no one will ever see me again. I turn around and cling to my baby bump, I don't want to see him again. I would rather die than be anywhere near him. But I don't want anything to happen to my babies. Tears are falling fast from my eyes as I feel the panic rising in me. Please, please someone help us.

The car is hit hard from the side and I scream out as we are slammed into the side barrier of the road. The sound of screeching metal as we are crushed against the barrier is deafening. I'm not sure how it happens but between all the confusion of crunching metal and popping glass our car comes to a standstill.

I am too afraid to make a sound even though I can hear Christian calling for me over the phone. Then my door is wrenched open and I am confronted by the man from my nightmares. He smiles broadly at me but then frowns as he hears the commotion on the phone. He picks it up and listens and now there is silence on both ends. Then he pulls out his gun and points it at Sawyer who has been knocked out in the crash. He pulls the trigger and I can't help my scream when he shoots Sawyer in the chest.

He killed him, oh my God he killed him. I am hysterical as Morton pulls me from the car and into his arms. He is rubbing my hair and crooning as I am shaking in fear.

"Oh my Anastasia I found you. I finally found you. Now we can go home, just you and me and everything can go back to the way it was." The man is insane. If he has noticed I am pregnant he doesn't mention it.

A car screeches to a halt beside us and I am shocked to see a battered and bloody Reynolds jump out. "Get your fucking hands off her you crazy bastard." Reynolds says as he comes towards us.

Morton's hands tighten painfully on my arms. I look at the ground to see he has dropped his gun when he pulled me from the car. "No, she's mine. Anastasia belongs to _me_." He rants.

"She belongs to no one you crazy fuck," Reynolds takes out his gun and points it at his head. "She is married to Christian Grey and he will fucking kill you for this."

Even though he had to already know this, Morton growls and grinds his teeth at this. "She is _mine_," he spits.

I can hear sirens in the distance and I almost whimper in relief. Morton hears them too and his grip loosens. "We have to get out of here Anastasia." But as he goes to pick up his gun I take my chance to get away from him. I wrench myself free and move as fast as I can towards Reynolds.

"Nooo," Morton shouts and I turn around when I get to Reynolds. Then all of a sudden he points his gun wildly and shoots. Nothing happens for a few seconds but then I feel a ripping sensation across the base of my stomach and cry out with the fierce pain. Looking down I see blood start to flow down my legs and onto the ground just before everything goes black.

**A/N Not having a good week I'm afraid. I have been told by my doctors that I am to have no stress while undergoing treatment, but how can I avoid stress when my little brother is battling a mental illness? He was diagnosed two years ago with bipolar disorder and he has had an okay couple of years but recently he has become very unstable to the point that he has now been admitted to hospital. He is being monitored for schizophrenia. My heart is absolutely broke for him, he is only 21 years old and keeps asking my mother to pray for him because he is going to die and is asking if he will go to heaven. He asked me this yesterday and I told him that of course he will go to heaven and he whispered to me that he wants to go now. My heart just about stopped. He has attempted suicide three times in the past. **

**Not sure how much more I can stand of this to be honest, I can barely sit still with nerves and I haven't slept properly for days. Add this together with my treatments and I really don't feel well. I am writing just to try and take my mind off it all.**

**We fostered Evan when he was a little baby and have had him with us ever since and he is as much a part of our family as I am. He has always been such a good kid and has never caused my parents any bother up until he first got sick. But he seems to have inherited this mental illness from his parents who both suffer from similar conditions and were unable to care for him.**

**I can say with complete certainty that I would take any physical illness, including my own cancer, over mental illness. It is a brutal and misunderstood disease that turns a person into a shadow of who they used to be. It's terrifying to watch. **

**I'm sorry for constantly dumping my personal shit here but this is the only forum I have to vent a little bit and get things off my chest. Feel free to skip over it xxx **


	63. Chapter 63

**A/N Thank you all for your overwhelming support after my rant in the last chapter. Things are tough right now but I have to believe they will get better; otherwise I'm not sure how I will cope xxx**

**I did start to reply to one or two of your (amazing) reviews but I have little time to write this week so I concentrated on writing and editing this chapter instead. I didn't want to leave you all hanging too long on such a massive cliffhanger.**

**Christian POV**

**Ana, my wife…my babies…** I can't breathe, I can't _fucking_ breathe.

"Yes you can sir, just take a deep breath and let it out slowly."

Was I saying that out loud? I can hear Taylor beside me trying to calm my panic. I look up through blurred vision to see my whole security team standing there watch me lose my shit. I do as Taylor says and force myself to calm down. After a few moments I am back on my feet and as my vision clears so does my head.

"What's happening? Was that a gunshot? Has Ana been injured?" I swear to fuck I will kill that bastard with my bare hands if he has hurt one hair on my wife's head.

"We have lost contact with our security but have been informed that the emergency services are on their way to a multi-car collision on I-90 near the Bellevue on ramp," Welch informs us while he dials a number on his phone.

"Is my wife hurt?" No answer. "Is my wife fucking hurt?" I scream at no one in particular. Silence engulfs the room and its clear no one knows what's going on.

The quiet is broken by the ringing of Taylor's phone. He answers it quickly. "Reynolds, have you got a visual on Mrs Grey?" he listens for a moment and I swear he turns pale. "What?...no, no go in the ambulance with her ...it's pulling up now? Good, go with her Reynolds and keep me informed. We will meet you at the hospital." We are already halfway out the door by the time he hangs up the phone.

"Taylor please," I am begging as we run for the elevator. It opens and there are a couple of people standing inside. "Get out," I demand and jump in once it has been vacated using my override key to take us straight to the parking garage. I turn to Taylor and silently implore him to tell me what's happening.

"The car Morton stole was far bigger that the SUV's we use and he used it to run first Reynolds and then Sawyer off the road. I gathered from the phone conversation with Sawyer that he couldn't get up to speed as the traffic around them was too heavy. I don't think Morton cared about this and I dread to think how many cars were involved in this crash he caused in his race to get to Mrs Grey."

"I don't give a shit about any of that Taylor! Is my wife hurt?" If I don't get an answer soon I am going to burst.

"She is unconscious right now sir and Reynolds is not sure what happened…"

"How is that _possible_?" I ask as we bolt from the elevator to the car.

"There was a lot of blood but Reynolds doesn't think she has been shot." He explains as he guns the engine and screeches out of the parking lot.

"Blood? Oh God, hurry Taylor we need to get to them now." My knees are bouncing madly as Taylor maneuvers the afternoon traffic.

"Morton had a gun…Sawyer has been shot at point blank range, I don't know what his condition is."

Fuck. I feel sick.

Ten agonising minutes later we pull into the emergency department of the hospital just as two ambulances come tearing in at the same time. I jump out of the car and run to the one closest to me. The doors swing open and a gurney is rushed out and for a moment all I see is blood. Then I see that it is Sawyer and I know later I will feel guilty but what I feel right now is relief, relief that it's not my wife on that board. He has been shot in the chest and there is blood everywhere. He is rushed inside and I sprint to the other loading bay where the doors are only now opening.

Reynolds jumps out first followed swiftly by another gurney, this one carrying my unconscious wife. I almost collapse when I see almost as must blood covering Ana's lower half as I saw on Sawyer's chest. No, no, no, no. "She's been shot," I choke, my legs barely able to move as I follow the gurney inside. I want to hold her hand but I can't reach her.

"No sir, she hasn't. I didn't know for sure until the paramedics checked her out." Reynolds informs me as he runs alongside us. "The fucker tried but the bullet missed, the bleeding started after she got a severe pain in her stomach…" he trails off and the full impact of what he said hits me.

"The babies," I groan, "oh god the babies." I have never felt panic like this in my life. My wife and sons lives are in danger and for the second time in my life I have been unable to do anything to save the ones I love. It's just like when I let my mother die.

We are brought into an emergency room where doctors and nurses flit around attaching tubes and doing god knows what else to Ana. I stand frozen in a dumb panic as I watch them work. God, she looks so pale. This can't be real, it just can't. I keep thinking that any second now I will wake up and this will all be another one of my fucked up dreams. But I don't wake up, I am trapped in this nightmare that is my reality.

One doctor who seems to be in charge directs everyone in what they are to do. "Alright she is haemorrhaging severely we are bringing her straight to the OR. Everyone move, now!" It's all a rush and by the time my brain has caught up we are already heading down a corridor. Ana is wheeled into a lift and I am not allowed to enter. I feel like screaming as the doors shut in my face.

"Sir," Taylor calls and gestures for me to follow as he holds another elevator door open for me. I jump in and he seems to know where he's going as he has hit the button for the fifth floor. How does he know? "They are bringing her for surgery straight away Mr Grey. If you hurry you can put on scrubs and be present for the births."

Births? What the fuck is he talking about? "Ana's not due for another six weeks."

"Sir, listen to me, something serious has gone wrong and Ana's bleeding pretty heavily. If they don't take the babies now they will die. Do you understand me?"

"They're coming now?" I say stupidly just as the doors open.

I freeze when I hear Ana calling out for me. She's awake! I jump out just in time to see them wheel Ana into the OR. I sprint down the hall to where a nurse is waiting for me with a pair of blue scrubs, hair net and a face mask. Taylor helps me put them on and the nurse leads me into the OR instructing me to stand right beside Ana and not get in the way.

"Christian, Christian…where is my husband?" I hear Ana cry out.

When I hear the terror in her frail voice something inside me shifts. She needs me, my babies need me. I must be strong now for them and for her. She will only panic further if she thinks I am losing it. I steel myself for half a second then go to her.

"I'm here baby, I'm here." I grab hold of her hand. Fuck, she's freezing.

"I'm sorry Christian," she whimpers.

"No baby, why are you sorry?" someone has placed a hair net on her and they are now erecting a screen so I can't see her bump.

"The babies," she chokes. "Morton…" she trails off as tears flow down her temples. "He had a gun."

"He didn't shoot you, Reynolds said he missed."

"Then what's happening?"

"I'm not sure sweetheart but you are losing a lot of blood. They need to take the babies now." I look up and see the surgeon position himself at Ana's stomach. He pinches the skin there.

"Can you feel that Mrs Grey?"

"Feel what?" Ana says a bit slurred.

"Okay, we are good to go." The surgeon says in answer and without further ado he slices into Ana's stomach. It's fucking gruesome.

"It's too soon," Ana whispers.

I don't know what to say to comfort her so I simply lean down and kiss her forehead. I look up again to see the doctor reach in and remove a tiny blood covered little baby from her stomach. My son, oh god he's so small. My heart clenches for just a moment before we hear a tiny little wail. Ana gasps and whimpers at the sound.

A nurse takes him to a table and without wasting any time the doctor reaches straight back in and removes the second little bundle. I wait for him to cry the same as his brother but as the seconds wear on there is no sound from him. I watch in wild eyed panic as he is whisked away and I can't see around the nurses to see what they are doing to him. I hear a suctioning noise.

"Christian, what's happening?" Ana sounds terrified now as she watches my face.

"He's not breathing," I whisper. Ana hears me and starts to cry.

"My baby, oh god help him. Help him," she wails weakly. I squeeze her hand tightly; too afraid to move anymore as I watch them work on the tiny little boy on the table.

Suddenly there is another soft crying and I am crying too with relief. "He's okay baby, he's okay." I lean down and kiss Ana over and over.

I haven't even seen their little faces yet but they are bundled into the waiting incubators and wheeled out of the room. "Where the fuck are you taking them?" I demand.

The nurse looks at me sympathetically, "They are premature sir, they must go to the NICU straight away. You can join us when your wife is in recovery."

As the OR doors open I see Taylor standing there. "Go with them Taylor," I shout out to him. "Don't leave them alone for a second." I feel a bit calmer knowing someone is with them, but not a lot. Jesus, they were so small.

I look back down and freak when I see Ana's eyes are closed. "Ana! Ana talk to me baby."

"I'm sleepy," she murmurs and I look up at the doctor who is still working on her.

"Is she going to be okay?"

He doesn't look at me as he works. "She has lost a lot of blood but I have managed to slow it, it is too early to tell how damaged her womb will be after this."

"Her womb?" I repeat.

"She may not be able to have more children," this time he does look at me and his eyes are sympathetic.

Fuck. No more children. I look down and see Ana has also heard him.

"I'm so sorry Christian," she cries.

"Don't be sorry baby; I still have you that's what really matters right now." I kiss her again. If I get to keep my wife and sons healthy and whole them I am truly a rich man. Her eyes close again and I start to panic. "Ana!"

"Let her sleep, she will need to rest after losing so much blood. Her vitals are picking up and look good," one doctor says as he watches a screen while another doctor is sewing her up.

"Christian!" the doors swing open and I see my mom bursting through. When did she get here?

"Mom? What are you doing here?"

"Oh honey, Taylor called me but I was on my way home for the day. I turned straight around and came back. Are the babies okay?" she rubs Ana's forehead tenderly. She has fallen asleep.

"Mom, they are so fucking small. They were too early," I choke.

"Oh no sweetheart, six weeks isn't too bad. They may have one or two little complications but they will be just fine, if a little small for a while," she reassures me.

"Will you go and be with them?" I ask her. "I don't want to leave Ana while she is like this. We will come see them when she wakes up." I don't want to go see them without her. I saw them being born but in all the panic the only thing I really noticed was how small they are.

My mom leans over to kiss my cheek. "Of course honey, you stay with Ana and I will see you soon. I'll go and keep my grandbabies company." She gives me a watery smile. "It will all be okay Christian, you have to believe in that."

"Thanks Mom. Oh, and will you call Ray and let him know what's going on? He'll want to be here when she wakes up."

"Of course, I'll ring him straight away."

I watch as my mother leaves the room and take a deep breath. I sit down on the stool wheeled over by one of the nurses and stroke Ana's pale face. Looking at her I feel so helpless. For all of my money I am of absolutely no use to her right now. I have to put my trust in the medical team working on her that they will be able to heal her.

I am struggling with myself but I need to believe she and our little boys will be okay because if I dwell on the alternative I will lose my mind. "You'll be fine baby," I whisper into Ana's ear even though she is unconscious. Maybe I'm really trying to reassure myself. "You'll all be fine."

**A/N Thank you for reading...and say a prayer for poor Sawyer x**


	64. Chapter 64

**Sooo, it's been six months since I have updated and what can I say except I am sorry for the delay. You all know I was unwell and I had a lot going on in my personal life. But things are looking up and I feel like I'm ready to maybe write a little again. **

**Thanks to every who reviewed and sent messages asking how I was and sending prayers. Even though I didn't reply to most, please know I was and am very grateful for your kind thought and words xxx**

**In preparation for this I have spent the last couple of days reading over this story again and I have to say I was cringing at every chapter. Maybe that was a bad idea as I never like my own writing and I constantly see areas that I can improve. But there's no going back now so here's the next chapter.**

**Please be gentle…I know next to nothing about premature babies...or babies in general really x**

**Christian POV**

"**How are they?" I whisper **to my mother as she enters Ana's hospital room. I have been pacing at the bottom of her bed for the last two hours waiting for her to wake up. She has had short visits from her father and my family but I haven't let anyone stay for more than five minutes. The doctors have assured me that this is perfectly normal for what Ana has been through but I am to let her rest for as long as possible so I am keeping her visitors to a minimum.

My mother closes the door softly behind her. "They are good Christian, baby two has a few breathing difficulties but it's nothing to be alarmed about."

My heart rate picks up. "Breathing difficulties? What the fuck!?" I whisper shout. Why has no one informed me of this before? I run my hands through my hair and pull on it. I don't even correct my mother on my son's name I'm waiting for Ana before we get into all that.

Grace puts a comforting hand on my shoulder. "Calm down Christian, it's perfectly normal for preemies to have little problems like this. We are more than equipped to look after him. Dr Porter is with them now."

"Shit," I mutter as I slump into the chair beside Ana. I take her hand gently and stroke my fingers along her cool, soft skin. "We should be up there with them Mom."

"If you want me to stay with Ana…" she says carefully, and I know what she's getting at.

"No. I'm not going up there without her."

"Okay Christian," she sighs. "I'll head back up and you can come up when Ana is awake."

She's gone less than a minute before there is another knock on the door and Taylor pops his head in.

"Sir?"

"Come in Taylor," I wave him in as I get up from my seat.

He nods towards Ana, "how is Mrs Grey?"

"They are saying she is fine…but look at her Taylor! She is fucking unconscious," and so fucking pale. I am trying to keep my voice down but it's not easy.

"I find it's best to trust the professionals in these situations, sir." Is that his way of telling me to calm the fuck down?

"I have an update on Morton," he says while eyeing me carefully.

"Why the fuck didn't you say?" I usher him out of the room and we stand in the hall, but I make sure I can still see Ana through the open door. "Tell me," I demand.

"It appears that after Morton ran Reynolds off the road he managed to commandeer a vehicle and caught up with our SUV just as Morton shot Sawyer and..."

"How is he?"

"Too early to tell sir, he's still in surgery."

Shit. I run my hands through my abused hair yet again. "Go on."

Taylor clears his throat. "As I was saying, when Reynolds got out of the car Morton had already shot Sawyer and pulled Mrs Grey from the SUV. In his haste he must have dropped his gun and, seeing this, Mrs Grey tried to get away. Morton then picked up the gun and got off a single shot before being apprehended by the police who had arrived on the scene. The final bullet went wide and didn't cause any injury."

"Where is the bastard now?" I grit out between clenched teeth.

"He has been taken into custody and is being questioned as we speak Mr Grey." I swear if they release that fucker I will kill him with my bare hands.

"Okay, thank you Taylor. Keep me posted on Sawyers condition, and let me know if anything happens with Morton."

"Will do, sir." He leaves and I let myself back into my wife's room where I resume my pacing.

"**Christian?"**

My head flies up off the bed as I hear Ana's hoarse whisper. Did I fall asleep?

"Baby?" I hover over her. Her eyes are still closed and she looks unconscious. Oh God, please don't tell me I was dreaming.

"Mmhmm," she murmurs though her eyes stay closed.

"Oh Ana, sweetheart," I whimper like a sap. "Can you open your eyes for me baby?" She open's first one then the other eye and I can see her trying to focus in the darkened room.

"Christian?" she croaks. "What happened?"

"Oh honey everything is going to be fine. You're safe." Her throat must be dry. I reach over to the bedside table for the water placed there and help her sip from the straw.

"Safe?" I can see the moment realisation hits her and she remembers what happened. She whimpers and grabs at her now much deflated stomach with her free hand.

"My babies!" she cries and tries to get up but hisses in pain.

"Ana! Calm down," I demand as I gently push her back onto the bed.

"Where are they?" she demands hysterically.

"In the NICU, they are perfectly safe but Ana you have to listen to me," I pause and look her in the eyes so she knows I am serious. I don't like being so stern with her but I can't have her flailing about and hurting herself. She bites her lip and nods.

"The babies are fine. They are a bit small right now so they need a little extra help, but they are going to be okay, do you understand?" she whimpers but nods her head to let me know she is hearing me.

"Reynolds…Sawyer! He shot him," she whimpers again

"Reynolds is fine, if a little banged up, and Sawyer is in surgery but it's looking good," I reassure her. "As for Morton," the terror that flashes across her face is like a knife in my stomach. I continue quickly, "he is in police custody Ana. He can't touch you, okay sweetheart? You're safe here."

Big tears pool in her blue eyes and fall down her face. I'm not sure if it's fear, relief or from the severe pain I am sure she is in. I wrap my arms around her as much as possible and hold her without putting too much pressure on her. "It's okay baby, it'll all be okay," I reassure her over and over.

Eventually she calms and I pull back a little. "Better?" She shrugs and sniffles a bit. Yeah that was a stupid question.

Ana turns her big blue eyes on me imploringly, "I need to see them Christian. _Please_. I need to hold my little boys to know they are okay."

I'm torn. I want to see my sons so bad it is a physical ache but I doubt if Ana is up to it right now. I look at her again and her tears have started to fall again.

"I'll go get a doctor to have a look at you and if they give the go ahead we can go see them."

"Okay," she hiccups and rubs her eyes. I give her a kiss on the forehead and go to find a doctor.

"Well Mrs Grey, how are you feeling?" Dr Porter asks as she follows me into the room. I warned her outside not to allow Ana to move if there is any possibility of further injury. "You gave us quite the scare today."

"I'm okay," she says. "But I'll be better when I see my boys."

Dr Porter smiles. "Okay Ana, let us see if we can make that happen." She takes her sugar levels and checks her over and I have to bite my tongue when I see Ana wince a few times. But she is determined to show the doctor she is well enough to visit the NICU. Before long Dr Porter is removing her gloves and moves to fill something in on her chart.

"Alright, you are certainly very tender around your tummy Ana but that is to be expected after any routine C-Section. You are certainly weakened after the blood loss you suffered but it is nothing we need to be alarmed about right now. I have noticed you also have some bruising that may have been caused during the abduction attempt."

I gnash my teeth together so hard I think my jaw almost cracked. I meant it when I said that fucking bastard better hope he doesn't get out.

"But on the whole," Dr Porter continues, "I feel you are in good enough shape to undertake a short visit upstairs to see your babies," she smiles at Ana. "You must not walk though and you need to remain in the wheelchair at all times, do you understand?"

"Yes Doctor," Ana says and for the first time since she woke she smiles.

Porter leaves after administering some pain medication to Ana and sends in a male nurse with a wheelchair who moves to lift my wife from her bed to the chair. What the actual fuck? "I can do that," I say, irritated, as I all but push him out of the way and go to help my wife. Who does this fucker think he is touching my Ana? I turn to glare at him, "I can take it from here."

I try to be as gentle as possible when I lift Ana from the bed but I don't miss the muffled little grunt of pain as I set her into the chair. "Sorry baby," I say as I kiss the top of her head and inhale her sweet scent.

She just smiles up at me. "It's okay, it doesn't actually hurt that bad." I roll my eyes at the obvious lie.

We take the lift and arrive at the NICU in less than five minutes. Looking through the window, I can see my mother talking to one of the nurses. I look down to see Ana craning her head trying to catch a glimpse of her babies, her fists clenching and releasing convulsively in her lap.

The door is locked so we have to wait a moment for the nurse to let us in. she smiles when she sees us there.

"Grey?" I ask.

"Yes of course," she smiles brightly as us. "We have been expecting you. I'm Nurse Abbie."

She leads us over to the far corner of the room where I can see two incubators set up. My nerves are so fraught with tension right now I feel like I am having an outer body experience. Ana is leaning far forward in the wheelchair, willing us to get to them faster.

When she catches a glimpse of the small bodies in the plastic containers she whimpers and brings a hand to her mouth, "they're so small! How can they be okay when they are so small?"

The nurse picks up a chart hanging from the end of one of the incubators and flips through it. "Don't be alarmed Mrs Grey, these boys might be small but they sure are tough little cookies. Baby Grey number two here had a little trouble with his breathing in the first couple of hours but he is doing just fine now. We were able to take him off the oxygen half an hour ago."

"Teddy," Ana mumbles as she runs her fingers along the clear plastic.

"Excuse me?" she asks, puzzled.

"His name is Teddy…Theodore," I clarify as I place a hand on Ana's shoulder.

She brings her hand up and intertwines her fingers with mine.

"Fabulous," the nurse says with a big grin as she fills his name out on the chart. "And what about Grey baby number one?" she asks as she picks up the other chart.

"CJ, Christian Junior," Ana says distractedly as she turns her attention to the other incubator. "After his Daddy...can I hold them Nurse?"

Daddy. Jesus, I'm a Daddy. I think I need to sit down.

"Please, call me Abbie. Of course Mrs Grey, let me just get you both situated and I can take them out," she says while side eyeing me. She brings over a chair and points for me to sit in it. I do so, gratefully, on wobbly knees. Abbie smirks like she can see I'm freaking out.

I want to hold my arms out under her as she removes tiny little CJ from the incubator and places him in his mother's arms. She greedily pulls him to her chest and snuggles his little baby tufts of hair and promptly bursts into tears. I am staring in awe at Ana bonding with her baby when I realise the nurse is trying to get my attention.

"Your turn Dad," she says as she holds out the second little bundle to me.

"You what now?" I ask stupidly.

"I'm sure you want to hold one of your boys."

I'm terrified. Absofuckinglutely terrified. "I…I don't know if…if I should. What if I drop him…Ana?" I stutter and turn to plead with my wife. She just smiles at me.

"Go ahead Christian, you'll do fine." She nods encouragingly.

Holy shit.

I hold my arms out awkwardly and the Abbie laughs as she places my son in my arms. "Relax Dad, you're doing great."

A flash goes off and I turn to see my mother taking pictures on her phone, tears running down her face. Man, babies sure make women cry a lot.

I look down and my breath catches as I see my face in miniature staring back at me. "Holy fuck," I whisper, but not quiet enough for my mother.

"Christian! No cursing in front of the babies," she scolds.

I look at Ana and she's grinning at me. She peeps over to see Teddy snuggled up in my arms sleeping peacefully.

"Perfect," she whispers.

"That they are Mrs Grey," Abbie says. "You've got yourself a couple of cuties there, that's for sure." She checks her ever present chart again. "CJ there was born weighing 4lbs 11ozs. Teddy was a little smaller at 4lbs 4ozs, but all in all those are pretty good weights for 6 week premises."

"When can we take them home?" Ana asks.

"A week would be my guess. You'll need to stay too Mrs Grey for you're own recovery but I imagine you will both be discharged by this time next week."

All of our attention is suddenly taken by Teddy who yawns a little and starts to fuss. Shit. "What do I do?" I say in panic.

"Oh hey little guy," my Mom says as he opens his eyes.

"They're blue! Ana his eyes are blue like yours," I say excitedly.

"Ooh they're beautiful, much nicer than mine," she coos. I roll my eyes.

Teddy is really starting to fuss now but CJ is still sleeping away.

"Looks like someone might be ready for his first feeding. Feel up to giving it a go Mommy?" Abbie asks as she gently takes Teddy from my arms, which feel oddly empty now.

"Yes," Ana says eagerly but then bites her lip. "But I don't know how."

"Not to worry, well take it slow," the nurse reassures us.

Abbie asks my Mom to take CJ from Ana, knowing I'm not up for that much lifting without assistance yet without having a panic attack, and replaces him with Teddy in her arms where she precedes to plant kisses all over his crying face.

"Oh sssh little Teddy, Mommy's here." My heart squeezes in the best way as I see what a natural she is and how good she is with them already.

I sit there and watch intently, taking every detail in, as Ana gets a crash course in breastfeeding our son. For his part Teddy is a pro, latching on and going to town on Ana's tit, making us all laugh. No sooner is he finished and burped when CJ starts to fuss.

Just as Abbie is handing him back over to me there's a big rumble out of Teddy's diaper. He starts to fuss again, yeah he just shit his diaper.

"I'll change him," Ana says as she reaches out for him.

"But CJ's hungry," I fret. Ana looks at me sympathetically, knowing my issues with hunger in general. We both look to the nurse for advice on how to solve this dilemma.

My mom laughs, "and so it begins."

**Hope it was worth the wait duckies. Please review...if there are any readers left lol ;)**


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